It was meant to be a joke. But when I pulled away a bit, she had her eyes wide and her cheeks were red. So, I pinched them and said, “Aren’t you too cute when you’re shocked?”

I turned around and walked away. I was expecting Dara to chase after me and probably hit my arm or snap an insult or something. So after a few minutes of nothing, I turned around.

I creased my brows as I saw Dara with Jaejoong. What caught my eye though was the blue stuffed rabbit on his arms. It was so much alike to what I won except for the color. Now, the odd thing was, why was he carrying it around? And why was he alone? Where was Tiffany?

Suddenly, I remembered something. I remembered how he looked like when I was teasing Dara during dinner. I thought I was imagining things then, but when I grabbed Dara’s hand and interlaced her fingers with mine, he kind of looked... angry? He was also burning a hole on the back of my skull when Dara and I were walking hand-in-hand and were ahead of him and Tiffany.

Does he like Dara? Now, wasn’t that weird? Didn’t he have Tiffany already?

I mean, him liking Dara wasn’t much of a surprise. Dara was gorgeous and smart. Besides, compared to me, he was on an advantage if he ever liked her. They were friends for how many years already.

“Dara!” I called, but my voice was drowned out by the crowd’s noise. “Dara!” I called again.

She didn’t respond as she was still talking to Jaejoong, so I decided to approach them.

When I reached them, I gently grabbed her hand. “I have been calling you for a while now,” I said when she turned. I, then, pretended to just notice Jaejoong that time, “Oh, what’s wrong with your face?”

He didn’t answer though. Impatient, I pulled Dara away from him without saying another word.

It was already eleven in the evening. As students started leaving, emptying the university grounds, Dara and I were sitting by the well-trimmed grass. The fireworks display just finished a few minutes ago. Being the highlight of the event, it was but natural for the students to get home after it.

I smiled as I remembered how Dara’s face lit while she had her neck craned to watch the fireworks. Her eyes twinkled as the colors of the fireworks matched her face. A smile slowly made its way on her face. It was the most beautiful sight that night. It wasn’t the fireworks display, the performances by artists on the show, the booths. No, it wasn’t. It was Dara’s face. She looked exceptionally gorgeous a while ago.

“We still have classes tomorrow,” she interrupted, breaking the silence between us.

“Why did you become nice to me so suddenly?” I asked her instead.

She stared at me, confused at my question. Then she became thoughtful. And then her face lit up as if she remembered something and then it went back to being confused.

I laughed inwardly as I found it amusing how her face gave some cute expressions – some expressions you would rarely see on her. And I was glad I was able to witness them.

“You’re like my personal remote controller,” she told me.

I had my face scrunched up as it confused me. “I don’t understand you.”

“Me neither,” she confessed. “But the moment I met you, the moment I decided firmly that you’re the most annoying person who always pisses me off every day at school, it was like, I forgot everything.”

“Forgot everything…” I repeated, nodding my head. “I still can’t understand.”

“Of course you can’t.”

“Make me understand it then.”

She stared at me, unblinking. She looked like she was weighing a lot of options. Suddenly, she was lost in her thoughts. And on the other hand, I was lost too… lost in her eyes.

She looked away then, preferring to stare at the dark skies. “The sound of your voice, the sound of your high-pitched laugh, your mere presence… I don’t know. All of them, they make me forget the tragic past that happened to my family…”

I stared at her, shocked. She had…a tragic past…it happened to her family…? Just like…mine?

I hadn’t noticed it that she was staring at me too, until she looked away.

“During the young age of eight, one would think that a child should be out playing… she should be out discovering new things in nature. But it was very different for me. I remembered it pretty well; it was exactly twenty years ago when I celebrated my eighth birthday. Instead of celebrating with my family, with my classmates and friends, I found myself in the confinements of a big room – alone. I was alone grieving over my family’s death. I was alone crying my eyes out. There wasn’t anyone with me…” she trailed and stared at me. “That’s why I hate celebrating my birthday.”

I just stared back at her, understanding some few things from what she said. “Because you’re alone?”

“Yes, that’s one of the reasons. The other one was the tragedy happened during my little sister’s birthday. That’s why, when I hear birthday greetings or birthday songs, or the mere sight of birthday cakes or birthday balloons, I can’t help but cry. The memory of my family being murdered on that special day makes me want to just curl myself in a tight ball to cry and be unnoticed.”

And then it hit me. That was why! “Oh,” I nodded knowingly. “That was what happened on the restaurant, right?”

She nodded too. “Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?” I asked carefully.

She stared at me as if weighing her options. And then she nodded.

“How did they die?” I asked, a bit hesitant.

She stared at a distant and then exhaled. It almost seemed like she didn’t want to share it. Perhaps it was too personal and I just crossed the line.

“It’s alright if you don’t tell me…” I said.

“I’m fine with it,” she assured me. “Well…”

Then she started recounting what happened during that time – from the celebration to the barging in of unwanted visitors, from the panicking voice of her mom ringing inside her ears when her dad brought them upstairs to get a gun to defend himself and her mom to the panicked voice of her dad when he found out her little siblings went off somewhere, from the way her dad roughly shoved her under the bed to hide her to the sound of a gun that silenced the whole house, from the way her father’s eyes looked up at her before his last breath to the time when she was found by this guy she called ‘Sajang-nim’ under the bed and took her in.

When she finished telling me what happened, she exhaled. She stared at me and there was shock written all over her face.

“Why were you crying?” she asked, chuckling.

That was the time I noticed too. I raised my hands to my cheeks and there were tears. There was only one reason that made me cry like this. It was because I knew what she felt, exactly what she felt. But I couldn’t tell her that.

