Zhou Mi

Zhou Mi could sense the danger the minute he opened the door. The lights were off, and the dorm was silent.

“Guys? Hello?”

The tall man carefully reached down to unlace his boots—his new boots, he might add, which he had gotten in a fantastic sale last month.

In the dark, quiet hallway, the singer could barely discern the soft creaking of footsteps and hushed whispers.

“On three, okay?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Why is it always three? How about two? Or four? Don’t you think they feel left out? Or how about seven?”

“I really don’t understand you, Yesung-hyung.”

“You two shut up! He’s gonna hear us!”

“If he hasn’t heard us by now, I’m officially declaring him deaf.”

Zhou Mi cracked a smile. “Hi, guys,” he called into the darkness.

“Shhh!” A voice—Donghae’s, it seemed like—hissed. “Keep your voice down! Zhou Mi’s going to hear us!”

“He’s heard us, you idiot!” Heechul’s voice snapped. “Now somebody go turn on the lights. I need to kill whoever is standing on my foot.”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, where’s the light switch?” Siwon’s voice asked.

“I dunno,” Kyuhyun answered sarcastically. “Maybe it might still be on the wall where it’s been since this place was built.”

Zhou Mi heard the gently sound of a hand patting the wall.

“Not here,” Siwon reported.

“What do you mean, ‘not here’? It’s not like it suddenly packed up and moved!” Kangin snapped. “Just turn the thing on!”

Another set of hands patted their way along the wallpapered surface.

“Huh. That’s so weird,” Eunhyuk noted. “It really isn’t here.”

“What the heck! Maybe we should just have this party in the dark!” Hangeng called out.

“Eh~ that’s no fun!”

In the darkness, a single pair of eyes glowed. “Why not?” Kibum’s slow voice whispered. “The darkness is beautiful. The world would be so much better if it stayed dark… forever.”

There was a small whack sound.

“Don’t be so creepy!” Kangin barked. “You’re scaring Wookie!”

“I wanna go home…” The young member whimpered pitifully.

“You ARE home.”

“SOMEBODY TURN THE LIGHTS ON!”

“I told you, they’re not here!”

“JUST TURN THEM ON!”

“HOW CAN I TURN THEM ON IF THEY’RE NOT HERE?!”

Zhou Mi sighed. Rolling his eyes, he carelessly flicked the light switch next to him. “Hi, guys,” he repeated. The fourteen people standing in the hallway froze as light flooded the area.

“ZHOU MI!”

“Surprise!”

“Donghae, I don’t think he’s surprised anymore.”

“Happy Birthday!”

“Yeah, Happy Birthday!”

“Mi, Happy Birthd—MAKNAE, STOP STEPPING ON MY FOOT! YAH!”

“Gege!” Henry smiled happily as he bounced towards the older Chinese member. “Can you take your glasses off for a second?”

“Why?” Zhou Mi asked suspiciously.

“Just do it!” The Canadian insisted innocently.

The singer reached a hand up slowly to remove the black frames. “Okay, now what?”

His query was answered as a small white cake was mashed dramatically into his face.

“Happy birthday, Gege!” the evil child sang.

“Every year,” the victim muttered resentfully. “Just you wait, Henry. October isn’t that far away, you know.”

“I wanted a slice of that cake,” Shindong remarked sadly.

Hangeng waved a hand at the frosting-coated singer. “Go ahead,” he offered. “If we get a picture of this, maybe we could start a new ship for the fans.”

“Maybe he could take it with the camera I got him!” Ryeowook offered. His eyes widened. “Oh, no! I wasn’t supposed to say that, was I?”

“That just reminded me we need to open presents!” the leader smiled. “How about it?”

With that, a mad stampede began as the members raced to find their gifts. Zhou Mi followed them over to the kitchen where he took a seat at the round dining table.

“First!” Eunhyuk proclaimed triumphantly.

“No, I stuck my foot through the door before you!”

“I sat down before you!”

“Nu-uh!”

“Uh-huh!”

“Okay, guys, let’s just settle down for a minute,” the leader ordered. “Here’s a napkin, Mi. Now, once he’s gotten the frosting out of his eyebrows, he’ll start opening presents, alright?”

“Mi, open mine first!” Eunhyuk shouted enthusiastically.

“No, mine!”

