It wasn't that Kyuhyun didn't love Ryeowook. Since the start it was pretty well known, how both of them get along very well-too well even--and how they act like high school kids in love whenever they were around each other. Though really, it would be unfair to quickly say that Kyuhyun love him either.

They met, probably around Christmas. They bump to each other on the way to the Christmas tree in the middle of the amusement park. It was raining then, much to people's disgrace, but the both of them wasn't really paying attention. Kyuhyun had just faced his nightmare, breaking up with his girlfriend right after he caught her cheating with his senior. Ryeowook just got rejected, though to be honest he wasn't really expecting anything much either.

So they met each other, both soaked wet, both broken hearted. Under the rain they could not see the tears running down their cheeks--Ryeowook's cheeks, to be exact--but their demeanor radiated sorrow and desperation, despite the cheerful atmosphere of Christmas.

"I'm sorry," Ryeowook was the first to speak though he was the one to fell, and his voice was raspy and hoarse, though it still sounds feminine somehow.

Kyuhyun looked at him then, and all his dreadful feelings started to fade. He smiled then, halfway there but sincere, and helped the other to stand.

"What's your name?" he asked, startling the smaller one.

"Eh?"

"Your name," Kyuhyun repeated, firmly this time.

"Ryeowook," the answer came softly. "W-why ask?"

And that time, in the middle of the almost empty street, Kyuhyun pulled Ryeowook into his embrace and gave him a kiss. It was more of a sweet peck, but a bit too long, a bit too serious. And when Kyuhyun pulled away, he faced the smaller man, eyes wide at him.

Kyuhyun grinned joyfully, forgetting every single thing about his break up. And he replied, with the most beautiful smile he remembered making in his life.

"Cause I don't kiss a stranger."

They developed a much more intimate relationship soon after. They went to the movies, going on dates and candle light dinners and staying over each others' place. They didn't try to hide their close bond, and people saw them as if they were sworn brothers.

Never though, both of them, said something related to love. No. Well, yeah, they kissed, and yeah again, they flirt sickeningly until the point of heated make outs, but that was it. What goes beyond make outs never happened. They never crossed that invinsible line, both keeping their comfort zone, the one thing both never dare to invade. It was an open and naive relationship.

"Hey, Kyu," Ryeowook said one night at a sleepover, face flushed without any apparent reason. He was sitting on the bed in his puppy onesie, fidgeting ever few seconds.

"Yeah?" the younger one took a glance from the game on the computer, meeting the brown eyes of the smaller. It was weird for Ryeowook to be this shy. "What is it?"

"I... I might like someone..." He started, face getting redder by each word.

"Oh?" Kyuhyun's tone raised a little in curiosity  The game was quickly paused.  In the past two years none of them had taken any likings to anyone. They were healing, he'd like to say. Kyuhyun was amused by the fact that theRyeowook healed faster than him.

"D-don't give me that 'oh'!" Ryeowook whined desperately.

Kyuhyun laughed, heartly, at how cute his 'friend' was. "Okay, okay," he pinched the other's cheeks, giggling. "So you like this guy, and?"

Ryeowook's eyes went wide. "I didn't say it was a guy!"

"But it is, right?" the taller deadpanned.

"...Yeah," Ryeowook looked away, pouting and bright red.

"Aaaaaand?"

"And I want to confess to him this Christmas..." he said, softly.

Kyuhyun briefly wondered why his friend was obsessed with confessing during Christmas, and dismissed it right away. "It's still two months away, you know. Christmas."

"I know!" Ryeowook snapped, jumping up, hands unconsciously pulling his own hair. "That's why I am so scared! What if two months wasn't enough to prepare everything? What if he didn't like my presents? What if he didn't like me? Wh--"

"Whoa, whoa, chill, babe!" Kyuhyun said, pulling the smaller one onto his lap. "You don't need to be like that. All you need is just do your best."

Ryeowook seemed to relax a bit, and he stayed quiet until Kyuhyun felt a small nod against his chest. "But what if he rejects me?"

"I'll always be here for you." Kyuhyun smiled warmly, and proceed to make a little space between them so he can look into the smaller's eyes. "Now where is my goodnight kiss?"

Kyuhyun quickly began his little research to find his right soulmate. It was hard, because somehow looking at girls didn't please him as how it used to. Maybe it was the effect of going out too much with Ryeowook--though he was very pretty, to be real honest--or it was just because a certain cheated on him. Either way, girls weren't really an option, so his choices were becoming smaller.

That wasn't until the end of October, when he met a guy, older than him by a couple years but not exactly more masculine. Kyuhyun saw him at a club; a blondie that looked cute and bubbly. Kyuhyun gets the sudden urge to talk to him, and by no little effort they finally become friends. 

