It’s two in the morning. So quiet and so cold. There is no sound. No movement. Just the tickling sound from the watch that hung lonely on the wall surrounding by lots of photo frames. The smile on the picture looks like as if mock two people in the room who sits quietly. Freezing. They don’t know since when the situation become this awkward between them. No one dare to speak a word. One person had his head hung down and the other looks intensely at the wall as if it was the most interesting thing in that room.

“Why it become like this between us?”The one with head hung down ask in his mind.

The first move comes from the one who have his eyes on the wall. He gets up and walks to the windows. His eyes now found something else that more interesting than the wall. The backyard. To the green grass that shone by a garden light where planted so much memories of his and the other one in the room. Where he ever spent all day playing soccer or basket ball. Where he ever ran try to catch his naughty other half.

“It’s so painful now to remember those times.’He thought.

It’s a dreadful silent between them and it slowly killing them but still no one dares to speak first. Again those pictures on the wall laugh at the awkwardness between them. Some of them mock of how they can be so cowards just to speak, while the others clap happily for the situation happened between them just two hours ago.

“I…” they speak for the first time since two hours ago at the same time.

For some precious second their eyes meet. Stare at each other’s orbs that still captivating and make them drowning. To each other’s eyes that make them relax yet scare. The first one to break the intent gaze was the one who sit on the sofa. He hung his head low and makes a hole on the floor again.

“Let’s make things clear…”The one near the window can’t bear the silence between them anymore, speak.

The one sit on the sofa nod his head lightly.

“It’s okay… you can go…”The manly one who leans on the window tells the cute one with a smile.

I told you to go… to go away…

I replied back to you that I didn’t like you

Because I thought I wasn’t going to see you again…

“How…”Speak the cute one who had bite his lips since the other speak.

The manly one never knows that to smile is need energy more than when he lifts 50kg of weight lift.

“You will get used to it… I knew it.”

I wanted to embrace you with my two arms but I couldn’t do that…

Because I thought I was going to cry first…

“How about you?” another difficult question from his cute other half.

Adding 50kg to the weight lift.

“Me? I’ll be fine… of course…” He laughs and once again he learns about there is a laughter that could make his heart dreadfully hurt.

We can live apart…

There is farewell for us…

Only fake laugh is coming out…

The cute one named Junsu look up at his lover. He draws a smile on his face and he can’t describe how painful that smile felt.

“Thanks God… I’m happy to hear that… so happy…”

Oh no! His eyes betray him. Why it has to drop a hot and salt liquid down? He wants to make this man in front of him believe that he is strong.

“Su…”Call the manly one named Yoochun gently and his voice shake from the pain he gets.

Junsu laugh a fake laugh and wipe his tears.

“Sorry… just too relieve to know that…”

Can’t take it anymore, Yoochun walk fast to his lover and pull him to his embrace. He learn another thing, he never know that he can hug Junsu this tight. Rub Junsu’s back, he try to make the boy calm but he know that the only one need to be calm is him himself.

“It’s okay… Go and be happy…”

I will send u away…

So hurry up and go and be happy…

Clenching my fist tight, I start to cry…

“You crying?”Ask Junsu with trembling lips and shaking voice as tighter his embrace.

Yoochun silent. He knows that it’s no use to deny it. Junsu know him so well.

Those pictures on the wall, why they never understand and keep laughing at them?

Junsu break into miserable crying and Yoochun hate himself that he can’t do much to make his boy stop crying. How can he? He shed his tears too. It’s too much for them.

No one speak again. Just the sound of crying and sobbing come from Junsu’s mouth while Yoochun crying silently.

How could love become this painful for them? They remember the first time they met; everything seems so colorful and beautiful. No tears, no pain. Just happiness and thought of bright future with each other.

Since when their love become so miserable?

“It’s morning already...” Yoochun dare himself to speak although he know that his voice still shaking. “Few hours more the sun will start to shine. You need to sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep…”Junsu replied with hoarse voice. “I’m afraid…”

Yoochun plan a soft kiss on Junsu’s forehead.

“Don’t be… I’m here with you… I promise…”Yoochun smile another painful smile.

Junsu shake his head.

We love each other… we really love each other...

Why are we breaking up like this? Let’s not break up…

Telling me that you couldn’t live without me…

Telling me that you were going to die without me…

Yoochun wipe Junsu’s tears with his thumb and kiss his eyes.

“We already in this road where we should choose our path and we know clearly which path we should travel.”

“We could choose the same path…”

“No… there is two path and we should go to different path so we will know which path is right.”

“If the road we choose not right, we could go back here and start to travel another path.”

“Nothing that easy baby…”Yoochun kiss Junsu again. “Once we step our feet to one road, we can’t go back to this spot.”

Junsu know that there is no use to argue again. The both of them know which one is the best for them. Not really the best but the safe. With that thought Junsu shut his mouth and drown his face in Yoochun’s chest, inhale as much as Yoochun’s scent he can before he can’t do that anymore.

Too hard.

