Jonghyun wakes up with a start, arising from his fitful sleep for the second time that night. He sighs and turns over. His bed has been uncomfortable for weeks now, every spring digging into his side, the mattress lumpy and uncomfortable.

His pillow is gone. That comfortable, warm, breathing pillow that has been replaced by an imposter, a scratchy and flat bag of material.

An empty space between his arms where a person should be.

They are not avoiding each other, it simply happens that preparing for their comeback takes a lot more work than they expect; they just have no time available where they can relax together. While extra little touches and glances are acceptable in public - they can always claim it as fanservice, after all - back in their dorm and around their manager especially, they have no choice but to tone down their affections.

He sits up in his bed and rubs his eyes tiredly, squinting against the darkness that probably resembles the circles below his eyes. The dorm is quiet, save for the soft snores coming from down below, which of the three beds however, he does not know.

Sleeping together is out of the question. With all their early rises and late nights these past few weeks, and the many days their manager comes in to wake them up; they cannot afford to get caught.

For they know that their relationship is forbidden by the company. If not for the simple fact that they both are in said company, then for the reason that they are both boys.Two males, in a romantic relationship, shunned by all of society.

Jonghyun frowns lightly and considers going back to sleep; he can of course, but he knows that the accumulated distance between himself and Jinki is going to tether him to the waking world. With this thought in mind, he climbs slowly down from his bed, trying carefully not to rock the lower bunk or step on anyone. His toes, then the arches and finally the heels of his feet touch the cold floor, and he’s standing in the near silent room, hand still gripping the post of the bed to ensure he won’t fall over because of his sightlessness.

Cautiously shuffling his way over to Jinki’s mattress, he reaches down to feel for the blankets with one hand. He finds them and reaches further; now searching for the feet that should be tangled within the blankets, the beginning of the cocoon that Jinki wakes up in every morning.

But he doesn’t find anything.

Panicking now, he tries again, straining his eyes against the blackness as he leans over, hand stretching away from his side and desperately groping at the blankets in the hope of finding his missing lover.

Empty.

Jonghyun falls onto the bed in defeat, sinking into the covers while at the same time sinking into his despair. His eyes well up with moisture, tears threatening to overflow and once again prove that he is too emotional. He knows that he is overreacting, but he just can’t seem to stop himself. Jinki is his world.

Sitting up, he moves to climb back up to his own bed, but stops suddenly when he hears it. Just a small noise; so soft that it’s unrecognisable, but it lifts his world immensely and gives him hope. Turning his head towards the closed door, he sees the sliver of light shining through the crack at the bottom, and wonders how he could be so stupid, to not check the rest of the dorm.

He’s in such a hurry to leave the room that he forgets to be quiet; his foot loudly hitting the floor as he stumbles towards the door. He’s turned the doorknob and opened it halfway before he realises that the snoring has stopped.

Minho’s voice rings out in the silence. “Jonghyun-hyung?” He yawns and asks, “Where are you going?”

He just turns back around and softly replies “Go back to sleep Minho,” before stepping through the half-open doorway and closing it swiftly behind him.

The light is much brighter out in the hallway and he can see once again. But the door between himself and Jinki is gone, and he can hear the noises the man is making even clearer than before.

He follows the noises down the hallway and into the living room, and as they get louder he finally recognises them for what they are.

He takes in the state of the room. The TV is on and muted, showing a movie that Jonghyun recognises from their communal DVD collection, and there is a half-eaten, very much melted bowl of ice-cream on the coffee table.

Jinki is lying on his back on their small couch. His face is covered in sweat, and he’s tossing around as much as is possible in the restricted space. The sock from his right foot has come off, and is now situated on the floor a few meters away.

Despite all this, the majority of Jonghyun’s attention is focusing on the noises that Jinki is making. He’s muttering under his breath, letting out strangled whimpers here and there. Most people would misinterpret the situation, but Jonghyun knows his lover well, and knows exactly what is happening.

Jinki is having another nightmare.

He always get the worst ones, terrible, horrifying visions that affect him for days because of their vividness, and Jonghyun knows that if he doesn’t wake Jinki up soon, the whole dorm will be awakened by his screams.

So he rushes to Jinki’s side as fast as he dares, sitting on the couch in the tiny sliver of spare room available next to the other man’s body. His calloused hands go gently towards Jinki’s soft face, caressing his cheeks as Jonghyun prepares to wake him up.

“Jinki, baby. Wake up from your bad dream, neh? You’re needed in the real world yeobo. ” He fails to respond, so Jonghyun shakes him lightly, jumping a bit when Jinki’s eyes snap open and he starts to hyperventilate.

“Shhh, shhh,” Jonghyun soothes him, “It’s not real, just another nightmare baby. It’s not real.”

