“Get me out of here Mir”

“Jagiya, you need to be here. They are going to make you better. They help yo-“

“Stop it. Mir I’m not getting better, I don’t want to rot away in here. Please.” she looked up from her bed, her eyes boring into mine.

____’s frail body seemed so much smaller when she was in such a big bed, hooked up to so many strange machines, wires connecting to her wrists and chest. My train of thought was broken when I saw that tears began to form in her eyes and she clutched his stomach, . I rushed over to herbed but couldn’t bring myself to touch her, it felt like one touch and she would crumple.

“What can I do?! ___ please tell me what I can do to make the pain stop” I begged between her moans.

“Get me out of here Mir. If I’m going to die I don’t want it to be here.”

“But they can find a way to help you. There are always miracles!” I started tearing up.

_____ relaxed back into her bed and took my hand in her small thin ones.

“I’m asking you Mir. Please help me get out of here. I cannot bear it any longer.”

“Okay.” I sniffed. The only words I could reply with. There my love, my life, slowly disappearing from me and all I could say was okay.

I gently lifted her up, careful not to hurt her as she pulled the wires off her body. She was so thin it frightened me how easy it was to carry her in my arms.

“Is there anyone out there?” She quietly asked.

“I say we just go and don’t try and sneak and cause a scene.” I peered my head out into the corridor; the nurse at the desk was fast asleep. I heard ­­­____ laugh when she saw her but it was short and stiff, a series of coughs following after. The only thing I could do was sooth her as I walked to the elevator with her in my arms.

“Thank you Mir” she coughed, laying her head on my shoulder as I carried her out of the hospital.

2 weeks later.

The sun beamed down on _____ and I and the fresh air welcomed us with eager arms as we basked in the warmth. I leaned up against a tree in a park along the Han River, ____ leaning on my chest as we sat silent, just being in each other’s company.

She was getting worse, quickly. It pained me to see her deteriorating so fast. Having no power to stop her slow oncoming death made me feel like a failure as a boyfriend, I couldn’t even protect the one thing that I loved so much it was beginning to hurt me. She doesn’t each much anymore and she coughs up blood frequently. There are days when she never utters a word and days when she talks non-stop,

I like those days.

She tries to act strong for my sake, but I can see straight through her. ____ doesn’t know that I cry every night after I put her to sleep. The fact that my best friend and girlfriend is in so much pain and is going to leave me soon kills me inside.

Her eyes were closed as I played with her soft, silky hair, her breathing short and rigid.

I felt her shiver and immediately grabbed my jacket from beside me, putting it over both our bodies.

“I have so many regrets.” She murmured, breaking the silence.

“Regrets? Like what?” I questioned, happy to see that she is talking, longing to hear that angelic sound and locking it away in my heart.

“Like not buying that apartment we saw last year. You know that one with the game room.” ____ laughed once then began coughing violently. I soothed her shoulders as she coughed, not letting him see the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Stay strong Mir, I thought, taking deep breaths.

“Joon has an amazing game room though. You always want to go there just to play the games and eat the food his mom makes.” I laughed once at the thought, trying to reassure _____. I didn’t want her having regrets now. Not when her time is almost here. I always tried to cheer her up but I couldn’t. Her beautiful smile never surfaced anymore, she had no strength. The light in her eyes were gone, instead they were replaced with a dull glaze that took away from the breath taking ocean in her eyes.I use to stare at them endlessly as they were like windows into her deepest thoughts, I learned to look into them and see what she was really feeling, from happy to sad and frustrated from schedules. I clamped my mouth shut as a sob threatened to escape my mouth. I couldn’t shut down. Not now. _____ needs someone to be strong.

“I regret not being strong enough for Thunder, I wish I could see him again. It’s been about 2 weeks.” She pouted.

Thunder couldn’t bear to look at her anymore so he barely visits. Seungho, G.O and Joon always broke down In front of her, desperation and pain taking over as they saw their baby A+ falling apart. Someone had to be strong, for everyone’s sake. That burden was always given to me.

“You know he loves you, it’s just hard for him to see you like this. You’re his mini cupcake.” ___ loved cupcake’s, the amount of times her and Thunder would attempt to bake cupcake’s of have a ‘Cupcake off’ was ridiculous. I must admit, I did get a little jealous of the attention she gave to him in those moments, but I know he meant no harm.

“There were so many things I wanted to do.” She interrupted my thoughts.

‘Like what?” I asked

“I wanted to see your comeback stage. Stand on top of the Eiffel tower and watch the sun set over Paris with you. Read every manga you own. Buy a house that had a front and back yard. I wanted a family. A wedding. I wanted a life with you Mir. Now it’s all being cruelly striped from me.” She opened his eyes and looked up at me.

The tears betrayed me as the fell from my eyes and I bit my lip as I looked down at ____. Her hand slowly reached up and brushed the tears from my cheeks. She tried to smile but I could see the pain in her eyes. I couldn’t say anything. What can I say? Wish you well up there? Have a great time? There were no words.

“I’m so scared Mir.” She began to cry as she curled up in my arms, clutching my shirt and staining it with tears. I immediately wrapped my arms around her protectively and began to rock back and forth, resting my chin on her head as I spoke.

“Don’t be scared. Everything will be fine.” I cried.

“I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be buried by myself in the darkness. I can’t be alone Mir, I can’t do it. You’ve always helped me when I was scared in the dark but you can’t be there now and that terrifies me more than anything.” Her cries grew violent and her breathing became heavy.

“You won’t be alone. I will always be with you. Don’t be scared. I promise you it’s going to be okay. Peaceful. You’ll be out of pain.”

“I don’t want to be in the dark. I hate the dark.”

I kissed her forehead as a sign of reassurance. Her forehead covered in a thin sheet of sweat.

“I love you ____. You are my jagiya, the one I love. You never have to worry. Just relax and breathe. I am here. Now and forever.” I her face as she calmed down, closing his eyes once more.

I stayed there all afternoon, calming ____ down and lightly tracing her face while her breathing became more and more quiet, until finally she took her last breath, whispering “see you soon.” As a gentle smile appeared for the very first time in almost 2 weeks.

I clutched her body as I continued to rock, crying as she turned cold and limp in my arms.

And the wind carried off my soul mate, just like that.