#BREAK UP#

 

“Let’s break up”

 

This phrase… he heard this phrase for quiet several times now. He was supposed to be unaffected by it, right? But, why he felt as if his chest was being squeezed that he couldn’t breathe? Why he felt as if he lost all his energy that he couldn’t stand anymore? Why he felt his eyes sting and his vision blur? Why he felt this way over and over again??

 

Hyukjae stopped his feet and standing beside his boyfriend. He closed his lips tightly until he could feel pressure on his upper and lower teeth. Without looking at his boyfriend, he nodded and continued drinking his strawberry milk shake that he was holding with his left hand, while his right hand clutching the teddy bear’s stomach as if his life depended on it.

 

“I’m sorry.” Donghae paused then continued “it’s not working. It’s not you-“

 

“I understand” Hyukjae looked up at his boyfriend –which now became his ex-boyfriend- giving his adorable gummy smiled. “I understand” he repeated all too happily for Donghae liking. “Thank you for everything”

 

“I’ll get all my things around this week” Donghae said. Hyukjae nodded and gave him a small smile as Donghae walked away.

 

====

 

To say he was okay and fine, was an enormous lie. Truth to be told, he felt weak. He felt miserable. He felt somehow lonely and hurt. He wanted to mourn so badly and show the world how badly hurt he was, and yet, he still kept his nothing-happen composure. The voices on his head kept telling him that this is not the first time. He won’t die because of a simple break up. He was a 25 years old man, and not 18 years old boy who will be weeping for his breaks up. But then again, this is Lee Donghae they are talking about. The man he gave his everything to. The man he had spending 5 years together. Not just weeks or months but years.

 

He didn’t know what he should do. Some part of him wanted to cry, and yet, there were no tears. And other part wanted him to laugh, for letting himself being fooled by love, for believing a happy ending, and yet, there was no voice coming out of his red plump lips.

 

What did he felt right now?

 

He felt… nothing.

 

He didn’t feel anything.

 

Phrase that he feared the most had finally said by Donghae. He had been prepared for this phrase to be spoken by Donghae. For 5 years, he had been prepared for this day. He expected this day to come, the day where Donghae will leave him.

 

But, however long he had prepared, and expecting, why he still felt so heartbroken?

 

Why it felt worst than before?

 

The only thing he wanted at the moment was to sleep. He was tired.

 

====

 

“Hyukkie-ah”

 

“Ne?”

 

“Do you know how big this universe is?”

 

“Hmm… very big of course. Even scientist couldn’t measure how big it is”

 

“That’s how big my love to you”

 

“…”

 

“Even the best scientist couldn’t measure it”

 

“…”

 

“Are you blushing?”

 

“…”

 

“Whoa!!! The great awesome and super MANly Lee Hyukjae is blushing!”

 

“YAH!!! I’m not!!! I-It’s t-the temperature! Yeah, it’s g-getting h-hot here”

 

“Saranghae Lee Hyukjae”

 

“…”

 

“Stop being cute or I’ll jump on you right here right now”

 

“ert!!”

 

“Ouch~ yah! Stop hitting me or I will really fuc-“

 

“LEE DONGHAE!!!!”

 

Donghae was laughing his head off as Hyukjae kept hitting his broad muscled chest not-so-lightly, and people who happened to be there –who also picnicking- watching the two adult man weirdly.

 

====

 

Hyukjae opened his eyes and sat on the bed abruptly. He was sweating and panting as if he just finished running a marathon. His heart beat very rapidly. He still could hear clearly Donghae’s laughter. He closed his ears in attempt to stop the voices. Wrong move. His laughter became even louder and clearer. “Stop it! I said stop it!” he yelled to no-one in particular and second later, the voices gone, leaving him with a quietness and darkness of the night.

 

He heaved a heavy sighed and ran his hands on his wet blond hair. He tilted his head toward the clock on the table beside the bed. 10.23 am.

 

He frowned. He only closed his eyes for only 23 minutes, but he felt as if he had slept forever.

 

He sighed then lied on his bed once again. He closed his eyes…

 

“Saranghae Hyukkie~”

 

 …but opened it a second after. He blinked once, twice and thrice.

 

He closed his ears and rolled his body into a ball then closed his eyes again, but opened his eyes and ears second later.

 

He did the same things for many times and the result always the same.

