Somewhere far away, a clock tolls, signaling the start of another hour. Eleven o’clock, and the party is even livelier than when it started. The house is dimly lit, packed and overflowing with guests. More than just a few are intoxicated; that simple fact is not hard to deduce from the party.

Hyoyeon stumbles over to the brown-haired beauty. “Sooyeon-ah!”

“You’re drunk,” Sooyeon pinches the bridge of her nose and looks down at her friend disapprovingly.

“No, I’m not, Soojung.” Hyoyeon titters, slugging the older girl in the arm. “You’re so mean!”

Sooyeon glares. “That’s my sister! How much have you had to drink, Hyoyeon? Answer me.”

“Yah, I haven’t been drinking anything, okay? Jeez.”

“Hey, there you are! Awesome party, Birthday Girl!” Hyukjae says with a grin, nudging Hyoyeon. He receives a punch in return and frowns. “What’s your deal?”

“She’s drunk as hell and needs to go to bed now.” Sooyeon’s eyes narrow into slits. “Do you mind taking her home, Hyukjae?”

“You’re seriously uptight, Taeyeonnie.” Hyoyeon pokes Sooyeon’s forehead in a weirdly cute manner that freaks Hyukjae out thoroughly.

“Please, Hyukjae, please take her home.” Sooyeon shakes Hyukjae by the shoulders, desperation lacing her words. She glances at Hyukjae’s best friend Donghae out of the corner of her eye and Hyukjae picks up on the hint.

He thinks for a moment and sighs. “Alright, fine, but you owe me one. Come on, Hyoyeon.”

“I don’t wanna go anywhere with you, ert!”

Hyukjae sighs again, more deeply this time, and takes her by the arm “See you later, Sooyeon-ah.”

“Take good care of her.” the girl waves her hand breezily in the air and she and her four-inch heels move gracefully over to Donghae.

The duo steps out of the house and into the cool night air. The pounding bass of the music is still distinct, and everyone’s lucky the neighbors aren’t complaining. Hyukjae drags Hyoyeon to the white Audi A6, his car, his baby, and pushes her into the passenger seat. He forces the seatbelt on her and then walks around to the driver’s seat.

“Where are we going?” Hyoyeon asks in an unnaturally high-pitched voice.

“I’m taking you home.” Hyukjae replies, igniting the engine. “Cut it out with your aegyo, will you?”

“But I need to go to my birthday party! I’ll be late, ert!”

“Jesus, you are drunk.” Hyukjae mutters, pulling out of the driveway. He maneuvers his way out of the rich neighborhood and stares wistfully at the overly lavish homes.

He wishes he lived a different life in a different place in this different sort of environment. He didn’t grow up having everything in the palm of his hand. It was hard, and Hyukjae doesn’t like remembering those times. He had to work to get to where he is now, versus Hyoyeon, who never knew  true struggle. Even his car took a long time to acquire; saving every cent for years was necessary.

Hyukjae says something to break the silence. “You really can’t hold your alcohol, can you?”

Hyoyeon says nothing and rests her head against the window, humming random melodies.

“Did you like your party?” Hyukjae speaks up again, trying to make conversation.

“No, not really.”

“Why not?”

“I would have preferred just hanging out with my closest friends, rather than a hundred strangers.” she answers honestly.

“Like me?” Hyukjae jokes.

Hyoyeon gives him a toothy grin. “Exactly like you. You’re my closest friend, you know that?”

“Gee, what’s with the sudden kindness?”

“I’m just telling the truth, Hyukjae.” Hyoyeon giggles.

“Never thought I’d hear you giggle,” he rolls his eyes and veers on to the expressway.

“Yah.”

“What now?”

“Hyukjae, do you like me?”

The man’s eyes bulge for a second before he regains calm. “O-Of course I like you. You’re like my best friend. Well, besides Donghae and Sungmin and--”

“Do you like like me, though?” Hyoyeon asks innocently, leaning towards him.

