You're Beautiful

I looked at her as she walked straight towards me. She looked like a goddess surrounded with natural wind that always bounced her shoulder-length hair. Every female would be blown off and lose self esteem once this girl stood or sat beside her. She’s just amazing. She smiled as she knew I was staring. Just the sight of her makes my day. She… just makes my life. 



And here I am, waiting for my girlfriend to finally get close to me by an inch. Yes, this wonderful lady is my girlfriend. Kwon Ji Yong’s girlfriend.



“Jagiya, where have you gone?” I asked worriedly as my fingers entwined with hers. They fit too much with each other that I sometimes think it’s the most perfect combination the world has. Like, they exist to be together. To intertwine. 



She smiled at me to make my worry ebb away. “I just got my notebook inside the gym. Come on, baby, I’m just gone for what? Right, half an hour. You miss me too damn much.” And she pinched my left cheek. I chuckled and pinched both of hers. “You’re really good at making me worry; at making me miss you.” 



“Well, I’m good at everything.” And I gave her a Btch-Please-Meme face. We went straight to the cafeteria and ate lunch. We always spend our days like this, just what a normal couple does. Eat, talk, laugh about anything, and act in love in front of all the forever alone peeps. 



She was just a girl that I’ve been dreaming to be with someday. Until that dream became reality. It was like a fan-celebrity interaction between us. I know everything about her. I can’t keep my eyes off of her. I can’t bring myself not to like her, despite knowing the fact that the whole male population of the school is ready to kneel down and yell to the world the feeling of how she grew on us. Who would have thought that out of 0.0001% of actually winning her goes to me? I became the envy of men of our school. A non-existent guy like me did.



I first met her back when we were middle school. She isn’t that famous, yet. She’s just a social outcast, really. Her hair is dry, her skirt is long, and the Sandara Park before is nowhere to be seen now. Despite of her appearance, I saw the beauty in her eyes, not minding the tears welled up in her eyes that time. 



It was evening, 3 years ago. My sight’s off but not my hearing sense. As I was walking down the road, my ears caught up a sobbing sound. There under the lamppost I saw a girl crying, sitting on a seesaw. She’s the girl that one of my classmates is dating. That jerk. 



I handed her my handkerchief. “Here, take this. You’re too old for tears.” And she continued to sob.



“Problem with Jae?” Her boyfriend. “He’s a jerk. You should have known.” I wasn’t sure if she nodded or she just bobbed her head out of crying. 



“Look at me.” She hesitated at first. She wiped her tears with my handkerchief and looked at me. And it was the first time that I have seen eyes that beautiful. Her eyes are burning with pain. And beauty. 



“You know what? No man is actually worth a woman’s tears.” I sounded like a love expert. 



“But Jae is---“ she finally spoke. Her voice. Just the sweetest. 



“If you ever find the one who is actually worth it… I tell you, he will never make you cry.” I finally said, and she just stared at me, dumfounded.



“He cheated on me. I saw him with someone. They’re…. he’s despicable.” She barely explained. 



I smirked. “Men? They’re like brassieres.” 



“What do you mean?”



“They hook up behind girl’s back.” I finally said.



“Are you one of those?” she asked, clearly wanting to hear me say No. “I don’t know. Maybe yes, maybe no. Or maybe I’m not man enough to tell.” 



Silence followed. Later, when she calmed down we finally decided to bid goodbye.



“Thanks for this.” She said as she handed me my handkerchief. I smirked and fished a permanent pen out of my pocket. I started to scribble something. “This, keep this. It’s yours. Take care.” And I turned my back at her. 



Since that day, she never exited my mind. It seemed like nothing is worth thinking about, but her.



“Hey, you’re spacing out.” She pouted. “You really should eat this.” She suggested as she pointed the shrimp in her lunch box. She fed me one, and it’s undeniably delicious. 



“Who cooked this?” I asked. No response.



Then, she went disoriented. I saw her eyes fixed onto something. No, to someone. It’s Choi Seunghyun—-- the school’s prince. The male version of her. 



Have I told you the set up in which Dara and I were caught up? We dated because of this guy. 



After that incident between Dara and I, she started to change. And on the first day of high school, she completely did change. Scratch that, just her appearance. 
I knew she still has a pure heart. Truth be told, the first time I saw her, I really didn’t know she’s the crying girl I met until I gazed at her eyes and someone confirmed she’s Sandara Park. 



I still don’t know why in the hell we went to same middle school and high school. It’s like, I had a purpose. Every time I see her, boys are ogling at her like she’s a little bit of God’s masterpiece. And I can’t blame them. Then there comes this Choi Seunghyun-guy who also got interested in her. I started to think she’s a magnet of jerks and s. They always spent their days together. I actually thought they’re dating, until one day that she came to me and ask for a favor. Yes, to me. 



