The problems did not get solved well but she wanted me to continue doing music...

The lyric of the song is telling Hae Jung that I am sorry. Saying, you did not become my half to get my other half of the bad luck.

Because her personality is always bright, I am also bright. When the two of us met we were very happy, but because of me the atmosphere among the families went bad. Because I was having a hard time, that’s why naturally the surrounding people also had a hard time. I also thought as if I got cursed.

But thanks to this I learned something. When hardship comes, the couple tends to break because they can’t endure it or the person can’t sacrifice something for that person. But for us, when we got married many strong hardships came right away so we were able to overcome it and this things taught me that this is the person who I love and the one who loves me.

Many say that it has a sad lyric but for me it has full of hope.

- Tablo (Strong Heart YG Family Special)

--X--

Goodnight, goodnight

Goodnight, goodnight

--X--

12.04.15

9:18 p.m

Kwon Jiyong softly closed the door behind him, his gaze casted at the floor as drips of water fell from his hair. Slowly, he raised his head, his empty orbs clashing with the moonlight that went through the drapes along the windows of his home.

Gradually, he took a step as his eyes remained empty, void of any emotions, whatsoever. It was better for him to be this way, he had decided, being at this state shields him from further hurting; from feeling the entire ache he so wants to escape. It was tiring, draining, and being numb is the best safeguard.

Every sluggish step he took, waters fell, living a trail from the door to the kitchen where he was, unconsciously, has walked to. He looked around the entire place before emitting a bitter and soft chuckle of amusement. Turning around, and was faced with the stairs, his gaze trailed over the steps leading upstairs. As if recognizing something, he painfully clutch his eyes closed and drop his head. For a moment he remained in that situation, standing, head bowed down, eyes shut, dripping wet from the strong rain that just suddenly fell upon him as he sat silently on a bench ...

--X--

Whenever you smile, my heart aches

To me, everything is guilt

Is that a half-smile?

Is that a smile that did not fully bloom because it doesn't know a different world?

You say you're alright but I guess I can only give you the state of being alright

--X--

12.04.15

7:23 p.m

Jiyong roughly opened the door of his car and sped off, leaving the parking lot and driving his way in oblivion. He don’t know where to go, he doesn’t even care. He just wanted to leave, as far away from possible, as fast as he could. Because maybe, maybe through that, she wouldn’t be hurting, she would stop hurting because of him.

The pain he felt when she heard her crying, the anguish of seeing her with that tender look on her face as she looked at him, still of hope, still of love. And the grief of being the source of her sorrow.

His thoughtless driving brought him to a familiar place, a place he will forever cherish in his lifetime. He stepped on the brakes and went out of his car. He roamed his gaze around the place, seeing that he is the only person in the place, he started on his tracks, just allowing his feet to bring wherever it wants. As he took his pace, a small smile materializes on his face. The place bringing a lot of memories, good memories on his chaotic and weary mind – memories of her.

--X--

You could've rested under the sunlight in a green forest

But you, who walks with me in the rain under my rain cloud

My love, an unfortunate person

--X--

12.04.15

7:46 p.m

The genuine smile slowly turned into a bitter one as the present reality came into him. How her happy smiles turned into tears, how her serene life turned into a chaotic one.

Jiyong remembered as he heard her sobbed in the middle night, probably thinking that he is already asleep, and allowed the exhaustion of crying and sorrow lead herself to slumber.

It was painful for him, being there, right beside her but not being able to touch her, to engulf her in the confines of his embrace, to kiss her and whisper in her ear softly that it will be fine, that he is always there and will push her sadness away. But he cannot do that. He cannot will himself to do that, not anymore, not now. How could he? How could he tell her that? When he was the very source of her anguish, of her misery.

He could not tell her that he will be always be beside her for that fact alone is the reason why she is at that state. He had given her more, tears. His pain was meant to be his alone. His agony is for him alone to suffer. Whatever the public is throwing upon him is supposed to be just for him. But since she is his wife, because she loves him, because they are one, his pain becomes her pain, his agony is her agony and she will suffer with his suffering.

--X--

This isn't how my heart is

I didn't become your better half in hope that you'd take half of my unhappiness

--X--

12.04.15

8:37 p.m

He found himself sitting on a bench, and as if the celestial force were working against him, a bench situated in front of the huge playground where he had asked for her hand for marriage three years ago. It was just three years ago. He smiled bitterly at the thought.

It was only three years but he had managed to break every promise he had given her on that fateful night.

For a moment, Jiyong allowed himself to smile as he relinquished their memories together. They started out as good friends, really good friends even before they become famous celebrities. Supporting each other, giving encouragement and a little bit of push when the other would chicken out in taking a step towards accomplishing their dreams.