For a split second, Hyukjae’s eyes leave the road and rest on Hyoyeon. Hyoyeon, whose face is mere inches away from his. Hyoyeon, who looks sort of stunning in her girly black lacy top. Hyoyeon, whose blonde curls tumble perfectly over her shoulders as she inches closer to him.

That split second is enough for Hyukjae to experience a moment of intense, searing pain.

And then the world goes black.

-----

Hyukjae wakes up in a very white room.

He lets out a moan. He feels sore all over, but why? He isn’t quite sure. He is suddenly aware of someone gripping his hand tightly.

“Hyoyeon?” he whispers.

“Hey,” she whispers back. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a bus.”

She laughs softly, like an angel, Hyukjae thinks. “Well, it’s partly true. You got hit by a truck.”

“Really?” Hyukjae’s eyes grow large and round, expressing his true surprise.

“Yeah, a semi-truck.” Hyoyeon starts to explain. “You’re okay mostly, but you’ve been out for a few days and you have a broken leg and arm.”

“And what about you?” Hyukjae squeezes her hand, like it’s all he has.

“Don’t worry about me.” Hyoyeon smiles.

The doctor enters with two nurses in tow. They don’t seem to mind that Hyoyeon is in the room as they adjust some of the tubes and check up on Hyukjae. The whole time, she holds his hand and he grasps it tightly. The whole time, she’s smiling down at him with that beautiful smile of hers, and Hyukjae wonders why he only realized now that her smile is so, so beautiful.

At some point, Hyukjae opens his eyes and the room is bathed in sunlight. Hyoyeon is gone and in her place is Donghae.

“Hyukjae, you’re awake!” Donghae yelps, his voice cracking at the end.

“What time is it? Where am I?” Hyukjae asks, feeling woozy.

“It’s Saturday. You got knocked out last night by the antibiotics.” Donghae’s eyes are red and puffy; Hyukjae deduces that he must have been crying.

“Dude, are you okay?”

Donghae pulls a random tissue out of his pocket and blows his nose noisily. “Well, let’s see, when your best friend disappears from a party with the birthday girl and suddenly ends up in a hospital, it does things to you.”

“Is my mom here?” Hyukjae suddenly thinks about how worried his mother must be.

“She went to get some breakfast with my mom. Everyone’s been having it rough, especially Hyoyeon’s--” Donghae stops short and his whole body goes taut.

“Hyoyeon? Did she head out to eat, too?”

Donghae squints at Hyukjae for a second before nodding. “Yeah, she did.”

Hyukjae sighs and leans back into the firm pillows, missing his real pillows at home. “I think I’m in love.”

“With?”

“Hyoyeon, who else?”

“Oh, right,” Donghae smiles after a while. “You sure took your sweet time figuring that out.”

“What do you mean?” Hyukjae’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“Nothing, just that everyone knew you liked her, except for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re an idiot--and you call me an idiot!” Donghae pouts.

“Yah, is that anything to say to a man lying in a hospital bed, with broken bones?”

“I love you, best friend!”

“Go away,” Hyukjae jokes.

“Meanie,” Donghae pretends to punch Hyukjae in the shoulder. “If you weren’t injured, I’d hit you.”

“That warms my poor heart.” Hyukjae rolls his eyes.

“Hungry?”

“Starved, but hospital food .”

“I’ll go out and pick something up for you because I’m so kind.” Donghae boasts.

“Yeah, yeah, stop your talking and get to walking!”

Donghae chuckles. “I’ll be back in half an hour.”

Hyukjae stares at the wall for a good few minutes until someone enters the room. It’s his mother, and she looks like she’s aged a bit over the past week or so. She sits down in the chair and grabs her son’s hands immediately.

“Oh, Hyukjae, how are you? How do you feel?”

“Hi, Mom.” Hyukjae says as a wave of emotions hit him like a huge tidal wave. Seeing Donghae made him happy, and he did miss him, but seeing his mother after the worst accident of his life is a whole different story.

“Thank God you’re alright, Hyukjae. Thank God.” she repeats this over and over, weeping.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyukjae blurts again, out of habit, cheeks wet.

