Taemin glanced at Jonghyun, he seems to be dozing off. Again.

He didn’t know why, but Jonghyun always seems to doze off. As if something keep bothering his mind. He’s never aware of Taemin, not even once.

It’s always felt like they life in a lie. Their relationship is a lie. Taemin does realize it that Jonghyun never once loved him.

                But he silenced himself. It’s better to life in a sweet lie rather than waking up on a bitter fate.

At least, amongst the lies, Jonghyun is his.

XXX

                Taemin watched as Jonghyun chatted with Key and Onew, Jonghyun faked his smile, again.

Maybe it’s just Taemin, maybe Jonghyun didn’t even fake his smile, maybe it just appears to be like that. Maybe.. just maybe, Taemin was just seeing things.

But he’s kinda used to it. He choose to live the lie, he doesn’t let go.

“Remember, Taeminnie, you can’t stay up late, arraseo? Be home before 10.” Onew reminded him about his curfew

                “Even on Saturday night?”

“Yeah, baby. Even on Saturday night.” Key chipped in, resting his head on his boyfriend’s as he took another sip of his boyfriend’s drink

“Bummie, don’t drink.” Onew took the glass from Key’s hand.

                “But i’m bored, yeobo,” Key pouted his lip cutely,

“Dance then, have fun, as long as you don’t drink.” Onew smiled warmly at his boyfriend and addressed the swaying crowd on the dance floor

“Oh, and don’t get too intense.” Onew added, Key laughed then mumbled his agreement.

                “I’ll go with Key umma, I’m also bored. You wanna dance, hyungie?” Taemin smiled at Jonghyun, who buried his head between his hand, Jonghyun shook his head.

XXX

                It took Onew a few minutes to realize that Jonghyun is sobbing next to him, he drew his face closer to the younger

“Jjong, wae?” He slowly tried to lift Jonghyun’s face,

Jonghyun stopped sobbing and raised his head, showing his miserable condition.

                Onew can faintly smell the alchohol from the younger, enough to tell him that jonghyun were drunk .

Once Jonghyun fully lifted his head, Onew saw how broken Jonghyun look.

And the pang on his heart only means one thing, Onew is broken when Jonghyun  does.

                “You look miserable, Jjong. Are you okay?”

The look on Jonghyun’s eyes told Onew that he wasn’t, but he keep trying to get an asnwer

“Fine...” Said Jonghyun after a few moment of silence

“You don’t look sober enough to stay, i’ll drive you home, okay?”

“No, i’m fine..”

“No you don’t, now could you get up? No? I’ll help you.”

                As Onew circled his hand on Jongyun’s waist, the latter buried his face on Onew’s shoulder and started to sob

“I... you... no... love, forbidden,” He sobbed incoherently

“What? Did you say something, jjong?”

                “I love you! But you didn’t! Can’t you see how much pain i had to endure seeing you with Key?”

“Jjong..”

                Jonghyun loved him.

                Jonghyun loved him.

But he dated Taemin.

                Jonghyun was hurt.

But he didn’t know that he hurts Onew just as bad.

The next thing Jonghyun remember was Onew’s moistful, warm lip gently pressed on his.

And Key’s gasp on the background.

XXX

                Jonghyun reached for a glass of water to relieve his headache, it’s still 6 in the morning and the sunrays were soft and blurry.

“You were so drunk last night, Hyung, do you remember what happen?” Key showed up on the door with a steaming porridge on a tray

“No, did i do something wrong?” Jonghyun lied

“That was chaostic. Onew hyung and you were kissing! You guys are too drunk last night, do you remember that Taemin and I had to ak for help to get you two in the car?” Key giggled, “I know sometimes Onew hyung looks like Taemin, but...”

“Ufft.. it was bad, wasn’t it? I need to call Taemin soon and explain the whole thing to him,”

“It’s alright. You two were both drunk and don’t know what you were doing. Not a big deal, though. Unless if you two did it consciously.

                You didn’t, right?” Key narrowed his eyes

“O..Of course not!”

“No need to sputter words, hyung. I believe you,” Key laughed, “Now i’ve prepared some porridge, you like it, don’t you? Eat a little and don’t forget to have you medicine, Get well soon, Kim Jonghyun-hyung.” Key smiled placed the porridge on the small cabinet near Jonghyun’s bed and closed the door after him swiftly.

Jonghyun hung his head low as he recall Key’s word.

He said it consciously.

He did it consciously.

He hurt Key consciously.

He’s being a bad guy on his will.

As if he wasn’t feeling guilty enough, images of Taemin and his pure love flashing on Jonghyun’s mind.

Compose new message

To : Taeminnie

I’m sorry for last night, Minnie :(

Pls don’t be angry with me nor Onew hyung, I’m.. sorry. Really sorry.

                As he sent the said text, hoping that the younger won’t notice that he didn’t state that he’s drunk.

Because he isn’t completely. Sure he had a few shot, but it didn’t made him drunk.

He was completely sober when he confess.

XXX

                Taemin feel the streaming tears trough his cheek as he receive Jonghyun’s text

He hoped that Jonghyun would tell him that he’s drunk.

That he didn’t mean it

That he didn’t mean to kiss Onew.

That he didn’t love Onew, that everything was just Taemin’s imagination, that he loves Taemin.

But Jonghyun had just said it.

He did it on purpose.

He loved Onew. He loved Onew, not Taemin.

Jonghyun had stated it. And Taemin hated himself for not wanting to let go.

He hate the voice inside him that kept assuring, that everything will be okay, that Jonghyun would finally loved him back, if only he hold it a little longer.

                Taemin wanted to let go. He’s sick of it. He doesn’t want to live in his dream world anymore. He want Jonghyun to love him the way he do, but Jonghyun can’t. Taemin didn’t see the point of pinning Jonghyun to him. It would only hurt them.

But he couldn’t let go.

XXX

                “Onew hyung, you’re okay? I left you some breakfast. Make sure you finished them, hyung. Don’t get sick. I’ve called ahjumma and she said it’s okay for you to stay here until you’re sober enough to drive.” Taemin smiled as he placed the food tray near Onew’s bed

“Taemin-ah..”

                The next thing he knew was Onew wrapped him in a warm, tight hug

“I’m sorry, Taeminnie. About what happen last night..”

“It’s okay, hyung. You two were both drunk, right? No one can control their mind if they’re drunk.”

Those lies escaped Taemin’s lip. It sounds as sweet as honey, but everyone knew it was bitter.

Taemin ignored the bundled nerve choking his throat as he forced himself to believe the lies.

                No matter how he wanted to stop, he can’t. So why don’t he played along with the flow and enjoyed the story?

XXX

                “Key,” Onew called as his boyfriend swinging gently on the swing

“Heum?”

“I haven’t said my sorry. You know, last night’s accident?”

“It’s okay hyung, it’s okay.”

“Yeah, we were both.. drunk. And.. well, i thought he was you.” Onew forced himself to smile as lied flowed from his tongue.

Does anyone ever felt this bitter when they lied? He asked, morely to himself.

                “Well, you were drunk. Duh,” Key rolled his eyes and smiled

“So, you forgive me?”

“Why can’t i? Sit, the windbreeze is nice,”

.

.

                The heat on his eyes were too unbearable.

Once more, Jonghyun was forced to wake up.

When Onew said it, that he didn’t mean it. That he THOUGHT he was Key, that he were drunk.

Tells jonghyun that he made up things like always.

Like onew never loved him.

                Jonghyun sarcastically laughed, the fate was once again messed up with him.

Dissapointment, sorrow and tears are Jonghyun’s company as he walked limply back to his house.