Onew’s POV

As I drive the same route to the same place that I do every day, I wonder. Can I keep this up? Will I make it through graduate school? Am I on the right track? A part of me wants to find out all of the answers. Another, overwhelming part is tired and apathetic.

I need something. Something to rekindle the spark inside me. Something to remind me of my goals and dreams. A small voice in my head says, “You need someone.”

I laugh bitterly. I am thinking about him again. The one I have tried and failed to push out of my mind. The image of his wavy, flame-colored hair and big brown eyes danced in my head. For years I was in love with him, my best friend. I never told him. I tried to convince myself that just being his friend was enough. A few months ago, however, I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore. When I managed to stutter out my confession, however, he had laughed at me. I knew that my chances of acceptance were slim, but I had not expected him to see my feelings as a joke… In any case, now that I knew he didn’t feel the same way, I decided to forget about him. Easier said than done. All I have accomplished is spiraling into a depression.  

I take my time getting my stuff together after class. I am the last one left in the room, but I am not in a hurry; I finally have a night off from work. As I walk out the door, I trip and fall flat on my face.

“Onew-hyung!” I hear a familiar voice yell my name, full of concern.

My best friend, Taemin runs over and helps me up. “Are you ok?” As I look at his beautiful face, I feel a mixture of emotions. Embarrassment for falling, anger and hurt because of his rejection, guilt for avoiding him, and the unmistakable feeling I always get when I see him, even now...

“I’m fine, Taemin-ah. Gamsahamnida.” I mumble, avoiding his eyes. I have to get away, and fast. I can’t start crying in public, in front of him…

******

Taemin’s POV

I replayed our phone conversation in my head again:

“Taemin-ah. There’s something I n-need to tell you.” He said, his voice shaking.

“Ne? What is it?” I ask, slightly worried by his uncharacteristic nervousness.

“Well, I-I…”

“Onew-hyung, are you alright? You can tell me. You can tell me anything.”

“I-I’m in l-love with y-you.”

I felt my face go red. I was shocked. I didn’t know how to respond and I just let out a big, stupid laugh. Some people stutter or sweat when they’re nervous. I laugh.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“N-no. Ha, Onew, I just hmm, don’t… hahaha.” I started to fall into a fit of uncontrollable  giggles.

“I get it. Fine. I just didn’t think you would be such a jerk about it!” he hung up on me before I could explain myself. I literally smacked myself in the forehead. Good job, Taemin now he hates you.

And I seemed to be right. I called him and texted him dozens of times. I tried to catch him on campus. He has been avoiding me ever since. If I could just explain that it was a misunderstanding…

I walk out of my class with a sigh. Then I see him. In mid-fall, books flying out of his arms. His clumsiness never ceases to amaze me and amuse me. Then he face-plants.

“Onew-hyung!” I yell and run to him, scared that he is really hurt.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, Taemin-ah. Gamsahamnida.” He mumbles dismissively. I can tell that he is about to blow me off and run away, as he has done every time we met since the day he confessed. I have to do something. I have to make him stay and listen to me.

He motions to start picking up his books, but I grab his shoulder and make him face me. He keeps on turning his head, averting his eyes from mine.

“Onew, we need to talk.” He turns his head away, hiding his face.

I take a step toward him. He takes a step back.

“Yah, Onew.” I say quietly, trying to see his face. He doesn’t respond. He just keeps backing up as I come forward. Eventually his back hits the wall. I get so close that our legs touch, his still turned face is inches from mine.

“What are you d-doing?” he whispered with a shaking voice. Do I scare him that much?

“Look at me.” He shakes his head. I take his chin and pull it toward me. His eyes are full of tears and he is biting his lip trying to keep them back. I say his name, shocked and saddened. I put my hands on either side of his face and he lets out a sob, the tears falling. I pull his head into my chest, his hair and wrapping my other arm around him.

“Ch-choesonghamnida.” He mumbles into my shirt. I chuckle.

“Onew, I make you cry and you apologize to me? …No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed when you confessed. I just couldn’t stop myself. You know I laugh when I get nervous. I never got a chance to tell you how I feel.” He pulled away to look at me, wiping his eyes.

“B-but you were about to reject me. I could t-tell.” He said.

“You always assume things, you dummy.” I say, poking his forehead. I take a step closer, backing him into the wall again.

“So. H-how do you f-feel, then?”

“I love you too, Onew.” I said, smiling. His eyebrows scrunched together and his lip quivered. His eyes filled with tears again and he let out a little sob.

“Onew! Why are you crying again?! Aren’t you happy?” I took his face in my hands, wiping his tears away with my thumbs.

“That’s j-just it. I’m s-so happy. I never thought…I n-never thought that y-you would f-feel the same.”

“Haha, Onew, you’re such a goofball. You’ve been the most important person in my life for years. You’re always there for me. Is it really that surprising? …Here, maybe this will convince you.” I held his chin gently and slowly pressed my lips against his.