The name was Lee Sungmin, one of the few people that looked fragile but actually very strong, though still feminine and love the color pink. Kyuhyun liked this man in everyway, how he defend himself, how he talk, how he does aegyo and much more. They didn't actually date, but they regularly meet at the club, drinking like best buddies. And they share long gazes, the small talks about random topics and little flirtings. 

Kyuhyun did not dare to share about Ryeowook though, and never once the topic was brought up. He'd like to keep it hidden first, because Ryeowook was a part of him he holds dear and would not like to share just yet.

"Hey, for Christmas..." Kyuhyun spoke up, a little hesitant about his move. "Would you like to go to watch the fireworks with me?"

Sungmin looked at him, amused. "Firework? Sure, why not?"

Kyuhyun felt fireworks goes off inside his head, but he kept his calm and collected look. "Okay, uh, how about seven in front of the Christmas tree?"

The older one nodded happily. "Okay then. I'll definitely be there."

The Christmas day finally come. Early in the morning, Kyuhyun was busy winning Starcraft on his computer while his other 'friend' freaked out about his outfit.

"Kyu, I don't have any clothes!" he screamed, frustrated.

"Sweety, you got tons--DIE YOU MONSTERS! You own tw--WHAT THE , DIE ALREADY! What is it again? Ah, two wardrobe, and both ar--"

The computer snapped shut, and Kyuhyun faced the angry person beside him him. He looked damn adorable even when he was angry, but he would never tell Ryeowook that.

Kyuhyun tried to hide his amusement before breaking into a huge grin. "Okay, here~"

They flipped through hundreds of clothes and finally settled on a light gray sweater and ripped jeans, with a white scarf Ryeowook was so fond of. He looked satisfied with his friend's choice, and thanked him repeatedly as soon as he saw the clothes.

"Thank you again," Ryeowook said before going out.

"Good luck," Kyuhyun smiled.

It was an hour before seven, and Kyuhyun was pretty much ready to go. He looked good in his current outfit; a white shirt and black pants, complemented by black scarf, a watch and white sneakers. He looked smug, but really he felt a little like that. He stuffed his bag with his present--a pink bunny doll with a darker pink ribbon--and stuff he would need later.

"I could do this," he said to himself, smiling in front of the mirror.

Whether he could do it or not, he would never know. Because right when he was about to go, there was a sound of the front door was opened. He went out of his room, and saw the figure of his little roommate. Ryeowook always looked small and fragile, but now he looked broken. His eyes were red and puffy, and his sweater was stained and soaked wet with what appeared to be red colored liquid; soda, probably. He was walking slowly, almost dragging his legs into the room. His scarf was nowhere to be seen. He must have lost it on the street but Kyuhyun wasn't really sure. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse and heart wreaking. 

"Is it wrong to like men?"

Kyuhyun quickly knew what had happened. There were no more words needed, really. Not everyone accept homouals, after all. Ryeowook had been so pure, and Kyuhyun hate to see him like this. He pulled out his own scarf from around his neck, letting it fall to the floor. He quickly hug the smaller, letting the little one burst into tears in his embrace. 

Kyuhyun knew very well. The moment he reached out and hug Ryeowook, he knew would be late for his date. He knew that he would not make it at all. He knew that he had lost his chance. He knew he had just say goodbye to Lee Sungmin.

But this is Ryeowook. The Ryeowook that he hold dear, that he care about, that he promised to protect. 

He didn't need anyone else, right? As long as Ryeowook was there, smiling, happy, he would be satisfied... Right?

He must admit that he did not know how long they stayed like that until he dared open his mouth.

"Ryeowook-ah," Kyuhyun said, tightening his hug.

A pause.

"Starting tomorrow... Let's hold hands when going out."

Kyuhyun's shirt started to get wet again.

"Let's flirt and date openly in public, and let's break this barrier between us."

Ryeowook was chocking back sobs, like a child would do.

"Then next year, let's celebrate Christmas together. I don't know about you, but I really think we should just end up together," Kyuhyun said. "Cause like this, I can be here for you."

I will be here for you

Ryeowook cried harder, and Kyuhyun pulled away a little, creating some space between them. Did he really wanted to do this? He didn't know. But as he leaned down to kiss the smaller one, it was pretty much decided for him. He kissed Ryeowook then, softly and carefully, as if he would break if Kyuhyun had done any different.

"I..." He was hesitant, but things need to end here. "I love you."

Edited on 20.08.2017

P.S. I feel weird editing this, since I made this before Sungmin got married. But oh well.