She is a bundle of happiness and hope. Her mere existence shines up the world of everyone dear to her. Her bliss had become the source of his, her dreams becomes part of his own and her very self becomes a piece of his existence.

Eventually, their friendship bloomed into a romantic kind of love. After years of being around with each other, they began seeing the other in a different light. He wasn’t that crazy, annoying and supportive friend anymore. In her eyes, he becomes a man she could always depend on. The man she will always call in the middle of the night if she can’t sleep, the man that without hesitations would wipe away her tears. Probably, still crazy and annoying but she wouldn’t want in any other way. In his eyes, on the other hand, she is not the bubbling and stubborn woman he used to tease around. Right in front of his eyes, she flourished into a beautiful, strong and independent woman. She no longer needs him to wipe away her tears for she is capable of doing that herself yet, for some reason he hadn’t known that time, he would still willingly lend a hand and strive on his hardest to put a smile back on her face.

After all the trials and hardships, finally they had taken a grasp on that faraway star, she, being a famous actress and him a well-respected musician. As their names become bigger, they grew even closer. Their fame had not become a hindrance in their budding love.

They fell in love in the middle of their success. In front of a lot of people they were a power couple but to them they were just two ordinary individual who found love in each other’s presence.

Just like any other people in love, they met bumps in their relationship along the way; Tears were shed, hearts broken, but at the end of the day the happiness of being together just simply outweighs whatever pain one felt because of the relationship.

After four years of dating, Jiyong proposed to her. Right at this very place, in this shore, the sea, stars and moon as his witness. They got married four months after his proposal. A private wedding was held with the attendance of the people close to their hearts. It was a very special event, an occasion full of hope, happiness, love and a promise of a new beginning.

[Flashback]

She looked at her with warmth on her eyes, love evident on her face despite her veil covering her face. He could see her eyes glowing with happiness, her lips curved into a smile, she is happy. And that’s all that matters to him.

Jiyong cleared as he looked at her, his heart heavy with emotions he tries to contain. He feels like a bubble about to burst any second. But he held back. He wants this to perfect for her. Just for her. Anything for her.

“Sandara, you once told me that you are afraid of growing old. You told me then that to grow old means to be alone, and it frightens you. But I want you to grow old, babe. I want you to grow old with me. I want to watch the wrinkles form on your face and every strand of your hair turn white, because to me you would be the most beautiful, even when you are all wrinkled and gray. You do not have to fear being alone, my beloved Butterfly, because I shall be with you. Grow old with me. I promise to love you faithfully, to care for you and to cherish you, to provide you with support and everything that you need, to respect and honor you, to give you the happiness you always deserved as long as I live. All my days left to me, I vow to spend them all loving you.”

[End of Flashback]

--X--

Because I hated to show you this small and embarrassing empty hand,

Like a fool, I make your extended hand, an empty hand too

--X--

12.04.15

9:46 p.m

Jiyong just suddenly found himself outside the door of the masters’ bedroom. Lifting his right hand, he held the knob and slowly turned it. Pushing the door gradually, a soft creaked of the door is the only sound that could be heard. He doesn’t know if that quiet sound will awaken the occupant of the room. Hell! He doesn’t even know if she is still awake.

Taking a step towards the room, his gaze immediately landed on the figure on the bed, curling under the sheets. He slowly put his car keys at the table before taking a sit at a nearby couch, his gaze still locked at the figure.

Jiyong shrugged off his jacket. He tore his gaze from her unmoving figure as he bend down to take his shoes off. His movement were slow. He is tired – tired from everything that is happening to him, from the faceless people destroying him. He is tired of himself for being weak, for allowing people to hurt everyone he cherished. He is tired of himself from causing her this pain.

Without his knowing, a tear dropped at his right hand. He sniffed as he tried to stop himself from crying. The pain was just too much and he is surrounded by it, embraced by its venomous warmth.

A simple touch on his shoulder made him jump, immediately looking up to the person who had held him.

Then she saw her. A smile gracing her lips, tenderness in her eyes. Without saying a word, she dropped down on her knees and pulled his hand away from his shoes, replacing it with hers. She slowly untied the shoes as Jiyong remained frozen, just simply looking at her figure infront of her.

“Take off your shirt, Ji. You might catch a cold,” she said softly as she looked at him for a second before looking back down on what she is doing. He immediately complied before grabbing another shirt laying near him. “What were you thinking getting yourself all wet? You shouldn’t have stayed in the rain. I’m pretty sure your car has a roof for you to stay on, right?” his wife continued before looking up at him as she finished removing but his shoes off. “You should not forget that there were things created to protect us from rain,” she added.

