I'm staring at him.

 

He doesn't seem to mind at all, or maybe he never noticed. I keep my sight gluing on him, shyly, and pretending I'm just looking at the whatsoever object next to him. I know that even if I glared at him from front he wouldn't bother because I'm nobody to him, or to anyone in the college. In fact I was always Mr. Nobody throughout my entire living time.

 

My parents would rather spoil my brother than talking to me. During my elementary school, I was so common that teachers and other students paid no attention to me and I was afraid to make the first step to talk to people to make friends. Middle school and high school passed, I still had no friends but became a book worm. I had lost my faith on making effort to impress people or so on even though I never actually pulled in action.

 

And I met him.

 

That was my first day of college; to be honest, everyday seemed like the first day of school as I never made any friend during the past years. I wasn't worried about how to survive the first day or the first year. But I forgot the college was nothing like high schools. It was bigger than I imagined and somehow I was lost. I guess I had and am having still some kind of social phobia. Because I couldn't bring myself to ask the simplest things that even a 5 years old could do. I walked from a building to another trying to find my dorm with my heavy luggage, which made people looking and pointing at me. I was so helpless after hours of 'wandering' and falling over because of my weak trembling legs that I started tearing up. I blamed myself for being such a loser and my tears fell down. And he came up to me, handing me his handkerchief. But I didn't take it.  He sat down next to me still holding the handkerchief. I hesitated before taking it and wiping my tears away. I let my lips open and close and managed to thank him. But I couldn't. I stood up holding the kerchief up to him bowing and then grabbed my suitcase running away.

 

"Hey! Why are you running?" He also stood up and ran after me. I soon had no choice but to stop because I ran into a dead alley. I was so embarrassed and started to cry again. He walked as slow and quiet as he could and wiped away my tears with the kerchief. I never cried so hard but that night I did. We didn't speak at all, he just sat silently next to me and when I was done crying he took my hand and walked me to my dorm. I didn't question about why and how did he know where my room was back then. And when I thought about it he already disappeared from my life like if he had never appeared.

 

Three years ticked by. I had finally made a friend or better to say a roommate. His name is Huang Zi Tao, he is a Chinese but lived in Korea since he was 5. His korean is even better than mine, as I am mostly mute. Tao is pretty shy but at least he isn't afraid to talk to others, he also has many friends. From Tao, I knew Wu Fan or Kris, his older stepbrother; Zhang Yi Xing nicknamed Lay who always thinks himself as a unicorn and Kim Jongdae the chinese-lover who insists others to call him Chen. Though I never actually said anything to them except hello and goodbye.

 

I remember it was a hot day; I hid in the library to prevent the sunlight burning me up. I always hated hotness, in fact, I, too, hated coldness. I couldn’t really concentrate on the book that lied before me.

 

And I saw him again.

 

He was standing next to me for a while before I had noticed him and walked passing me. I couldn’t help but stick my eyes onto his back as he walked away. My heart pounded heavily and my legs gone weak for hours. I sat there, watched him disappearing from my sight for the second time.

 

I thought: I fell in love.

 

If I have to name one stupidest thing I did that must be fall in love with a stranger, especially the same gender as me. I guess it’s the so-called best damn thing. I prayed to see him again, in the campus or in the library. And my prayer must be heard or God is busy to forbid this sweet sin. One day I went to the architecture class looking for Kris as Tao begged me for hours. I didn’t quite understand if he had time to convince me why wouldn’t he straight go to Kris. I peeked from the back door into the classroom hoping Kris’ golden head could be somewhere to find. And as I expected Kris was quite easy to spot, he sat around the middle chatting with a familiar figure. I walked over without interrupting the passionate professor and tapped Kris’ shoulder from back.

 

“Kris.” I said quietly. And both of them turned to me.

 

And I saw him again.

 

Kris raised his eyebrow and said in surprise. “Min…Seok? Hey! What are doing here?”

 

I widened my eyes at the doe-eyed boy next to Kris. I looked at him and turned around in flash. “Tao wants to talk to you. Same time, same place.” I walked away as fast as possible holding my pounding heart. The classroom never seemed so large; I almost collapsed once I got out the room. I squatted down at the corridor. My hands were shaking and I had to bite my lips to prevent them curling up into a foolish smile. Now I knew that he was a classmate to Kris. I never expected he would know me or even fall in love with me. Yet I was still overjoyed for seeing him again. I was glad that he wasn’t anyone fictional.