“It’s not your fault.” she says again, bringing his hands to her heart.

Hyukjae and his mother are both crying by now.

-----

A few days later, the doctor tells Hyukjae that he can be released whenever he desires.

He jumps at this chance and leaves instantly. His parents sign the paperwork, pay the fees, and Hyukjae is presented with a wheelchair. When he arrives home, he gets the best surprise--the sight of all his friends and family.

“SURPRISE!” they shout in unison, wearing the biggest grins he’s ever seen.

“Thanks, guys,” Hyukjae grins back, delighted.

All of Hyukjae’s favorite foods are spread out on a long table. He is the center of attention and chats with everyone. Donghae greets him, and then Sungmin, Siwon, Kyuhyun, Jungsu, Ryeowook, Donghee, Miyoung, Sooyeon and Soojung, Sooyoung, Amber, Yunho, Joohyun, and Minho. Kibum is there as well, and Henry and Junsu, who he hasn’t seen since middle school. Boa, Changmin, Yoona, Taemin, too. Everyone he knows and loves are here.

Then Hyoyeon approaches him, looking as radiant as ever.

“Hi,” Hyukjae says, unable to hide his gleeful smile.

She laughs that melodic laugh of hers. “Hey, you. You wanted to tell me something?”

“Um, right,” Hyukjae stutters. “I really sort of…like…”

“What?”

“I…”

“Hyukjae, are you okay?”

It’s Miyoung. Hyoyeon stares at him expectantly, and Hyukjae becomes confused. “Huh?”

“You were--” Miyoung pauses, “Well, never mind. How do you like the party?”

“It’s great.” Hyukjae glances at Hyoyeon, wondering why she’s not annoyed that Miyoung interrupted their moment. “I’m glad you’re all here. This is awesome.”

Miyoung’s eyes turn up into pretty crescents, the way they always do when she’s happy. “It was Donghae’s idea and he called practically every person on his contact list. We all pitched in!”

Hyukjae vaguely registers his head nodding. “Thanks a lot, Miyoung.”

“Um, I’ve been meaning to ask.”

“Shoot.”

Miyoung hesitates for a long while before continuing. “How are you?”

“Fine, fine,” Hyukjae turns his head and notices that Hyoyeon has vanished. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” she smiles again, but it looks different.

“Hey, did you see where Hyoyeon went?”

Miyoung frowns deeply. “What do you mean?”

“She was here a second ago, and now she’s gone. Do you see her anywhere?” Hyukjae cranes his neck to search.

“No, I don’t see her.” Miyoung tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and coughs into her sleeve. “Sorry.”

“I need to talk to her, badly.”

“Oh?”

“I’m in love with her.”

“Oh,” Miyoung laughs; it’s a hollow-sounding sound. “That’s wonderful, congratulations!”

“Yeah,” Hyukjae sighs dreamily. “I know, I’m dumb for taking so long to realize it.”

“No, no, it’s alright. We all take our own pace in…life.”

“Thanks for understanding, Miyoung.”

“Sure, no problem,” that same laugh escapes her lips again. “I’ve gotta go talk to Donghae, I’ll be right back.”

“Tell me if you see Hyoyeon anywhere, ‘kay?” Hyukjae gives a little wave.

“I’ll keep my eyes peeled.” Miyoung swears, hurrying off.

She finds Donghae conversing with Kyuhyun and Yoona in the kitchen. Kyuhyun and Yoona’s smiles leave their faces as soon as Miyoung walks in; they can sense the mood and see the solemn expression on her face. Donghae, however, is still guffawing loudly from whatever joke Kyuhyun told.

“Hyung!” Kyuhyun elbows him in the ribs harshly. “Man, you really at sensing the atmosphere.”

“Hey, unnie,” Yoona’s smile doesn’t quite reach her cheekbones.

“Miyoung, what’s wrong?” Donghae asks.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.”

Kyuhyun’s face darkens. “You have to.”

