Yuri

    Nothing in Donghae's Brooklyn neighborhood looked familiar to me. We walked down block after block of three-story brownstones, but none of the house jogged my memory. When Donghae stopped infront of his house, I stood on the sidewalk, staring. Donghae had told me that we'd been going out for fivr months, and I'd hoped that seeing his house would bring back images of our past together.

" It's weird" I said slowly. " I must have been into your house dozens of times, but I truly feel like I've never seen it before"

    Donghae stuck his hands at the back pockets of his Levi's and shifted from one foot to the other.

" Yeah, the mind can really put up a tricks on you" he responded. He hopped up the steps of the front stoop and dug a key ring out of his pocket.

" Aunt Hyori, Im home" Donghae yelled as we walked into the foyer.

    He continued into the house, but I hung back, feeling incredibly self-conscious. I was about to encounter another person of whom I probably had no memory, and I wasnt at all sure how to act. Or what to say. I began to shake slightly, the stress of the last hour and half beggining to take its toll. I knew I seemed calm and cool on the outside, but on the inside I was terrified.

    What if I never got my memory back? Would everyone I met seem like a stranger? True, I'd felt an immediate connection to Donghae- But that was different. He was my boyfriend. What about my parents? Were they nice? Did we have a good relationship? There were no answers to the hundred of questions that raced through my mind.

    Donghae called out his aunt again, and an attractive woman with caramel-colored skin and a welcoming smile emerged from a back room.

   " Donghae? what are you doing back so soon?" she asked.

" I run into a little..uh.. situation" He answered, walking toward her. He turned back to me.

" Have seat here Yul, Im just going to talk to Hyori in the kitchen for a minute." He sent me a reassuring smile while Hyori looked quizically in my direction.

    My head was still pounding, but I was to restless to sit still. A largr mirror, complete with an antique-looking frame, hung over the mantel of the fireplace. For the first time since I'd hit my head, I gazed at my reflection. My image was only vaguely familiar, and I was pleasantly surprised by my smooth skin, full red lips, and cute eyes.

    " Who are you, Kwon Yuri?" I asked the mirror. I desperately conjure up a picture of my past, but nothing materialized. Right now, my entire world was made up of the present-Donghae, this living room, and Aunt Hyori.

    I almost giggled at the thought of Donghae. When I awoke on on the floor of the train station, I'd felt like a modern-day Sleeping Beauty. The vision of Donghae's intense brown eyes and squirky smile had been so acute that others hovering nearby had seemed like blurry spots before my eyes. My entire being had focused on beautiful Donghae. And now I was in his house, a haven from the world of unknowns that lay beyond his front door.

    To the left of a mirror was a framed photograph of a small boy. I knew instantly that I was looking at a younger version of Donghae-- his smile had been as unique then as it is now. In the picture he was standing between a young man and woman(his parents, I assume ) on a seaside boardwalk. I noticed that young Donghae's eyes had been open and frank; now his eyes seemed intense, sometimes guarded. Why?

      I turned away from the photo when I heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

" Hi again," I said smiling shyly at Hyori. I was disappointed that I didny have a faintest recognition of her, but I liked the woman immediately.

" Hi, Yuri" She said, holding out her hand for me to shake.

" I'm Lee Hyori, Donghae's aunt" She moved to a long, comfortable-looking sofa and motioned for me to sit down next to her.

" Im sorry I dont remember you" I said, taking my seat. And I was. Hyori's were kind and intelligent, and I hoped that when I met my mother-again- she would be much the same.

    I saw Hyori raise an eyebrow at Donghae.

" Dont worry a thing about it" she said soothingly. " I wouldnt have suspected my face to ring a bell." She took one of my hands in hers and patted it gently.

" Now, Im a registered nurse, and I'd like to examine that bump Donghae's been telling me about. Is that okay?"

   I nodded mutely, and she took my scalp between her two strong hands. While she poked and prodded, Donghae slipped back into the kitchen. I closed my eyes, willing my brain to cooperate with the rest of me.

   " Well, I think you'll live" Hyori declared.

" And you'll most likely to get your memory back, too. Head injuries often causes trauma that blocks either short-term or long-term memory. Your trouble is the long term"

" Does that mean it'll be gone for a long time?" I asked anxiously. I imagined myself at the age of sixty, peacefully living my life, then suddenly remembering that I'd been an ax murderer or that I'd left a stove on somewhere.

