[Listen to this song while reading whole chapter..replay if needed ^^]

2002

At that time...we were both 7 years old...me and you playing together...i think i can remember back how i lost my favourite Rokkugo and you buy me a new one by  using your own piggy bank money....you give me a piggy-back ride when i am too lazy to walk to school....you give me your money when i lost mine...you help me with Mathematics...you help me when i get bullied by our frienemy...There's still 14 days to our birthday...i still remember you said "Kwangmin-ah....lets have a big cake on our 17th birthday" while grinning...showing me your big shining white teeth which i miss so much....You pouts when i say "cake?thats for looser" but then ruffles my hair....don't you know how much i hate you?You always messing my hair when you're chuckling...pinches my cheeks untill it turns red then laughs at me...dressed me like a girl then call me "pink puppy"...Buy me an ice-cream but then you stole it and eat it by yourself...Stole my Pikachu and hide it somewhere...makes me cry when i lost my Pikachu...Then you proudly acts like a hero by saying "Kwanggie-ah....Hyung had found your Pikachu..."..Lied to me...Troll me...prank me...and pair me up with Soojin while actually its you who being scaredy cat by not confessing to her...And suddenly pair me up with her...You're ...i hate you....i hate you so much!Don't you hear that?!I HATE YOU JO YOUNGMIN!!

2003

One year had passed...and its our very first year in primary school...You and your Pooh stufftoys...crying all day because you don't want to be separated with your fat yellow monster...its so annoying...You make me feel like i am the older one instead of you..you keep giving me that "bbuing bbuing" face of yours while saying "Kwanggie-ah..Lets go home now" like you're the cutest thing on earth...Hugging your cholestrole monster every night and kick me off the bed when your hyper-ness strikes...i always ended up sleeping on the cold floor without blanket and when its morning you will give me poker faces while saying "Why you sleep on the floor?"...Give me a melt chocolate while you're having a yummy one....but thinking that you're older than me..even its just by 6 minutes....i never say anything and just accept everything....you're so selfish...i still remember...Umma bought 2 Power Rangers t-shirt....You take one and hide the other one....i don't know why did you do that...but all i know is...i still don't know where it is eventhough so many years had passed....You're so selfish and the most selfish person i've ever meet!Another reason why i hate you so much!

2004

We're growing up but unluckily i am always shorter than you.....i am always a step back away from you...and i don't know why you're always the winner...why me forever the loser...you always get top result in exams...while me?i hate to say that IS IT TRUE THAT WE'RE TWINS?!Why things happen always keep you one step ahead from me?When i'm doing aegyo to get something i want....umma will say "Stop that Jo Kwangmin..." while you?She will always said "Aww...my cute boy..."...that makes me jealous....don't you know that?I am the youngest in this family....i should get everything i want not you...i should get more attention...not you!But everytime i say something like "i want that too....Why umma buy it for hyung only?" while sobbing you will say "Lets share.." and that makes me smile....You always do something that makes me feel like you hate me...but in fact.....in the other side...when i think twice...i will always find the secret behind the question marks you give.....are we that connected?Are you somehow a mind reader?Sheesh....you will always be the Jo Youngmin i know....keep leaving question marks in my head ever since we're small....

2005

Moving to Seoul.....i love our new house...its big and so pretty...its not so narrow and ugly like the former one.....The backyard are awesome....we can play soccer there every evening.....I love it so much...but i don't know why you don't......I don't know why you say "i want to go back to our old house.."..Hell no...moving back?no!No!and forever NO!i love my new friends....i love our new house...i love our new school...You always have that opposite thinking with me.....when i want A..you will want B...when i say No...you will say Yes...can't you just give up once in a while?You're the older one...stop acting so childish....I wish i am the older one..not you...

2006

I got bullied by some kids in the school.....i am scared...i don't want to go to school anymore....I always get scratch marks all over my body.....its really hurts....You never realise it untill one day we swims together and you saw a big marks on my back.....That is the first time i ever saw you this angry...The next day...you go to school with hungry lions faces......You beat all those kids up untill they can't even spell "Noodle"....i am such weakling....can't even stand by my own two feet.....i am stupid.....weak......now i know why i am always the looser....now i know why whatever you did....you will always a step ahead from me...i cry.....i cry whole night because i want to be strong and clever like you...but then you come to comfort me....You said "You will always have this Youngmin hyung with you.."..you hugs me and give me a Pikachu-shaped lollipop...The first time you said my Pikachu is cute instead of your yellow fat monster named Winnie.....You are the best brat hyung ever......You said "i will no longer one step ahead from you one day....on our 17th birthday..."...i can't understand why you always said 17th birthday...out of so many years of ages...Why 17?What 17 means to you?When i ask you will always said "One day you will know" again....and again.....Its irritating!

