Taemin was holding his bunny doll while heard shouts outside his warm room. It was not his first time to see Daddy and Mummy in fight. That fight was the uncountable time. Those shouts were hurting him but he just too scared to tell them to stop, Taemin was just too scared.

Jinki Daddy came home late; it was 10.30pm. Kibum Mummy was waiting for him in our warm living room. Their fight just started by some arguments then end with Kibummie Mummy’s tears. I probably would cry with Mum too since he always cries while hugging me.

I actually do not know what kind of feelings I felt when I see them in fights. That was more than sad, that was more than hurt. That might be the worst feeling in human being. I really could not figure them out; I was just five years old boy.

While I was in my dreamy land, I heard voice. I know well that voice; Kibummie Mum’s voice. It was not just voice. It was a sobbing. I wish I misheard it, I wish it was a lullaby; Kibum Mummy used to sing for me. Nevertheless, I was right, Kibum Mummy cried. I heard my beloved Mum sobbed. It hurts me. I woke up from my warm and soft bed, walked in small step and clenched up to his warm body.

Kibum Mummy said it was nothing but his pretty face shown that He was so sad, so desperate. Kibum Mummy kissed my cheek, caressed me, told me and led me to my bed. I patted his back, kissed his wet cheek. Kibum Mummy smiled to me, a weak smiled. I asked Kibummie Mum to sleep with me; I hope it could ease his pain though a bit. Mum slept in my bed, clenched my small body.

The fights between Mummy and Daddy were getting more intent. They fight over stupid things. They fight over small thing. Somehow, they did not notice my little body was watching over them. Somehow, they did not acknowledge me was there. Kibummie Mum would always say they were okay but my innocent feeling sensed there was something wrong between them.

Someday Kibummie Mum came to my room while sobbing; he hugged me. Kibummie Mum told me that he and Jinki Daddy would divorce. Kibummie Mum told me that I might not see them together under our warm and loved house again. I did not know what divorce mean. I acknowledged it, as if I would not feel my parent’s loves anymore.

In another day, Jinki Daddy came to me told the same thing as Kibummie Mum did. He asked me with whom I wanted be. I was just a five years old boy, I did not know how to answer Jinki Daddy’s question. In the end, I just cried. I wanted to be with Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum but I remained it in my silence.

Some night, the fight between Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum was getting worse. I hugged my bunny doll, I cried again. In that night, there were not only shouts Kibummie Mum even threw a vase that blew Jinki Daddy’s temper up. Jinki Daddy was not lovely and soft daddy I knew, he was so mad. Jinki Daddy slapped my Kibummie Mum. My tears streamed harder. I ran into my mum. I stepped into the broken vase, I bleed, and it hurt. The scars in my little boy were nothing however, my innocent heart hurt even deeper. Kibummie Mum cried when he saw me hurt, and I knew he cried because of my Jinki Daddy too.

Jinki Daddy left our house, and Kibummie Mum hugged me. He put Band-Aids in my scars while still crying. Kibummie Mum said sorry, hugged and kissed my cheek. Mum told me that we would be fine.

After the vase accident, Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum acted like a stranger. They did not talk to each other. The air in our warm-alike-house was so cold; I might die by the coldness. The cold air remained for few weeks. I felt so empty; I rarely smiled.

I ran to Kibummie Mum and told him I love him so much. Kibummie Mum kissed me and said he loves me too. I ran to Jinki Daddy and told him I love him so much. Jinki Daddy smiled, hugged me and said he loves me too. I asked them, did they love each other as they love me; their mouth locked. They did not answer me; they remained silent. For the first time I saw them doubt about their love. An electric-hurtful feeling stung me, I cried. I cried harder than before, the feeling hurt me so bad. I could not bear it; I could not hold my tears anymore. I am; Lee Taemin was just five years old boy.

