“Shhhs hae, it’s going to be okay? Please don’t cry anymore” eunhyuk tried to comfort his wife that is crying his heart out even though he is crying himself. Their only baby, out of miracle, is in danger. Last month, their one year old son, Lee Eunhae got admitted to the hospital. Their son, had lung infection. A common sickness that could happen to any one year old baby. The problem with their son is that, it doesn’t stop at the innocent little baby’s lung. It spread to the kidney as well. Thus, forcing the baby to undergo dialysis at such young age.

The couple had been married for over 5 years already. They had lived a normal couple life and they had accepted the fact that the both of them are man; they would never have their own children. Fortunately, the world has change and they had found away to let men to get pregnant. They were both excited after hearing about the discovery. Unfortunately, not all man can get pregnant and unfortunately for them, Eunhyuk is one of them and also donghae has been found that he has a very very low chance of getting pregnant too. But like Eunhyuk said, even though the chances are pretty slim but unlike himself, donghae can get pregnant. So they tried and never give up.

Fortunately, after going through lots and lots of procedure and lots of prayer to God, they were granted a miracle. Donghae was pregnant and carried a life in his belly for 9 months. A healthy and cute little baby boy which they named Lee EUnhae was born.

DOnghae was ecstatic and Eunhyuk was grateful. DOnghae has always been good, no scratch that, perfect with kids and he had always wanted one of himself. They are lucky that scientist had found away for man to get pregnant and they are grateful that God had given them the miracle.

DOnghae was overly excited and happy when the baby was born. He took care of the baby with so much love that any mother out they would lose to him. He bathes him with love, feed him with love and took care of Eunhae with so much compassion and love.

Unfortunately, they learned that having a kid is not an easy task. They found out that their love was tested as well.

DOnghae barely have time for eunhyuk and eunhyuk though he loves his son very very much, he can’t help but to feel a bit neglected. Even though that’s the case, eunhyuk understands that donghae is just trying to be a perfect mother and he is just overly excited to finally have his own baby.

While eunhyuk is trying to get donghae attention on him again, donghae is quite upset with his husband. The father like figure donghae pictured eunhyuk to be seems not to match with eunhyuk. The father donghae expected him to be seems to be missing. Before they had eunhae, eunhyuk has always told donghae that he can’t wait to have their own baby. He had always told him he would take care of the baby too, feed him and play with him all the time. But when eunhae was born, eunhyuk rarely plays with him. He knows that eunhyuk loves the baby as much as he does, but he can’t help to feel a bit disappointed. Where are the promises? Was the promises he made to him is just for the sake of trying to please him? Donghae is not sure if he should be happy or not with the last statement he figured out.

Fortunately for the two of them, eunhyuk starts to warm up with his son months after. Donghae figured out that eunhyuk most probably was not comfortable with how small and fragile eunhae was before. That is why eunhyuk rarely play with eunhae. Donghae had always been more natural with new borb babies out of the two. Tons of babysitting donghae made over years, bet it is his nephew or cousins, proved it. Now, eunhae has grown bigger and his bones are more solid than before. Eunhyuk starts to show his father like figure and spends much more time with their baby. Donghae could not be happier than that.

Eunhyuk confronted his wife after they fought for the first time since eunhae was born. Eunhyuk wants to bring DOnghae for a dinner because he realizes that they had not been spending time with each other lately. Donghae rejected the offer saying that who would take care of eunhae and after so much rejection ,eunhyuk lost it.

Eunhyuk told donghae how he was neglecting him not only on the dinner matter but others as well. After quarreling so much, donghae finally gave in and decided to leave their son to his mother. That night, donghae realized that how much he missed eunhyuk and how guilty he is for neglecting the love of his life whom was everything to him. He also realized how hard it is now that he has to divide his world whom had always been eunhyuk to eunhae and eunhyuk.

After that, their live seems to be happier and filled with so much love and family bonding that donghae cant help but to feel so very blessed to have a baby that he loves so much and also a husband that he loves just a little bit more.

