The alarm goes off and Donghae wonders if he could stay in bed for a little while longer.

      He'd done it yesterday. He'd lied still until it was 5:32 AM, two minutes past 5:30, which is the time when his alarm had gone off like every morning in the days gone by. Maybe he'll make it three today. 

     He made it four, and by the time he hurries out the door with a half-eaten banana in his hand and a searing cup of coffee in the other, he swears he'll never do that again.

     If he would've gotten up at 5:30, like every day except yesterday, he would have had four minutes more time to complete his morning routine; get up, take a shower and shave, get dressed, eat breakfast and brush his teeth and that would leave him plenty of time to grab his car keys and make it to work by seven. That would have been the wise thing to do. That would have been safe, because it's a routine. But no. Today he'd gotten up at 5:34, something he'd never done before and never will again, because apparently changes in something safe means trouble.

     Donghae races down, stairs after stairs, two steps at a time and finally his sneakers scrape the surface of black asphalt in swift paces directed towards his blue BMW parked on the side of the road, not far from the block of flats he lives in. He gets in and curses at the clock; he should be at work in twelve minutes but the drive there takes at least twenty, if not thirty minutes.

    An old lady with a white and small, fluffy dog throws disapproving glares in the young man's direction when he battles with the gear stick to get the car on reverse. He is able to back out of the spot and get the first gear on, throw the coffee out of the window in the process. The dog sniffling the grass by a tree quickly jumps behind it when the wheels shriek as the car speeds away, leaving the lady and her dog breathing in the fumes of Donghae's hectic morning.

     "Decided to show up, huh?"

     "I'm sorry Kangin hyung. This won't happen again."

    The young man finally arrives when the hospital already swims in cold morning light. White walls in the emergency room and padded seats of a sickening color of mint green reflect the light, enhancing it and making it look like the sun has already risen. All of this is so familiar to Donghae; his superior Kim Youngwoon, Kangin between friends, greeting him as every day, the plastic plant in the corner of the room between the two long seats always looking the same, never needing any water. The signature smell lingering in every hospital filling his lungs and calming his nerves, preparing him for the day's trials. His smile is serene as he greets good morning properly this time, and heads to the locker rooms to change to his green pants and t-shirt, a pen sticking out from the pocket over his left chest and an ID-card dangling from it, before the waiting room fills of patients and the smell of old people. As he gets back he is immediately greeted by the familiar picture of young and old, men and women, sick or injured and just overly cautious people filling the waiting room.

     Suddenly the doors open and two paramedics rush in pushing a stretcher ahead of them, a little girl lying on top. She's unconscious and blood is running down from her temple, blotting black strands of hair in wet redness. One of the paramedics is holding a respirator over while the other is trying to talk to her. Donghae and Kangin rush to their side as curious heads turn in their direction.

     "Six-year-old female, was in a car accident, probably broken ribs and wrist, scratches. Needs immediate surgery!" The paramedic who was previously trying to get her attention is now yelling directions and panting hard as the men take another tight turn to the left and race straight ahead towards the operating room.

     This is what Donghae hates about his job. Forlorn cases like these. Having to look at children taking their last breaths, being there instead of their parents. 

    The next thing he realizes is already being in the operating room with his hands washed up to his elbows and a blue mask covering the lower half of his face. He has no memory of getting there and preparing himself. Not that it reallyt really matters, either, but it never fails to amaze him how he can function so easily out of habit and let his mind wander. Donghae takes another look at the little girl on the table, wonders if he'll have to tell her parents their daughter couldn't be saved.    

     "Scalpel."

     A voice Donghae'd recognize anywhere wakes him up from his deep thoughts. He takes the blade and hands it to his father, who places it undoubtedly in the middle of her small chest and makes the first cut. Blood is something Donghae has gotten used to ages ago, but seeing it coming out from someone so fragile makes his stomach ache and turn.

