When I was a little girl—just about seven— while other kids play with their dolls, I just sat on the swing and imagine what my life would be 20 years from then. I was full of high hopes and I had always imagined endless possibilities.

I could be a famous actress receiving my first ever Oscar award. I could be a doctor doing a medical mission in Africa. Or I could be getting married to the man I love and start planning out for a family. 

Every single day of my childhood, I’ve always thought of those great things to happen to me. And as years passed by, I made sure that I don’t do anything stupid that could ruin my future. I was on top of my class. I was the class president. I was the model student. But at the same time, I was the ‘it’ girl. I was the most desired girl in school.

Everything was perfect. Everything was going according to my plan. But that was the problem. Everything WAS perfect. And I did just one small mistake and all my planswent down the drain. I always thought that the day that I would do something stupid is when hell freezes over, but I was wrong. Now, everything was just beyond my control. 

That’s why now, I found myself biting my fingernails as my best friend since childhood stood in front of me, trying to convince me to say what was wrong. I couldn’t even look at him anymore. I was ashamed of myself and at the same time, I couldn't help but blame him too.

“Dar, you got to say what’s wrong. How could I help you when you won’t say anything?” He asked me for the nth time already. I knew that he was looking at me, but I avoided his gaze. I stared at his feet as if they were more interesting that his face. I wanted to run outside, but he locked me up here in his room. I was sitting on his bed and I was ready to jump out of the window—urgh... only if his room wasn’t on the second floor.

That’s when I realized that I was trapped. I couldn’t run away from this anymore. I had to tell him.

“Ji, I’m pregnant.” There, I said it. I was 18—and I’m pregnant. Just great.

“What? How could you be pregnant?” He said with a hint of disbelief in his voice.

“You know, it happens when a girl and a boy have an and they forgot to use protection.” I couldn’t believe that I could joke in this kind of situation. I saw him looking at me and he was dead serious.

“But you don’t have a boyfriend D. And you just came back two months ago! You couldn’t possibly date someone by that time.” He said as he was trying to find a plausible reason for my pregnancy.

“Seungri’s party.”

“Oh ! I shouldn’t have had break up with Jinah. God! D—did some jerk touch you? God! I won’t forgive myself.” He said as he was starting to make himself feel guilty. Well, it was his fault anyway. He left me during the party. He left his female best friend in a party full of drunken wolves ready to eat me alive.

I stayed silent as I let him blame himself.

“Who’s the father?” He asked me as he sat on the bed beside me.

I took a deep breath before I sighed.

“That’s what I’ve been asking myself too, Ji.”