The accident

When we met at home

Narrators pov

So they left Carowinds, in high spirits (because of the lifted burdens). Jjong drove the car with Taemin in the shotgun (front right seat); Rachel and Key in the middle; Minho, and Onew in the back. They were dancing and singing [rapping (in key and minho's case)] to "Till the world ends" and many other American pop music. When taemin turned to tell something to Rachel, but he somehow didn't have control of his hand and his hand slapped Jjong in the face.... SCREECH.... AHHHHH!!!!! the car started to turn very fast and it went faster and faster. It hit a hole and flew twisting through the air. It landed in a ditch about 3 miles from the main road (mind you, this was at night). There were no cars around there. So nobody saw it....... Except one...............................................................................

?????'s pov

Ahhhh at least I didn't have to do the job.... Probably noone is alive.... Sorry guys.... I just know you'll feel bad but.... Sigh..... Ah!!! I forgot to call manager.....* ring ring*

" ne? Who is this?"

" never mind, but the job is done... Goodbye"

"WAIT!!"

"What is it now? I'm not sure I want to murder anymore people..."

"No don't worry... I'll pay you extra... But can you keep an eye on them?? This is very important that it is DEFINITELY done secretly. Ok?"

"ne, but I better get extra money"

"ok, bye." *click click* aish.... Ottoke.... Why me? Im not a murderer! "mumble mumble" What was that!! Aish, I have to check on them...

"hello? is anyone there? Hello? HELLO? HELP!! someone help!!!" who is that?

Rachel's pov

I'm sure there's someone there I'm positive I heard some talking and leaves crunching " HELP!! I know your there please help us.... PLEASE!!!"

"be quiet!" a male voice whispered to me...

"who are you?" of course i needed to ask.... Then I felt something picking me up and caring me bridal style... But my eyes are closed cause my heart is beating so fast if hurts... It's probably not who I think it is... Right? Impossible... He left.. Just a dream.... All this reminds me of Raul... It cannot possibly be him... I'd give him a second chance if he came back but he hated me..

Raul's pov

No!! It can't be!!! Rachel? Rachel.... RACHEL!!! Rachel.... Are you still single!? Do I get a second chance? Will you forgive me? But first things first.... The boys (and Rachel) to the hospital

Narrators pov

He was holding Rachel bridal style and took her to his car and told her to not move while he went to help the others. He walked And got the rest of the members and took themto the car from there he drove them to the hospital

Jjong pov   (waking up on the car ride)

Rachel is ok? " dar decei ai plecat?"

"Rachel, I'm sorry. Can you not accept that?"

" do you know what you did to me?!?! Aish, Raul, I thought I died. you took me heart from me... Then he showed up and comforted me then he also broke my heart... Raul.... Spunem decei ai plecat?"

"Rahela... To stii ca eu te iubesc, deacea am plecat, pentruca eu no eram bun pentru tine... Do you understand?" by this point Rachel was crying, and crying, then she slowed crying (aish Rachel stop already). And said these words " Raul, I love you too... And I've waited a while now... but...."

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Comments

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oliviardo
#1
Chapter 5: your poster is fabulous! its so pretty! continue the story, because I think your central idea is interesting and should be expanded on. practicing and other's input is what gets you to good writing.
big-bang-SHINee-SNSD
#2
Chapter 5: Update soon!
Kjerena
#3
Chapter 5: What HaruSensei said about the plot is sort of true, I think. Who will she get entangled with? Maybe Jonghyun? Or Taemin?
But I like it! :D so PLEASE update!
PS: Raul is not her first love, right? The guy who they saw at the amusement park together with Jongyuns 'girlfriend'?
HaruSensei #4
These are just my opinions though. I hope it helps and if not, sorry :)
HaruSensei #5
Well hi! I read the story. I think the problem is the character introduction that you haven't done well. I'm pretty confused about what the plot even is about. There's not such a really clear setting either. Maybe you shouldn't change the font when you're trying to state the POV either but that's just my opinion.
kpoploverlee2
#6
SO, when I was reading this to my sis, and she said all this was uncoordinated...... can someone else give me their opinions