There are very few people in my life that I have told of my ability. The first was my noona. I told her that I saw people no one else saw when I was nine years old. At the time she didn’t believe me and the fear that no one else would made me keep quiet about it for many years after that. Eventually I realised that these people weren’t going to leave me alone and it made me question my own sanity. I told my mother about the people following me and she believed me. She made me ask questions to the people and when we discovered that the answers they had given me were correct I realised that I wasn’t crazy.

I had thought that the validation of what I was seeing would make me feel better, but it didn’t. It was just as much of a burden as the thought that I was insane. It made me feel obligated to tell people what the people were saying. I would walk down the street and every time I looked at someone there would be a person standing next to them demanding that I tell them something. I rarely obliged them though. I felt guilty for not informing people that their loved ones were okay, but I also worried for my own safety.

The only other person that knows about the people is my boyfriend, Bang Yongguk. I often refer to him as the most understanding person in the entire world. We fell in love our senior year of high school and he stayed with me even after I told him about the people three years later. At first he had been sceptical but he slowly began to believe me when he saw me relaying messages to people. I know it embarrasses him when I talk to someone about the people so I try to keep it minimal around him because I love him, but he understands that sometimes I can’t help myself.

“I will let you tie me up tonight in bed if you do not go talk to that person.” Yongguk grabbed onto my hand when he caught me staring at someone. I had been trying to eat my meal but for nearly twenty minutes one of the people kept harassing me and telling me that I needed to go talk to their brother. The two had apparently both been attacked and only one had survived. The one who had passed wanted me to tell the living brother that he wasn’t angry. It was a message I thought needed to be passed on, but Yongguk and I were on a date. “You can use the gag and everything.”

I whined softly as I shifted my gaze back to my boyfriend. The person in my ear was getting extremely loud and it was starting to give me a headache. I hated when they got belligerent. “I’m sorry Yongguk…” I sighed and got up from the seat. Yongguk’s hands shot up to his temples and he started massaging them. I felt even guiltier than before. “He won’t leave me alone unless I do this…”

“I know, Chan. Go on.” He tried to smile at me, but it was obvious he was annoyed.

I bit my lip and walked over to the male the person was guiding me towards. I hated doing this. “Excuse me, sir?” I spoke softly, hoping that he wouldn’t hear me and that I could just give up. Unfortunately, he heard me and looked up at me. “I, uhm, your brother wants me to tell you that he isn’t angry with you. He’s glad you survived and he said you should forgive yourself and go back to your wife and daughter.”

He stared at me for a couple of seconds as though he needed to think about what I had said. I was praying to whatever being was out there that he wouldn’t try to punch me out. A large percent of the population didn’t want some stranger telling them that they could speak to their deceased loved one. “How do you know that?” He rotated so he could lock eyes with me. I felt even more nervous now.

I tried to look confident in myself so maybe he would believe me and crossed my arms over my chest. “I see things and your brother’s been yelling at me for twenty minutes. He really wants you to go home and stop punishing yourself for it. He says that it’s not your fault. He knows you blame yourself because you were the one that wanted to go to that show, but it’s not your fault. He said that you’re alive so you should live.” I nodded my head.

He seemed to be taking in what I said and then turned back to face his meal. I took that as my sign to leave so I quickly returned back to where Yongguk was sitting. He glanced over at the man I had just been speaking to and then back to me. “It went well?”

“I think we can continue our meal now.”  I picked up my utensils and went back to eating the bowl of noodles in front of me.  It was nice when I was able to stay in a place after talking to someone. Most of the time Yongguk and I had to pay really quickly and then escape as soon as possible because I had pissed someone off with my message. That was the biggest reason why Yongguk didn’t want me doing it. “I’m sorry. It was really loud…”

“I know baby.” He went back to eating and I couldn’t tell if he was upset with me or not. He would get angry with me every once in a while for reading people and I hated when it happened. He wouldn’t talk to me for a couple of hours when I upset him. “He took the message well?”

“Seems that way.” I looked up to check and the man was on his phone. The person next to him seemed to be smiling so I assumed that meant the man was fixing things with his wife. It was nice when I could help someone. “I’ll try not reading people anymore today. It’ll just be you and me.”

He reached over and grabbed my hand with a smile. “It’s okay, baby. I know you can’t stop it.”  I let out a sigh of relief after I realised he wasn’t upset with me. It only reminded me of how lucky I was to have him.

“Yongguk… I’m serious. Stop.” I whined, pushing at his chest as he into me. Things had been going fantastic. He got my clothes off and he got me into bed and we’d been having a fantastic time.

Then when we were starting to get heated an extremely overweight woman sat down next to us on the bed and complimented my boyfriend’s member. Apparently after she’d taken the initiative other people decided it would be okay too and all started appearing in the room. A teenage boy asked me what it was like to bottom and one that I assumed was his twin laughed at me for being a girl. Then another person started asking about other personal things. I went completely flaccid but Yongguk didn’t seem to notice.

