In short, Kim Jongin is an absolute life ruiner. He was the type of man who could come into someones life, scramble and mess with it until he was content, and then leave them wondering just how the hell it even happened. The worst part is that he never even knows what he has done, and every day afterward he will give a seemingly harmless smile; which, in all reality, burns your eyes and destroys your soul. Though I suppose it's my fault for becoming friends with someone for the sole purpose of finding them attractive. In their mind you are just friends who have a lot in common, but in your heart you are soul mates who were meant to be together, if only they could see it.

          At least, that’s what I thought the first year that I was unlucky enough to have a crush on Kim Jongin. That first year had been much easier than the second year. While the first year had been full of us hanging out, talking, and always saying hello in the halls, the second year had been that of avoiding each other altogether. I thought that maybe if I just avoided him these feelings would go away, never mind the fact that he had my cell phone number and a stray text would make its way into my inbox. Nothing special, a generic ‘hello,’ or ‘what’s up?’ and maybe I’d reply with a ‘hey,’ ‘not much,’ or sometimes I wouldn’t reply at all.

           We went from friends to acquaintances in that second year, and I had truly believed I had made the right decision. I tried telling myself that the longing in my heart had gone away, and that the feeling in my stomach every time we made eye contact was revulsion instead of butterflies. And so I entered the third year of having a crush on Kim Jongin, which was much like the second but with the added thought of me hating everything I had supposedly loved about him in those first two years.

           So here I sat, eating lunch with my friends in the cafeteria, and shooting glares over at Jongin's table whenever he wasn’t looking. I knew very well that if I made eye contact with him he’d smile at me and, damn my reflexes, I’d smile back.

           I was brought out of my brooding glare with a harder than expected slap on the back from Joonmyeon, causing my unprepared body to slam into the table and knock over Chanyeol's milk. This in turn started a chain reaction of Chanyeol giving a ‘you’re dead to me’ look, while Baekhyun screeched as the liquid poured over the edge of the table and soiled his pants. Joonmyeon started to laugh, while Chanyeol awkwardly wiped Baekhyun's pants with soggy napkins while apologizing profusely, and I sat there thinking ‘This is why half of my friends are referred to as idiots.’

           I glared at Joonmyeon, who stopped laughing, opting to give me a humorous look instead. “I was just trying to bring you out of your dreamy state. It’s boring whenever you glare at Jongin for THAT long.”

           “I wasn’t glaring that long.” I mumbled, deciding I no longer had an appetite and pushed my food away from me.

           “The fact that you glare at him at all is weird. Weren’t you in love with him or something two years ago?” Baekhyun asked from across the table, apparently already finished mourning the stain on his pants.

           “Pchhhh no. I mean yeah he’s hot, but he’s such an . How could I ever fall in love with someone like him.” I said, a little louder then I probably should have. I looked around to make sure no one was looking at us and sighed in relief when I saw everyone was still wrapped up in their own conversations.

           “You know, you always say how much you hate him, but I can’t see why. He seems like a friendly person, everyone in the entire school likes him. Well, everyone except you. Though I’m pretty sure during sophomore year the two of you  were the closest of friends.”

           I rolled my eyes at Chanyeol, and snuck a look over at Jongin's table. “He’s not all that great. Just because he has really nice lips, a y body, and a deep voice, does not make him special.”

           Despite my words, I couldn’t help but bite my lips as I examined his features once again. I looked away quickly, trying to convince myself of my own words. “Nothing special.” I repeated, a little quieter then intended.

           “I just think-”

           “I’m going to class early.”

           I quickly stood up, cutting off whatever Baekhyun was about to say, and turning to leave the cafeteria. I didn’t care what they thought; only I knew how I felt about stupid Kim Jongin.

           “Wait up,” I heard Joonmyeon call from behind me. I continued to walk at normal pace, and when Joonmyeon reached me, he was nearly out of breath. I refrained from using a gramps joke, as I knew how much it really bothered him when people referred to him as old and out of shape. “You you know that, you could have at least walked slower.” Despite his tone, I knew he was only kidding, and I only shrugged in response.

           “So you’ve never said what it is exactly you hate about Jongin so much. I mean for you to hate him as much as you say you do, you could at least give a viable excuse.”

           “Can we just drop it.” I growled, giving him a pointed look.

           “Nope. Come on, you can tell me.” I felt him nudging me with his elbow, and I couldn’t help but crack a smile at his childish antics.

           “I don’t know,” I started, following the path my feet chose without me really thinking about it. “I hate how he dresses in really y clothes; does he think he’s doing a photo shoot for Abercrombie & Fitch? Well he must, because he has a problem with keeping his damn shirt on. And he’s always pretending to be so nice and caring; it’s so annoying, I hate it. And when we were friends, whenever we’d hang out he was always so clingy, always wrapping is muscular arms around me. Has he ever heard about personal space? And his smile can just be so weird and endearing sometimes I just want to punch him. I mean he’s just such an obvious .” I finished, taking in a deep breath.

