"Why are my broken legs standing here?"

   Lee Jinki, better known as SHINee of Onew, stood under the awning of the SM building watching the pouring rain. It had been 1 day, 3 hours, and 14 minutes since Park SunYoung; better known as Luna of f(x), had texted him to say that maybe they were better off not dating or being friends anymore and that she hoped Jinki would understand. Deep inside Jinki knew it wasn't his fault that they had broken up but on the surface, his mind and heart were telling him that it was all his fault and that he was a worthless scrap of humanity if he couldn't even manage to hang onto the girl he liked for a month. He looked up at the sky, tempted to scream but held in his words because he knew that somehow, screaming wouldn't do him any good. He hadn't spent any time with s lately so none of them had noticed that anything was wrong with their dubu leader. He knew that the moment they were all in the car together or in the dorm for more than an hour they would all converge on him and ask him what was wrong. He loved them all but at the moment he wasn't interested in them trying to get him to talk.

"All I wanted was simply to give you an endless love"

   On the shows he had done recently he had put on a brave face and tried his hardest to be his normal dorky self. He was sure that no one had noticed that he winced a little when asked his ideal type or how he felt about dating. He was correct of course, no one had. He withdrew even farther into himself when the members finally had a break from their endless schedules before they went on their Japan tour. The members noticed right away that their leader, the mood maker and father, of the group was silent and withdrawn. Taemin was the first to ask if he was okay. When he got no response Key tried, then Minho and Jonghyun. When each of them failed to get a response they called up their manager who came to see what had happened. No one could get a response from him but Key decided that he was better off left alone. Jinki decided that they must not care about him since they didn't even want to talk to him anymore and began building himself a wall inside his mind. He was going to retreat and stay there because obviously that was the best place for him. He wouldn't want to be a burden on other people with his useless love.

"I won't forget my pain of being thrown away"

   When the SHINee members first discovered that Onew hadn't been eating they were concerned, but not overly so. They had all done this at one time or another to slim down before a concert or a promotion. They assumed that their leader was doing the same although they all felt that he was thin enough. The wall in his mind grew day by day as he stopped eating and became a shell of himself. When his not eating went on for an entire week and a half, the members finally noticed something was very wrong and they became concerned. They hadn't heard him talk, nor seen him sleep, nor found evidence that he had eaten anything in the past couple of weeks. They called their manager once again and he decided to put out the story that Onew had the flu and that he was going to be taken to the hospital for medical help. So Lee Jinki was carted off to the hospital and put on an IV drip. The doctors said that it was a good thing they had brought him in because he was about 8kg underweight at the moment and in danger of anorexia if he didn't gain back some weight right away. The doctor asked if anything had happened recently to make him act this way. The members were ashamed to say that they didn't know what was wrong with their leader or why he was like this. They hadn’t realized that something was so wrong with him in the first place so they had no idea what was wrong.
 
    To begin with the members discussed what could possibly be wrong with him. He wasn’t dating anyone that they knew of, he didn’t have any family troubles that they knew of, his training and practices were going alright. They were puzzled as to what the problem could be. Key found his phone and went through the messages. There were several from Lee Joon asking if he was alright and why he hadn't texted back. Key sent a message telling him to come to the hospital but not to worry that he was fine. After sending Minho down to the lobby to wait for him he continued to look through the messages to see if he could find anything. Finally he found a message from Luna from almost three weeks ago telling him that she wanted to break up. Key looked down at Jinki, his leader and friend, and held in his tears. He knew how much Luna had meant to him and for her to break up with him so casually like this must have really broken his heart. Minho and Jonghyun came into the room with a frantic Lee Joon on their heels. He had arrived in less than ten minutes and burst into the lobby in a whirlwind of concern. He knew his friend was busy which was why he assumed that he hadn’t texted but to find out that he was in the hospital was shocking. Key told everyone to go down to the cafeteria and get lunch and that he would be down to join them in a moment. Key then explained what had happened to Joon in a hushed tone. Joon looked over to the bed where his friend was laying, pale and motionless, before thanking Key and walking over to the bed.

