“I did my best to not come back in the dorms because I knew very well what would happen if I did come back.” Kangin had a serious tone on the phone and Leeteuk wasn’t exactly in the mood for talking. It was 4 am in the morning and God knows how busy the leader was. So he would like to sleep forever if he could. He didn’t even care if it was Kangin or God on the other line – he needed to rest.

As soon as Kangin finished his sentence, Leeteuk hung up.

Kangin called once again but Leeteuk didn’t answer, letting his phone vibrate on the floor.

“Hyung, answer him” Ryeowook’s sleepy voice echoed in the little room they shared. Leeteuk knew from his light snoring that Ryeowook was talking in his sleep.

After three missed calls, Leeteuk finally answered - sparing Ryeowook from getting disturbed any longer.

“What, Kangin? What would happen if you ever came back here huh?” The leader sounded quite miffed and immediately, Kangin thought he shouldn’t have called but now, it was a little too late to beat a retreat.

“We would fight.”

Leeteuk loudly sighed. He started to get seriously annoyed by Kangin. This idiot hadn’t call him even once the past year and suddenly, he decided to give him a call at 4 am to tell him they would fight if they see each other?  you Kim Youngwoon.

“If you could go straight to the point it would be great, I have to wake up at six tomorrow.”

“I hate being here. I know I said I’d do my best here but in fact, it’s unbearable, hyung. I really want to be with you – all. I can’t wait to get out of here seriously.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m ing jealous. She is so cute.”

Leeteuk chuckled as quietly he could, afraid of waking up Ryeowook because of Kangin’s random rambling. The poor guy worked hard all day and earned a peaceful sleep.

“I know right. I’m having a big crush on her. I think I’m going to ask her out when the program ends. I’ve developed too much feelings to let her go now.”

In the dark, Leeteuk grinned while imagining Kangin’s frustrated face.  Everyone was jealous of him and his exposed relationship with Sora.

“No, hyung. I don’t mean being jealous of you.”

“Huh?”

“I meant being jealous of her.”

A thump in his heart shook him with violence and without thinking any further, he hung up on him for the second time this night. He turned off his phone and made it slide on the floor, as far as possible from him.

He couldn’t get back to sleep at all that night. Cursing Kangin for being the cause of his sleepless night.

*

Leeteuk didn’t turn on his phone for the next two days, too afraid of getting a call or even a text message from Kangin. He couldn’t explain the fear which was shooting him through his body while thinking about him.

He had always sensed it and now it was more than real, he just didn’t know how to deal with it.

“Teukie-hyung? It’s for you.” Yesung walked over to him and gave him his cell-phone with a serious expression on his face. “It’s Kangin.” Yesung only said before leaving Leeteuk alone in the living-room.

God damn it. Not now.

“Yes?”

“Hyung, I’m so sorry about yesterday, please, don’t hang up.”

“Okay.”

“I had a billion things to tell you before calling Yesung. But right now, I think I’ve already forgotten everything, hyung, I…”

“It had been one year and a half since the last time I saw you, Kangin.” Leeteuk didn’t let his younger colleague talk that he added: “You’ve been ditching us. Or me, whatever. Do you even miss us – them?”

“I do,” Kangin was truthfully honest.

“I don’t believe you anymore. And you know I was the only one who believed in you before, the only one who stood up for you, the only one who forgave you, the only one.”

Leeteuk never intended to make him feel guilty for his past mistakes yet Leeteuk couldn’t hold back his feelings anymore. He protected Kangin until now, Leeteuk who never told him anything, who never scolded him – just because he was Kangin, he said nothing. And, for the first time in two years, Leeteuk poured all his feelings in these words, accusing him of not being loyal to him.

“I’m so sorry hyung,”

Kangin was on the verge of crying, Leeteuk knew it from the shaky tone of his voice.

“Listen, I understand why you avoided me. But at least, come to see the members. They miss you.”

“If I see them, I’d want to see you.” Silence. What could Leeteuk say to him? “Are you seriously going to ask her out?”

“Yes.” He said. “No. I don’t know.”

Leeteuk frowned at himself, he thought he had already decided he would. Why couldn’t he tell him the truth? – Leeteuk had a habit to lie to himself to make things better, to make up the mistakes and the doubts.

“It’s okay, she is pretty and you look good together and…”

“You’re cruel toward yourself, Kangin.” The older blurted out.

Kangin let a soft and sad laugh escape from his lips. “Maybe”

“We will see each other when I get discharged, okay? Gotta go now. Take care hyung.”

Before Leeteuk could add anything else, Kangin ended the call.

He never had the strength to ask her out – telling himself he was too busy.