“Jinki, we need you.” One of my fellow inmates grabbed my wrist as I stepped into the courtyard and dragged me over to the other side, where two of the other prisoners were circling each other slowly. Several of the others had formed a circle around them, eager for a fight and the bloodshed that would follow.

“Break it up, you two,” I said firmly, stepping in between them.

“Get out of the way, man! This dissed my hood!” one of them yelled.

“You call that hole a hood?” jeered the other.

The first one lunged forwards, but I held him back with one hand. “That’s enough,” I said firmly. “Remember what happened last time? I’m not particularly fond of pepper spray. And I like my dessert privileges.”

“Jinki, he dissed my hood!” the first one insisted.

“Is it worth a week of solitary?” I retorted. “Think, you morons.”

“What did you call me?” growled the second guy.

“That’s it!”

I raised my hands, grabbed their wrists, and flipped them towards each other so that their heads bashed together. “There. Now you’re even.” I turned and walked away, leaving them groaning on the ground to a round of applause.

“Good job, Jinki,” grinned one of the guys, clapping me on the back.

Rumors about me had spread like wildfire and when the others saw Taemin’s crippled state- well, it put me a few rungs higher on the food chain than my first stint in juvie. The others whispered that I was a repeat offender, that I’d killed three of my friends in cold blood, that I terrified even my own lawyer. I let the stories grow and multiply and fester until the newcomers trembled when they saw me and even a couple of the old ones knew to leave me alone.

“Jinki!” One of the guards beckoned to me. “Your lawyer is here to see you.”

Speak of the devil.

“He left you a letter,” Siwon announced, handing me a crumpled piece of paper covered in Taemin’s scrawling print. “He admitted his guilt. Why were you trying to protect him, Jinki? Why did you lie to me?”

“So you read my mail now, too?” I retorted. Taemin was gone.

Siwon sighed. “A confession like this one can be used as evidence, you know.”

“It’s a lie.” Taemin was gone.

My lawyer just nodded and headed towards the door. “I’ll give you a moment to compose yourself, then.”

I crumpled up Taemin’s letter and threw it after him. He closed the door just in time to block it and I heard him telling the guards to leave for a few minutes. And then the roaring in my ears blocked out all other sounds. 

How did his idiotic doctors and nurses not realize he wasn’t taking his meds? How did they not see him stashing them away, to be taken all at once?

Somewhere in the back of my head, I realized that my hand was stinging as I stumbled away from the wall and turned towards the table.

How did they let this happen? And why did he do it? After everything I did to save his life, he just goes and takes it on his own?

I kicked the table aside and started on the chairs.

I told him his life would be more than that- I promised myself I’d make it happen! Why did he do it? Why?

“Bastard,” I whispered, swiping away something wet on my chin as I kicked over the trashcan, feeling drained all of a sudden. “ing little bastard…”

Presently, the door opened and Siwon glanced around the room. “Are you feeling better now?”

I didn’t answer, just stood with my back to him. He didn’t comment on the overturned table and chairs, or the dent in the wall as he calmly righted the furniture and sat back down at the table.

“Would you like to hear the good news now?”

He took my silence as an affirmative and folded his hands together, smiling at me. “You’re a free man.”

My head snapped up. “You used the letter?”

“No, I-”

“He was lying.”

“I didn’t use the letter, Jinki.” Siwon’s smile subconsciously grew smug as he lifted his chin a little higher. “I found a loophole in your case. Your arrest was unlawful.”

What?

“When the police read you your rights, you weren’t sober enough to understand them. Therefore, they violated your rights. You’re a free man.”

That lying son of a-

I blinked as he held out a small, shiny metal object to me. “They found this in his hand,” he said softly, all traces of pompous arrogance gone. “I think he’d want you to have it.”

Actually, if he knew a thing about Taemin, he’d know that Taemin would be rolling in his grave or bodybag or whatever he was in right now if he knew I was touching his lighter. And even though I knew that my lawyer should have left the thing with Taemin where it belonged, I took it from him. “Thank you…”

I shivered as the wind blew through me and rubbed my ears. I should have brought a hat- my hair still hadn’t grown out enough after my prison haircut. I flicked Taemin’s lighter open and lit it, watching the tiny flame struggle against the wind before it was extinguished.

A year ago, I never would’ve guessed my life would be the way it is now. I never would have imagined myself crouched on a fourth floor fire escape alone, with just a cheap lighter to remind me of the boy I met exactly twelve months ago.

He’d been a train wreck waiting to happen. He’d been on a one-track road to hell. He’d been stepped on and kicked by everyone he came across, meeting them head-on with his tough front. He was nothing but a lost little kid, being pulled in all directions with no sense of where to go.

But he’d taken control in the end.

I guess he was grateful for everything I did after all. He claimed that he knew he could never live that “better life” I’d told him about, that he would never rise above it all.

But I could. So he wanted to give me that chance.

You’re a moron, Taemin…

I squeezed the lighter in my hand and for a moment, I was back in the alley with Taemin scowling as he tried to light up a cigarette. I could see Key’s ever-present sneer, hear Jonghyun’s ringing laughter, and sense Minho’s strong and sturdy presence beside me.

I stood up. The fire escape creaked and swayed slightly beneath my feet as I climbed up onto the railing and spread my arms out. I could almost see the four of them, standing side by side as they watched me.

“What the hell are you doing, old man?”

I chuckled at the familiar voice and turned around, hopping back onto the escape. It was late. I needed to get home, soon.

After all, I had school tomorrow.