When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

Rain poured down on the earth; beating down on our window sill like frantic heartbeats. He watched silently as puddles shook whilst they grew and connected with others, as drops of water raced each other down clear glass; curled up by the window, his knees pulled to his chest. I stood by the doorway, not wanting to disturb him, filling myself with inner turmoil as I replayed bright memories in my head.

“I’m going to miss the rain, Chanyeol.” A voice cut through the silence, pulling me away from unshed tears. I walked towards him, collecting him in my arms. I stared out the window, the gray skies weeping crystalline tears to wash away worry from those who stood below. I was never really fond of the rain; it brought more sadness to me than it did happiness. No reassuring beam of warmth ever came from the rain.

“I’m going to miss you, Baek.” I felt a smile form against my chest, warm breaths escaping his lips as he sang quietly.

“If you smile through your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you’ll see the sun come shining through for you.”

Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness

We buried ourselves under the blankets, sitting under a makeshift fort composed of pillows and bed sheets, studying old pictures and faded movie tickets; our proud collection of each other. Scrapbooks filled with ink stained road maps, stickers, post cards and candy wrappers lined the “walls” of our fort; memories of key chains and postcards flooding my mind.

For the first time in too long, I was truly happy. Watching the corners of his mouth pull up into a bright smile, mine were pulled higher. It was moments like these I knew I truly loved him, his presence swelled in my heart, his fingers lacing with my heartstrings, untainted.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Overused in so many ways, but never really losing its meaning; because here I am by his bedside, sharing with him our memories of living, laughing and loving. He was glowing, his skin illuminated by his own happiness, teeth shining under the bright fluorescent lights. He looked tired, but beautiful; warmth radiating from the hands he held mine in.

The sun was setting, shadows creeping behind our furniture, the sky tinted with pink and orange. The last glares of daylight stained his hair and he smiled up at me, his lips parting, silently asking me to claim them as mine; so I did. I leaned close for a long, lingering kiss; our emotions spilled into one another, our hearts at the tips of our tongues.

He pulled back first, the sunset a reflection in his eyes as he burnt his gaze into my soul, his eyes tattooed onto the back of my eyelids.

“I think I’m going to sleep in tomorrow.” He whispered softly. He smiled at me, bringing his hand to my face as he wiped otherwise unknown streams of water away; catching them in his sleeve, he parted his lips once more, warm air wisped into clouds as he breathed out a song.

“Although a tear may be ever so near, that’s the time you must keep on trying.” He paused, nodding his head.

“Smile-what’s the use of crying?” I choked, forcing the corners of my mouth to curve upward. Closing his eyes, he took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together.

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile if you just-“

“Smile” I promised him that I would never cry; that I would keep my chin up and face the world; that I would go on without him when he’s gone. We knew that we weren’t meant to be forever, that some day he would be taken from me. I had to face that day the way I promised him I would.

I couldn’t blame people for thinking it was disrespectful to smile at a funeral.

{Unedited}

Sorry this took a while. I was gone for a week. Hope you liked it~