     The steady beeping sound indicating the girl's heartbeat suddenly increases and a high-pitched alarm goes off, warning about too rapid heartbeat.

    "Tachycardia... She's going to have V-fib! Get the defibrillator ready!" The room is filled with nurses and doctors, beeps and buzzes and yells of instructions and orders echo in the room as Donghae runs to get the defibrillator and pushes it by the operating table, prepares the pads with with gel and hands them over to his father, who places them on the little patient's upper body.

     "Clear!" Doctor Lee shouts and shocks the girl for the first time. No good.

    "Charging... Going again! Clear!" He shocks again, and Donghae watches as his father desperately tries to save the little girl's life even though he knew all along how this would end. He knew what this was: a forlorn case. No hope. Again and again electricity jolts through her body but the flatline on the monitor won't budge, tears in Donghae's eyes making it hard to see.

     "Appa... There's nothing more you can do. Her injuries were too severe... Let her go", he says and places his hand on his father's shoulder.

    "She won't die on the table. Not on my watch", the older answers and shakes his son's hand away. Donghae exchanges worried glances with one of the nurses and walks up to her.

     "Where are her parents?" he asks.

     She looks up at him, chews on her lip. "They both died at the site of the accident", she said. "Only she survived." The room gets quiet and Donghae hears the snap of rubber gloves as they're pulled out of Doctor Lee's hands, and he can't help thinking that maybe it was better this way. Maybe it is better to have the whole family go, than leave a girl with life-long scars, painful memories, have her live without a family. That was what Donghae was thinking, standing alone in the now dark operating room, when the little girl's body was covered with a white sheet and the machines were turned off, silence falling down like torrential rain. Why was it so heavy?

     Donghae pushes through the rest of the day with pure willpower. He has no clue why he is so affected by the little patient's death. There has been days like this before; some patient passing away right at the beginning of his shift. But he's never been this touched, and it worries him. Maybe it was the fact that he never got to hear her name. Or maybe it was the fact that he knew that she died alone.

     Donghae walks over to an elderly man sitting by the door in a wheelchair and covers him with a blanket so he wouldn't catch a cold. The grandpa smiles thankfully and Donghae returns the smile and moves him away from the constantly opening and closing door, thinks that in a four year's time he'll be a doctor just like his father, and he will be able to do much more in order to save people than just move wheelchairs around or hand instruments to doctors during operations or change patients' bedsheets. And he can't wait for that.

     "Donghae-ah, why are you still here? It's already past four. Didn't your shift end at three?"

     Kangin comes to sit by Donghae in the waiting room, places a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

    "I'm sorry Kangin hyung. I just feel like I need to make up for being late this morning. And... I don't know. Maybe I'm just too tired to think properly", the younger answered as he yawned and rubbed is hands over his face and into his hair, stretched with his hands behind his head..

     "You don't need to work so hard", Kangin says with smile. "Your shift is over so go home and rest. We'll need you tomorrow."

     Kangin takes his leave and Donghae sits quietly on the seat for a few more minutes before he too gets up and changes, grabs his keys from his pocket and walks out of the same doors he walked through in the morning. The low purr of the car's engine calms his nerves, and he directs the headlights towards his apartment.

     "Gosh how I hate days like these..." Donghae turns the radio's volume up to drown his own muttering.

    A few miles from home Donghae stops at the traffic lights by a ramyun shop. He sees four boys, maybe a couple of years younger than he is, playing around in front of the small shop.

     "They seem like trouble", he thinks but adds quietly in his mind that they would be perfect for a hairdresser's commercial. They all have edgy and fun haircuts. The tallest has pitch-black hair, dark like the night. The shortest's hair is a soft auburn color like his own, but what really catches his attention are the two last boys, who are laughing loudly together; the other's hair is platinum blond, while the other's hair is so strikingly red it resembles fire. Hot, burning fire. Donghae watches for a while, mesmerized, almost, but as the light turns green he turns his head away and steps on it.