2007

While we're walking together to the convenient store....at that time it was 9pm..suddenly big bang was heard....i can't help but screams out....i thought i was bomb or something.....you immidiately hugs me...cover my ears.....and said "its okay...its okay....Hyung is here..." while patting my back.....i am scared....i don't know why i'm scared of fireworks....i know you're scared too....but you pretend to be strong so i will not scared anymore....If you want to know...that makes me hates you even more...YOU'RE PRETENDER!YOU'RE ACTOR!Although you're doing it for me...but you're still a big fat liar!I run because i am still scared....i want to go back home....i want umma....i thought you will run and get me...but none of your figure is seen...Where did you go?i look around and still didn't see you....I almost cry again....."Hyung...where are you?"i said....but you're still nowhere to be found...untill suddenly a familiar figure on the road caught my eyes......You faint!What's happening?I can't help anymore...i burst out tears and screams as loud as i can.......Some people carry you up and bring you to the hospital....What is happening?Why did you faint?There's too many questions in my head.....

2008

I can't believe this year actually happen...i finally beat you in Science and mathematics....i totally kick your off soccer....and the thing i proud the most is finally i got a room for myself....Oh gosh...this is the best year ever!i want to celebrate everything with you....i should feel so happy...but instead.....i feel very sad....and maybe the saddest year ever.....why?Because at the moment i am on the stage with my big trophy...you're at the hospital covered with so many wires....When i am on the podium...giving my speech..hoping you to be with me and celebrate with me.....You're fighting with your disease...Lying on the bed...lifelessly... your face which once never fail to craved a smile now turns white and pale...that cracking lips which used to give me a bright grins....that skinny hands which used to messed my hair....Everything is now changed.....i might get what i want....but it doesn't mean anything to me without you....i still remember you said "Lets play party poppers on our 17th birthday.."..i can't believe you can still give me a smile eventhough its not the old smile i miss so much...You're unbelievable Jo Youngmin.....what is happening to you?It has been almost 2 years...What happen to the Jo Youngmin i know?What happen to my twins?i ask umma and appa....but they didn't say anything other than just "Your hyung will get better soon.."

2009

You said you will come to my football match...but you never did!!You never did!!!!i hate how you stop giving me smile!!i hate how you keep lying on the bed!!i hate seeing your medicines!!!i hate how i have to celebrate OUR birthday ALONE!!!i hate how everytime i visit you at the hospital...hoping for you to wake up so i can share my epic stories like we always did....I got nothing than just your sleeping pale face!!!!i hate seeing so many wires around you!!i hate seeing nurses and doctors keep hurting you with their injection needles!!!i hate seeing you groaned of pain all the time!!!i hate it!!!i hate it!!!i want my old hyung!!!i want the old Youngmin hyung i know!!!The one who always give me naughty smile!!!The one who will read me story books and sing for me before  go to sleep!!!The one who will protect me from all those bullies!!!!i hate when i ask what is actually happening to you..none of them will tell me!!!!Why this past 3 years too painful for me?Where's the hyung i know?Where's the hyper aegyo hyung i used to know?Give me my hyung back!!i want my twin!!!the hyper one!!!not this one!!!!

2010

Our very first year in high school or i can say..MY first year....i wish you're here with me....We should step on together...not me alone....Its our dream school...Seoul Performing Arts...Don't you remember?We promise to work hard and enroll together?We study untill late night just to get the best result ever...Although you're clever enough and don't need to study your off...But because of me...you still stay up...You want to help me....But that's all old stories....No more Youngmin hyung who will stay up late night to help me....No more Youngmin hyung to study with me in our dream school......Youngmin hyung...what's actually happen to you?Its amost 4 years....When will you get out from that nasty place named hospital?When will you messed up my hair again?i miss everything....Look...i am now at this beautiful school....its big and awesome..just like our expectations after all this years....The classroom are cool and big....This school is totally Awesome....but its not anymore awesome because i am all alone.....You promise will help me with hectic high school life...i am scared...don't you know that?i am scared if there's someone bully me again...i am afraid to face this world without you.....Please...Please say that you will stand up as the Youngmin hyung i know...please.....Everyday i visit you at the hospital just to hear some good news that you will be discharged....everyday i pray that we will be together as Jo twins again....Everyday i feed you with my own hands because i want to make sure you will eat and get well....everyday i read book for you....everyday i sing for you....everyday i push your wheelchair and bring you out to get some fresh air.....But no words ever come out from you....What happen to your cheerful voice?Why everytime i said "Say Ahh~~the train is coming~~~" while feeding you...you will open your mouth while never stop giving me that eyes.....The eyes that......full of sorrow....full of pain....full of tears.......that empty soul....Then slowly push my hand away signing that you don't want to eat anymore....

