You're awake

I smile at you as you turn to me, with your slow coming grin and a belated hello. I can see you've been up again through the night, crying. The circles under your eyes are darker than yesterday, and still darker than the day before that. Your lips are swollen, and broken. Your cheeks are puffed up, and it looks as if someone stole the life from them.

Baekhyunnie

What have I done to upset you so? Is it something I did, something I said? My smile turns into a confused frown, as you look away too quickly from me and rise from our bed with a fake sense of joy. I can see it's hollow, as hollow as you have become. If only I knew what I had done, what I needed to say to make this better, I try to catch your hand, before you go, but a part of me realises you're already gone. You're only here in body, your heart and soul are not in this room with me. What have I done to make them flee? I drop my hand from the light embrace, and get up to join you in the bathroom, to finally ask you what is wrong. But before I can even take half a dozen steps, you close the door, and I can hear it click locked. That has never happened before, you've never locked me out of a place, out of your heart before. I sit down on the bed and cry, I cry until I hear a faint click, and I hear you call my name softly.

My heart leaps with joy! As i follow you back into the bathroom, and my foot lightly crunches up on torn paper, I join you for a shower. It doesn't matter that I know this is you giving in. It doesn't matter that I know this is all pretend. It's one more day that I am with you, that I can make as if everything was still the same. One more chance to make this better. One more day to pretend that I don't already know its over.

How was I to know that the day reality would catch up with me would be today, as I took your hand and gratefully walked with you through the temple. Kris was there, and it was like a jolt of electricity hit me, the jolt that I happened to pass through when your eyes met. You turn to look at me, and there it is. In your eyes, I see the truth as I flee into my own mind from it. I clench my fist around your hand, as you gasp, with my eyes set on the widened glare that was Kris, I smiled, and let go.