(A/N: I don't really know but I listening to Taeyeon's If while reading this sets the mood for me.)

“I will call you later….”

Five years of everything and now, nine months and twenty-six days of nothing. It was almost a year and I still find myself thinking about us.

How I miss your dorky laugh, your loving stare and how you shyly look away whenever I caught you.

How you pinch my cheeks whenever you find me cute. How I always wake up in the middle of the night only to find you staring at me. And only to playfully laughs at my pictures the next morning.

My ever-demanding job is just enough to take your memories away momentarily. Finding myself stuck in this time zone again whenever I’m not that busy.

I go out with my friends out of nothing else to do and go home at the end of the day thinking nothing beats spending time with you. I took the bus to sleep my heartaches away. But the next song on the radio reminded me of you more.

I thought walking will be kinder to me but I was wrong. Everything I see while I walk the streets reminds me of our moments together.

The bench outside the church where we always waited for the next mass because we’re late. Today I kneel to the same spot we swore to love each other and just like all the other days I found myself saying the same things to Him.

“If loving her continuously is a sin, please forgive me.”

The path along the park where I first held your hands just because it was cold. Today I can only stare at the spaces between my fingers that are beginning to dry.

The almost abandoned mall where we always meet just to let the time pass by and later share sweet short kisses when nobody’s looking. I can only smile bitterly not even having the slightest will to drop by.

I walked hoping the sore on my feet are the only things I can think of. Reaching my empty apartment and throwing my stuff on the couch while making my way to my room without any plans of eating. I lay here at my bed lifelessly with my hands at the back of my head, clutching the pillow underneath. Wishing somehow the warmth I am feeling right now is from your body lying to the vast space next to me. A space only you can occupy.

I glance at the clutter I made and saw my phone. I pretended to have forgotten it, but was honestly checking out every five minutes to see if you called or sent a message at the very least. Not getting tired of disappointment for the umpteenth time.

I miss how your lips taste against mine and how you hit my shoulders if I bit them too hard. Touching my lips now, I cannot help but to reach for my balm to stop it from chapping.

Remembering how we ended up being together put a small smile on my face. It was a very good memory how you gather up all the courage to kiss me and confess to me. But the small smile was replaced by tears slowly blocking my vision as I remember how effortlessly you broke up with me over the phone.

I tried getting mad at you; accuse you of pulling me into a trap. A trap that is your love. Claiming I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t confess to me. However, as I remember the best days of my life, I can only remember spending all of them with you. Finally giving up, I told myself you are one thing I can never move on from.  The blinking light of my phone signalled hope. Maybe being best friends with you is not bad after all.

“Hello Yoona?”

“Hi best friend!!”

But the way my heart stings whenever you say the word will never stop.

the effects of listening to SNSD sung OSTs for three days....