F i g u r e .
Transparent . { Two Shot. }
I looked at myself in the mirror and examined my figure. When I was in elementary school, I would always go to the candy shop with Jiyong. The entrance was widely decorated with various bright colors that always lured kids into their impending sweet tooth. The walls were vibrantly painted with huge stripes of pastel colors, and a dark chocolate paint drizzled over it as if the whole building were a cupcake. The sign lit up with fancy lights that flickered different words every second like Candy Shoppe ! or Free Lollipops! The windows were always plastered with posters and plaques of pictures of scrumptious little treats we’d always want to buy. It was like a trap for all kids, by the end of the day, our wallets had suffered great damage and we would beg our parents for more money. After school, I’d walk with Jiyong to that shop, and I envied all the school boys and girls that held onto their parents’ hands and cutely asked for money to buy the new flavored candy the shop always seemed to concoct every week or so. This was the time when I’d just look shamefully at the ground knowing I had no parents and silently started playing with my hair as Jiyong went into the store, a bunch of girls piling in trying to catch his attention. The tuft of blond hair he had was combed unevenly it always seemed by the end of the day, and he never bothered to fix it. Jiyong would turn around with a frown upon his face and pull me in with him. “Yah! Why are you waiting outside? Best friends always stick together !” I shrugged innocently with my eyes blinking giving a blank expression. “But, oppa, I have no money.” I always responded always worried he’d go poor one day because of me. I mean living with him was more than enough. He ped his jacket uncovering his school uniform and dug out a wad of money from within a special pocket hidden inside the lining. “I’ve got enough to feed you, come on!” he urged. The boy was always so happy to stuff me with sweets. He said it was to see me smile. But I don’t know anymore.
I continued to look at myself in the mirror, disgusted at what I was seeing. Why had I become so unhappy with myself. My face had become more thin, but it wasn’t thin enough for me to be satisfied. I held onto my stomach. I didn’t have abs like all the other girls, nor did I even have a flat stomach. How was I supposed to compete against all the pretty girls that always went after Jiyong. I wasn’t nearly as good looking and well kept as them, then why was I even trying to keep my figure like them. I let out a sigh regretting all the times I’ve eaten myself till I was full and happy as a pig. “Maybe if I didn’t eat for a little bit more, I’ll start to be skinny.” I told myself nodding in agreement in the mirror. I walked out of my room and trotted to the kitchen to cook Jiyong something. I beated three eggs, and began making pancake batter blending a medley of fruit in it as well. Jiyong slowly came out from his room yawning loudly. “Ooooooh, what is dongsaeng cooking tooddayyyy~~” he hummed hugging me from behind. A small smile slipped onto my lips, but my heart sank. We’re just friends. “Hugs from the back are only couple-like actions.” I said nonchalantly pouring the mix onto the pan and starting the stove. Jiyong sat on the table and pouted, puffing his cheeks as he slightly closed his eyelids. “You know, you have such a transparent personality.” he complained. I flipped the pancakes. It was perfectly circular and golden and I slid it onto the cute blue elephant plate. I poured more pancake mix onto the pan trying to make it into a star shape this time. “Oh, is that so.” I simply replied sort of in a daze. I made the last batch of pancakes into hearts, and cautiously stacked them one by one. I had gotten quite good at making Jiyong breakfast. Six pancakes on top of each other one by one total. And he scarfed them down like I had given him one grain of rice. I sat across from him as he ate, almost as if a lion was masticating his dinner. I envied him. How beautiful he was. How he could eat anything and stay thin taking out the fact that he had dance practice everyday as a trainee. I envied how he could be so carefree, not self conscious. Everything. He was talented, and perfect. And I was horribly figured, a diaphanous personality, not a bit attractive and a million other things that degraded myself. I stared into nothingness thinking about all the flaws that I was, and a hand waved in front of me. I snapped out of it, and took Jiyong’s dish. “Are you okay?” I nodded. I traced the blue plates indents with my fingers and washed the dish. “You’ve been looking a bit skinnier.” he noticed. I flinched just the slightest and turned to him. “Really?” He nodded and stuck his tongue out. “Yeah, but you’re still pudgy.” he joked. I slumped back and continued to wash the dish along with all the others I had not washed from the day before. For some reason, every little task felt heavier, more exhausting, and I always got lightheaded. I disregarded the symptoms and continued on with my daily chores. Jiyong pushed his seat back into its designated spot and scratched his head, his eyes drooped lazily as he trudged to the bathroom. “Ugh, gonna go get ready for torture.” he mumbled. I giggled at his comment and grabbed my black coat on the rack near the front door. “But you like dancing and stuff, you’ll be an idol soon, and you’ll get the girls, and you’ll be rich !” I exclaimed tying on a pair of combat boots. “Yeah, I guess the girls would be nice.” he said as he sat next to me putting on a pair of his high tops. He ruffled my hair and opened the door allowing me to walk out first. “Well, I guess I’ll be going then, bye!” He waved slightly and skipped off to the direction of his trainee practice. I let out a breath of air and began to walk. I didn’t know where I was walking, I just walked. It became routine for me everyday to do this. “I really don’t have a purpose in life do I...” I told myself.