I wish Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum would understand my heart and stopped ask which side I would stand. I hate to choose, I could not choose between the people I love most. I was just five years old son. I did not need that question! All I need was loves and affections. I stopped talk to them for a short while. I wish they would understand my feeling. I wish they would be Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum used to be. I wish I lived in my used-to-be-warm-and-lovely-house again. I wish their fights were just a bad dream.

Kibummie Mum knew something was not right when their little Taemin kept on silence. Kibummie Mum knew that his and Jinki Daddy’s fights hurt their precious-little Taemin’s heart. Kibummie Mum wished they had no fight; Kibummie Mum wished he could protect little Taemin’s heart. No matter he wished for; when it came to his and Jinki’s ego, Kibum’s wall would break into pieces.

Jinki Daddy knew something was not right when their little Taemin kept on silence. Jinki Daddy knew that his and Kibummie Mum’s fights hurt their precious-little Taemin’s heart. Jinki Daddy wished they had no fight; Jinki Daddy wished he could protect his little family. Jinki Daddy wished he could be just a good husband and dad for little Taeminnie. No matter he wished for; when it came to his and Kibum’s ego, Jinki could not let his pride down.

Kibummie Mum came in to my room, embraced me. He said sorry. Kibummie Mum explained about our family condition. I could not understand. I just shook my head. Kibummie Mum pulled me in her embrace; he cried. His tears streamed down to my hair. It was so warm yet, so hurtful. Kibummie Mum told me; to smile as I used to however, I just shook my head. Kibummie Mum brushed my brownie-hair. I inherited that from my Jinki Daddy; I am so proud about that. Kibummie Mom told me that he would work again as designer. It meant I would live all alone in the cold-building-called-home. I hate that. Kibummie Mum knew that I hate to be alone but he said it a must since he must take care of me. My mind ed, I did not understand what it means.

Lately, Jinki Daddy went house earlier than before. Sometimes, he would just stay at home for a whole day. I thought Daddy got holidays from his office. I was so proud of him; I bragged a lot of him to my friends in kindergarten. Jinki Daddy is a handsome man, he is a funny person, Jinki Daddy was a hard worker and my Jinki Daddy is super-awesome man, he is the best daddy ever! I love him as much as I love Kibummie Mum.

I was just five years old to know that money matters could ruin your whole life. Another fight started again. Those scary scenes were starting by an argument. Kibummie Mum was materialistic-type, he is a realistic and loving person. Obviously, Kibummie Mum asked about how’s life without Jinki Daddy’s support. I did not know why the soft, funny, calm and full-caring Jinki Daddy could be that fierce. Jinki Daddy shouted, Kibummie Mum the one who never wanted to be the second place shouted back. I was so horrified. All I could do was crying.

I knew, Kibummie Mum was in the edge of his defense. I knew, Kibummie Mum would cry no longer after seeing me cried. I knew, Jinki Daddy could bear to see his dearest family crying. I knew those things although I was just a five years old boy. However, the things I have known well did not work that time. The fight was getting even scarier, I cried even harder. There was an urge to shout back to them but I am Lee Taemin has no brave. My tongue twisted. I pushed myself to talk. There were exactly four words blurted from my plump and pinkish mouth.

“Listen to me please…” Taemin said. The voice was so shaky then the tears streamed down.

Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum listened to my shaky voice. The fight stopped. I heard no more evil.

I am Lee Taemin will turn nineteen. There is something still could not be fixed in Lee’s household. The coldness could not be break. Although, Jinki Daddy and Kibummie were awkward toward each other I still believe they are eternally in love.

There were some scars in the heart that could not be healed. I am Lee Taemin, scare to be deeply in love. I am Lee Taemin, scare to love precious one. I am Lee Taemin, miss the past time when Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum loved me unconditionally; I want back my precious childhood when Jinki Daddy and Kibummie Mum did not against each other.

If only I were had any brave to say “Listen to me…” I would have had a people-dream-of-family like. Stay still, we could not turn the time back. We only move forward.

-FIN-