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Please note italic words are their thoughts :)

 

 

“Love fades and mine has. Let’s break up.” His voice echoed in my mind…

 

“Kyuhyun!” Yemin woke up in sweat and shock. Reflection from the sun to her mirror shined upon her.

 

 It was just a dream. Nightmare. Kyuhyun oppa, why did you have to do this to me.

 

Oh I’ve yet to introduce myself. I’m just an average 20 years old teenager, Heo YeMin studying in Seoul University. Cho Kyuhyun was my first boyfriend and it was also him who changed my entire life. He was studious and good-looking, showering me with love and care. Never would I think I can be with his man. I never knew it felt so good to have a perfect boyfriend like him. And yes, I mean perfect. Flawless. Beyond perfection.

 

Not until the day he broke up with me, transferred school and literally vanished in sight. Avoiding me? Maybe. Maybe at this point of time, he is happily interlocking hands with a hot chick. Who knows.

 

But then another guy came into my life; his good friend, Choi Siwon. Dramatic? I know. But that’s what really happened.

 

It felt like the end of my life after Kyuhyun left. I had to take sleeping pills to fall asleep, skipped school and meals, shut myself up in the room and ignoring the cries of my worried parents.

 

The pain of Kyuhyun leaving me, the pain of having my heart ripped into shreds, it was too much to bear. And yes I did a dumb thing; leaving a deep scar on my wrist. Be glad I did not consume a large amount of pills or chose a beautiful building to end my life. It seemed such an easy death isn’t it.

 

Maybe I became psychotic. I liked and wanted the pain to be etched deep into my heart as a proof that I was once loved by someone. The stinging feeling of the knife digging into my skin was excruciating but it did not bother me. I deepened the cut allowing the blood to trickle down on the floor creating a crimson puddle. The blood that kept me alive when I was living through the happiest days of my life was now pouring out of my body, probably taking my life as well. Slowly, the feeling of numbness took over me and I welcomed the darkness as it engulfed me.

 

Sadly, I survived. I guessed I felt upset. Waking up facing four white walls, strong revolting smell, tense atmosphere that seemed to revolve around the place. And my crying parents in front of me…

 

It felt like hell. However it was not. I was still living on the spherical Earth.

 

However he stood by my side. Yes him. Choi Siwon. He did not give up on me. Everyday he would come over to my place with food, homework, games, videos etc; anything just to see me smile once.

 

Day by day, I began to smile unconsciously because of him. It was not a fake smile but a genuine and sincere smile. I was definitely not oblivious to what he had done for me.

 

My life became somewhat livelier with Siwon. 6 months passed, however I got to admit Kyuhyun was always on my mind.

 

Who is Siwon to me now? Yes my new boyfriend. I accepted him. Did I? I think I did. Maybe I was just touched by everything he did, I opened up to him and accepting him slowly became a part of my life.

 

Do I like him? Yes I do. Do I love him? I don’t know…

 

Love, I thought, was nothing but an inverted image of pain and hate.

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

My deep thoughs were interrupted by my mum’s loud and uncouth voice. I was immediately brought back to reality. I jolly well better not let myself get affected by this absurd nightmare.

 

“Why’re you still in bed?! Haven’t you got a study date with Siwon. Faster get going. I need to clean up your room too.” My mum began pushing me out of the door.

 

I gave a smile. I knew how much she likes Siwon and always claimed him to be her prospective son-in-law. I mean seriously? Son-in-law? Is she that eager to marry me off when I’m only 20? Though I knew she meant well in a good way. I don’t think I need to spell the reason out right.

 

It did not take long to get myself prepared. As expected whether rain or shine, Siwon was waiting for me outside my house.

 

“Hey Yemin, slept well? We shall head to town to have lunch before proceeding to the library alright? Final year exams are round the corner; however do not forget to have regular meals and relax.” Siwon held my hands and smiled. His smile is always full of warmth and care.

 

We bided my mum goodbye much to her happiness and began our journey.