           I looked over at Joonmyeon, whose eye brows were tightly knit together, and his mouth was slightly open, as if he was trying to find the sense in my words. “And so being y, nice, and having an endearing smile makes him an …”

           “Yes it does,” I concluded.

           “Right… Good to know you hate him for logical reasons.” I glared at Joonmyeon, while he chuckled. I rolled my eyes again, and looked back down the hall, only to freeze in my tracks. There he was. Kim. ing. Jongin. And just as I looked, the jerk had to look up and make eye contact with me.

           My mind was bombarded with a million thoughts. Crap, what if he wants to say Hi. What if I say ‘hi’ back? But then he will know. He will know I’ve liked him for three years. No I mean two years. I hate him now. What if he heard my conversation in the cafeteria? Who am I kidding, he totally heard. I’m screwed. Crap, crap, crap, I can’t do this.

           And just as Jongin turned his attention to his friend Sehun for three seconds I dived behind a trashcan, leaving behind a confused Joonmyeon, who I motioned to stop looking at me in fear he’d giveaway where I was hiding.

           I heard footsteps approaching, and I watched as Joonmyeon turned his attention to the people standing in front of him.

           “Hello Jongin, what can I do for you,” He said in awkward tone that made it obvious he was hiding something. Damn you Joonmyeon and your terrible acting skills.

           “Hi…uhm wasn’t Kyungsoo walking with you just a second ago.” I could hear the confusion evident in his voice.

           Joonmyeon shot a glance over to me, before shaking his heard vigorously. “Haha of course not, what would make you think that.”

           “Well I thought I saw him walking with you but I guess…” His voice trailed off, and Joonmyeon just smiled, while scratching the back of his neck.

           “No Kyungsoo doesn’t walk.”

           “Kyungsoo doesn’t walk?” I could here Sehun's voice as he confusedly repeated the most idiotic line that had ever escaped Joonmyeon's mouth.

           “He doesn’t walk with me… in school. Because we walk home together sometimes. But that doesn’t matter because we are talking about now, and right now he is not walking with me.” Joonmyeon said, sounding flustered. If I wasn’t currently hiding behind a trashcan I would have gotten up and slapped a hand over his mouth already.

           “Good to know I guess… Well if you see him, tell him I’m looking for him.”

           And then it happened. I don’t know why god decided to bring his wraith upon me at this time, but he did. And whether it was fate or the fact that it was really dusty behind the trashcan, a sneeze that I could not control ripped from my body, and echoed through the hallways. Oh crap.

           “Or I can tell him myself,” I heard Jongin's mischievous tone, before I was suddenly tugged out from behind the trashcan, and before I knew it I was being directed into the mens bathroom by the guy I had been avoiding for the last two years of my life. I watched in horror as he locked the door before turning to me with a smile.

           “Hey Kyungsoo, long time no talk,” His voice just as friendly and enticing as it had always been. I tried avoiding his gaze, staring at the tile on the bathroom floor.

           “Yeah, I guess it’s been a while,” I said, trying to keep myself sounding normal, but only succeeding in sounding really awkward.

           “Well I can’t blame you for not talking to me since you hate me so much,” I quickly looked up, wanting to know how he found out about my ‘hate’ for him, but found my words stuck in my throat as I realized just how close he was. Just how much closer he was getting. “I was wondering, though, why it is you would feel that way,” His voice had a hint of mischief in it that made me feel he didn’t even believe that I hated him in the first place.

           He rested his arm above my head on the wall that I had just I become aware that I was pressed against, leaving his face just a few inched from mine. His breath ghosted over my lips as my cheeks slowly began to fill with blood. I tried to clear my head, but damn it he was making it hard.

           “Well first, just because your y doesn’t mean you have to flaunt it in everyone’s faces.” I slowly tried to push his body away with one of my hands but he took my wrist and pinned it against the wall.

           “Ahh I see,” He said slowly, nodding his head while his eyes stayed locked on my lips.

           “And you’re impulsive; I never know what you are going to do next.”

           “Definitely,” A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth.

           “And you’re stupid.” I concluded, my brain too scrambled to think of anything better. This bastard was messing with my mind again, and oh dear god did I love it.

           “Really now? Stupid enough to have continued liking you even after an entire year and a half of you ignoring me. Stupid enough to not say anything even when you said clearly out loud that I was ‘hot but an .' I suppose you’re right, I am pretty stupid for doing nothing, so let me remedy that.”

           “Like you can,” I said in a nearly mocking tone.

           This time Jongin smiled fully, flashing his dazzling teeth, before grabbing my face with both of his hands. “I can try.”

           And then his lips were on mine, and nothing mattered. It was cliché, it was stupid, and it was perfect. His lips were so warm and soft, molding against mine, and moving slowly. I couldn’t even move, as I was so surprised by what was going on. By the time I even realized it, he pulled away and smiled.

           “I hate you,” I mumbled, not so confident in that statement anymore.

           “I hate you too,” He said while smiling, and for once I didn’t want to punch him across the face for it.