The Caged Bird

Donghae stared out of the window, watching the snow falling softly onto the ground, painting it into a white blank canvas. He watched as the trees swayed in the winter breeze. He watched as the children ran down the street, shouting to one another. Free. That was the word to describe them. Snow falling freely on the ground. Trees swaying freely in the winter breeze. Children running down the street freely. Freedom. Something that they had. Something that he yearned for. Something that he wanted. Something that he had given up 5 years ago.

5 years ago, he was scouted out by SM Entertainment. He smiled bitterly as he remembered how he felt when he received the letter.

“Donghae-ah. There’s a letter for you. I left it on the table!” Donghae’s mother shouted from the kitchen. Donghae appeared at the top of the stairs and dragged his feet down tiredly, heaving a sigh as he went along. He had just finished his dance practice and was looking forward to taking a nap. He eyed the envelope which was lying on the table. It was a soft yellow colour with SM’s logo on top. SM’s logo... That could only mean one thing!

Hurriedly, he grabbed the envelope and ripped it open, scanning through it quickly. A loud gasp was heard throughout the house. Mrs. Lee came running out just in time to see her son put his hand over his mouth to stifle further expressions of delight. She threw a quick glance at the paper and squealed loudly.

“Oh honey, you got accepted! I’m so proud of you.” She threw her only son into a huge bear hug. The latter could only stand in shock as the pale yellow paper fluttered to the ground. ‘Acceptance into SM Entertainment.’ Those bold words stood out against the light yellow background and stared at him in the face. He did it. He had taken the first step towards his dream of becoming a dancer. His father, not a man of many words, had been drawn downstairs by the commotion. Looking at the paper, he too threw his son a smile, a smile that spoke many words. Donghae just grinned back as he hugged his mother. He had never felt so elated before. He was finally going to be a dancer.

As he recalled about his happy feelings then, he wondered if he had ever spared a thought to the trials and hardships that he was going to face in order to achieve his dream. Perhaps not. After all, he was too naive then for that. By becoming a SM trainee, he was ordered to cut off all contacts from the world other than his family. Even so, he wasn’t allowed to call them every day. He remembered again, bitterly, how his friends had tried to contact him desperately everyday, but had failed.

‘Hey. Are you ok? Is something wrong?’

No. He didn’t think that he was ok.

‘Why didn’t you come to school? Are you sick of lessons?’

It’s not that he didn’t want to, but more like he couldn’t.

‘Why aren’t you answering our calls? You’d better not be ignoring us on purpose over some little thing.’

He wasn’t ignoring them. Even if he wanted to reply., he couldn’t.

‘You disappeared for 2 whole weeks! Please don’t tell me that you’re in the hospital.’

Of course not. But right now, he wasn’t so sure whether being in the hospital was better than being where he was now.

The boy on the bed could only watch helpless as his phone’s screen flashed continuously as text messages streamed in one by one. He wasn’t allowed to reply to them apart from giving a short explanation. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve been accepted into SM.’ He knew that his friends were probably bursting with congratulating messages and questions right now, especially his best friends. But he didn’t answer any of them. Couldn’t. Cutting off contacts with his friends was one of the many rules set by SM for their trainees. Donghae could only stand at the sidelines and watched, helplessly, restricted by rules.

He sighed at that particular memory. He should have known at that time. Signs of the company binding him tight were beginning to show. But he would do anything to become an idol and a dancer, and that included obeying SM. But every now and then, he would wonder what would have happened if he didn’t. Would he be kicked out of SM immediately? Would SM punish him? He didn’t know and had no way of finding out. Not that he minded though. He just wished SM wasn’t so hard on their trainees.

Despite all that, everything paid off when he was called by in Mr. Lee. When he told the former that he was going to debut with 11 other people, to say Donghae was elated was an understatement. Who cared about whether Super Junior 05 was a trial group an