"Ppalli daedaphae juseyo. We need to know by tomorrow if you are interested or not because as you know this production has been stalled for three years already. We were going to do it a long time ago with different leads but a legal conclusion could not be reached so if we don't cast this soon it may be another three years. Are you interested?" my manager Hwang Jae Seon(Hwang Jason) asked me.

"O-Oppa...sashireun...I am a little nervous, Jase. Jeo..Wo... I.. ugh! I am not sure what to do! I didn't think I would be ready to debut yet. Ajik, it has only been 2 years of training. I don't know if Korea is ready for someone like me. I am not very dark, but for Korea I am. And maybe they won't find me talented because I am too much of a oeguk saram. I wasn't expecting this! Do you think I am ready? I will only take this if I am! Maybe I shouldn't." I respond, my anxiety full force ahead. To be honest, I had felt ready at the year and a half mark, but my worries always found a way of catching up with me.

"Listen Chin Jeol-ah...If you think you aren't good enough now, no amount of training will give you that confidence. You are such a good trainee that SM is offering you the LEAD in a drama they have been wanting for YEARS. If their confidence in you isn't enough, will anything ever be? You have to trust your abilities, arasseo?" My manager oppa gently asked me.

Ara, he definitely had a point. I just need to do as Jae oppa says. I mean, how long could I pretend I was mediocre? I am a brown-skinned minority from the U.S, and I managed not only to get a callback from a Big Three entertainment company in Korea, but I actually signed a contract! I am NOT EVEN ASIAN! I had probably made history in Korean entertainment and if I do this right, no one will question if other entertainment companies try to integrate foreigners into the kpop and kdrama world. I must believe in myself as much as SM and Jase do. Plus, a lot of my SM eunnies really helped me find my place as a performer. F(x) Victoria really helped me learn to be flexible mentally and physically. Amber Hyung really taught me being foreign is a gift and a responsibility that I can't take for granted. Sulli eunnie taught me being kwiyeoweo isn't all there is to being a lady and Luna really helped with my vocals. Henry of SuJu M has been such a kind and caring oppa to me. He always helps me with my Mandarin and invites me to hang out with his oeguk chingus including Amber hyung. He makes me feel accepted and like a real dongsaeng to him. With all the help of my seonbaes and their genuine belief and interest in me, I can't act as if I didn't know I am talented in this area. I must perservere! Even if I don't always feel inspired.

"Neh Jae Seonnie Oppa! Halke. I will do it! Now sign the contract before I talk myself out of it please!"

One Week Later

It all flew by so quickly. I signed the contract, I had individual meetings with SM, my manager, had a touch up with my Interview Trainer so I could remember to keep coy about the deal, had a congratulatory dinner with my eunnies and oppas plus my family and friends who moved with me, and finally today we are having our first table read.

It starts off pretty awkwardly for me. I get there late due to the famous Seoul traffic while "The One I Love" by SuJu KRY plays loudly in my car, and maybe my v-neck is a little too low, though it is unintentional (I am still a trainee so most of my clothes are for dance and are meant to move about). I mess up by bowing too high towards my seonbaes and am so disgusted with my general foolishness that I bow too low for my hoobaes. I get off to a rocky start and try not to judge myself too harshly when company president Wang Ja Sik begins a short intro about the production and politely asks us to get to the round table that has a placard with our names on it for the first ever table read of the script titled "Na Neo Saranghae, Nae chinjeol Siwonhan Oppa" aka  "I Love You, My Kind, Cool Oppa"

President Wang begins by giving a brief synopsis, stating "Oori drama is about a girl named Chin Jeol that is very bright and charming. Her father abandoned her and her mother for a life of gambling and drugs when Chin Jeol was only 10 years old.  She is a high school student about to graduate when her mother suddenly becomes ill. While in the hospital, her mother recieves the news that she is dying of cancer and her last regret is that she never got to properly say goodbye to her husband before kicking him out. Chin Jeol decides her senior year paper will be about her experience trying to reconnect with her father in order to give mother that closure. Along the way she meets a mysterious man named Jong Ji that always seems to be there whenever her quest to find her father gets her in trouble with questionable people." As he finishes the last of the principal cast and crew have already settled into their seats. There is only one seat empty, and my bad vision prevents me from reading whose name is typed. My interest is brief as the president continues, saying "Now we will start reading the first script of our first episode. Unfortunately, our male lead is still stuck in traffic. However, his character doesn't appear until the end. Please continue and let us all put our effort to make the best SM and MBC partnered star drama!" the room erupts in applause and even a little "Fighting!" can be heard by some of the crew in the background. The staff reads the stage directions and my first lines are "Oori Eommeonnie is blood Type A..." and by the time we are on the last third of the script, it is finally time for the male lead to speak to my character. I hadn't noticed if he had come in or not, since I was reading my lines the whole time. Ultimately, a disembodied voice entered the atmosphere as, presumably, the male lead spoke "Ya! What is a girl like you doing around here? What are you,like 13?". My character replies angrily "Ya! And what is an ahjussi like you doing around here? What are you, like 43?".