 

Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw Donghae’s angelic face with smile that he loves so much.

 

And, everytime he closed his ears, he heard Donghae’s soothing angelic voice whispering love to him.

 

That night, he didn’t sleep nor closed his eyes or ears. He just stared at the darkness of his room.

 

====

 

“Hyukjae! What is this?” the old man yelled as he threw the red file on his table.

 

Hyukjae jumped from his seat and immediately opened the file to check what was wrong. He widened his eyes as he realized his mistake.

 

“Are you trying to make my company bankrupt, boy?”

 

“I-I’m sorry sir” he bowed ninety degrees at his boss. “I won’t repeat this mistake again. I will be more careful”

 

“This is the fifth time of these three days, Lee Hyukjae. I can’t tolerate these mistakes anymore. You know what. Why don’t you go home and have some rest, and hand this job to someone who more capable than you”

 

“I-“ Hyukjae bit his lower lip then bowed again “Yes sir, i will placed my letter on your desk before lunch”

 

“That’s my boy” the old man patted his shoulder not-so-friendly and left.

 

====

 

 “Hey. You’re home. That’s early”

 

Upon hearing the familiar voice, he looked up to see the owner of the voice who was busy packing all his things.

 

“Ne~ Boss gave me holiday” he beamed then walked toward the kitchen to relief his sudden dry throat.

 

He walked toward the living room. Scanning the almost empty apartment, he just realized that most of the things that filled his apartment were not his. They were Donghae’s. The guitar, the collection of CDs, the keyboard, the collection of songs that filled the cupboard on the corner, the pictures of scenery, the caps, the exercise tools that consist of weights and whatnot, the printer, the fax, the stack of papers, the…

 

“Your plasma TV”

 

“Huh?” Donghae put the box on the floor and looked at Hyukjae confused.

 

“TV” he repeated as he pointed at the plasma TV.

 

“Oh, I think I’ll just leave it for you, I can buy one if I want”

 

“Thank you” he smiled his gummy smiled.

 

“No big deal” Donghae uttered.

 

There was silence between them. Donghae looked everywhere but Hyukjae. He had prepared himself to see a broken sight of Hyukjae –just like when they were fighting, not a normal Hyukjae who looked like… Hyukjae. He should be relief that Hyukjae not mourning after him. But that feeling never there in his heart, instead, he felt everything wasn’t right. He knew how dependent Hyukjae was on him, despite his independent and mature look. He knew how vulnerable and fragile Hyukjae was, despite his strong look. He knew his heart, his soul, his… everything. He knew Hyukjae wasn’t alright. Seeing this Hyukjae, he felt like punching and buried himself. This is not his Hyukjae. His Hyukjae will be crying his heart out by now. Wait a minute, was he wanted Hyukjae to cry over him that much? Maybe, he indeed alright? And accept this fact? Maybe, Donghae didn’t understand Hyukjae like he thought he was?

 

He broke form his reverie when he heard that melodious giggles. He looked up at giggling Hyukjae who tried to suppress his laughter by closing his mouth. He stared at him confusedly.

 

“What with that face? And what’s with that awkwardness?? Is this really Lee Donghae?” without even waiting for Donghae’s reply, he continued “Aren’t you going?”

 

“Y-Yeah” he faked a coughed and walked or more like jogged toward the door.

 

“Donghae-ah” Hyukjae called him as he about to stepped out of the apartment, he stopped his track and turned toward Hyukjae “I know its sound cliché but… well, all the best for your future”

 

“T-thanks”

 

====

 

“Donghae-ah”

 

“Hmm” Donghae responded without averting his eyes from the paper in front of him.

 

“Will you ever leave me?”

 

“What’s that Hyukkie?”

 

“You… will you leave me?”

 

Donghae chuckled at that and put the paper on the table, and paid all his attention toward his boyfriend who was sitting beside him. Seeing his solemn face and long pout, he chuckled then wrapped his strong arms around his boyfriend’s slim waist. He pulled Hyukjae toward him and embraced him tightly. Automatically, Hyukaje snuggled on his broad warm chest.

 

“Hyukkie”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Do you think fish can live without water?”

 

“No”

 

“That’s how I will be if I ever leave you. I love you, Hyukkie”

 

====

 

Hyukjae sat on his bed panting and sweaty. He looked at the clock, 8 o’clock. Morning. He fell asleep!!!! After five days of sleepless.

