Report Card - Because None of Us Were Angels - ChoiMinho10. Chapters 1-13.

Story Link

Title : (.5/2) Was it eye-catching? Does it fit the fic? Would I have clicked on it?

As of now, I don't see how the title really goes with the story but maybe you're getting to that(?). I might have clicked on it, it really would have depended on my mood.

Description & Foreword : (1/2) Did it get me curious/interested? Did it give too much information or totally off topic? Was it a proper description and foreword?

Now if I were to grade you on if it was a proper description and foreword, you would have gotten zero points . However, it did get me interested. But let me explain more about my first sentence. A description is like, describing what the story is about. Like the pack of a book. Sure yours did but there's room for improvement. Some descriptions are one or two sentences but i feel as if for yours it should be a bit more. Your foreword, phew where do I begin. It was good, don't get me wrong on that but it was maybe too long. Yes, the foreword is suppose to be either an excerpt from the story or an author's note on why you decided to write this. With 9 characters as the focus, I guess it was right of you to include an excerpt for each character. Maybe the excerpts were a little too much or something but I think the foreword and description need some editing.Keep in mind that these are the first few things a reader will see.

Originality: (3/5) Was it different from other fics out there? Were you able to make it your own in a way?

With 9 characters as the main with their own problems, there's room for lots of cliches. Abuse, drugs, bullying, etc. However I like how you're connecting everything. I feel like that's how you make it your own since you have your way on how you connect things.

Overall Appearance/Neatness: (3/5) How were things like your background, poster, and font? Did I have trouble reading due to any font ?

Background is black so there's no issue there. The poster is nice although it's a bit clustered ( Please understand that you're not getting points taken off for your background or poster. ) Font is a readable font. Although points off because your author notes are in blinding colors for 3/4 of the chapters.

Word Choice & Descriptiveness: (3/6) Did you have a wide range in variety with words? Was I able to visualize things in my head easily with your words?

Decent range of words. There was a point I got too where the description was lacking though. I think it was Xander's chapter? I starting losing the movie in my head as it got blurry.

Story Flow: (7/10) Were things going by smoothly or was it confusing and jerky?

It was a bit choppy but that's only because there's 9 characters so of course there's that chop when you write each chapter.

Grammar, Sentence Fluency, and etc : (13/20) I’m a semi-grammar freak GRAMMAR NAZI so grammar is a big thing for me. Grammar, spelling, and all the good stuff in this section. Except this part of the grading to be stricter. Seriously.  You will lose big points for this. Keep in mind, that deep within , I am probably a grammar dictator. D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R.

Lots of small things that started piling up. Let's start off with what bugged me the most; the extremely long sentences with lots of commas. There should be a variety of sentence lengths, long short,  and medium. The majority of yours were long. Yes you can have long sentences but I mean, there were lots of times where you could have just ended the sentence with a period but instead you kept rambling on with more commas. For example :

'Another reason Kevin didn't belong here, he wasn't normal, or perfect, and he was possibly the farthest from happy he could get, even if he acted like that with his friends.'

Do you see how long that sentence is? It's running on when it could have stopped. Read it out loud to yourself and hear how each sentence flows and sounds, how you want it to sound is how you should write it. For  me I would have revised that sentence to

'Another reason why Kevin didn't belong here? He wasn't normal or perfect, and he was possibly the farthest from happy he could get. Even if he acted like that around his friends.'

Also some small typing errors like ' As Sun Min saidt it ' I think you can see what's wrong with that. There's a heavy use of commas and sometimes, they're placed in the wrong spots. Some capitalization mistakes. however, I feel as though your sentences just need some rephrasing or tweaking.

Plot: (16/20): Very important. Was it interesting? Was it well written? Was I able to get into it or did I start losing interest? Etc.

It's interesting, seeing how everything is starting to connect and what not. Fairly well written.

Writing Style and Format : (17/20) How was the layout/formatting? Was your style easy to figure out and read? How does it look? Was it professional looking? Etc.

Your style was easy to read, although it changed a bit. Thoughts started off being shown in italics, which is usually what everyone does but then after a while that changed. It was decent looking at a glance. Although starting on Xander's chapter, things started getting double spaced from each other. Paragraphs, speech . Everything. I don't know if that was an attempt to make the chapter look longer or more organized but honestly, it didn't. It just made a lot more white space in the reading.

Overall Enjoyment: (7/10) How much I liked your fic overall.

Nuff said.

Total: 70.5/100

BUT WAIT- THERE’S EXTRA CREDIT~! A CHANCE for more points and also a possibility that more points will get taken off…

Characters: (0/3) Were your characters well developed? Did they have a voice to them?

There's some development needed. Not much voice. I mean there were thoughts and I know it's an angst fic and they each have their own problems BUT basically each thought or emotion was just ' I'm sad. '

Chapter Titles: (0/2) Did you even have them? Did they go with the chapter? Were they creative?

Had them, went with the chapter but I don't' think it's worth extra points.

My Feels: (2/5) What were my reactions to events? Did you get me to laugh, or crack a smile, resist the urge to throw something at the computer screen, cry, etc? All that good stuff. *Note- Points will be taken off if I ever had any “ What the hell did I just read” moments.

Kiseop's chapter hit me hard. I kept glancing at my wrist and arms when I was reading. I swear I felt the knife just cutting my arm. But that's probably because honestly, I've been where Kiseop's been before. ANYWAYS. Angst fic, did the job, I got pretty upset but not like crying upset. Author notes at the end of chapters would ruin the mood as I would go on to the next chapter.

Twists & Turns + Cliffhangers: (0/2) Did you have them? Were they creative or gasp worthy?

Small things I didn't see coming. But none really 'gasp worthy'.

Anything Else: (-1/3) Anything else praise worthy or points off?

Author notes were really unnecessary sometimes and as said before, they ruined the mood.

Notes/ Comments:

Overall it was a good fic. Some tweaking needed that's all. Also, regarding your chapter images... I suggest either making a chapter banner or not using a picture or picking better ones. Some of them were simply.. too happy for an angst fic. Like for example, Dongho's. Don't change your style part way too.  The credit for you poster should go into your foreword not description. I suggest perhaps making your foreword shorter? If you want more detail as to what I mean, feel free to PM me : ] Also thank you for being so patient!

Final Total : 71.5/100