“He loves me more, Henry, so he’s obviously opening mine first!”

“What? No way. Haven’t you seen how popular Zhoury is? I dare you to name one HyukMi moment that can compare!”

“You think he loves you now that he’s wiping cake out of his nose?”

“How about ZhouWon?”

“NO, SIWON.”

“You guys are all delusional,” Kyuhyun smirked. “I’m clearly Mi’s favorite.”

The maknae’s words ignited yet another heated debate.

“Eh? No you’re not!”

“He loves me most!”

“Me! Me!”

Meanwhile, the birthday boy had already begun carefully peeling the wrapping paper off his first gift.

“Is this… oh! Wine! Thank you, Sungmin-hyung!”

The Korean nodded. “2002,” he reported. “That was a good year for the grapes. If you want, we should go wine-tasting sometime.”

“Of course! Text me about it, okay?” With a final smile at his friend, Zhou Mi turned to face the thirteen other eager members. “Umm…”

“Eunhyuk, Shindong and I have to leave for our radio schedule soon, so why don’t you open theirs first?” Leeteuk suggested.

Shindong slid a small package across the table. “Happy Birthday, Zhou Mi!”

“Thanks, hyung. I—oh! Cufflinks! And these are Ravi Ratans?”
“Yeah,” Shindong grinned. “And I got them engraved, see? SJ on one and ZM on the oth—OOF!” His sentence was cut off abruptly as the lanky Chinese man tackled him in a hug from the opposite side of the table.

“THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!”

“Eh… you’re welcome…”

“Okay, now open mine!” Eunhyuk demanded. He passed the lumpy-looking envelope over to the birthday boy. “Open it!”

“It’s my gift too!” Donghae interjected. “And Teukkie-hyung’s! The three of us kind of had a joint-gift.”

“Does that just mean you all were too lazy to get your own gifts for him?” Hangeng wondered.

Zhou Mi cautiously ripped open the envelope.

“So? Do you like it?” The fish demanded eagerly.

“Yes, of course but… I’m not sure I know what it is…”

“This? It’s an invitation for you to host the new talk show some of us are going to be on for our album promotion,” Eunhyuk explained.

“Host?” Leeteuk frowned. “I thought he was going to be my assistant MC. Wait, am I being downgraded?”

“Thank you,” Zhou Mi beamed. He darted around the table to give the three members strangling hugs. “Don’t worry, Leeteuk-hyung. I’ll let you get a few lines in too, if you want.”

The leader grumbled good-naturedly as he embraced the Chinese member. “Eunhyuk, Shindong, we have to leave now,” he warned. “The rest of you, please just try not to set the place on fire.” With his parting words and a last Happy Birthday, Mi! from Eunhyuk, the three of them swept out of the apartment.

“Okay, my gift now!” Heechul announced. He pushed an envelope across the table.

A second later, the dorm was being rocked of squeals of “Heechul-hyung~!” as the fashionista pranced over to tackle the diva in a hug.

“And no one believes us when we say he’s the most aegyo-y member,” Siwon muttered.

Sungmin sniffed. “I still demand a rematch,” he said delicately.

“Thank you so much~!” Zhou Mi rocked back and forth as he stared at the gift card in his hands. “This can be used anywhere?” he wondered in awe.

“Yup,” Heechul nodded.

“THANK YOU~!”

“You gotta admit, Sungmin, that that act is pretty hard to beat,” Kangin stated. “Alright, here you go, Mi.”

“Thanks, Kangin-hyung.” Zhou Mi tore the wrapping paper off the box happily.

“I wasn’t sure what to get you,” the Korean man admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Zhou Mi chuckled as he gazed at the gift in his hands. It was a small red box labeled Emergency Bowtie, which undoubtedly contained an emergency bowtie.

“It’s perfect,” he smiled. “You never know when a fashion crisis will appear,” he said solemnly.

Kangin nodded and breathed a sigh of relief that his gift had been deemed acceptable.

“Hey, you two are kind of awkward, huh?” Hangeng noted. “Maybe we should do an Intimate Note for you guys.”

Heechul and Kangin whirled on the Chinese member. “NO!”

“Here, open my gift,” Siwon offered. Zhou Mi smiled at his SJM member and accepted the gift bag.

“I know you don’t dive, but this watch is water-proof up to fifty feet. I kind of thought it matched that outfit you always wore during our “Super Girl” promotions.”