It’s nine in the morning. The sun already shines bravely but still the cold from the snow that still cover all over the road and house and tree and everything outside can’t make the weather any warmer.

Junsu bring two cup of hot chocolate to the living room when Yoochun busy with a luggage. Check everything so he won’t miss a thing.

“Are sure you already bring all of your belonging? You didn’t left any, right?”Ask Yoochun to Junsu when he receive a cup from him.

Junsu nod. “I already packed everything. Don’t worry.”Junsu take a sip of his hot chocolate and sit on the couch.

Yoochun sigh and sit beside him. “It’s not what I mean…”

“I know… don’t worry…”Junsu smile.

Yoochun reach his hand and hold Junsu’s tightly. He give little squeeze and look at Junsu with warm yet sad face.

“Tell me you’ll be happy…”Say Junsu.

“I learn to be happy for you…”

“Not for me…”Junsu almost cry again but he know that he have to hold it.

Yoochun bring Junsu’s delicate and small hand to his lips.

“How?”Ask Yoochun softly… painfully…

Junsu broke into crying again.  His world feels like fall down. It’s too hurt to see Yoochun like this, to experience this kind of love. Why he didn’t resist in the first time when he know it’ll end like this?

“Hey… Su… baby stop crying… He will come ten minutes again…”Yoochun wipe Junsu’s tears. “Don’t left trace of you crying…”

Junsu nod like obedient kid but he know he doesn’t want it.

Yoochun learn another thing, he never know that Junsu could break his heart with his tears like this. Love is not pain, but loving wrong person is the pain. But Junsu is not the wrong person to be loved, the situation is.  The wrong condition and status that is wrong and make love miserable for them.

The front door knocked. The both of them hold their breath like it was shinigami that come to get their soul out. It was horrible seconds that they passed without even can breathe freely.

Yoochun is the one who take a deep breath and walk out of his fear. He smile at Junsu and walk to the door to open it. A young handsome man stood tall in front of him with smile on his face.

“Morning Chun…”He speaks.

“Hi Min…”Yoochun give room for him to get into the house.

“Is Junsu ready? We have no much time, the flight is at ten.”

“Yeah… he is at living room drink hot chocolate.”

“That brat…”Changmin chuckle and walk to the living room.

Yoochun follow behind him with heavy heart and feet each step he takes.

“Yohoo… baby, your handsome lover is here…”Changmin say when he found Junsu lift his luggage.

“Hi Min…”Junsu smile weakly at him.

“What is it? Why you greet me coldly like that?”Changmin pout and hug Junsu from behind. “I miss you…”

Junsu look down, not dare to see at Yoochun face that will make him cry again.  “Me too…”

Changmin smile and pull away. “Come on, we will be late for our flight. Is it your luggage? Is this all?”Ask Changmin as lift the luggage.

“My bag still in the room, I’ll get that. “

“Okay, I’ll wait at the car… hurry up…”Say Changmin to Junsu and face Yoochun. “Thanks Chun for take care of Junsu these long times.”

“No need. It’s nothing.”Say Yoochun with smile.

Changmin pat his shoulder and go outside.

After Changmin left, Junsu left to his room to get his bag with really heavy heart. Minutes later he back to the living room to find Yoochun stood by the window giving him his back.

“I’ll be going now…”Junsu say weakly.

Yoochun turn around and face him with a smile.

He nods, “Goodbye… Take care, ne?”

 “I…”Junsu want to say something but he doesn’t know what to say. There so much that he want to tell. He sighs heavily. “Be happy Chun…”

With that Junsu walk outside the house with Yoochun follow behind.

We can’t meet again, now we really can’t meet…

I bit my lips at these cold icy words…

I don’t want to look back; I don’t want to ever look back…

I tell myself over and over again, but I can’t do that…

Junsu turn around and run to Yoochun’s embrace once again with tears. Yoochun startled but hug him back too.

“Hey… enough… it’s okay…”Yoochun rub Junsu’s back and smile at Changmin who thought it’s the scene of a best friend who cannot separate from each other.

“I love you…”Junsu whisper. “I really love you… so much…”

“I know baby… I love you too… more than you know I do…”Yoochun whisper back. “But you have to go… and be happy…”

After five minutes of hugging and crying, Junsu finally go to Changmin car and drive off with his fiancé leave his lover behind. Yoochun watch the car till he can’t see it anymore.

“He is the right person for you. I know it, but… how about me? How to be happy without you?”

Yoochun more than know that he can’t hold his tears anymore. Then he gives up and falls to his knee. He cries his heart out in front of his house. Many things come to his mind at that time. About why he dates Junsu when he knows Junsu already engage to Changmin, his best friend? Yoochun curse Changmin for asked him to take care of Junsu and make him live in his house when he went abroad for business. He curses Changmin for have Junsu as his first before him. He hates Junsu for loving him back. But most of all, he hates and curses himself more for being fall in love and can’t hold back his feeling back then.

“I learn to be happy for you… but how is the way for me to be happy without you, Junsu-ah?”

----------------------END-------------------

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