 

Suddenly I stopped my pace. We were walking to the bus stop via the short-cut. It wasn’t just any shortcut. That shortcut meant I had to walk past that fountain…

 

It was a fountain where my happiness started and accumulated there. It was a fountain where he confessed to me. It was a fountain where Kyuhyun and I had our first date. It was a fountain where Kyuhyun and I had our first kiss. It was a fountain which seemed to have attained life and witnessed our love. Our fountain of memories.

 

I might be avoiding, however I rather avoid it for life. I simply had no courage to go there and this time without Kyuhyun.

 

Letting go and moving on are totally two different issues. Time could numb everything? Bull. When it comes to love, it is not. You can move on but you can never let go of EVERYTHING.

 

“Yemin? Are you okay?” Siwon shook me gently.

 

I fought back tears and beamed to him. “Oppa, I want to eat kimchi pancake. Let’s head down to the ahjumma’s place at the end of the road okay?” With that, I held him away, away from the place I would never want to see again.

 

And of course, Siwon knew. Being the best friend of Kyuhyun, he definitely knew Yemin were avoiding. He did it on purpose however he already got another definite answer from you. It’s ok Yemin, if you turn your head around, you’ll realise I’m always here for you.

 

I felt dumber than before. I should have known my action was very obvious. I felt apologetic towards Siwon. Have I even put in effort as his girlfriend? Apparently even I doubted myself. Pabo Yemin, you’re such a blockhead.

 

Everything went back to normal after a while. Siwon was helping me with my studies, amusing me and it made me forgot about the dream and that fountain of nightmare.

 

“Yemin ah, you’re getting really smarter each day. All these simple questions are too simple for you already.” Siwon grinned and began to ruffle my hair.

 

My heart froze. Ok, I know my heart would not freeze unless I’m dead. Well it’s just another analogy.

 

That feeling again. Why do all the happenings today just reminds me of Kyuhyun so much? And it still hurts. Oppa, are you really irreplaceable in my heart?

 

I was brought back to another dimension or should I say flashback. Kyuhyun used to ruffle my hair with his mischievous smile and that my messy and stunned face was cute to him. And now Siwon was reenacting what Kyuhyun did to me before. Clone of Kyuhyun? Ok Yemin, you are thinking of unlogical stuff. However the feeling was still slightly different.

 

Staring deeply at Siwon, I sinked into my own thoughts again. Kyuhyun represented the sea; gentle and loving at times however just like during high tides and tremendous waves, he could always protect me from anything. On the other hand, Siwon represented the sky. Always blue and calm; never once did he threw his temper at me. His warmth smile was always plastered on his face, never once leaving me. How could I live without this guy? Yes, Siwon is a part of my life already.

 

All of a sudden, I saw this familiar shadow and figure being casted on the white acrylic bookrack. It feels so much like him. No, it can’t be. What am I even thinking?

 

I’m not joking okay. Ever since Kyuhyun broke up with me, I always got this feeling someone is following or maybe even stalking me. No I’m not hallucinating. Just a girl’s instinct. But I just shrugged it off since nothing happened too.

 

 “Oppa, let’s go for dinner later and ride the ferris wheel okay? It is a romantic date for couple. Hehe.” I smiled sweetly and held Siwon’s hands. I guess this is my first time calling him oppa. Doesn’t seem to be that bad after all.

 

Siwon smiled, ruffled my hair again and held my hands tightly. Yemin shut up. Isn’t it a cute action Siwon is ruffling your hair?

 

Time flies. It was a great day with Siwon. I can feel his happiness and it made me happy. No matter what, I’m still very grateful for everything.

 

I had the sudden urge and courage to visit the fountain. Siwon was shocked at my request but gladly accompanied me. I hope I made him on ease by making this decision. Maybe it’s time to face it and let go.

 

Flashbacks and memories starting pouring in my mind the moment I saw the fountain. I felt that I saw Kyuhyun, Everything was still the same except one thing; the guy standing with me now is not Kyuhyun but Siwon.

 

I started to breathe in the air and reminiscence the past with Kyuhyun. Heavy steps and breathing seemed to be getting heavier behind us. A particular shadow casted on the floor and the reflection from the moon caused the fountain to glisten.

 

“Siwon do you think someone is following us?” I whispered to him. Siwon nodded. So it means my instinct was right.