   Hyori patted my hand.

" No, it means you cant remember what happened before this incident. If you had a short-term loss, then you wouldnt know what happened five minutes ago. For instance, you might ask ' hey, what's the weather outside?' I'd answer, then a minute later you'd ask the same question again. And so on"

     I nodded, feeling relieved.

" So Im okay?"

" I'd bet on it. But we'd better take you to a doctor just to make sure"

    Donghae came back into the room, and he looked as relieved as I did that there didnt seem to be any serious damage to my head.

" I just tried to call your father" he said, sitting down on the other side of me.

" But his service and he's out of town. When I explained the situation, a woman said she'd try to track him down"

    It struck me as strange that Donghae hadnt already known my father wasnt in New York. Wasnt that the kind of thing a boyfriend usually knew? And where was my father? Who was my father? Again an endless stream of questions filtered through my brain.

" What about my mom?" I asked, picking the most pressing question on my mind.

    For several moments Donghae was silent. He frowned, and a look of sadness flickered accross his face. He glanced at his aunt, who nodded firmly.

" I dont know how to tell you this, Yuri..."

    As his voice trailed off, panic surged through my veins. Donghae continued, I knew with an overwhelming sense of dread what he was going to say. Unconciously, I must have known it all along.

" She passed away many years ago.. Yul... just like my parents..."

" She's dead" I forced myself to say tge words out loud.

    The emptiness began in my stomach and worked its way painfully to my heart. The dull throbbing in my head became a roar, and the living room, as well as Donghae and Hyori, seemed to disintegrate before ny eyes. My mother is dead..... and I dont remember anything about her.

" How did she die?" I asked, choking on the words. The idea that I didnt know was so surreal that I felt close to fainting.

" She had a cancer,Yuri" His voice sounded slightly strangled, and reached for my hand.

    I remembered the fear thatvhad gripped me when Donghae suggested that I go to the hospital. Was this the reason I had been so emphatic about not entering those long, sterile corridors? Had I been in a hispital before, watching my mother lose her life day by day?

" Did you know her?" I whispered, longing for some detail, some image that I could grasp and cling to the way I'd clung to the stuff toy in the subway car.

    Donghae shook his head.

" Im sorry. I didnt know you then. I didnt even live in New York. I was in Atlantic City.... with my mom and dad"

   Hot tears rolled down my face, not only for myself buylt also for Donghae. I thought of a man and womab in the photograph I'd looked at. They'd seemed so happy, so carefree. And now Donghae was an orphan- he'd suffer as much as I must have. I wondered if the loss of loved ones was a bond that had originally drawn us together.

   I was dimly aware of Hyori rising from the sofa.

" I'll give Yuri a few minutes" She said quietly to Donghae. " And then we'll go see Dr. Kang. He's good friend of mine"

    As her footsteps echoed on the hardwood floor I felt Donghae move closer to me. I slipped naturally into his arms, pressing my damp cheek against the soft cotton of his faded T-shirt. When I'd been in his arms at the Penn station, I'd been experiencing the quaking terror that comes with losing one's sense of self. His wide chest and strong embrace had allayed my fear then, and now the same arms offered solace. I hicupped loudly, trying to swallow the sobs that racked my body.

   " It's okay, Yuri. Go ahead and cry, Princess. Im here" He rocked me back and forth, softly kissing the top of my head.

    His voice was low and hoarse, and I was certain that he,too, was suffering anew the loss of his parents. In the quiet living room in the house in Brooklyn we clung fiercely toveach other, each absorbing strenght and eempathy from the other. I dont know how long we held each other, but for that brief period it was as if no one else existed.

    As Donghae, Hyori and I walked out of the quiant brownstone that held Dr. Kang's office, I realized that I felt a lot better. Hyori had given me some headache medicine, and the doctor had agreed that the bump on my heaf didnt pose any permanent problems. He'd suggested that I rest a lot but not be afraid to encounter people and places from my 'past' life.

    " There's a lot about the brain that's still a mystery to us" He'd said, peering at me from behind round wire-framed glasses. " Sometimes we experience a trauma and our mind decides that it wants to block out certain things- a moment, a year, a whole life... Usually we eventually remember every last detail.....when we're ready"

       I slid into the front seat of Hyori's battered sky blue Pontiac, thinking about the doctor's words. Were there things about my life that I didnt want to remember? Something more than my mother's death? I shooked my head, frustrated. I'd just have to be patient and hoped that when past finally presented itself, ther wouldnt be any demons lurking in the shadows.