In a blink, Jiyong pulled her on her feet, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms tightly around her.

“I’m sorry,” Jiyong mumbled almost inaudibly. His voice was broken as he freely allowed himself to shed the tires, muffled as he pressed himself closer to her.

Allowing herself to smile, she freed her arms trapped between their bodies and wrapped it around him, tightly. “Don’t run from me please. Allow me to be here for you. Allow me to stay right beside you. If you’re going to stand in the middle of that stupid heavy rain then let me stand with you. Just ...” her voice hitched as emotions get the better of her. Breathing, she continued, “ ... just don’t run away from me.”

“You’re crying Dee ... You shouldn’t be crying” he said simply. But he meant more than what those simple words are.

‘I am sorry for causing you this pain. If it’s not for me you would have a far happier and peaceful life. The tears you had shed were supposed to be my tears. The ache was meant to be mine alone.’ That was what he meant, wrapped up by those simple words. And she knows it.

“You know why I am crying?” she asked.

“Because of me.”

She nodded her head as he tightened her hold upon him. “Because of you. Because my Jiyong wants to stay at the shadow of his pain. Because my Jiyong is allowing himself to be hurt by his own self. Because my Jiyong is pushing me away.”

Sandara wiped her tears as she spoke, pouring her hearts out, wanting him to understand. “I am here, Ji. Allow yourself to be weak and give me the chance to be your strength.”

Slowly, she disentangled herself from his hold to look at him. She cupped his tear-stained face as she looked at him in the eye. “I want my Jiyong to wake me up in the middle of the night if his nightmares are frightening him. I want my Jiyong to hold me tightly if he feels that it is too hard for him to remain standing. Hell! I even want him to drag me to sit down if he is too tired in standing up and wants to rest for a bit. I want my Jiyong to show me his pain.

It’s terrible, I know. But no matter how terrible it may be, it doesn’t affect me as long as you keep your hold on me as I keep mine at yours ... tightly.”

Jiyong remained her gaze at her as she spoke. Despite the tears obstructing his vision and the only light illuminating the room was from the one from the nightstand, he could still clearly see her eyes, her eyes, and that was enough to cast away the darkness engulfing him.

--X--

Someday, I'll give the whole world to you

If I can't, I'll change the world for you

--X--

“I love you ... so much ... that it hurts to --,”

He was cut off mid-sentence as she dropped her head down to kiss him. “I know. And I love you too. And I promise to keep you close and with faithfulness, to be your prop and helpmate --”

Jiyong’s chuckle stopped Sandara from continuing her statement. With full of love, she wiped away the tears on his husband’s face. Smiling, she asked, “You remember?”

He smiled as he nodded. “I will not forget,” he answered simple as he hold her hands that was busily wiping his tears away. She pulled her urging as he leaned closer to her. He slowly kissed her tear-stained cheek, her lips, her nose and lastly on her forehead.

“My beloved Jiyong, do you remember the very first day we met? We were both looking grumpily at each other for we are dragged by our friend on their date, being their alibi so that their parents will allow them to go out. I did not expect that doing our friends a favour will lead us here. Your friendship is something I treasured a lot and your love has been my life. I want to be your lover, your companion and your best friend for the rest of my life. I promise to love and cherish you, to keep you close and with faithfulness, to be your prop and helpmate in times of need, to make you laugh and to hold you when you cry, to hold you to the highest respect and honor as you so deserve for the rest of my life.” Sandara stated, perfectly remembering the words of her wedding vows years ago.

“We’ll be fine,” Jiyong said as he hugged her again. “And I’ll be fine,” he continued, his words holding a promise.

--X--

Goodnight, goodnight

Good morning

--X--

Thank you for being a door and not a wall when my voice knocked.

- Tablo (from Epik High's album Lovescream)

And that will be it.

I am a huge fan of Tablo and of course, Epik High. I was actually a High Skooler before I become a VIP. :D

The title 'Umbrella Above My Head' is a line from Epik High's song Umbrella. The line goes like this:

I opened the door of my heart
you’re the umbrella above my head
You are my shadow, I am your shade

Anyway, as I watched the YG Family Special episode and hearing his words about the song Try (At The Bottom), I can't help but love this song even more and had decided to make something out of respect and love for the man.

This by far, is the hardest fic I have written. I want to make it as good as it could possibly be. I had started writing this one at April 14, 2012.

I know that my writing skills were not that excellent and I haven't been in a situation similar to some extent as what Tablo and Hye Jung had gone through but I still hope that you like this one. :)

follow me! XD @happyenyen 

- yen