That boy,

Whom I loved for so long,

Who never reciprocated my feelings.

He is still lingering in my mind after so many years.

That boy whom somehow managed to open my heart and make me feel something,

He is the biggest ‘what if’ I have to this day.

He is the ghost of my past.

Haunting me forever.

Donghae’s POV

I feel betrayed.

How could I have not known? How could she do this to me? Why does my heart feel like it’s about to explode? All sorts of questions I have asked myself, but to no avail have answered. Things that were never meant to be thought, springing to life. Confusion. Delusion. Discomfort. Reality. Fantasy. What is real and what isn’t. I’m not quite sure anymore. It’s all blurred as i try to comprehend it all. As I try to find out what everything is. Unsure of anything I once thought, reevaluating everything. Every single detail of my life, right down to a single grain of rice.

The stabbing pains whenever I’d see her in pain.

The ignored impulse to drag her away from any male who nears her.

The moments when all I could see was her, where everything else just evaporated.

The countless times where my heart was beating too fast when in her presence.

I don’t know what to think of them.

I don’t know when her feelings for me changed, and it frustrates me. Not knowing, not have the knowledge.

How could the one person I trusted with all my heart and soul deceive me?

It doesn’t make any sense. But then again...life suddenly doesn’t make sense. I thought I knew everything I needed to know, but now I feel like I have been fed false information all my life.

What is right? What is wrong?

What am I permitted to feel, do, see, touch, desire?

I sigh for about the thousandth time, staring at the ceiling.

I haven’t seen her since that day. Tomorrow she’s getting married. I’ve been avoiding her, and I’m sure she has been doing the same. The guys haven’t spoke  to me, as if they’re avoiding me too. I only come out for meals. And even then I don’t take them at the usual times i used to. Sometimes I have breakfast at 2pm. Sometimes I have dinner at 3am. It’s impossible to do anything normally. My needs dulled, as my mind works at full capacity.

She’s getting married tomorrow.

My heart constricts, and I place a hand over it. Feeling that throbbing, fast pace.

I remember the pain from other days too.

The one that stands out very well is that one time at camp. When Eunhyuk and I were playing tag and I saw her and Siwon from across the lake. Hand in hand, so close. Walking around aimlessly.

It was like a slap in the face.

A very big slap in the face.

“Are you hurting as much as I am right now?” I mumble.

“Are you as confused as me?”

At first what i was searching for in that girl, was just cooperation. So we could live comfortably.

Cooperation turned to neighbourly.

Neighbourly turned friendly.

Friendly turned to intimacy.

Intimacy turned to family.

But family...family is meant to be the last stop.

Now it’s...something unknown.

“What is love?”

“The three main definitions of the noun ‘love’ are; One. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Two. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. Three. A ual passion or desire”

“D-did you memorize the definitions of ‘love’ from a dictionary?”

“Yes”

“But, like…how do you know when you’re in love with someone?”

“You’ve never been in love before?”

“Shhhhh! Not so loud”

“You’ve never been in love before?”

“Well…you know…I never really found someone…That’s irrelevant! Can you tell me or not?”

“Lee Donghae, do you think you’re in love with someone?”

“Maybe”

“Really? Who?”

“That’s the problem…I don’t really know. Because I don’t know how to identify the feelings of ‘love’”

“Well…you can’t stop thinking about them, most of your thoughts will somehow link back to that person. Little things about them will make your day, like when they laugh or smile. Just seeing them happy, will make you happy. That feeling of butterflies in your stomach, every time you see her, won’t falter. When you see her becoming close with other guys, you’ll get knots in your stomach and chest. You’ll always want to protect her, to be around her, know her, know that she’s safe and happy. And when she’s in your arms, that’s when you’ll feel most content”

 “Do you have anybody in mind?”

“I-I don’t know”

“Think about it man. Think long and hard”

“Actually man, we need to get going. Or else we’re going to be late for our schedule”

“Oh, right. Thanks anyway man”

“Keep on thinking about it Donghae, you don’t want love to slip right through your fingers”

“Every thought of mine is somehow related to her, I do become happy when she’s happy, I do get weird feelings when I see her. Especially with guys...I do want to protect her. Her in my arms makes the world seem perfect...” I say out loud to myself.

I tap my chin a couple times with one finger, trying to come to some type of conclusion.