The room cheers, as this is the last line of the first episode. I look up, all smiles, and my eyes drift naturally to the male lead across the room. I catch him smiling, too, and I can't be sure but he seems handsome and he seems to be smiling at me. Something about him is kind of recognizable but I can't quite make out what. Suddenly Jae oppa puts his hands on my shoulders and shakes me roughly in excitement. He whispers something to me about a celebratory dinner with "your Super Junior oppas" planned for tonight and as I am processing it president Wang calls me over.

"SM Chin Jeol, meet your SM seonbae Super Junior Siwon! Greet your senior" he smiles as he pats me on the back to jumpstart my bow. I am so overwhelmed at realizing why I was familiar with his voice and who he was. I was struck by the fact that despite being from the same company, and being friends with Henry, I had never actually met Siwon. Finally, I got a good look at his face and realized he really IS that handsome! All of these thoughts sped through my mind and I snapped out of it once President Wang patted my back. I try to incorporate my apology into a quick succession of short, deep bows. "Ah! majayo, I should have introduced myself sooner,chesonghapnida! " I say, bowing and bowing as some kind of weird motorboat of regret and shame about forgetting the most basic rule about Korean culture.

Siwon grinned at me, maybe my clumsiness and floppy floral skirt endeared him (idk really,I was too busy being a mess) and shyly spoke,saying , "Aniyo, it's alright! You must be really excited right? This is your first real project since signing! And you are a foreigner! How exciting!" His eyebrows shoot up everytime he emphasizes a word, though I think it might be subconcious. He takes my right hand in both of his and, in a modulated way, remarks "I hope we can both work hard to bring the charm of this script to life and perform to our best abilties so this joint venture project will be successful and you'll have other SM trainees bowing to you in the future". I shake his hand with a slightly dazed expression. Siwon is a very charming man and the fact that he was putting on a voice to express sincerity and I believed him says a lot about his talent. I found myself nodding along and smiling even if I was not entirely sure how spur of the moment those words were. He held my hands for kind of a longer time than was exactly necessary but it wasn't uncomfortably long. Plus he was holding my gaze with those sparkly eyes of his and if someone says they've never paused Siwon's face during any SuJu MV's just to see them, they're lying! 

Eventually president Wang gives us a final handshake and exits, making way for Manager Oppa to come and greet Siwon sunbae. They do, and Siwon hands Oppa a small card. I don't know what it is, but Jae tells him we will meet up with him soon and I recall something about dinner with SuJu oppas and it clicks that this is what Jae was telling me earlier before I could really think about it. I bow goodbye to him and say "I am very lucky to be working with you for this project and I will do my best to work at your level in acting. I will see you later Choi Siwon ssi!" and Jae puts his hand on my forearm to gently guide me out of the room, but before I can go Siwon says "Actually, Chin Jeol ssi.. I know I am your sunbae but we will have to work very closely to nail our characters and I would prefer if instead of Siwon ssi you called me Siwon...oppa."

"Siwon..oppa?!?" My face is in an expression of shock til JaeSeon tugs my jacket. I bow deeply one last time and say "Of course Siwon ssi! Please take care of me! Yeolshimihae.. Siwon Oppa!" I speak hurriedly because really, I am to embarassed to speak properly. I don't even look in his eyes and take all of 15 seconds to get out the door.I take a deep breath and start laughing hysterically. Manager Jae rolls his eyes and escorts me to the backseat of the car. As he drives he plays "Blue Tomorrow" as it always calms me. He knows when I am overwhelmed or anxious that I start laughing in hysteria. He is so used to my mini freak-outs that he doesn't fully react. When I finally calm down he hands me the card Siwon handed him earlier.

"That is Siwon ssi's number. The card says to give it to you so you may become close for the drama. I don't really know what is going on, but keu saram is very happy to be working with you. He probably is glad to have such a beautful costar after two years of being around men in the army. Any ways, you should communicate with him directly from now on. This is going to open a lot of doors for you Chin Jeolli. We have another schedule to go to, but the dinner is around 8 at that SamGyeopSal place by the fx dorms. So later, when we start to arrive you should text him and let him know." 

We sat in silence after that. I reflected on my day and suddenly it hit me. I am an actress now. I am working wtih VVIP's and among them is Super Junior Choi Siwon. Member of my favorite idol groups and the whole reason I discovered Kpop and this industry. The reason I worked hard through sweat and tears so that one day I could be respected enough to be called a star. Siwon is my bias, and he just gave me his number because I will be working as his love interest for four months.

I just thought of something! The title of the drama is I love You my Kind, Cool Oppa, and my Korean name is Chin Jeol which means kind or kindness and then siwon means cool so they casted this drama with him in mind all along and NOBODY told me?!?! How rude! They know I am crazy about him and would totally freak out if I knew! Maybe it was on purpose now that I think about it...

I glide out of my reverie when my eyes land on the small card and I take out my phone. I start typing the number and click "add new contact". I save it as "Siwonni Oppa" and smile to myself. 

This is gonna be a super experience like no other...