Donghae would always cuddle with the baby every chances he get and eunhyuk always play with Eunhae right after he came back home from work. They spend so much time as a family now. They would always sit in the living room watching television while Eunhae play on the mattress on the floor. They would bath together in the bathtub if they got the chance too. This show the efforts the two of them made to tighten their bond as a family.

Unfortunately for them, their happy moment came crashing down just two days after their son first birthday. Their baby and their joy were admitted to the hospital for lung infection. To say that donghae was devastated is an understatement. He was a wreck. He won’t eat properly and his health is declining. They had been sleeping in the hospital since their baby got admitted. Eunhyuk though he wants his baby to be healthy, he is more concerned with his wife that seems to head to depression and illness.

Again for the second time, another large fight between the two once lovebird occur.
DOnghae accused eunhyuk of neglecting eunhae and himself. Eunhyuk feels a bit guilty, because he admitted that before their baby got admitted, he had been so busy with his work that he had spend less time with his family like he used too. But because he is also angry with his lover who had been so obsessed with their baby and had been neglecting his health to the point of extreme, Eunhyuk won’t give in. It seems like eunhae was the only thing important in DOnghae life and eunhyuk feels a bit hurt that he seems like he is not important anymore to DOnghae. He told donghae straight and they way he reacted proved that donghae acknowledge the fact. However, he fully understand that donghae has the right to be very sad that eunhae is ill but he refuses to see one more of his loves one to be sick and lying on the hospital bed.

Fortunately because the both of them realized that they are in the hospital and they refuse to fight when their son life is in danger, decided to drop the matter, though they secretly admitted that each other words were right. Eunhyuk promises himself to spend more time with his family especially with eunhae while donghae promises not to neglect the other priorities in his life just for eunhae, especially Eunhyuk whom was his whole life once.

Their tragic story is not getting better. Eunhae is getting sicker and the both of them are getting restless and scared each day past. Donghae can’t help but to cry every time he sees how many wires and tubes is attached to his once bubbly and full of life baby. Now, eunhae looks so thin, lifeless and weak. It would breaks anyone heart and donghae’s heart had definitely breaks a thousand times since eunhae been admitted to the hospital.
Eunhyuk heart is no different. If not, his heart suffers twice the pain. Seeing his baby in such a bad condition and also seeing his love of his life, slowly breaking into million of pieces. If donghae is sad seeing his baby suffers from all the pain, well eunhyuk is even more sad seeing his baby in such condition together with the image of his wife suffering and crying every night, praying to God to save their little bundle of joy. It seems like DOnghae is no better than their baby, lifeless.

Unconsciously, the two of them are getting closer since they had spent every second the day together in the hospital. So far, that is the only thing that feels right for the both of them.

The moment that DOnghae scared the most arrives, the moment where the Doctor tells him and his husband that their baby’s condition is getting worse. That night Donghae couldn’t stop crying and praying to God after he found out that eunhae has a blood clot in his brain.Donghae ended up crying in his husband embrace that night. Together, they leaned on each other shoulder for support and comfort. Together they hug and cuddle to heal their now, broken and devastated heart.

While they were both in misery, who knows what eunhae must had felt. Suffering from all those wires, medication, and needles. That is why donghae never had the heart to see any procedure where they have to use needles on him. It is too much, for him a baby should not suffer like that. A baby should be happy, giggling, adorable and full of life. But that is not the case for eunhae, because he is now on the bed, face pale and body weak, lifeless. It is too much for the couple to take. EUnhae has suffered too long.

Just after three days, the worst happens. Eunhae, breathes his final breathe. Donghae wanted to cry but he can’t. There are no more tears in him. He had been crying so much in the last few days that his eyes are puffy and red not to mention swollen. He can only weep and sobs violently in Eunhyuk arms, wailing for his baby death. Eunhyuk hearth crushed tremendously that day. He had lost his baby and he had witnessed how his once bubbly wife breaks down completely.

