Chapter 4:

Kris pov:

I’m looking forward for today, thinking that I can see Seohyun, I clearly told her that she can’t ignore me, as well as I am expecting her to talk to me in person. We run to super junior and greeted them, at the corner of my eye, I saw Kyuhyun hyung busy, irritated rather in his phone, a smile form in my face, maybe she’s not answering his call.

I’m looking forward to that.

“Gege, can you go with me in the cafeteria? I want to buy something, I’m still hungry,” Tao nudge my said while holding at his grumbling stomach, he didn’t eat much breakfast, since he is craving for something sweet, demanding like a pregnant woman.

“Okay,” the rest of the group went straight to our practice room, me and Tao headed to the cafeteria on the right side of the building.  I reprimanded Tao to choose quickly, he said he wanted cakes, but it seems like he can’t choose easily and he wanted them all. After ordering what he wanted he looked at me cutely, I know what that means, I curtly took out my wallet and pass him some bills , while waiting I overheard my snsd sunbae’s Yuri and Taeyoon talking about Seohyun being sick, that she was left in the dorm and no one was left to take care of her, not even their manager because of an errand made by the company.

Everything was because of last night, I felt guilty, thinking that she got sick because of me, while here I am stupidly formulating another plan how to get her. Without making myself notice I tried to get as many as information as I can, totally ignoring what was Tao saying, my mind is occupied by Seohyun’s condition.

We went to the table, waiting for Tao to finish his cake, I receive a message from Suho that our dance instructor will be delayed for two hours that’s why they are just practicing on their own in our practice room,

I have two hours free time.

“Tao, I need to go somewhere, I’ll be back after 2 hours,” I did not wait for his reply, I strode outside, calling for a taxi, fortunate that Snsd’s dorm is not that far from Sm, I paid the driver , I spotted a flower shop across the street, I should bring her flowers, the owner I think  greeted me asking what flowers I want, it’s not that hard since my eyes instantly caught what I am looking for.

“Give me a bouquet of white roses, the freshen of them all. ” I replied in my fluent Korean, the woman smile and immediately pick white roses, hiding myself as nov90, if you still wonder why I got that username, nov, came from November my birth month while 90, was from 1990, the year that I was born, as I was saying hiding myself on that username, I found out many things about Seohyun, like her favorite food, flowers, books, something you can’t found in her interview, since she thought that I am someone who don’t know that she’s the real Seohyun of Snsd, she open up herself to me.

However in the end I betray her.

“For your girlfriend,?” she inquire, I just smile at her, how I really hope that Seohyun is mine, I will be proud to admit to anyone that she is my girlfriend, but unluckily she is not, but it’s still not the end right? As long as they are not married, as long as I will make her notice my existence. As long as I will make her worth choosing me over him.

“She maybe too special for you,” I nod again, after giving the payment; I reach out for the flowers and went to Seohyun’s apartment.

I heave a sigh before ringing the doorbell, minutes after  she showed up, her smile vanish upon realizing that it was me, Kris, the person she least to expect, the person that she dislike to see.

“Why are you here?” she asked trembled, I gulp at her angered reaction,

 “I heard you’re unwell, that’s why I am paying you a visit,” I try to smile and fool myself that everything is okay,

“You don’t have to, I don’t want to see anyone, especially you,” it pain me seeing those resentment from her beautiful eyes, I was the one who outshine those , I was the one to blame that’s why she didn’t had a perfect sleep last night causing a dark circle under her eyes,  I was the one who brought her anxiety.

“Let’s talk,” suddenly I am begging, I have to, I invited myself in, because I know that she will never do that,

I stared at her, she didn’t accept the flower that I am giving, I decided to just put it down, her tears started messing her beautiful face, I feel so accountable, I just want her to be mine, not to make her cry, I got the courage to move forward near her, wiping her tears but in an instance she pushed my hands away.

“Don’t touch me!” no more calmness in her voice, rather fuming with anger, she despise me, she made a step backward, creating another distance between us.

She wanted me to see the clear message between us.

Our distance, that if I will make a step forward, she will make a two step backward, that’s just how it was, and still.

Yet, faking my identity as nov90, I discovered many similarities between us, we love reading inspirational books, we love silence, and we’re both a man of few words but right now I felt like I am just assuming that we’re similar because I like her.

Her tears continues as I recall when was the last time that I started liking her, three years ago to be exact, my first time to be in Sm company, I was too nervous waiting for my turn for the audition I was the last, I had no one to talk to,  someone handed me a bottle of water,

“That will help,” I didn’t look up that time, but I reach  out for the hand over water, I didn’t say thank you to the person nor look at her, maybe  she find me impolite, I’m just worried about my poor Korean. But she didn’t say anything, nor any harsh words, after a while I look to my side which I believe she went, I saw three women chatting, a girl with a bottle of water just like mine lock eyes with me  and smile, I raise my bottle and mouthed thank you and smile back at her, she tilted her head and chat with her friends again. That’s the first time  that I met her , maybe she forgot that scene, but I always remember those,  she served as my energy back then that I can pass the test, that I can be an idol, that I can be in the same company as hers.

From then on I started looking at her, secretly watching her, admiring her, cowardly loving her.

That was me.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally said, she stops from weeping and look at me

“If you are really sorry, you will forget everything about this, all the things that happened,”

“But I can’t do that,” it will be hard to forget everything that happened, I’m still looking for that miracle that somehow she’s attracted on me too.

“But you knew who I love, and you knew that I only did those because I love Kyuhyun oppa,” the mention of my enemy’s name, she slapped in my face clearly the big wall that separates the two of us, I have her in my heart, she have him in hers, unluckily for me because he feel the same,

“please give me a chance for me to prove that I worth it,” I begged again, grabbing her hands , whose trembling with anger I guess, she’s pushing me away, but I’m too induce  not to let her go.

“I don’t want to be unfair to you, because I know it the end, I will still choose him, so I am asking you to forget me, forget this as long as it’s not too complicated to let go,”

It’s already complicated for me, I’ve been coward towards my feelings for her, I was satisfied and contented on the world that we created, maybe because she used me as the character, I was fooled I thought that she’s also in love with me. I didn’t realize that my conclusion was wrong, it was too late.

“Tell me why can’t you like me?” what’s in him that I don’t have? I am desperate to know.

She gathered enough courage to look at me, with tears uncontrollably falling from her eyes, with angered from her face, she looks at me, I then notice that I am shaking her tightly to the point that I am hurting her.

“He has my heart.” Four words, that made you heart feel numb,

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!?” behind us stands the equally anger Kyuhyun hyung.

If only looks could kill..

___________________________________________________________________________________________next Kyuhyun pov.