And So It All Ends
Dear Jonghyun,Dear Jonghyun,
I think that we both knew that this letter was coming. There is so much that I haven't told you, that I feel I must get off of my chest. I guess that I've lost value to you, in your heart, because anyone can see the pain that I am feeling these days, except for you. I'm happy for you and Shin Se Kyung, I truly am. You two are happy together, and as long as you're happy, I'm happy. But that still doesn't piece back together the broken shards of my heart and soul.
I didn't know that someone could feel their heart break, and I pray for your sake that you'll never have to experience it. The touches, the silent hugs, the many times when I cried in your arms and you didn't say anything, but simply held me, did all of those things mean nothing to you? If I hadn't waited so long to tell you how I truly felt about... us, would we be together? Will Shin Se Kyung ever amount to what we could have been?
If you're upset by my forwardness, then I apologize, for everything I've ever done wrong. Whatever wasn't good enough for you. My love wasn't good enough for you. You have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, and I have to plaster a smile on my face whenever I see you so that it isn't obvious that I cry for hours when you aren't around. Minho, Onew, and Taemin would never understand. Not like you did. I miss hearing your soft, gentle voice, the way you would hug me close to you and tell me that you loved me, and the times when we could just sit and laugh at absolutely nothing, together.
I'll miss those times, when I'm gone. The times I've spent with you have made my life worthwhile. Without you, I don't see the point of doing anything. The only reson that I probably even go out anymore is for the fans. I can't let them down, even if my heart has been ripped out of my chest.
I can't bring myself to hate you, I truly can't. We've been through so much, that now, that seems impossible. No one can get their way in life, but if it were possible, it would only be you and me. Forever. I'd given my heart to you, so I suppose you could have done whatever you wanted with it. If throwing it away was your choice, I'll respect that.
No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you. When you fall, I'll be there to pick you back up. When you cry, I'll be there to wipe your tears. When you feel alone, I'll be here. Well, I would have been. I can't make any promises about what will happen in the future.
Key, the Almighty Key, is supposed to be strong. But he's not. Not without his Bling Bling Jonghyun. But Dino's got himself a Shin Se Kyung. I guess you don't need me anymore. I miss you. Whenever I used to be with you, I felt... so... right. Like nothing in the world could get under my skin. It was only you and me. And I loved that.
But now, you have someone. I hope I'll get over this and find someone that can love me like I couldn't love you. Remember when you told me that the greatest day of your life was the day that you met me? Well, yesterday, I could have said the same about the day that I met you. But today, I say that the best day of my life was today, when I wrote this letter to you.
I thought we had... something. I guess I was wrong. My heart can't bear to look at your face anymore, or it will break again. Time can only heal me.
I love you.
- Key
A.N.: Wow, I really poured my heart out into that. I hope you liked it.
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