┅ ❤ ┅

 

It is my idea to come here to the elegant, expensive Japanese restaurant. I have a craving to unagi sushi and I feel that I should treat Gikwang to dinner since he always pays for me. There are so many moments when I feel indebted to him. So treating him to a $75 dinner should alleviate some of that guilty, I think. I warned him to dress nicely, which rarely happened because he always comes to dance practice in sweatpants and tee shirts and that stupid black beanie. On "date" nights, he switches from sweatpants to jeans. That is the most cleaned up I have ever seen him. I wear a cream sweater, black pencil skirt, and black and gold heeled boots. My long hair is tied back in a bun and I have a necklace that he bought me on his trip to New York City back when we were officially dating. It isn't supposed to symbolize anything; I just really like the necklace. He is in a black blouse that is slightly ed at the top, and black dress pants and his hair is brushed back from his face. He looks amazing. He looks the best I have seen him in months.

 

Our relationship is funny. We technically aren't dating--we broke up three months ago. But we talk as if we never did, we started seeing more of each other since, and though he likes to tease me, we haven not looked at anyone else.

 

He smiles as we sit and he says, "How did you find this place?"

 

I smile at the hostess and open my menu. "Internet."

 

The hostess gives us the wine menu but I ignore it because I am underaged. He orders something for himself and I ask for tea. "You drink tea?"

 

"Do you ever pay attention, dude?"

 

He laughs and flips through his menu, hardly reading anything before he asks, "What are you getting?"

 

I point to the eel rolls in the menu and then tilt my head and say, "A few rolls and I think I'll do hibachi. Do you know what you want?" He shakes his head, bewildered at the menu and I point out things I think he may like, as I always do when I pick out a restaurant for us to eat at, which is often.

 

We go through dinner, talking about dance and music and the occasional drama we used to watch together and he finishes his meal and help me eat mine because I always forget that Japanese dinners always serve more than enough food. He orders different flavors of mochi and we exchange half-bitten flavors and I forget why I used to hate him so much.

 

While we laugh over a moment in dance, when one of the choreographers Ahn Jaehwa forgot the choreography and instead made us improvise and how we both frozen and panicked at the freestyle, his eyes grow serious and the brownness seems to capture me. This look is so sweet and soft, so vulnerable, something I rarely see from him, a look I can count on one hand--three--and I find myself staring back, when he says, "Minseo, I can get you a spot on tour."

The tour he refers to is as a backup dancer on an idol group's world tour. He would be gone for at least three or four months, the longest we've been apart. Though I am hardly scared since we have talked every day for eleven months straight, before and after the breakup. I drop my head and try to smile. "No, no, I want to earn it myself. And I want you to want me there, not to feel guilty."

 

"When did I say I didn't want you there?"

 

"Well, you never said you wanted me there either."

 

"You never said you wanted to go."

 

I bite my life and sigh. "Of course I'd want to go."

 

"Good, because I have something to ask you." He moves until he is kneeling by my side but I am busy deconstructing my eel roll out of baseless frustration. When I glance at him, he has a red velvet box open and there is a simple, dazzling diamond ring. He makes that face again, that pulls me in and I feel confused. "Will you marry me?"

 

"Are you being serious, right now?" My tone is more joking than I mean to and he almost reels back in disbelief and I take his hand. "I... For real?" He doesn't smile with relief because it is very obvious he thinks I am going to say no. The king with the ego, who never lets anyone in, who never goes out on a limb, is afraid that I will break his heart. I look around and everyone is staring at me and I feel my hands getting sweaty. "Gikwang-ah... everyone's looking. You're killing me."

 

"Just say yes."

 

I smile and take the box and he returns to his seat. "I want to say something and I want you to listen to me explain before you react, okay?" He gives me his attention and I say, "I think we should see other people." I grab his hand before he can look away and I add, "I just... I want you to be sure before I do this again. I want to be sure before you walk out and dump me again. I mean, what if you're not sure and some woman comes along and you regret it? Honestly..."

 

He shakes his head and says, "I love you."

 

To which, I can only say, "Whatever happened to, 'Try not to fall in love with me'? That's not really fair, is it?"