It was probably till a few hours I finally stopped walking. But only because I had to stop. I didn’t notice I had walked so far nor did I realize I was really walking anymore until a hand pushed me. A body shielded me on the ground as I shook my head out of the muddle I was in. I could hear his breathing heavily, as he slowly lifted himself off of me. I looked to see where I was. In the middle of an empty street. I got up and brushed myself off to see who had pushed me. It was Jiyong. “Hi Jiyong.” I said. He gave a deepened frown and looked dumbfounded. “You almost got hit by a car! What were you thinking?” he shouted. I stared at him with unchanged eyes. “Oh. I was thinking nothing.” I replied. He shook his head and took me off the streets. “Your mind is more filmy than ever.” I walked beside Jiyong looking down at the ground counting the lines that separated the cement into blocks.”Why are you here anyways?” He stuffed his hands in his pocket. “It’s my lunch break. I’m starving.” he then rubbed his stomach with his right hand. We proceeded to the nearest bbq restaurant.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he said in intervals constantly filling his mouth with loads of bulgogi and spare ribs. He took his bowl of rice and gobbled it half way and took a huge gulp of water. I stared longingly at the food and shook my head. “No, not really. Didn’t we just eat breakfast?” “Breakfast was four hours ago, and I ate breakfast, not you.” he reminded taking a break from the table of meat. “Man, you almost got hit by a car and you don’t seem the slightest scared or traumatized from that.” I shrugged. “I didn’t know it until you pushed me.” He chuckled. “You’re so absent minded. Please just take care of yourself better.” I smiled and urged him to continue eating. “You’re too skinny oppa, you need to get fatter and healthier.”
~~
I flipped through the albums of pictures we took together throughout the years as best friends. I could see a small bulge from the side of my stomach when I wore fitted t shirts in all the pictures. I poked at that area of my tummy and bit my lip in disappointment. I had not really gotten any skinnier. I took a deep breath feeling a little bit dizzy as my eyes took glances at the popular girls in the school panoramic photo. Their hair was curled up in little pony tails and their eyes were beautiful and enlarged, makeup adding another touch to their beauty even more. Their curves were quite noticeable and they had no trace of stomach fat. Their legs were of a dancer’s and they posed perfectly in every single shot. I placed the photo books back into its designated spots and decided to visit Jiyong at the dance studio. Step, step, step. I looked down to the ground taking one step after another, my headache getting a bit more worse than before. I greeted the guards and told them I was a personal friend of Jiyong’s. They both allowed me in, and told me how much he talked about me. I cracked a small beam and pushed the door to his dance room. He was in the middle of his dance routine when he noticed me from the mirrored walls. His face lit up and he ran to hug me. He squeezed me tightly and I scrunched my nose. “Hey, you’re all sweaty.” I complained lightly. He laughed and ruffled my hair. “Why’re you here? I don’t get off in another hour.” he said. “I don’t know, I just wanted to see you.” I sat on the hardwood floor and traced the words ‘Jiyong’ on the ground with my finger. I traced another heart around it. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Nothing.” Jiyong pulled me up and patted my back. “Come on, I can teach you the dance I’m learning!” he said confidently. I gave a doubtful expression. “Oppa, I’m not good at anything.” I said. “Stop looking down on yourself, just follow after me!” He had begun to take small steps in the intro of his dance and motioned me to copy what he did. He placed his left foot over his right and spun around, and jumped up, his feet landing back on the ground shoulder width apart. I did exactly what he did, but with less of a smooth finish and I oddly took the steps faltering every second. “Good job! Just keep practicing!” he exclaimed giving a thumbs up sign. He told me to try once more. And once more, until I got it down. I did as he said with lack of effort, as I began to feel jaded not even after ten minutes. I huffed in