“I don’t want to.” Miyoung’s head lowers and she gazes at her shoes.

Yoona embraces her older friend and her hair. “None of us do.”

“It’s harder for me.” Donghae clenches his fists. “He’s my best friend.”

“And she was mine!” Miyoung snaps in a fit of anger.

“Shh, unnie,” Yoona pats Miyoung on the back.

“We’re done talking about this.” Kyuhyun raises his voice. “Maybe someday, but…not today. Let’s go back out there, Yoona.”

Yoona releases Miyoung and steps out of the kitchen with Kyuhyun close behind. Miyoung refuses to meet Donghae’s eyes, but she senses his on her. She shifts a bit in her stance, uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” Donghae mumbles.

“Me too.”

Donghae holds Miyoung in his arms; her sobs are muffled against his shirt.

-----

Two months later, Hyukjae hasn’t seen Hyoyeon. Not since the party.

Well, in truth, he’s seen her, glimpses of her. He swears he’s seen her around the park, at the stores, at work--but she’s avoiding him.

He hopes it’s not what he said, or was about to say, anyway. She wasn’t rejecting him, was she? No, that wasn’t possible. He’s sure she reciprocates his feelings, he’s sure of it. He’s tired of thinking and dwelling over the matter. It’s not even close to midnight yet, but he decides he’ll try and sleep. He’s about to snuggle into bed, but then there’s a knock at the door.

“Hyukjae, you awake? It’s Donghae.”

“And Sooyeon--Miyoung is here, too.”

“Come in,” Hyukjae calls, cupping his hands around his mouth.

“You alright, buddy?” Donghae holds on to his best friend’s shoulders.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Hyukjae rolls his eyes and swats Donghae away. “I’m just fine. Has anyone seen Hyoyeon lately? I think she’s purposely trying to not talk to me. Ah, geez, I’m so mad at myself.”

“Hyukjae--” Miyoung starts.

“We’ll take you to her.” Sooyeon interjects with total resolve in her voice.

Donghae and Miyoung both gawk at Sooyeon. The latter speaks. “Are you sure?”

“Enough is enough,” Sooyeon insists. “Donghae, I’ll drive. You and Miyoung sit in back with Hyukjae.”

Hyukjae isn’t very good with his crutches yet, but he makes it to the car. It’s beginning to drizzle outside. The raindrops fall down in light sheets, resembling a morning mist, except, it’s dark now--night. He sits between an uncharacteristically quiet Donghae and a frantic-looking Miyoung. He isn’t sure why they appear so out of sorts.

“You passed the turn into Hyoyeon’s neighborhood.” Hyukjae hits Sooyeon on the arm.

Something’s wrong now, he knows it.

“I know.” she replies calmly. “Just…just wait.”

“Are we meeting her somewhere else?”

“Something like that.”

Roughly ten minutes fly by, and Sooyeon parks by a large willow tree in some sort of bizarre park. Hyukjae doesn’t know what to make of this at all and trails behind Donghae and Miyoung. He stands on his one good foot awkwardly, waiting for someone to explain what’s going on.

“Hyukjae, do you know what this place is?” Donghae utters in an unusually rough, raspy voice.

“Well…” Hyukjae observes his surroundings carefully. Grass. Trees. Plants. Flowers, in some places. Then he sees them.

Gravestones.

“It’s a cemetery.” Hyukjae states.

“You’re right,” Miyoung suddenly takes ahold of his hand. Then, as quickly as she had grabbed it, she lets go and steps back.

Hyukjae is at a complete loss. “But…why are we here? What…what’s going on?”

“This way,” Sooyeon walks sluggishly ahead, shoulders drooping.

Hyukjae tries to keep up, even with Sooyeon’s slow pace. He hobbles behind her on his crutches, Donghae and Miyoung on either side of him to make sure he won’t fall. His eyes fall upon names, names of people long deceased. Loved ones, family, friends, he guesses. Will it be his turn soon? Will his name join the many below his feet?

