Tao.

Chen.

And me.

We were once the best of friends. It's hard to believe that a year ago, we were totally inseparable, but now, things have changed too dramatically...

Up to the point where I decided to leave Tao.

Up to the point where I decided to push everyone close away.

Up to the point where I almost committed suicide.

I used to be a very optimistic person, but as time dragged on, I changed.  I can't say if it's a good or bad thing because everyone still looked and treated me the same way, but the way I looked towards things.. it was so negative. Almost too negative for a person like me.

Hm. A person like me, huh? A person like me doesn't deserve good friends like them, especially Tao. Honestly, he was the bestest friend anyone could ever have.  He was always there for me.  He made me laugh when I was upset, he texted me "good morning"s and "good night"s everyday, he was always there... I knew I could always count on him.

It was the same for Chen. I remember when my mom thought I was missing once and she called him, asking him where I was.  He actually didn't know and started to brainstorm ideas of my whereabouts.  I mean, I've never met anyone that would do that for me in my life, except for him.

He and Tao are actually the most trustworthy guys ever...  They always knew what to say and when to say the words I needed to hear.  Why did I say knew? Because Tao and I.. we're not friends anymore.  On the other hand, Chen and I are still friends, but I feel that we're slowly drifting apart. 

But that's what high school does to old friends.

Right..?

A tear rolled down my cheek.  I couldn't help but think about them.  They changed my life so much. Everything feels so lonely without them. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh.  Many memories came flooding back into my mind and my vision soon became blurry.

The time Tao and I first met in sixth grade.

The time I used to hate Chen because he accused me of liking him ._.

The time when we all went to our graduation trip and I kept on continously beating Tao at poker.

The time when Chen pretended to be my friend's girlfriend over the phone.

The time when I tried to "steal" Tao's wallet, just so I could see what was inside.

The time when we went to my friend's birthday party and had a total blast.

The time when I had an indirect kiss with Tao.

My lips unconsciously curled into a small smile, but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

The time I fell in love with him.

The time we had our first fight, all because I was being too stupid and naive.

The time I first had my heart broken.

The time when... when he started to ignore me.

The time when he told Chen that I was annoying and that he didn't care.

The time when...

By now, I was sobbing uncontrollably.  These memories were just so bittersweet..  I missed them so much. And to think that nothing would be able to break us apart was just too.. idealistic.

I pulled the blankets over me and stared at the ceiling, still crying.  I looked at the clock beside me.  11:11.

Normally, I would've wished for something, but I just wasn't in the mood.  It wouldn't do anything if I did anyway.

About half an hour later, I started to drift off to sleep...

"Go find out yourself then. I don't want to put up with anything anymore. I'm ing sick and tired of everything. Erase everything we've ever been through. Kill every memory, every laugh, I just don't want to care anymore. I talk to people and see their responses to feel that they actually need me. But I guess you don't. You were a really sweet and nice person, but now you're just cold. Call me stupid or one-sided or whatever but I'm only saying the truth. I guess now you're just like the rest of them." I yelled at Tao. If this was a cartoon, smoke would've been coming out of my ears already.

"I was trying to say what's happening to me, but I guess you were always that type of person to overreact and make rash decisions.  It's always about you.  You don't acknowledge people that are going through similiar situations," He glared at me.

I froze.  Was I like that all along? Had I been such a to the person I loved? Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I wiped them away. This time, it'll be different.  I don't want you to get hurt anymre by me.  I just want this cycle to stop.  I just want you to be happy, I thought sadly.

"I know other people go through the same thing as I am. I don't act like it's the end of the world. I don't try to ignore people when I don't want to talk. When I talk to others, I try to hear them out and let them complain about everything because maybe some people don't bother to listen them. I want them to know that I'd be there for them when they need me.  It's just that it never work because they'd always find someone better. That's why its always about me. That's why I'm so self-centered. That's why I'm so selfish. And that's why I'm not worth it.And for this whole time, I was trying to listen. To know how you feel about things. To see how your life is going. To know what's happening. But you never say anything. That's why." The words I had just said pierced through my heart.  I didn't mean any of it.

Me, me, me, me, me.  I'm such a conceited person.

"You have enough problems in your life. To care for me is burden.  I don't share my problems anymore. I just keep it in."  He shook his head and started to walk away.

At that time, I didn't even know what to say.  Finally, I shouted, "You're not a burden."

But he didn't even look back.  He kept on walkng forward and his shadow became smaller and smaller until it became nothing at all.

I jerked awake.  I was sweating all over.  "No, no, no, no, no.." I kept whispering over and over again.  "Stop... I'm supposed to be over this.  I'm supposed to give everything up.  I'm not supposed to dwell on this anymore.." I shakily ran my hands through my hair.

Minutes later, I found myself writing a letter to him.

"Hey...

I just wanted to thank you for always being there for me, even when I was always a total lovesick to you.  What I said before, I know it was conceited.  Actually, no.  It was BEYOND conceited.  I know in the past I've said that I've had enough and that I didn't want to put up with you anymore, but none of it was true.

You're one of the bestest friends I've ever had.  You don't deserve to get hurt like that.. You look out for other people all the time... It's just that everyone misunderstands you and they don't take the time to know who you really are, including me.  Everyone jumps to conclusions before you even have a chance to explain and I know that hurts you a lot.."

I took a deep breath.  The next part was going to be hard to write.

"I'm sorry to have been one of those people.  What makes it worse is that you considered me as one of your best friends, and I've never really done anything for you.  You put me as a top priority, but I totally took that for granted.

But I guess now it's back to square one, right? I can't do anything to make it up anymore.  There's not going to be enough time, is there? 

I know that you choose to remember memories of the people you deeply care about and you forget the rest. I've put in some of the pictures I've always wanted you to keep.  It's okay if you want to forget me,  I understand.

Well I guess I've said everything I wanted to say.

From, 

Someone you used to know"

I sealed the envelope.  I ran out the door, grabbing my keys along the way, headed to the post office.  He needed to know this.

After that, I walked out of the post office and looked up at the sky.  It was a beautiful shade of blue.  The sun was up, shining brigher than I've ever seen.  There weren't any clouds.

I smiled.  Everything seemed to lighten up.

Tao, just so you know, I'll always remember you.  I'll be silently watching over you.  I hope things get better and that you'll find the happiness you deserve.  I hope the pictures will help and that you'll look at everything in a new way.

But those pictures... they're just memories.  They can't do anything.  I just hope that those memories will come back to you...

But will you remember?

FINALLY DONE WITH THIS FAN FIC. HOLAAYY .

This is probably the worst thing I've ever written T^T

Maybe I'll delete it later ._.

Sorry that I didn't really make Tao and Chen do anything ><

Y'all must be hatin' on this right now :(