“Arghh!! No! No clue! I have no clue what that means!” I groan.

No POV

Donghae continued to sulk, thinking about everything.

Super Junior was sighing constantly throughout the day, complaining about their oh so thick skinned friend. Sometimes having the urge to pounce on Donghae and shake him until he realized the truth.

And Hayley...

Well Hayley was in her room. Staring at the mannequin next to her bed, with an extravagant wedding dress. Probably the most beautiful wedding dress Hayley had ever laid her eyes on, but she couldn’t appreciate it’s beauty knowing what it was for.

The grounds were being prepared for the wedding reception. So she didn’t even dare leave the comfort of inside.

Mr. Jung was waiting for it to happen. For that one thing that would make him call off the wedding in a heartbeat to happen. While Mrs. Jung and Krystal were busy glaring at him every time they crossed paths in the large manor.

Love hurts, yes that is true. But I guess we often mistake the pain that we feel while in love, to be caused by love. That is not the case. The pain comes from the loneliness, the rejection, the loss and the envy. No one wants to be alone, when the one they love is so close. No one wants to be rejected, being rejected is taken as being unwanted. No one wants to lose the one they love, even if they never had them to begin with.

Envy is the real poison. To watch the one you love in love with another. You wish to be in their place, even just for a split second. Just to feel a moments worth of affection and adoration.

Heaven without that person, that one person who your whole world revolves around...is hell.

Your own personal hell.

It will torment you.

Time is precious, oh so precious. All we can do is make the most of it.

Every single second.

HEARTACHES chuckles bitterly, turning to MikaMikaChu. Placing her pen down.

“I suppose we all thought the end would be painless”

Hayley’s POV

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

My makeup was light and natural, BB cream, red lipstick, faint blush and eyeliner. Hair half up and curled. A rose clip holding my veil carved out of crystal, set at the back of my head. The diamond figure eight drop earrings on my ears, heavy. My special locket being the only thing around my neck, wrists bare.  The dress was in the most pristine shade of white imaginable, so much so that it brings my pale skin to shame. The white Louboutins hidden underneath my dress, were giving me an extra 2 inches in height.

“I’d be as tall as Donghae now” I mumble to myself.

“My work is done!” The stylist exclaims, not having heard me. She clasps her hands in approval, looking me up and down once again.

My bedroom door opens and Mom, Krystal and my friends rush in.

“You look beautiful honey” My mother hugs me.

“Thanks”

Everyone pays compliments, hugs and blubbering from my guests giving the room a friendly atmosphere.

But out there...

I don’t want to go out there...

I don’t want to see it...

“We’re leaving for the cathedral in an hour Hayley” Mom whispers into my ear during the brief moment no one is hugging me.

“I want to be alone” I murmur back.

“Promise you’re not going to make a run for it?” She jokes.

I simply stare at her, and she awkwardly coughs.

“Bad joke” She nods.

“Okay! Time to give Hayley a breather! Everyone out!” She announces, leading the girls out of the room.

The door closes, the noise leaving. Silence meeting me.

I look at myself in the mirror.

“Ahhh...”

I finally understand the Disney Movie Mulan.

When she sings the song Reflection.

“I never got that when I was younger” I laugh to myself, looking down at the ground.

The only difference being...

I am the perfect bride, the perfect daughter.

And...

I’m about to bring honour to my family.

However, if I was to follow my heart...if I was to be myself...

I too, would break my family’s heart.

The girl staring back at me in the mirror, is my mask. What I have worn since I was a young girl, to protect me from everything.

My facade, that has fooled countless amounts of people.

My beautiful lie, of wealth, status and charm.

The only people to see what is behind the mask were my closest circle of friends, my family and...the guys at the boarding house.

Donghae...

“I won’t cry today” I bluntly state to myself, feeling my eyes water.

Haru Haru

“Oh boy...I cry, cry”

“You’re my all...say goodbye, bye”

“Oh my love...don’t lie, lie”

“You’re my heart...say goodbye” I whimper, turning my back on my reflection.

Writer's Notes:

For those of you who don't get it we're onto the final day...
*gasps*
I am so going to get it from MikaMikaChu for turning this story all angsty. -_-
Thanks for reading so far. 1 more chapter to go. 
See you next chapter! :)

Lots of love,
xoxoxoxo,
HEARTACHES & MikaMikaChu <3 <3