frustration beginning to feel my stomach turn from not eating, and my head throbbing in pain even more. I held my head and sat down, closing my eyes, for my vision had gotten unusually blurry for a slight moment. Jiyong kneeled down and rubbed my back with worried eyes. “W-What’s the matter, I’ve never seen you like this.” I tried to shoo him away. “I’m fine oppa, just a small headache that’s all.” I could hear a rumbling coming from my tummy, and it began to growl. “When was the last time you ate?!” I shrugged. “Not too long ago...” I whispered. Jiyong took my face and gave a stern demeanor. “Why are you lying to me. You always whisper when you lie.” I jumped at the sudden tone of voice he had. I tried to pry his hands off of my face, but he fiercely gripped onto my wrist preventing me from trying to escape. “Are you starving yourself?” he inquired. “I-I--” Jiyong stomped out of the dance room bringing me with him. I stumbled at his unexpectedness as he lead me out of the building still holding onto my wrist. He brought me to the nearest dessert house and ordered each item off the menu. I silently sat at the booth seat. “Stay here, if you run, I’ll find you. You live with me after all.” he told me. I stared blankly at the empty seat in front of me, my hands in between my legs, my posture straight like a girl with her etiquette. Jiyong sat across from me and gave a straight face. The waiter came to our table with three large trays filled with various little cute desserts; ice creams, cakes, you name it, they got it. Jiyong pushed all the food closer towards me. I shook my head slightly, but he ordered me to eat. Every little bite was one more step closer for me to be on a verge of tears. “Oppa, you’ll ruin the figure that I’m aiming for...” I said inaudibly taking the smallest nibble as possible. He scoffed. “What figure? Stick figure? Why are you even like this? You’ve been acting weird since you found out I was going to be an idol.” I peered at his face. There was not one blemish, not one spot that wasn’t perfect. His hair had grown out and it was cut evenly into a cute mushroom like do. It was dyed white, and fell perfectly above his eyes. His skin complexion was of a perfect light pale. And what was I? Uneven, tan, ugly, pudgy. I swallowed the little scoop of ice cream I forced into my mouth. “I like someone who doesn’t like me back.” I stated bluntly staring at nothing behind him. Jiyong’s jaw dropped halfway and knit his eyebrows together glowering. “Are you stupid. Have you confessed?” I shook my head. “I don’t think he’d like it if I did. He doesn’t like me. He always talks about how he’ll always get the girls later.” He sighed. “Why are you so stupid. Don’t go off changing for just him. No one likes a barbie. You’re perfect the way you are, anyone is an idiot not to go for you. Now go eat your ice cream, it’s going to melt.” I pursed my lips. “But...”“But what?” he said. There was silence for a few seconds.
I continued to look at myself in the mirror, disgusted at what I was seeing. Why had I become so unhappy with myself. My face had become more thin, but it wasn’t thin enough for me to be satisfied. I held onto my stomach. I didn’t have abs like all the other girls, nor did I even have a flat stomach. How was I supposed to compete against all the pretty girls that always went after Jiyong. I wasn’t nearly as good looking and well kept as them, then why was I even trying to keep my figure like them. I let out a sigh regretting all the times I’ve eaten myself till I was full and happy as a pig. “Maybe if I didn’t eat for a little bit more, I’ll start to be skinny.” I told myself nodding in agreement in the mirror. I walked out of my room and trotted to the kitchen to cook Jiyong something. I beated three eggs, and began making pancake batter blending a medley of fruit in it as well. Jiyong slowly came out from his room yawning loudly. “Ooooooh, what is dongsaeng cooking tooddayyyy~~” he hummed hugging me from behind. A small smile slipped onto my lips, but my heart sank. We’re just friends. “Hugs from the back are only couple-like actions.” I said nonchalantly pouring the mix onto the pan and starting the stove. Jiyong sat on the table and pouted, puffing his cheeks as he slightly closed his eyelids. “You know, you have such a transparent personality.” he complained. I flipped the pancakes. It