 

I wanted to meet him.

 

Ever since then I kept sneaking in to their class, sitting at the very back and staring at his back. I was satisfied. For seeing him and knowing he’s in the same world as me. Although he lives on the complete other side of the world from me. I started to smile without realizing and drawing sketches of his figure from my limited memory of his face. I felt happy hearing his crystal voice across the classroom. I loved looking at him.

 

And I wished he could know me.

I wished he could know my love.

 

I’m staring at him again. Skipping my class just to stare at his back. He doesn’t seem to notice it at all. I’m glad, yet disappointed. I’m staring at him for seconds, minutes and hours until the class ends. I usually sneak out before the class is over. But I concentrate too much on him that forgot about the time. The bell rings and students starts rushing out room for lunch, including him. I don’t know how to do. Normally I would wait until the crowd gets out first but I don’t want him to notice me creeping up him secretly. I stand up as he turns around. I feel so embarrassed meeting his sight; he doesn’t seem surprised at all. And he smiles.

 

He smiles at me, waving his hand.

 

My heart beats so fast, trying to get out from my chest. He is coming closer. I can’t think about anything but get out here. And I push myself into the queue wishing I could teleport or something. The moment I get to the back door, I feel someone grabbing my wrist and tugging into running. It is him! He runs so fast and slowly I can’t catch up with him.

 

“S-stop please!” I pant heavily. I’m never a sport-typed person; I don’t even walk much. He stops and turns to me, smiling. I can’t hope but blush seeing his smile.

 

“Hey you.” He lets go of my wrist; I feel a piece of loneliness and disappointment creep on my heart making it lose pace. I look down at the ground and eventually fix my eyes on his bleached sneaker. “How are you…crybaby?”

 

I raise my head looking straight at him. My lips tremble so much that I can’t even answer the simplest question. He takes my hand and walks to the stairs we sat together three years ago. I glance at him while we are walking to there. He has big eyes; his skin is snowy but not as pale as I am and his has a rather cute nose adjusting his cherry-red lips. All these fit well on his face giving him an innocent Bambi-like appearance. We sit down closely next to each other still holding hands.

 

“You really made me worry you know?” I look up at him and shake my head slightly. He chuckles and continues telling how he spent the past three years. He says that he tried to check on me but frankly he never found me in dorm. Tao told him either I went to class or back home. Soon he was sent back to China as the exchange student. The last time I saw him in library was the day he came back to college after almost two years.

 

“Why were you crying then? You have absolutely no idea how shocked was I seeing you around my class. Cause I thought you already forgot me.” He laughs seeing my blush. “But of course you do! Or else you wouldn’t show up in Year 4s’ classroom.”

 

I remain silence and tears flood in my eyes. I hear him calling me crybaby and humming an air of unknown language perhaps chinese. He wipes my tears away with his handkerchief and pulls me to his embrace, patting my back gently.

 

“Why are you crying again? Aigoo aigoo such a crybaby” I sniff in disapproval of his tune who got scolded lovingly. He holds me tightly in his arms imprisoning me. I can’t really descript my feeling right now. I love him since the moment he walked into my life although it was that short that left just a few images. The second view of him turned my life upside down and made me audacious. Even now he is still a stranger for me. I don’t know his name and I don’t know where he came from. I don’t know anything about thing except that I love him, but that’s about me not him. I don’t whether is the love formed the temerity or on the contrast. But for sure, the two things helped me to find him. I think from now on I will truly believe in God for letting me meet him again, for letting us sit together like this again. I hesitate reaching out my arms and wrap them around his waist. I pull away few minutes later and look again at him. I reach out my hand touching he cheek and feeling the warmth sending back from my fingertips to my heart. I have to blink my eyes to prevent myself from crying again. I would love this moment to last. I stare into his eyes and open my mouth managing to say something. I would love to tell him how I feel for him and how amazing this moment is.

 

“I…”

 

“Psssh… I know what you want to say. Cause love needn’t to tell.”

 

I would love to tell him how I feel for him and how amazing this moment is but…love needn’t to tell. From a single sight we can feel it, from a single touch we can make it come true and from a single word we know that is for real.

 

Pssh, love needn’t to tell.