     "Hyung! Minnie! This really is way too easy, like stealing a candy from a kid", the redhead laughs and his friend chuckles along.

     "Isn't that exactly what you did, Hyuk?"

     The boy put his forefinger on his lip as if to really think about it, but bursts into laughs a few seconds after. "I think I did. Seriously, hyung, this isn't good for my pride. We need to find something more exciting to do", he explains excitedly, but something else already caught his friend's attention. "What is it?"

     "Saw that car? The blue BMW?" the blond boy says and nods in the direction where the silhouette of a car could be seen. The other catches a glimpse and nods approvingly.

     "That's a nice car. Maybe I'll ask dad to get me one", he says and can't quite hide the arrogant undertone in his voice. The older only rolls his eyes.

     "Hey Kibum, where are we going?"

    The tall boy turns around to face the redhead who called for him and continues walking, takes awkward steps backwards with his hands in his pockets. The older of the two looks at the treat he's been holding in his hand, and takes an experimental of the cherry lollipop.

     "I don't know", the tall boy called Kibum shrugs, "But Wookie said something about an arcade? I guess that might be fun."

    The redhead thinks about it and finally agrees that yes, it might be quite fun indeed. On their way to the arcade they come across a young boy staring at the flaming redness of the boy's hair and unaware of the fact that he doesn't like to be stared at, the boy keeps staring with his mouth hanging slightly open. The boy keeps staring as the redhead crouches in front of him with an obvious fake smile.

     "You like my hair, don't you?" 

     The little boy was about to shake his head, but something in the older's eyes stops him. He nods instead with a frightened look.

     "Then", he asks sweetly and pulls the lollipop out of his mouth with a 'plop', "would you like to have this?" The little boy now shows genuine interest and reaches forwards for the lollipop. The older smirks and heaves a chuckle at the boy's stupidity. "Well you can't have it!" he spits in his face and pushes him just hard enough to make him fall on his . "Piss off."

     The redhead gets up and straightens his clothes, puts the lollipop back in his mouth and starts walking again. Cries are heard in the background, but he doesn't want to care. He feels the three boys following him and slows down just enough to get Kibum to walk beside him.

     "Was that really necessary?" the tall boy asks as he reaches the redhead's side.

     "Didn't you see? He dissed my hair! No one disses my anything."

     "But he nodded. Maybe he really liked it." The older turns his head to eye the dark-haired boy, the look in his eyes screaming, "Are you ing kidding me?" but his expression quickly changes when he sees amusement on the other's face. The boys end up laughing and punching each other playfully, until they reach their destination, a huge building with a flashing sign above the entrance reading Seoul Arcade.

    The blond boy with cute looks is the first one to step inside. Bright neon colors and flashing lights fill the dark room along with laughs and annoying 'plings' from different games. The ceiling high above them reflects the lights, making everything look like a giant disco ball. The boys take a look around and wonder how they haven't found the place earlier. It was incredible.

     "Wow", Kibum breathes and the redhead next to him eyes the area with a deadpanned look on his face. "This is really awesome. Come on Hyuk, let's go over there!" the tall boy says and points in the direction where the flippers were located and drags his friend behind him.

     "Yeah, you go ahead, I need to find a chair or a seat or something to sit on. Did you really have to kick me in the leg so hard, Sungmin-hyung? I can't even walk properly, jeez..." the shortest of them whines as he rubs the small of his leg.

     "I thought it was quite funny", the blond boy shrugs. "Don't whine Ryeowook, just shut up. You're ruining my perfect mood. Just go play something", Sungmin answers and heads towards the car games. Ryeowook looks as he goes, and after a minute of thinking he shrugs as well and directs his steps in the same direction as his hyung.