was perfectly circular and golden and I slid it onto the cute blue elephant plate. I poured more pancake mix onto the pan trying to make it into a star shape this time. “Oh, is that so.” I simply replied sort of in a daze. I made the last batch of pancakes into hearts, and cautiously stacked them one by one. I had gotten quite good at making Jiyong breakfast. Six pancakes on top of each other one by one total. And he scarfed them down like I had given him one grain of rice. I sat across from him as he ate, almost as if a lion was masticating his dinner. I envied him. How beautiful he was. How he could eat anything and stay thin taking out the fact that he had dance practice everyday as a trainee. I envied how he could be so carefree, not self conscious. Everything. He was talented, and perfect. And I was horribly figured, a diaphanous personality, not a bit attractive and a million other things that degraded myself. I stared into nothingness thinking about all the flaws that I was, and a hand waved in front of me. I snapped out of it, and took Jiyong’s dish. “Are you okay?” I nodded. I traced the blue plates indents with my fingers and washed the dish. “You’ve been looking a bit skinnier.” he noticed. I flinched just the slightest and turned to him. “Really?” He nodded and stuck his tongue out. “Yeah, but you’re still pudgy.” he joked. I slumped back and continued to wash the dish along with all the others I had not washed from the day before. For some reason, every little task felt heavier, more exhausting, and I always got lightheaded. I disregarded the symptoms and continued on with my daily chores. Jiyong pushed his seat back into its designated spot and scratched his head, his eyes drooped lazily as he trudged to the bathroom. “Ugh, gonna go get ready for torture.” he mumbled. I giggled at his comment and grabbed my black coat on the rack near the front door. “But you like dancing and stuff, you’ll be an idol soon, and you’ll get the girls, and you’ll be rich !” I exclaimed tying on a pair of combat boots. “Yeah, I guess the girls would be nice.” he said as he sat next to me putting on a pair of his high tops. He ruffled my hair and opened the door allowing me to walk out first. “Well, I guess I’ll be going then, bye!” He waved slightly and skipped off to the direction of his trainee practice. I let out a breath of air and began to walk. I didn’t know where I was walking, I just walked. It became routine for me everyday to do this. “I really don’t have a purpose in life do I...” I told myself.
It was probably till a few hours I finally stopped walking. But only because I had to stop. I didn’t notice I had walked so far nor did I realize I was really walking anymore until a hand pushed me. A body shielded me on the ground as I shook my head out of the muddle I was in. I could hear his breathing heavily, as he slowly lifted himself off of me. I looked to see where I was. In the middle of an empty street. I got up and brushed myself off to see who had pushed me. It was Jiyong. “Hi Jiyong.” I said. He gave a deepened frown and looked dumbfounded. “You almost got hit by a car! What were you thinking?” he shouted. I stared at him with unchanged eyes. “Oh. I was thinking nothing.” I replied. He shook his head and took me off the streets. “Your mind is more filmy than ever.” I walked beside Jiyong looking down at the ground counting the lines that separated the cement into blocks.”Why are you here anyways?” He stuffed his hands in his pocket. “It’s my lunch break. I’m starving.” he then rubbed his stomach with his right hand. We proceeded to the nearest bbq restaurant.
“Aren’t you hungry?” he said in intervals constantly filling his mouth with loads of bulgogi and spare ribs. He took his bowl of rice and gobbled it half way and took a huge gulp of water. I stared longingly at the food and shook my head. “No, not really. Didn’t we just eat breakfast?” “Breakfast was four hours ago, and I ate breakfast, not you.” he reminded taking a break from the table of meat. “Man, you almost got hit by a car and you don’t seem the slightest scared or traumatized from that.” I shrugged. “I didn’t know it until you pushed me.” He chuckled. “You’re so absent minded. Please just take care of yourself better.” I smiled and urged him to continue eating. “You’re too skinny oppa, you need to get fatter and healthier.”