 

Siwon pulled me behind him and as usual, a sense of protectiveness and security overwhelmed me.

 

Slowly and steadily, Siwon lightened his steps and made a swift turn, he caught a glimpse of someone.

 

I got the biggest shock of my life. And maybe surprise too? It is him? He is back. But why?

 

Yes it was. Cho Kyuhyun. He was back. Standing right in front of me. Tears started to flow down my cheeks. Thoughts started to flash through my mind. Why did he come back for? Why why why? Doesn’t he know I was living in agony these 6 months?

 

 “KYUHYUN OPPA!” I screamed and dashed towards him, letting my hands off Siwon. I’m sorry Siwon. I just need to know the reason why Kyuhyun is back. Nothing else. I’ll be back, I promise.

 

Siwon started to grab my hands and mumbled “don’t go.” I looked at him apologetically and cried out “I’ll be back, I promise.”

 

Hearing this, Siwon let go of me slowly and I ran towards the running Kyuhyun, abandoning the lonely and dejected Siwon in the dark.

 

I was standing in the middle of nowhere. I lost him. I was in the state of mental breakdown again. Oppa! I want to see you! Where’re you?!

 

I was in a frizzy and crying state. Strange eyes were all on me. I felt ostracized. I started to run again not caring whether my makeup was smudged; hair was in a mess or my attire was not neat. I had to find Kyuhyun.

 

I reached his place. His house. Ages since I last came here. Familiar scenery and surrounding welcomed me.

 

I took a deep breath and rang the bell. “Kyuhyun, you should be resting. What took you so late?” The familiar voice echoed into my ears.

 

“Kyuomma…” I whispered. I still called her omma. The closeness I once had with her. It is back.

 

“Oh! Yemin. Why are you in such a state? Come in come in.” She hurriedly brought me in to the sofa. I never expect I would be stepping in again.

 

I started blurting out to Kyuomma. “Omma, I shall be direct. Where’s Kyuhyun oppa? What happened? Is he avoiding me? Was he the one following me secretly since 6 months ago? If so why did he break up with me? Why why why? Please tell me.” I broke down in Kyuomma’s arms.

 

“Yemin, you this poor child. How would I not know you would be suffering after Kyuhyun left? I’m sorry. Please understand and forgive. He is ill. His days are numbered. He does not want to be a burden to you. So he chose he left. He is suffering too. All he could do was to see you afar. He knew Siwon loves you a lot so he was the best person to take care of you for life.” Kyuomma started tearing.

 

I listened in horror. I misunderstood Kyuhyun. He still loves me. His heart has never left me. Why am I so stupid to not realize it? I should be at his side when he needs me but I was not. I left him to suffer alone. It is my entire fault. Why must he be so selfish? Why didn’t he spare a thought for my feelings? I decide my own love life.  I would never leave him. Is it too late to make amends now? God why? Why must you inflict the illness on this good guy? Why must you take away our happiness?

 

Suddenly everything happened together. Kyuhyun came home. Finally. His priceless expression when he saw me. Kyuomma nodded to him silently and went to her room. The truth was out. We were alone now. I was crying continously.

 

I miss him. I really do. My feelings for him have never changed. I was just in denial. I still love him.

 

Kyuhyun suddenly gave me a tight embrace and I felt him around me. He hated me crying. That familiar, warm and secured feeling came rushing back to me. I reciprocated the hug; his warmth, his body, his smell and everything.

 

“Yemin, mianhae. Jeongmal mianhae. I thought this was the best decision I made. For these 6 months, I just wanted to be your guardian angel; just to see you far away smiling and I’m happy. My only wish is to witness your graduation.” Kyuhyun hugged me tighter. I snapped back to my senses and began hitting his chest while crying. “Cho Kyuhyun! Why did you hide from me? Why did you keep everything from me? I’m your girlfriend. I’m more than willing to share the burden with you. Now that I have known the truth, you can’t push me away. Now it is my turn to take care of you now.