Donghae couldn’t believe it at first because the couple of days before, eunhae condition is getting better. Doctor is satisfy with his condition and the two of them was so happy that soon, they will be going back home once again, after more than month stuck in the hospital. Going back home with their baby, continuing their happy family lives together once again. That was what the couple had in mind and they promise each other that they will fix their flaws to each other, so that, their live would be better than what it was before. Eunhyuk , DOnghae and eunhae, together playing in the living room, cuddling and having fun, like the old time. Like a family should be.

“I love you so much Eunhae. I am sorry we can’t spend much more time together. I am sorry that I can’t prove myself to be a better mother for you. Mommy will miss you a lot eunhae ah. You had been nothing but an angel. You are truly angel sent down by God to give us happiness, though it didn’t last long. You thought both mommy and daddy lots of valuable lesson along our journey. I wish we had more time but I believed that God loves you more and he needs you up there. Mommy love you and though its hard for me to say this but I am glad that its over cause it breaks my heart seeing you suffer under all those wires and tubes. I am glad God ended your suffering but I am equally devastated to have to lose you. I will miss you so much. I love you dear, so dearly much” is what donghae said while hugging his baby tight in his arm for the last time. He kisses his once puffy and red checks tenderly. New tears finally came out of Donghae eyes and his whole body tremble and shakes. He gives his lifeless baby one last tight hug and kisses before he slowly hand eunhae to eunhyuk whom had finally let his tears roll down his cheeks freely after witnessing donghae talking to their dead baby.

“EUnhae ah. Daddy doesn’t have much to say since mommy had already told you everything that I wanted to say to you. I just want to say that, you were or are the best gift God had given us. You are a miracle and though I hate to let you go but I know God has the right to take you away from us like how he had given you to us. I am sorry I am not a perfect dad for you and I am sorry that I don’t have the chance in this lifetime to be a good daddy to you. I love you so much and please wait for daddy and mommy up there okay? WE will see each other soon and I am sure, soon, the three of us will be reunited and we will be able to spend time together once again. I love you so much eunhae. Be an angel and please look after us, especially your mommy. “Eunhyuk said as he hugs and kisses his son tenderly for the last time. He held the baby in his arm close to his heart, crying in the process. He wants to keep the memory of how it feels like hugging and cradling eunhae is his arm, near to his heart for the last time.

DOnghae cant help but to run and hug the both of them after seeing the heartbreaking moment. The two of them hug each other with eunhae in the middle of their heart, crying. Each of every family members that was there can’t help but to cry seeing such heart breaking scene. Such as shame that a perfect and happy family, facing such bad luck.

On EUnhae burial, Donghae and eunhyuk cried and hug each other as their baby was taken away out of their reach. They kiss Eunhae cheeks, lingering just to make sure they can keep the memories of letting their lips touch their baby skin. Donghae cried on Eunhyuk shoulder as eunhae was buried in his grave, out of their reach and sight forever.

SOmetimes, GOd loves the person so much that God will take the person away from us. WE must always remember that GOd is the one that created us and he has the power and every right to take us away. WE should accept death with open heart but it doesn't mean that we wont be very sad or we shouldn't mourn. Because losing someone you love dearly is very painful and it would take time to heal, sometimes it wont even heal though we moved on.
sherry~

It is very upseting and sad to see baby in the hospital suffering, cause for me, baby is the definition of innocent and they arent suppose to be suffering from any pain or misery. I had always have soft spot for babies and therefore i hate anyone out there who mistreated babies. Heck, abuse, abortion or any from of violence to babies. 

i also hate the fact that people that love and appreciate baby would find it very hard to get pregnant, but those who doesn't even deserved to have babies would abuse their privilege of having babies.

a/n: 1. First of all, i am sorry i neglected my fics, page and most of all my readers and friends here. I am still in the mourning state and i am still sad and upset with my brother passing. I hope that you will always support me and be there for me. Now i just need your support and prayer. I need it so much.

2. This is how i feel when i lost him. The conversation of hae and hyuk with their baby  in the last part is what i said to my brother before he was taken away from me. I thought that he will be okay but i guess god really love him more.
i just miss him so much now and i would give anything just to hug and kiss him one last time.

3. Hope you guys enjoy reading it though it is angsty. 

4.Please do leave your comment and even some encouraging words.