When Eunhyuk first says he is going to skydiving again, Donghae raises his eyebrows.

Even, if Donghae doesn’t have an acrophobia―phobia of height―he still thinks skydiving is a stupid thing to do. He knows what skydiving is―you jump out of a plane or hot air balloon with a parachute on your back. The problem is, no one can guarantee whether the parachute is actually will be opened or not.

"When?"

This weekend, the answer that makes Donghae wonders why today should be Thursday.

He let Eunhyuk talk about his stupid skydiving, how he felt so…free as he throws himself from the heights of 3000 meters, how he is able forget all his problems when the wind hit his face, and how he looks at the land beneath him, feeling like a kind of superhero.

Donghae really doesn’t cares about skydiving, but he cares about how Eunhyuk’s eyes shine and for a moment he can pretend that they shine for him.

At the end of their conversation, Donghae looks at Eunhyuk and wonders if he really knows his roommate or not.

"Oh, and one more thing." Eunhyuk adds, propping up his seat to two hind legs, almost knocking a waitress. "When I fall, I used to think the world is better than it actually and the moment I step on the ground―” His eyes meet Donghae’s “―everything will be back to the way it before." He smiles.

Donghae stuns.

***

Eunhyuk manages to pull his parachute at the right time like he always does, but it doesn’t relieve Donghae that much. This is not the last time Eunhyuk goes skydiving.

He tries to concentrate on his book when Eunhyuk comes into his room and sit on his bed.

"Guess what."

Eunhyuk doesn’t even need to be bothered by asking him question because Donghae can guess easily.

Although it will make him seems like a paranoid old mother, Donghae has been doing some searching on the internet, despite the fact that he knows he acts like a paranoid old mother. In the United States, 35 people are killed every year due to this sport and that means in one hundred thousand jumps, there will be a fatal jump.

Eunhyuk laughs when Donghae tells him. "That means like 000.1 percent. You can’t keep thinking I will be that unlucky person among those one hundred thousand people, Donghae. "

At that time Donghae regrets the fact that Eunhyuk is an adventure freak and how money isn’t a problem for him. But more than it, he regrets the fact that he has a fear for something that really unnecessary.

He doesn’t deny Eunhyuk’s words, but when Donghae focuses his eyes to his book again―ending the conversation―Donghae thinks that Eunhyuk shouldn’t keep thinking that he will not be that unlucky person among those one hundred thousand people.

So when Eunhyuk comes back with a broken hand, Donghae doesn’t say anything.

His parachute doesn’t work as it should, so when Eunhyuk pull his parachute in the air, it doesn’t open as he has planned. Donghae, who is totally clueless about skydiving, only can conclude to himself that somehow, Eunhyuk got his parachute’s rope twisted. Fortunately, Eunhyuk was still able to open his parachute even when it was too late, resulting in a broken hand and bruised rib he got when he hit the ground.

Eunhyuk doesn’t tell and Donghae doesn’t ask, but he knows Eunhyuk sit quietly on the couch for hours at night because every time he closes his eyes, the feeling of panic he got as he fell comes back. It has been more than once Donghae accidentally sees his hands trembling slightly when he has to close his window in their apartment on the fourth floor. It seems worse than Donghae’s own phobia because as long as he doesn’t have to look down, Donghae has no problem with closing the window.

Donghae often refrain himself from sleeping in the nights he knew Eunhyuk will be awake. He purposely opens his door, turning on the lights and pretending to do his home works just to tell Eunhyuk―indirectly―that he is not alone.

And a few months later―when both of his physical and emotional wounds have eventually heal―Eunhyuk pats him in the back and without a doubt says "Thanks."

"Anytime."

Donghae thinks his traumatic experience is enough to make Eunhyuk stops skydiving. No matter how cruel it is―Donghae is grateful it happened. Because―he tried to ignore how selfish it sounds―it means he will be able to stop thinking if Eunhyuk is okay or not, if his parachute is working or not, if the plane is in good condition or not.

But Donghae is wrong. And if Donghae thinks again about it, he admits that he is a bit naïve.

A year later, Eunhyuk says something that makes him starts to think if his friend is actually crazy, utterly stupid, or just never learn from experience―Donghae doesn’t know.

"You want to come?" Eunhyuk asks as they walk down the apartment’s corridor. "I plan to-"

His words are cut off as he realizes that Donghae looks at him coldly.

"Again? After what happened the last time you did it? "

Eunhyuk looks at him like Donghae has three heads instead of one. "It will not happen again, okay? Anyway, the exam week was just finished and I think it's going to be good to have fun first before being told I that failed the test. Want to come along? "

Donghae takes few more seconds to respond. "No."

"Come on, just this once?"

"Listen." Donghae sighs. "I'm not kidding when I said I have an acrophobia, okay?"

"Oh well." Eunhyuk looked down, disappointment clear in his eyes. "I forget. Sorry. "

But Donghae is already hurrying away before he has the chance to know that Eunhyuk actually apologize.

***

It has started since he jumped. Eunhyuk used to relax as he floats in the air, letting the wind to blow around him and the gravity to pull him back to the earth. This time, since he first jumped from the plane, Eunhyuk feels like he has made a big mistake, and there is no turning back.

He tries to ignore the feeling, staring at the brown land beneath him that gets closer for each second. When he tries to pull his parachute, it doesn’t open.

At that moment, for the first time Eunhyuk thinks that he could be that one unlucky person among those one hundred thousand people.

He remembers the panic attack he got the first time his parachute did not work as properly, the traumatic eerie feeling that he got as he knows that the land is approaching. He expects to feel it again, but no, there is only a sense of calm as if the only thing that waiting for him far below was some kind of soft mattresses. When he stares at the expanse of the land under him, Eunhyuk thinks that maybe it’s because he doesn’t try to deny the fact that he will die.

In his last seconds, while the land looks like it shakes greatly and moves closer faster than he ever imagine, Eunhyuk thinks about everything. About his faith, his family, his friends, his funeral, and what will the world looks like tomorrow.

About Donghae. About how he will never know about those three words Eunhyuk always wants to say.

And finally, when he hit the ground, Eunhyuk doesn’t think about anything.