 

“Hyukkie~ wakey wakey” he smiled as heard Donghae’s voice “You need to go to work”. He turned around and to face Donghae, but only to frowned as he saw nothing. He sighed as the realization hit him.

 

He was now alone, and jobless.

 

There was no more Donghae.

 

He was alone.

 

Alone.

 

====

 

Walking toward kitchen, he froze on his track as he saw Donghae was there. Apron hugged his front. Hand busy flipping the food. He turned around and smiled at Hyukjae.

 

“Morning, baby. I see you still can walk eh?!” he grinned mischievously.  

 

“What are-“ Hyukjae couldn’t finish his sentence as he saw someone that looked like him walked toward Donghae, limping and pouting as he hit Donghae on his back. Donghae was laughing as he turned around and hugged his lover who still hit him.

 

Hyukjae closed his eyes and ears for several minutes. When he opened them, he was greeted by empty kitchen. He snickered at himself when he remembered this had happened long time ago.

 

Sighing, he walked toward the refrigerator but stopped midways as he saw Donghae smiling at him with one hand on the refrigerator’s handle. “Strawberry milk as usual, my princess?”

 

Hyukjae giggling at his words, but it didn’t last long as he saw no one there. He blinked and blinked. He was getting crazy, he sure of that.

 

After successfully took a carton of strawberry milk, he walked toward the dining table. But before he got a hold of the chair, Donghae had pulled the chair for him.

 

Hyukjae smiled at him “Thank-“ and he was standing there, frozen, as he saw no one. This time, he was laughing at his own silliness.

 

“God~ I’m crazy aren’t I?”

 

====

 

He was getting crazy. He sure of that.

 

For the whole day, he saw Donghae everywhere.

 

EVERYWHERE.

 

When he was sitting on the couch, he saw Donghae opened his arms waiting for him.

 

When he was on the balcony, he felt Donghae hugged him from the back.

 

When he opened his closet, he saw Donghae’s shirt, and when he tried to reach it, he was greeted by empty closet.

 

Every part of his apartment he landed his eyes on, he will see Donghae and his stuffs.

 

Had enough of these, he ran out of the apartment. He felt suffocated.

 

Wrong move.

 

Outside, he saw Donghae even more.

 

Inside the lift.

 

On the staircase.

 

At the gate.

 

Sitting on the bench at the bus stop.

 

Cafes.

 

Walked on the pathway.

 

At the park.

 

Standing under the tree.

 

He was everywhere.

 

Without realizing it, Hyukjae was running as if his life depended on it. He knocked the passersby, but he couldn’t care less. He ran and ran, the faster he ran, the clearer and louder Donghae’s figure and voices.

 

“Hyukkie! Don’t run, you’ll hurt yourself”

 

“Baby, stop running please? I can’t bear seeing you fall”

 

“I love you Hyukkie, so please stop crying. It hurts me”

 

He didn’t even know that he was crying uncontrollably. His tears were streaming like river.

 

“Hyukkie baby. I miss you”

 

“Stop being so cute”

 

“Your lips is my drug, you know that?”

 

“Hyukkie-ah, why are you so adorable when I’m pretty sure you looked horrible crying like that?”

 

“I promise. I will never ever leave you”

 

He was sobbing hard, he closed his ears as he ran away, couldn’t care less where he was going. He stumbled forward and fell on his knees.

 

“Hyukkie!!! Are you okay? Is it hurt?? Hyukkie-ah”

 

His knees were bleeding but he didn’t felt the pain. He sat on the ground, bent his knees and hugged them as he crying his heart out. Buried his face on his knees and hands covered his ears. He didn’t care all the eyes that stared at him.

 

What he wanted the most right now, is to stop this agony in his heart, and Donghae’s voices that kept ringing inside his head.

 

Why??

 

Why he left??

 

Where’s his promises??

 

Why he did this to him?

 

What have he done wrong?

 

All the feelings he had kept had finally escaped.

 

Lee Donghae, why?

 

====

 

A/N: Lee Donghae!!! Why???? Why you did this to Hyukkie????

 

Anyone want TO MAKE sequel for this???

(I’m not saying : anyone want a sequel?)

You are welcome if you want ^^. I would love to read the sequel.