2011

The most painful year in my life.....the last time i ever call anyone "Youngmin hyung".....You leave me....after 4 years of pain....you bid me goodbye without any words...i cried whole day and night....i don't want to accept that you're now gone....i close my ears whenever umma said "Kwangmin-ah....you must learn to let go" and reply with "NO!!!!YOUNGMIN HYUNG IS STILL HERE!!!!HE'S WITH ME!!!!UMMA AND APPA IS BLIND!!!"...i go to your room.....its dark....no more bright blonde head of yours to brightened my day....I hug our picture....i sleep on your bed which i used to hate because you always kick me off...i hugs your favourite shirt.....i cry and cry non stop......every night...when i sleep...i always dream of a dream i can't keep.....Because no matter i wish it was true....Destiny now keep me away from you.....Umma want to throw all your belongings....But i collect everything back and keep it....i don't want to lost you...my hyung...i want to be with you......when i sleep...i always hope that when i wake up in the morning...someone will say "Good morning Pikachu" to me...but no one ever did....Everytime i go to school..i feel like hell.....whenever i see blondies...i can't stop myself from crying.....Your Winnie.....your voice....your aegyo....i miss them so much..!!!i still don't know what's actually happen to you.....untill one day i found a letter.....

Though hyung is no longer able to speak.....

Hyung always love you from the bottom of my heart......

Things happen too fast.....

I want to grow up once again and play with my Pikachu......

i want to say "Thank you for feeding me.."

i want to hugs you and cut our birthday cake together.......

4 years is enough.....its too painful and hyung can't stand any longer.....

If i am no longer beside you by the time you read this.......

Please don't stop smiling.....

Because hyung will always.....

And forever love you.....My pikachu.....

i can't stand everything anymore....i want to die...i want to follow you....Why did you leave me?Why?!

2012

Years passed......i slowly accept the fact that now you're gone....The two words that will never fade away from my heart....My Pikachu....things happen too fast.....i feel like just yesterday we're born.....i feel like just a second ago you hugs me....i feel like just few days ago you celebrate our birthday with me....But suddenly..without i realise.....its already almost 2 years you leave me.....Hey....today is 24 of April....we're both now officially 17.....You said you want to have a big cake with me....you said you want to play party poppers with me......I am waiting...Where are you?You're now gone right?You leave me withot telling me what does 17 means to you....You leave me without telling me real truth about you...But now....everything is clear...Umma give me another letter from you....

Dear Kwanggie....My Pikachu...My little lovely brother....

Hyung is sorry but hyung cannot be with you on our 17th birthday.....

Hyung is sorry for breaking our promise......

Hyung is such a jerk....

i know you always wondering what does 17 means to me...right?

17.....the number which i scared the most....

Which the doctor had approved that this maybe will be my last age......

i still remember you said you're a weaklings because you cannot protect yourself....

But now you know who's the even more weakling....

i still remember the day you received your big trophy.....You wish to brag right?

I really want to say congratulations to you...for winning against me.....

But my mouth forbids me to do so...

i still remember when you cry....when you pouts...when you sulks....when you laughs...

no one know just how much i miss it

congratulations for entering our dream school......

Hyung is proud of you.....very proud with this little brother of mine........

This maybe the last letter from me.....Sorry for not being with you.......

i am very very sorry........

Love....

Jo Youngmin.....

Now i know why everything comes out from you will always related to 17......now i know why you scared that much.....You're jerk...why you didn't tell me?Although this one question is now answered....i still got another question....the real truth.....What's your sickness?I always wondering...but now...i dont want to know anymore....

Dear brother.....

Although you're no longer beside me.....

to stand and step on along with me....

To fullfilled our dreams....

And faced this world together....

i will never forget you....

Let this short moments stay there....Forever in my heart....

In the loving memories...

Jo Kwangmin...

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Epilogue.........

Flashback to 24 April 1995

"Congratulations Mrs. Jo...you got  two handsome twins..."the doctor said while carrying one of them

"My boy....my baby boy..."the twin's mother said...

"i shall call you Youngmin...and you Kwangmin.......together as the honor twins...."the father kissed their forehead

"But we have a bad news Mr and Mrs. Jo..."the doctor suddenly lowered his head

"What?"they started to become worry..

"One of them will not live long....."he said

"WHAT?!"their eyes widened

"This older one......his age will not be long....we predict he will maybe can live untill his age reached 17..."he continued

"But why?"the mom's eyes become teary

"He has a weak antibodies.......sometimes he will not able to breathe normally...and will collapsed anytime..."he said again

"Please say its not true...please say that my boy will live together...as healthy twins..forever.."the mom still cannot accept it

"I am sorry...."

At night...

When i fall asleep..

i dream of a dream i can't keep...

Because no matter i wish it was true...

Destiny will not let me be with you....

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Thank you for reading this very long story ^^

hope its not bored or ^^

Sorry if i make some of you cries...

Please look forward the next chapter [Rebirth-Memories in my eyes] ^^ and get ready to cry more XD

And actually this thing is 2 SHOTS XD!LOL!

Till then..

HannaJoo_