“That’s so…”I stammered while wiping my tears away. “Why aren’t you crying?” I asked instead, as I wasn’t able to come up with a convincing alibi. I couldn’t just tell her the reason why, could I?

She was thoughtful for a while. “I don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“Maybe because of you?”

I blinked at what she said. “Because of me?”

“I told you, you’re my personal remote controller,” she said, chuckling.

“This isn’t a laughing matter,” I said, my voice serious. “Aish! I feel so stupid before thinking that you’re just grumpy because of everyday menstrual period.”

“Ya! That’s a bit personal!” she told me, slapping my arm.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t ask you about that while you’re always bullying me.”

A smile curved his lips and I was happy to see that. But there was something else bugging me.

“So the red roses…” I started.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot that detail. I hated it when you gave me those red roses because when I went back to the house after I was taken in by Sajang-nim, I saw the petals of the white roses I gave Durami scattered all over the floor. Then, they were all stained with blood, giving the impression that they were red roses,” she explained.

“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling the need to apologize.

“For what? You don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

“Even so… I feel that I have to be,” I said truthfully.

We were silent again. I didn’t know what she was thinking but as for me, there was another thing bugging me.

“That Sajang-nim you kept on calling is your adoptive dad?” I asked, after finding the courage to ask. I was afraid she would find it offensive or something.

She was silent for a while, as if thinking how she would explain it to me.

“Err,” she started. “Yes. I call him Sajang-nim because I got used to it. He’s one of the board-of-directors on the company and everyone calls him Sajang-nim.”

I nodded in response. “But, why don’t you call him Dad?”

She thought for a while. “I don’t know.”

“I wish I could meet your parents,” I said, staring up to the sky.

“Oh, no. you can’t meet Sajang-nim, he’s alw-“

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about your adoptive father,” I said. “I was talking about your real parents.”

She stared at me, confusion in her eyes. I just gave her a smile.

“I want to thank them,” I said, shrugging.

“Thank them for what?”

“That you have been born in this world. I’m seriously thankful to them.”

She just stared at me. But I darted my eyes towards the starlit sky.

“Staring is rude, Dara,” I said as still felt her stare on me. I stared back at her again. She didn’t look away. I flashed a boyish smirk. She quickly look away though, eyes towards the sky, making me pout in disappointment. What was I expecting though? “Why are you telling me these anyway, Dara?”

She slowly stared back at me. “Maybe I could start trusting you.”

I smiled again; glad to hear what she just said. “I can understand that you didn’t want to trust me. And I admit, at first, that that was my first objective – to earn your trust. But, somehow, it changed. I just wanted to be your friend now. Or maybe get to know you more.”

She stood up suddenly. “I guess we have to go home right now.”

I stood up too patting my bottom. I draped my arm over her shoulder, and held her firmly close to mine. Thankfully, she didn’t shake it off.

I arrived at the club where Tiffany wanted me to meet her. It was already past 12 when she called me. And it sounded urgent. So, after dropping Dara on her house, I headed straight here.

I saw her waving from the same table we were at before. She looked stressed, gone was the blooming and beautiful cousin of mine just a while ago at dinner. She looked flustered and judging from the bottles on her table, she had been drinking.

“What happened?” I asked, taking the seat beside her.

“Oh, nothing really… just got dumped,” she said, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“Dumped? By Jaejoong?” I asked, incredulous.

“No…” she said, dragging the word. “I have been two-timing and got dumped by the other guy.”

I gasped. “You two-timed Jaejoong?”

She glared at me. “Aish! I was being sarcastic then! Yes, idiot! I was dumped by Jaejoong,” she said, drinking another glass of whiskey.

I just stared at her, not really processing what she meant. After a while, I gasped loudly. “Why would you get dumped?!”

“He’s in love with your date, Jiyong! He told me how he just got me as his girlfriend to forget about Dara. He never really loved me. He used me.”

I was thoughtful. Suddenly, the image of Jaejoong with his sad eyes, while talking to Dara, the stuffed rabbit on his hands, and the red mark on his face flashed in my mind. “You slapped him, didn’t you?”

“Of course, I did! Who would dump someone like me? I needed to wake him up. But even after slapping him, he said he still loved Dara. And after that, I slapped him again, harder, on the same cheek. I left after that.”

“That’s why his cheek was too red.”

“Served him right,” she said, gulping down another glass. “Tell you what, Jiyong… dump that girl too.”

“Why would I do that?!” I said, gasping, even though I wasn’t really dating Dara…yet.

“She’s not worth it,” she said as she crawled towards me. In seconds, her face was close to mine. “Let’s date instead.”

I widened my eyes. “I can’t do that! We’re cousins!”

She cupped my face as she tried kissing me but I dodged her attempt.

“Stop it, Tiffany. You’re drunk!” I said. “We’re cousins. We can’t be together. That’s !”

“Psh!” she said, waving her hand. “We’re cousins in papers, not in blood. So, come on, I know you want to,” she said, her lips just inches from mine.

Suddenly, I snapped. I pushed her quite roughly that she fell on the floor. “Stop it, Tiffany! Cousins or not, that’s not really the point. I love her! She’s the one I had been telling you last time. I fell in love with her. I love Dara, alright?”

I inhaled and exhaled deeply. Yes I do!

I’m sure right now. After the night with her, I have really realized how much I fell hard on her. I knew it!

Dara…

She said I’m her personal remote controller. But, you know what? I think it’s the other way around…

Being someone who had killed a handful of innocent people, being a murder, being a criminal, meeting her was the most precious thing that had happened in my life. Whenever she smiles, whenever she scowls at me, whenever she just merely is with me, she makes me forget how evil of a person I am.

She’s my personal remote controller.

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credits to aubreyLazy

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