~~
I flipped through the albums of pictures we took together throughout the years as best friends. I could see a small bulge from the side of my stomach when I wore fitted t shirts in all the pictures. I poked at that area of my tummy and bit my lip in disappointment. I had not really gotten any skinnier. I took a deep breath feeling a little bit dizzy as my eyes took glances at the popular girls in the school panoramic photo. Their hair was curled up in little pony tails and their eyes were beautiful and enlarged, makeup adding another touch to their beauty even more. Their curves were quite noticeable and they had no trace of stomach fat. Their legs were of a dancer’s and they posed perfectly in every single shot. I placed the photo books back into its designated spots and decided to visit Jiyong at the dance studio. Step, step, step. I looked down to the ground taking one step after another, my headache getting a bit more worse than before. I greeted the guards and told them I was a personal friend of Jiyong’s. They both allowed me in, and told me how much he talked about me. I cracked a small beam and pushed the door to his dance room. He was in the middle of his dance routine when he noticed me from the mirrored walls. His face lit up and he ran to hug me. He squeezed me tightly and I scrunched my nose. “Hey, you’re all sweaty.” I complained lightly. He laughed and ruffled my hair. “Why’re you here? I don’t get off in another hour.” he said. “I don’t know, I just wanted to see you.” I sat on the hardwood floor and traced the words ‘Jiyong’ on the ground with my finger. I traced another heart around it. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Nothing.” Jiyong pulled me up and patted my back. “Come on, I can teach you the dance I’m learning!” he said confidently. I gave a doubtful expression. “Oppa, I’m not good at anything.” I said. “Stop looking down on yourself, just follow after me!” He had begun to take small steps in the intro of his dance and motioned me to copy what he did. He placed his left foot over his right and spun around, and jumped up, his feet landing back on the ground shoulder width apart. I did exactly what he did, but with less of a smooth finish and I oddly took the steps faltering every second. “Good job! Just keep practicing!” he exclaimed giving a thumbs up sign. He told me to try once more. And once more, until I got it down. I did as he said with lack of effort, as I began to feel jaded not even after ten minutes. I huffed in frustration beginning to feel my stomach turn from not eating, and my head throbbing in pain even more. I held my head and sat down, closing my eyes, for my vision had gotten unusually blurry for a slight moment. Jiyong kneeled down and rubbed my back with worried eyes. “W-What’s the matter, I’ve never seen you like this.” I tried to shoo him away. “I’m fine oppa, just a small headache that’s all.” I could hear a rumbling coming from my tummy, and it began to growl. “When was the last time you ate?!” I shrugged. “Not too long ago...” I whispered. Jiyong took my face and gave a stern demeanor. “Why are you lying to me. You always whisper when you lie.” I jumped at the sudden tone of voice he had. I tried to pry his hands off of my face, but he fiercely gripped onto my wrist preventing me from trying to escape. “Are you starving yourself?” he inquired. “I-I--” Jiyong stomped out of the dance room bringing me with him. I stumbled at his unexpectedness as he lead me out of the building still holding onto my wrist. He brought me to the nearest dessert house and ordered each item off the menu. I silently sat at the booth seat. “Stay here, if you run, I’ll find you. You live with me after all.” he told me. I stared blankly at the empty seat in front of me, my hands in between my legs, my posture straight like a girl with her etiquette. Jiyong sat across from me and gave a straight face. The waiter came to our table with three large trays filled with various little cute desserts; ice creams, cakes, you name it, they got it. Jiyong pushed all the food closer towards me. I shook my head slightly, but he ordered me to eat. Every little bite was one more step closer for me to be on a verge of tears. “Oppa, you’ll ruin the figure that I’m aiming for...” I said inaudibly taking the smallest nibble as possible. He scoffed. “What figure? Stick figure? Why are you even like this? You’ve been acting weird since you found out I was going to be an idol.” I peered at his face. There was not one blemish, not one spot that wasn’t perfect. His hair had grown out and it was cut evenly into a cute mushroom like do. It was dyed white, and fell perfectly above his eyes. His skin complexion was of a perfect light pale. And what was I? Uneven, tan, ugly, pudgy. I swallowed the little scoop of ice cream I forced into my mouth. “I like someone who doesn’t like me back.” I stated bluntly staring at nothing behind him. Jiyong’s jaw dropped halfway and knit his eyebrows together glowering. “Are you stupid. Have you confessed?” I shook my head. “I don’t think he’d like it if I did. He doesn’t like me. He always talks about how he’ll always get the girls later.” He sighed. “Why are you so stupid. Don’t go off changing for just him. No one likes a barbie. You’re perfect the way you are, anyone is an idiot not to go for you. Now go eat your ice cream, it’s going to melt.” I pursed my lips. “But...”“But what?” he said. There was silence for a few seconds.
“But, you’re the idiot.”
///~///
Hai gaiz LOL. I see you've finished the story. omg I can't believe you would read all of dis. well, idk about the ending, but I hoped you like it :3 I could always add another chapter and make it... a two shot? LOOOLLLL. ; w ; Check out my other fics. Thank you!
Comments