"As I kill my breath, I'm going to die"

   Joon turned to his best friend, the one who lay so pale and motionless on the hospital bed, and gave a deep sigh. He sat down on the edge of the bed and took one of Jinki’s hands in his own. He spoke softly and calmly to his sleeping best friend, "Jinki-ah, why didn't you tell me that you were hurting? I could have helped you if you had told me." Jinki made no movements until Joon pulled him into his arms. Then he squirmed a little and opened his eyes slowly. "Joon? What are you doing here?" It was the first time that he had talked in a while and his voice was scratchy from disuse. Joon helped to prop his friend up in bed and gave him a gentle hug. "Where am I?" Jinki's voice was confused and he looked at his surroundings with a puzzled look on his face. "You're in the hospital. You collapsed and the members didn't know what else to do. Why didn't you call me if you were n trouble?" Joon was fighting to keep his voice even and his tone low. Jinki's memories finally started to come back to him and his eyes filled with tears. "I don't know what I did wrong Joonie. I loved her. I wrote a song for her, I took her on dates, and I was always there if she wanted to talk. I made her laugh, and I made sure she never cried! I don't understand why she just broke it off like that." His tone was forlorn and soft as he spoke of the girl that he had loved, the one who had destroyed his heart. A tear ran down his face as he looked up at Joon’s understanding expression. That was all it took.

"Don't leave me alone, I'm screaming"

   Joon held his best friend in his arms as he broke down in tears and rocked slowly back and forth. "I can't give you the answer to that Jinki. But I can tell you that she doesn't deserve a man like you and that she never should have broken your heart. Despite what you believe, you are the most caring and loving person I have ever met. The person who gets your love should never want for anything else." Jinki turned his head up to his friend and looked into his chocolate colored eyes. He read his expression for a moment before asking, "Do you love me Joonie?" His question was innocent but heartfelt. Joon could see that Jinki needed someone to love him and in that instant he made up his mind to bare his deepest feelings for the man. "Yes I do. I have for a while now. I was scared to tell you, and when you found her I couldn't because you were so happy." Jinki reached up and brushed the tears off of Joon's face. "Thank you," Was all that he said before he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the other man's lips. When he pulled away, Joon encircled him in a soft hug and Jinki laid his head down on Joon's chest. When Key returned to the room, he found them asleep in each others arms. He smiled his motherly smile and ushered the rest of the SHINee members out of the hospital.

"Don't let go of my hand"

   When Lee Jinki was deemed fit to come home from the hospital a week later, he walked into the dorm holding hands with Lee Joon. Joon had stayed by his side while he was in the hospital and the two were somewhat inseparable now. The rest of the SHINee boys had taken the fact that their leader was dating Joon very well. Jinki had asked them about it one night and they replied that as long as he was happy, they didn't care if he loved Joon or a box of chicken. He was their leader and they wanted to see him happy. Touched, his eyes filled with tears of joy, Jinki gave them all a big hug and then promptly fell over, having tripped over his own feet. They laughed together and helped him up. When Joon came by later that evening he was thrilled to see his Jinki laughing and talking with the members. It would seem that the loveable dubu leader had taken down the wall that he built inside of his head to protect him from harm, and they knew that he hadn’t done it alone. They all knew that one person was responsible for helping Jinki to become himself again. Joon was welcomed as part of the family the next time he came over and the SHINee dorm became like his second home.

"But to forget will be more painful than to loose it."

   Lee Jinki never forgot the way that Luna had treated him, how she had thrown him away like a useless piece of trash when she tired of him. He never forgot how it felt to be heartbroken or how it hurt to think that the one you loved didn't love you back. He never forgot, but after time he realized that Joon was the reason he was alive and that Luna didn't deserve him. He smiled and laughed without any inhibitions now and he knew that he would never be heartbroken again thanks to Joon. He forgave Luna in his heart and when she came back to him he was easily able to ignore her and tell her that he was happy with Joon. Although Luna was angry she saw the mistake that she had made and walked away. Jinki was strong and happy and Joon gave him the one thing that he needed to survive, love. Joon was the only thing he needed now and together they were happy.