 

“No, what about Siwon? You can’t hurt him. He loves you so much.” Kyuhyun spoke weakly. “Oppa don’t worry. I’ll speak to him. He’ll understand. Right now you should get a rest now. Technology is so advanced. There will be a cure. I’ll get going first. See you tomorrow.” With that, I tiptoed and pecked Kyuhyun. “I love you. I always do.” Kyuhyun’s eyes were brimmed with tears. Yemin, why are you so foolish? I don’t deserve your love at all.

 

I texted Siwon and arranged to meet him at our favourite hangout; the park.

 

It was such a tense atmosphere yet Siwon was still smiling. I felt even guiltier. I started to break the ice and stammered “Siwon, Kyuhyun is sick and I…” Suddenly Siwon cut in and squeezed my hand “I understand. He needs you more than I do. Go Yemin go. Pursue your happiness. No matter what happen, I’m always here for you.” After saying, Siwon wiped away my tears and left. What have I even done? I have hurt him. He was the last person I would ever want to hurt. Taking care of Kyuhyun was just an excuse. I still love him; all these while the feelings have never faded. I’m sorry Siwon. I don't deserve what you have done for me.

 

1 month passed. Graduation was round the corner. I distanced myself from Siwon. I did not know how to face him anymore. It was probably the happiest moments of my life. I was with Kyuhyun every day. We looked at life positively. I forced myself to be strong; fighting back tears whenever I saw Kyuhyun in pain undergoing treatment. However he seemed to be getting better. The doctor also commented Kyuhyun's cancer cells were miraculosly decreasing. I felt so thankful and happy. God please don’t take him away from me again. Since you returned him to me, please let him stay with me forever. Bless Kyuhyun.

 

Graduation soon came. Happiness and smiling faces filled the entire hall. 3 years just passed like that. Happiness, sadness, bitterness, sweetness that all happened there. It was also where I meet Kyuhyun.

 

I received a text from Kyuhyun asking me to meet him at the fountain. I smiled and rushed over. True enough, Kyuhyun was there waiting for me.

 

“Oppa!” I beamed. Kyuhyun pulled me into a tight hug and whispered “Chukhahae Yemin. You’ve graduated. The day I’ve been anticipating has finally arrived. Now your graduation present; open after I leave okay.” He passed to me a box.

 

All of a sudden, his voice seemed so distant and echoing. And he fell.

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I oepned the box. It was a letter and full of photos of me during this 1 month with Kyuhyun. I was smiling happily. It was all candid photos. I had no idea Kyuhyun took only me. Inside a letter wrote “Dear Yemin, thank you for being such a wonderful girlfriend. You’re the best gift God has ever given me. Thank you for being by my side. I knew my days were numbered. I knew my own illness. Still I remained positive. I could not show you my weak side. Once again, I'm sorry. Forgive me for lying to you and be selfish again. I'm sorry. I told the doctor to lie to you right before you accompanied me to the hospital. I couldn't bear to see you cry each time. I rather see you smile even if it was a temporary happiness. After I leave, remember to carry on living well and smile everyday like how you did in the photos. I love your angelic smile. Live on for me. I’ll always be your guardian angel watching you from above. Pursue your happiness. Find another guy who loves you. He is none other than Siwon. Promise me you’ll try to accept him. As long as you’re happy, I’m too. I’m sorry I left first. But you’re always on my mind, forever. I promise. With Love, Kyuhyun.”

 

I dropped to my knees and cried. Tears kept trickling down my eyes. Through my blurry vision, I saw Siwon walking towards me. He gave me a pat on my back and started to say “Yemin, like I said last time, I’m always here for you. You can always rely on me. I’m always your guardian angel. I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.” Siwon began to leave when I held his hands “Siwon I’m sorry. Really sorry.” He looked at me with tears in my eyes. With a trail of sadness, he walked away. I’m sorry Siwon. I can’t cheat your feelings and deceived myself. I love Kyuhyun. Please give me some time.

 

I curled up and continued to tear…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While looking at the sun that was setting across the lake, throwing shadows over the white funeral stone.

 

 

Sorry for the sad ending :( Storyline was bit normal though.
Especially when Yemin did not end up together with anyone in the end.
I wanted to try writing this way.
Comments are highly appreciated. Thanks. ^-^