Hae Jin's POV:

I was walking home from school when my phone started to buzz.

It's probably someone from school.

I unlocked my home screen.

..........Really?.............

Hey it's L.Joe.

Are you going to the carnival today?

It's been two years.

Two years since I've talked to him.

I haven't texted him, he hasn't texted me.

I've talked to Haneul.

She got a new boyfriend and showed me pictures.

Breathe in and out Hae Jin.

It's all good.

I think......

I texted back.

Nope. 

I that's only for the kids at your school.

I moved remember?

The scars opened up again.

Just by a single text message.

He texted me again.

Oh yeah.

The usual short text messages.

We told each other about our lives.

Then I asked him something that hurt me.

Did you get another girlfriend?

I don't know why I did.

It was just out of impulse.

Yup.

That was enough to make my heart drop.

One word.

It only took one word to break my heart aprt again.

Something I've been trying to stitch back together for years.

My throat tightened.

I couldn't breathe.

I felt like everything around me was closing and crushing me.

It's not like I could tell him that.

That's great! Is she from school?

What else could I say besides I'm happy for you?

I got to my house and stumbled to my room.

Another text.

No, she's from the music academy I go to.

She must be talented then.

Anything better than me.

Cool! Everyone's getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. Haneul, Chunji, you. I'm going to die alone....

I sent that reply.

Chunji moved on and is dating another girl from our school.

But he's still always here for me.

Chunji? He does?

L.Joe asked.

Yeah. Umm I got to go. It's nice talking to you again.

I lied and threw my phone anywhere in my room.

The tightness in my chest didn't dissapear.

In fact, it got tighter.

It dropped down all the way to my stomach.

And that's when my tears slipped out.

I was gasping for air while crying.

I was a mess.

Why does it take so long for me to get over someone?

Is it because he's my first love?

Or is it because he was my closest friend?

Chunji got over me, why I can't I do that too.

Sometimes L.Joe's face appears in my dreams too.

And when I feel like I can move on, he just appears at the wrong times.

Nobody knows how emotionally screwed up I am.

They think that I have that fairy tale life.

I wish I did... but I don't.

I live in that lonely world that drowns me with sorrow and tears.

When can I say goodbye to L.Joe and erase him for real?

어떻게해?( What do I do?)

It hurts.

It really hurts.

It happened yesterday.

He texted me again.

When I least expected it.

When I didn't have my guard up.

I took that blow and it's really affecting me right now.

Will there be someone there for me that will help me forget him?

I don't know.

I feel like I can't.

Like he's engraved into my heart forever.

Has this ever happened to you?

It's suffocating me.

I feel pathetic.

-lovegirl098