It has been six years since the time I took the note hanging one of the the branch in the narra. The open field that I always want to stop by. seems to be silent since the time she left and never came back. She was so free spirited girl and so optimistic towards life. But I didn't realize that all those smiles and laughter. The happy moments we share seems to be the cover of her long kept loneliness within her. Even though I was there I never noticed it. Never found out about it. Never helped her out from it.

                                       "... it is hard to be alone, knowing from the start I don't have anyone to be with... "

Every time I read those words. It keeps on haunting me, how could I not noticed while she was able to notice my own helplessness and loneliness.

                                      " ... I feel fragile and vulnerable.... Why can't no one able to accept me?... Am I too much for them to mind?.... "

She was suffering, she was hurt, she was used. But I never knew all about those things. Never. Never.

But why did she gave me this note? What was her purpose...

                                     " .... by reading this will you remember me?... after reading this will you still think of me?... will you hold me?..."

Taken aback from her note. I realized that she was screaming, reaching her hand for me to grab, pleading to help her, and... and... asking me to look at her. Asking to see through her mask.

She has a hard time on expressing her feelings being kept inside her subconscious. She don't know what to do. Now I truly understood the words that kept me hanging '... if the person knows how to give advice, in the end it is them who can't do it ...' she made me happy, she made me realize life can be bittersweet, she made me treasure memories. But those things she taught me are the things she can't do for herself.

Now standing once again in this open field. Leaning my head in this old narra tree as I watch beyond my vision. Once again I feel her by the blow of the wind. I hear her voice in the rustle of the trees. And I see her smiling face in the ray of the morning sun. She will always remain and be remembered. Even I get older and even forget. Because I will always remember her with my heart, not with my mind.

I want to go back.. I want to turn the clock back.. I want to hold her once again.. I want her back.. Back in my arms.