“Why? What’s wrong?” He groaned, still ing even as he tried to show concern. I smacked his chest and glared at him before he finally stopped moving. I couldn’t get pissed with him though. He was in the middle of , how was he expected to realise something had suddenly changed? “Himchan?”

“The people. They’re watching.” I stared directly at the woman on the bed and she shrugged as though she was doing absolutely nothing wrong. She readjusted her tube top and I bit my tongue so I couldn’t tell her she had no place wearing what she was wearing. It wasn’t like she could change anyway. “I don’t want to anymore…”

“Dammit Himchan…” Yongguk readjusted himself, somehow managing to fully sheath himself inside of me again. “We haven’t had in six weeks.” Something I was more than aware of. He tended to get whiney if he didn’t get laid at least once a month. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t mine either though. I didn’t want to put on a show. I didn’t like the commentary. My life wasn’t a spectator sport. “We’re already doing it. Just close your eyes or something?”

I hit him again. “No!” He had to stop when I told him. The childish voice in the back of my head kept reminding me that it was my body and therefore my choice (and even worse telling me to tell him to get the hell out of my no-no square). “We’re not doing this! Get out.”

Suddenly one of his hands was covering my eyes and his lips took mine. “Just don’t think about them baby. I really need this.”

Your boyfriend is an . He should get out of yours when you tell him to. The woman on the bed whispered into my ear and I tried to block her out. Yongguk was right. It had been a long time and we were already in the middle of the act. He doesn’t even seem that good.

I sighed and moved my hands over my ears. “Just do it.” I mumbled and he started moving again before I had even finished the sentence.

I let him finish and then the second I could I rolled out of the bed and went to the bathroom. Fortunately he seemed smart enough not to follow me. I locked the door behind me and stepped into the shower before it had even warmed up. It would warm up eventually. I set to the task of washing myself, wanting nothing more than to be able to put clothing on again. The woman from the bedroom had decided it was okay to watch me shower and wouldn’t take her eyes off of me.

Is this what men are interested in these days? She asked me, her eyes not leaving my as she spoke. I shrugged my shoulders slightly. I didn’t really care to listen to her. I wanted to get clean and go to bed. You’re too skinny. It’s disgusting. Does he like seeing your bones? I shrugged again, washing my thighs with Yongguk’s loofa. He didn’t like when I used it. I can barely look at you without wanting to puke my guts up.

I bit my tongue and tried my hardest to ignore her. I couldn’t let her have the satisfaction of knowing that she was upsetting me. She haunted me regularly. I wasn’t sure why she was hanging around, but she had been a bother for nearly four months. She was a major reason why Yongguk and I weren’t being intimate very often. She showed up every time I kissed him. She liked to taunt me. It was starting to affect me.

You’re lucky to have him.

I knew that was true but I wasn’t going to tell her that. I was one of the luckiest people in the entire world just to have a person like Yongguk. He was perfect. I finished showering – doing my best to ignore the woman – and then returned to the bedroom I shared at Yongguk. He bit his lip when he looked up at me as though he felt guilty. I was glad he did.

“Can you sleep in the guest room tonight?” I asked him and he nodded his head. He grabbed his pillow then brushed past me without another word. I was worried that he was upset with me but I didn’t stop him. I didn’t want to sleep next to him for at least one night. Part of it was because of him and a small part of it was because of the woman spirit that had been haunting me. Yongguk had made me feel unimportant and the woman had made me feel disgusting.

Yongguk crawled into bed late the following morning. I normally got out of bed long before he did but I was having an episode. I couldn’t even open my eyes without the spirits rushing in on me and yelling in my ears. I couldn’t handle the noise. Yongguk usually took care of me when it got this way.

He slid his arms around my waist and I rotated to hide my face in his chest. I wanted the noise to stop. He was the best at making it all go away. “It’s okay, Baby…” He whispered in my ear, pulling me even closer. “Just block them out.”

I nodded my head. It was extremely difficult though. The people were just so loud. The woman was the loudest, as always. “I don’t want this…” I mumbled. It was something he had heard more times than either of us could count. “I don’t want it… Take it away…”

I felt him press a kiss against the top of my head and sigh. “I wish I could Baby. I would do whatever it took if there was a way.”

I fisted his shirt and pulled him as close to me and was physically possible. There was nothing he could do to make the people go away, but he was the best at making me forget for a small period of time. I breathed in his scent and blocked everything else out like he had told me the first time he’d caught me in an episode. I wasn’t sure why, but it worked every single time.

“It’s okay, Himchanchan. It’s going to be okay.” 

_______________

This is another short one.
It's not supposed to have and ending because Himchan's plight doesn't have an ending.
I won't write more in this universe because I don't want to.
So leave me pretty comments and I'm gonna go work on maybe writing TaoMinChen.
Comments~