“Will you g-go out with me?” She even stuttered. 



Lo and behold. I stared at her in disbelief like it was the most impossible question that someone could ever ask me. She probably saw the questions in my eyes, so she started explaining. She told me she’s doing this because she wanted to test Choi Seunghyun if he really liked her that much. She’s trying to see if he’s ready to ‘wait’ for her even if someone has already got her. She’s trying to make him jealous. And she’s trying to use me. So there I thought, maybe that was my purpose. 



Call me stupid, but I agreed. 



“Baby, seriously… what’s with this notebook?” I asked, as I tapped the notebook, bringing her back to her senses. She immediately grabbed it from me like it was 
the most important thing next to me… or to Seunghyun. Beside our table, I can feel the heavy gaze that Seunghyun is giving to my girlfriend. Sometimes, I don’t know if I have the right to be jealous. 



Seunghyun stood up and went to our table, eyes fixed on Dara. “Later,” he said to Dara and went out. 



“What does he mean?” I asked. 



“I.. I don’t know, really.” I shrug the topic off and started anew. 



Later at dismissal time, “Ji, can you not walk me home today? “she asked.



“Why? I can accompany you if you want.” I told her. But I saw the look on her face, then I remembered what Seunghyun said awhile ago. She probably didn’t want me to go with her.



“Uh… I still have to do something. I can do it alone.” She tried not to look like she’s sending me away. I just nodded and looked at her as she went back to her room. I went to the comfort room, trying to hide. Then I lifted my feet, afraid to make a sound, as I find my way to Dara’s classroom. I peeped through the door. I saw him. Seunghyun. He’s talking to Dara, alone. Their voices are too soft for me to hear. At the corner of Seunghyun’s eyes, I knew he saw me. 



“DARA, TELL ME. ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM?” 



Then, I turned my back and walked away. I didn’t want to hear the word 'no' from her. I don't know if I can handle much pain. That’s it. This is the end. 



The sun was already as down as I am. I stared at the moon as I sat on the seesaw, fighting the tears that are starting to mist my eyes. This is gay. I held my breath as my phone started ringing.



“Hello? ……… Were you able to go home safe? ……….. Eh?.......... I’m here at the place where we first met…….. Okay.” The line cut off.



I think she’s going to break up with me.



She finally came after minutes passed. She smiled at me, and I faked the smile back, just to stop the tears from falling. I broke the deafening silence that lasted a minute. 



“You were with Seunghyun.”



“Yes, I was.” 



“Now I know why you didn’t want me to go with you. “



She sat on the seesaw beside me. We’re swinging lightly. “He discovered. Remember when I was gone for 30 minutes awhile ago? I was at the gym, looking for my notebook. Then I found him reading it. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. So he asked me if we can talk at dismissal time.” 



“What’s in that notebook anyway?”



“This.. is my diary. Of you and me. I had written here the reason why we went out, why we dated, why I chose you over him.” She briefly answered. 



I stood up and found myself kneeling in front of her. “Tell me, is this the end? Are you breaking up with me? Did you decide to finally go out with him? Tell me…I’m… dying to know.” 



She cupped my face with her soft hands. “Were you jealous?” 



“It’s not jealousy. It’s fear.” I started. “Fear of losing you.”



Her creased forehead turned calm and her lips curved into a smile. “He asked me if I’m in love with you.” 



“So I heard.” 



“Did you hear what I answered?” I saw her blush. I shook my head. “I told him, I will never be…. “ My teardrops finally gave up and fell as I bowed my head. Her fingers quickly find their way under my eyes, wiping the tears off.



“I will never be in love with anyone else, but you.” 



My face lifted up, face filled with confusion. 



“The day I asked you if you can be my boyfriend.. I thought you were about to say no. I was scared. I changed. I became more beautiful for you. So I made up an excuse for you to say yes. Of course I knew you’d say yes because you’re nice.” 



I chuckled. “And there was me, hoping that we’re dating without that excuse existing. I love you, Sandara Park.” 



“I love you, too, Ji.” Out of her pockets she fished out a white handkerchief. She wiped my tears with the handkerchief. And it was the most familiar thing in my life. I grabbed it from her grasp. 



“This is mine.”



“So am I.” she seconded. I smiled and unfolded the handkerchief. 



There I saw the scribble I wrote that has still not faded after 3 years. 

“YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.” 

a/n: Hi applers! I've been on hiatus for about 4-5 months already so I wrote a fanfic as an apology ahahahhaa. I missed writing! (huhu, I thought it was long. blame MS word!) Anyway, It's been a year since I last wrote. I don't think I improved at all, LOL. Happy 3rd anniversary to 2ne1! 

Yay, I'm finally on college! Psychology yeyeyeyey Hahaha