     Hours go by quickly. The boys have laughed, argued, made up and laughed again, spent all of their coins and some that weren't theirs at all, and as it gets closer to closing time they finally decide to head back home. Kibum leaves with Ryeowook by bus and the boys part ways at the bus stop, the redhead leaving with the blond by foot towards their homes not too far away.

     The boys walk in silence. It's not awkward, more like peaceful. Sungmin is the redhead's closest friend, and so he doesn't need to put on an act anymore. His mask has dropped and been left behind somewhere far away and during this walk he can safely be him. As they near the blond's home the younger starts to feel sad. The house can already be seen, a well-kept garden on the front yard and soft lights visible behind kitchen curtains. The feeling of envying someone is not new for the redhead, but he'd never admit it. Never, ever.

     "Bye, Hyuk. Go safely and I'll see you tomorrow."

     Sungmin walks inside and that's when the other realizes to lift his hands from his back pockets to wave him goodbye, but it's already too late. He leaves in silence and digs his hands back into his pockets, kicks small stones that aren't there as he takes slow paces towards the more well-off neighborhood a few blocks away. It's already way past dinner time and the stars are almost visible on the still too light sky.

     He walks through his neighborhood, watching houses become more luxurious by every step he takes. After twenty minutes he sees his own house in the far end of the street. No warm lights light up the too neat and perfect lawn in front of the porch. This wasn't home. It is just a house he lives in. A cold mansion. The stars are hidden behind clouds, and the redhead opens the door.

     "Eunhyuk? Hey! I'm talking to you, boy!"

     As soon as he steps in he wishes he wouldn't have come home just yet. He takes off his shoes quietly and puts the mask back on. No emotions.

     "Hyukkie? Go to your room, quickly", his mother says as she hurries into the hall, but it isn't her trembling voice that alerts the boy. It's the look on her face; fear.

     "Mom? Are you okay?"

     "Yes, just go upstairs, now."

     Eunhyuk doesn't know what to do. His father's slurred yell fills the air again. "He's drunk? Again?" he asks but doesn't need an answer. His mother grabs hold of him as he tries to make his way into the living room.

     "Hyukkie, just please go to your room", she says and tries to sound reassuring for her son.

     "No. Where's Sora?"

     "She's out. Sleeping over at Jessica's. Go to your room. Now."

     Eunhyuk glares at his mother but knows there's nothing he can do. He shakes himself free and stomps upstairs.

     "Did that boy come home? En-- Eunhyuk! Boy! Come 'ere! Now!" His father's yells are the last things he hears before he shuts the door and puts his headphones on, turns the volume up to drown the sounds from downstairs. He lies down and tries to doze off. Tries to wait for a better tomorrow, like every evening.

     Crash.

    Ten minutes later the sound of something breaking into pieces makes Eunhyuk jump up from his position. Soon after her mothers screams and his fathers yells fill the air all too clearly and he notices he dropped his headphones on the floor.

     "Is that boy home or not!? I heard him! Bring him to me, now!"

     "That boy!? How dare you! He's your son! And I told him to go to his room."

     "Oh, yeah? Away from me? Go get him to me, you useless piece of dog ! That boy isn't my son! Take him here!"

     "I won't", he hears his mother say with all the courage she could muster, and then a loud 'slap' echoes in the air.

     "Take him down! Bring him here, !"

     More slaps and hitting sounds reach Eunhyuk's room, and finally he can't take it anymore. His tears flow with his mother's cries as he rushes out and hurries into the bathroom, locks the door tightly. He takes a look in the mirror and wipes away his tears, because Lee Eunhyuk isn't weak. He opens the cabinet beneath the sink and the sight of razor blades greets him with friendly familiarity. He takes a blade and places it in the inside of his arm, makes the first new cut. He watches as blood runs down, lets his depression drip down the drain.

     Please let me get out of this.

A/N: Had to rewrite the end part of this chapter as aff took the whole chapter down... Well, here it is again! ^^ Some small changes are there, but nothing that would affect the coming chapters if you don't read it again. Comments = <3