    We were all quiet during the drive back home. I gazed at the scenery, longing for clues to fill in the puzzle of my life. Dr. Kang had told me that my memory might come back in flashes at first--- fragments of the whole of my 22 years. He said I should try to relax my mind, allowing the pieces to emerge whenever the time was right.

    The sun has started its slow descent by the time Hyori unlocked the door to the brownstone, and the cozy living room seemed cool and inviting. I dropped onto the couch, suddenly exhausted.

    " The light on the answering machine is blinking" Hyori called to Donghae from the kitchen.

" Im sure the message is for you"

" Why dont you rest?" Donghae suggested. " I'll be right back"

    I stretched out on the sofa and listened to Hyori moved efficiently around the kitchen. Then I head a loud beep, followed by a low-pitched voice.

" Yo, Fishy. It's Wooyoung. Hi, Hyori. Listen, Dara's is still on for tonight. Don't flake out, man. Give me a call" The machine clicked off.

    Donghae returned to the living room, a tall glass of iced tea in his hand. "Aunt Hyori makes killer iced tea" He said putting the glass down next to me. " Lots of sugar"

     I sat up and chugged half the glass. The ice cokd liquid revived me, and I was once again filled with questions.

" What was that message?"I asked.

" are we supposed to go somewhere tonight? Who's Dara? Was that guy's name really Wooyoung?"

    Donghae laughed, putting out a hand to silence me.

" Slow down for a second Yuri"

   I leaned back and looked at him expectantly. I wanted to know everything I possibly could. " Just start with Dara and go on from there"

" Sorry to disappoint you, but the call really wasnt something important. Wooyoung Jang-- he's my best friend---wanted me, uh, us to go to a dumb party at this girl Dara's house. But we dont have to go. Really"

   I closed my eyes again. Hearing about people I didnt know and plans I didnt remember was extremely tiring. None of the names Donghae had mentioned triggered my memory, and at the moment I was too spent to continue questioning Donghae. My brain had been working overtime all afternoon, and now I just wanted to let my thoughts dissolve.

   Sensing my need for peace,Donghae stayed quiet beside me. Without opening my eyes, I put out my hand for him to clasp. Seconds later I felt both of his strong hands evelope mine, and I sighed with something close to contentment. Minutes later I was asleep.

    The room was completely dark when I felt someone nudge me awake. At first I had no idea where I was---or who I was. I'd been in a deep, dreamless sleep, and all I wanted to do was shut my eyes again.

    " Yuri, Its Donghae. Wake up" His husky voice brought the day's event back to me. I was Kwon Yuri, and Donghae was my boyfriend. I was at his aunt Hyori's house in Brooklyn.

    " What time is it?" I mumbled. It felt like the middle of the night, but I could see that Donghae was still in the same jean and T-shirt he'd been wearing earlier.

    " It's about ten o' clock. Im going to take you up to the guest room. And Hyori put one of her nightgowns for you"

   I sat up on the sofa and gingerly felt the back of my head. The bump from my fall was still tender, and I could feel the return of headache. But the thought of a bed, complete with fresh sheets and cool pillowcase, spurred me into action. I stood up.

    I followed Donghae up the narrow wooden staircase led to the second floor, and he opened a dark stained wood door.

" Here you go, the nightgown'd on the bed, and Hyori put a new toothbrush in the bathroom. There's also some aspirin and a glass of ice water"

   I smiled my thanks. But now that Donghae and I were poised in the door of the bedroom, I felt overcome by shyness. I was alone with my boyfriend and we were sleeping under the same roof. Yet to me, we were almost strangers. Donghae seemed conscious of my discomfort, and he laughed softly.

    " I'll leave you alone now, Yuri" He cupped his hands under my chin and tilted my head toward his. My heart beats rapidly as his lips graze my temple with the tenderest of kisses. " Sweet dreams"

    I watched as he suantered down the hallway, and then disappeared into another bedrooms. As I shut my own door behind me I felt mild disapponted.

   For all practical purposes, I'd just met Lee Donghae that day. Still, I'd wanted him to kiss me. Really kiss me. Maybe by tomorrow things would be different. Maybe by tomorrow I'd have regained my memory.