“We’re here.” Sooyeon’s voice has an edge to it somehow. Not a mean, cruel edge. An edge like she’s about to…

“Are you crying?” her back is to Hyukjae and she’s blocking whatever he’s supposed to be seeing.

“No, why would I be crying? God, Hyukjae, you’re such an idiot.” Sooyeon sniffles and sidesteps.

“Read it.” Donghae instructs with a light tap on the arm.

“Okay,” Hyukjae drops his crutches on to the wet grass and gets on his knees, not minding that the rain is getting heavier with each second. His hair is getting drenched, along with his clothes, but he doesn’t care. He needs to know what’s going on, and why he has an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach.

KIM HYOYEON

September 22, 1989 - September 23, 2009

A wonderful daughter, beloved sister, and beautiful friend,

She loved him unlike any other.

When Hyukjae finally finds his voice, it comes out shakily. “Who’s the ‘him’ on there?”

“That’s you. Hyoyeon’s parents thought you deserved to be mentioned.” Miyoung kneels down beside him and rests her hand on his shoulder; it feels heavy.

“No,” Hyukjae mumbles. “Hyoyeon is still here.”

“We wanted to tell you sooner, I swear!” Donghae is hysterical, bawling his eyes out, tears mixing with rainwater. “But it was just so heartbreaking to watch you live each day like she was still here. You were tricking yourself, Hyukjae. You kept making yourself believe that she was still here.”

“She was here!” Hyukjae retorts hotly.

“Shut up, both of you!” Sooyeon screeches. Her face lights up with a brilliant flash of blue, which terrifies the others. The thunder follows the lightning and she goes on, “She died in the hospital right after that car crash. You were lying to yourself! Accept the damn truth already, like we have! Hyoyeon’s gone!”

Miyoung looks like a kicked puppy. “Sooyeon…”

“She’s gone,” Sooyeon finishes, barely audible above the downpour. “She’s gone.”

Hyukjae touches his cheeks. He can’t tell if his face is wet from the heavy rain soaking him to the bone, or from tears that he never knew leaked from his eyes. He lifts a finger and shudders, tracing her name on the stone. It sticks out like a sore thumb. Her name doesn’t belong among the dead. She shouldn’t be dead.

It hits him--it’s his fault.

Donghae reads his mind then. “We all know it wasn’t your fault. Don’t beat yourself up over this, Hyukjae. Please.”

“She would want you to go on being happy without her.” Miyoung adds quietly.

“Can I be alone for a few minutes?” Hyukjae requests without taking his eyes away from her name.

“We’ll wait in the car and if you’re not back in five minutes, we’ll come get you.” Sooyeon links arms with Donghae and Miyoung.

A minute after they’re gone, Hyukjae senses something.

Hyoyeon is sitting next to him, flawlessly gorgeous in a white dress. “You’ll catch a cold, Hyukjae.”

“You loved me,” he looks into her transparent-like eyes.

She nods.

“I love you,” Hyukjae tells her.

“I know,” Hyoyeon smiles a tiny smile. For a brief moment, Hyukjae feels warmth.

It disappears all too soon, taking the one he loves with it. Hyukjae’s arms are useless as he tries to pull himself off the ground and away from the large reminder that she’s gone. He pulls his knees to his chest and waits for the five minute mark, when his friends will come for him and bring him home.

Maybe then, he’ll know whether the rain masked his face or if he truly cried the whole while.

When Donghae shows up right on time and carries him back to the car, Hyukjae is tremendously grateful. But even after Miyoung dries him off with a towel in the car, Hyukjae cries the whole way home.

A/N: 56 subscribers for just the Foreword. OMG. HYOHYUK SHIPPER GROUP HUG! Sorry my angst totally or at least isn't up to par; I'm working on it, but I'll always prefer fluff. Angst was needed to the fit the mood though and I had to incorporate rain, therefore...angst. I promise I will write something happy soon! As always, thank you for reading and feedback is much appreciated. Any skilled angst readers who wanna critique, rip this apart--I encourage you! I think it's nice to improve!