“What are you doing here?”

I turned to face my boyfriend of two years, Jay Park. Okay, so I might have bribed the girl at the front desk to let me into his dressing room, but I didn’t mean any harm. I hadn’t been seeing much of him lately and I’d wanted to surprise him. Does that make me a bad girlfriend?

“I wanted to surprise you. I brought you a lunch.” I pointed to the bundle on the desk. I’d handwritten him a love note on the napkins and everything.

“Thanks,” he said. His voice was flat and it worried me. “Did you want anything else? I’ve got a busy day ahead of me.”

I shook my head, feeling a little sad. “No, that’s all. I’ll see you tonight.” I grabbed my bag and jacket and rushed out feeling hurt and embarrassed. Why was he acting like this? Had I done something so small that I hadn’t realized I’d done it? I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was coming so to help me take my mind of things I called Key.

“Bummie, come with me to pick out a hair color.”

“You’re dyeing your hair?” he asked. “I think I know the perfect color for you. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

I made my way to the store and waited outside for Key. True to his word he made it there exactly ten minutes later. We went inside and I followed him to the hair products aisle. He must have been here often because it didn’t take him long to find the box he was looking for. On the way to check-out he grabbed a pair of vinyl gloves and threw them on the counter. I paid for the goodies and we went back to my place.

An hour later my hair was red. Not fire-engine red, but a dark, almost blood red. I loved it and made sure to tell Key that. He praised his own work and left, making me promise to call him the next day. I spent the rest of my evening cleaning up until I got a message from Jay.

Come over. We need to talk.

Those words made my heart sink. ‘We need to talk.’ I looked over the words again and willed them to change. I knew it. I knew it! He was mad at me for something. I was nervous my whole way there, trying to imagine what the problem was. I was still trying out scenarios when I let myself into his apartment.

“Jay? I’m here,” I called out. He appeared from the back in a pair of shorts and a wife beater. I took a moment to admire him. He was slightly pale, but not in a sickly way. His tattoos stood out brilliantly against his skin, each one with its own story. His hair was sticking up every which way like a rooster. I smiled to myself until I looked into his eyes and saw hard and flat they looked.

“You wanted to talk?” I prompted.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I took a step back. I hadn’t been expecting that. “What exactly are you talking about?”

“I’m not a good guy. I know I’ve hurt you before. I’m only going to hurt you more. That’s just the way I am.”

I was thoroughly confused by now as I made my way across the room to sit across from him. Was he talking about…? “Jay, if this about that you and Jessica thing I’m over that.”

“It’s not just that. I’ve seen how you look when I tell you I’m going away-how your eyes flash with just a bit of uncertainty before you tell me to have fun. I know that when you tell me not to flirt with other girls that you’re not playing around, no matter how cutely you say it.” He chuckled darkly and I began to worry just a little bit. I take that back, I was worried a lot. I could feel panic creeping up from my stomach.

“Jay…”

“I thought I needed a good girl like you to change me into something, someone better. I tried to be that guy you wanted me to be, but I just can’t do it. I’ve accepted myself and that means I don’t really need you anymore.”

I shook my head against his words. My body flashed hot, then cold. I felt as though an electric shock had gone through me. Had he really just said those words to me? I glanced at Jay, but he refused to meet my gaze.

“If this is a joke, it’s really cruel,” I finally said. “What do you mean, you don’t need me? I thought you loved me?”

“I think you should leave,” he said quietly. “This is really the best thing for the both of us. I’m doing this for you. Why can’t you get that?”

“Do you hear yourself right now? Are you really that tired of me? Tell me one thing. Did you care at all these past few years? I did. I cared about you so much. Jay…please Jay, don’t do this. I love you, don’t do this,” I cried.

“Baby, just go,” he said.

“Don’t ‘baby’ me,” I told him. I shook my head as I headed toward the door. “You’ll regret this, but by then it’ll be too late.” I slammed the door but not before I heard him mutter, “It’s already too late.”