Jinki’s eyes flutter shut again as he works on calming himself down, his breathing slowing changing from a rapid and uneven pace to a more regular gasp. His taut body relaxes and his eyes open again, fearful brown orbs focussing on Jonghyun’s face.

And then suddenly Jonghyun is trying not to fall off the lounge from Jinki’s forceful hug,his arms tight around his waist and face buried in his chest. Jinki’s body is shaking, and it takes the younger man a while to figure out why. He’s never had a nightmare affect him this much, and Jonghyun has no idea what to do, so he just tightens his arms around his boyfriend and rubs soothing circles into his back, waiting for his tears to end.

“Do you want to talk about it baby?” he asks quietly.

There is no verbal answer, Jinki just lifts his head and stares back at Jonghyun, who starts wiping away his tears with a gentle thumb.

He sniffles a bit. “You… you were dead, Jjongie. Gone. Y-You left m-me.”

Jonghyun doesn’t say anything, just hugs Jinki even tighter to his body while he waits for him to continue.

“It felt so real. I’ve never had one that bad before. Jjong, what is happening to me?”

“You’re stressed baby. You’ve been working too hard again. Just because you’re the leader doesn’t mean you have to take all the responsibility, yeobo.”

Jinki looks back up at his boyfriend, whosepuppy eyes are staring at him with adoration. He can feel his lower lip trembling, and knows he’s about to start crying again.

Jonghyun sees this and starts planting little, sweet kisses at the corner of Jinki’s eyes, making over exaggerated smacking noises with his mouth after each one.

He pulls back when he’s finished and his face becomes serious again. “Jinki, you’re perfect. I can’t even imagine ever being without you, so there’s definitely no way I’m leaving you. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not.” He grins again, and adopts a sing-song voice, “We’re gonna grow old together yeobo.”

Jinki grins weakly but Jonghyun can still see that worry and inner conflict behind his eyes. He moves back slightly, loosening his arms around Jinki and creating space between their bodies so they can talk properly.

“What’s wrong, Jinki?”

The older man seems lost for words, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Then he speaks, forcing the words out quickly. “What about SHINee? What if someone finds out?”

Jonghyun can hear the panic in his voice, so he tries to reassure him. “No one will find out Jinki, we’re being careful.” He’s rubbing soft circles on the other’s arms now, in a futile effort to calm him down. Once Jinki sees a problem, he won’t stop working until he’s fixed it.

Jinki tries again. “But if they do, we’re finished. SHINee will break up; we’ll never find work again. And this isn’t just us I’m talking about; we’ve got three friends and their dreams to consider as well.”

“They’re not going to find out Jinki. They won’t. And if they somehow manage to, well, we’ll deal with it when it happens. We don’t have to make music here; we can go to America or someplace. There’s always a way out Jinki.”

Jinki hangs his head and keeps protesting, even quieter this time. “I just-- I don’t-- they--,” he stops himself, not knowing what he is trying to say.

“Stop thinking, we can talk to the others about this tomorrow.” Jonghyun interrupts his thought process by pulling him into his chest again. He leans down to press a kiss to Jinki’s forehead in reassurance.

Jinki has a tired but content smile on his face, his eyes showing happiness but still that small unfound worry. He gives Jonghyun a quick peck on the lips, before saying “Thank you Jjongie. I love you so much. Let’s have lots of kids, neh?”

And Jonghyun just grins again, before leaning in to meet Jinki’s lips with his in a proper kiss. They stay like that, mouths connected and hearts beating sweetly in sync, until Jonghyun pulls back and whispers in return, “I love you too. Now let’s go back to sleep.”

They rise together and make their way slowly back to the bedroom they share with the other three. Jonghyun turns off the light on their way, but both are too tired to bother about the TV.

Walking slowly, one hand intertwined with Jinki’s, Jonghyun opens the bedroom door again and enters, feeling for the bed he had searched for earlier. His hand touches the mattress and he manoeuvres himself carefully onto it, still tugging Jinki along behind him.

They relax into a natural position; despite having not slept in the same bed for weeks. Jinki lying on his back with Jonghyun’s arms around his waist, and head on his chest. A reversal of the position they were in just a few minutes before.

And just as they finish getting settled, the high, cute voice of the maknae breaks the silence.

“Goodnight hyungs!”

“Night Taeminnie,” they chorus tiredly in return.

“Aigoo, you guys are just too cute! Now shut up, I need my beauty sleep.” And with that, Key rolls back over and the room is quiet again, with the exception of Minho’s light snores.

Jonghyun grins at his dongsaengs’ antics, and cuddles tighter against Jinki’s chest. Jinki leans down to plant a soft kiss against Jonghyun’s forehead - a silent thank you for his reassurances. They drift off to sleep, Jonghyun felling more content than ever, with his lover in his arms again.

He finally has his pillow back.