“Aw, thank you~! I’ll wear it often!” Zhou Mi turned to add the watch to his growing pile of opened gifts. “Aah! Oh, Kibum, I didn’t see you there.” Kibum silently held out a large package wrapped entirely in black.

“Kibum, you know this is a birthday gift and not a funeral offering, right?” Shindong asked.

Zhou Mi grinned. “I’m sure it’s just the wrapping paper that’s a bit strange. The gift is probably—oh. Ah… thanks, Kibum. I’ve always wanted my own… knife set…”

“They cut very well. You hardly need to put in any effort to slice through bone,” the younger member reported gravely.

“OY! What did I say about being creepy?” Kangin reminded.

“Appa~ Kibummie’s being weird~!” Donghae and Ryeowook whimpered, clinging to Kangin.

“Why am I your Appa?!”

“Would you rather be their mother?” Sungmin asked.

“I don’t want to be related to them!”

“And we all feel the same way about you,” Heechul quipped. “Just let Mimi open his presents in peace, you brats! You’re giving me a headache!”

Zhou Mi was staring down at the knives. “Yes… they do look sharp. Er… thanks.”

Kibum cocked his head to the side. “I heard you tell Donghae last week that you were going to start a cooking class. I thought you might want to use your own set of knives instead of the unhygienic class sets.”

“Oh…” The group let out a collective sigh of relief to know that the young member was not quite as psychotic as they thought.

“Ah, I get it. Well, thanks Kibum!” The birthday boy grinned.

Ryeowook shyly handed his SJM member a small box. “You already know it’s a camera, but…”

“Thank you~ I’ll treasure it!” Zhou Mi promised. Taking the small device out of its container, he snapped a photo of himself and Ryeowook.

“Hey, don’t get too close to him!” Henry warned. “I’ll never let you break up HenWook!”

“SiWook?”

“NO, SIWON.”

“But anyway,” continued the Canadian, “here you go.”

Zhou Mi felt the soft material of the gift and knew at once that it was some kind of clothing. Pulling it out, he found himself holding the very same turquoise sweatshirt Henry had forced him to wear in that Taiwan fashion-exchange they had done a year before.

“Isn’t this…?”
“Now I’m forcing you to conform to my style!” Henry declared triumphantly.

Zhou Mi shook his head patronizingly. “You still have so much to learn,” he sighed. “But thanks, Henry.”

Yesung took this chance to shove his gift into the hands of the Chinese member. “Here. It’s a bit heavy, but it’s worth it. And I’m sorry to the rest of you, but my gift is now here to outshine all of yours!” he asserted.

“You know when you say things like that you just set yourself up for failure,” Heechul smirked.

Yesung sniffed haughtily. “Actually, I think my gift is fantastic! Right, Zhou Mi?”

The lanky singer cleared his throat. “Huh? Oh. Um, sure. It’s a very… beautiful… blender.”

“It has so many different uses!” Yesung boasted. “See, on this side of the box the girl is blending a carrot, but on this side she’s blending strawberries!”

The group stared at him.

“I don’t think the world has invented an insult strong enough for this,” Kangin stated.

Heechul pinch his forehead in concentration. “Give me a minute. I’ll try to come up with one.”

“Uh… anyway,” Kyuhyun interrupted. “I think it’s time for my gift now.” He pointed at a large crate in a corner of the room.

Zhou Mi walked over suspiciously. “It’s not alive, is it?”

“Nope.”

The birthday boy contemplated the box. “So… how do I open it?” he asked Kyuhyun.

The maknae shrugged. “I figured you would just ask Sungmin and Hangeng to kick it open for you or something.”

“Hey!”

“I have a better idea,” Kibum interrupted. Striding briskly to the refrigerator, he opened the door, shifted jars of kimchi around, and pulled out a crowbar.

The Shibrows shot up in surprise. “Why do we have a crowbar in our refrigerator?”

“Probably for the same reason we have a lawnmower on our concrete balcony,” Donghae rationalized.

Kibum handed the metal appliance to a stunned Zhou Mi. “Oh. Thanks, Kibum.”

The fashionista looked helplessly at the crowbar in his hands for a moment. “What do I do with this?”

“Here.” Kangin walked over, snatched the metal bar, and stuck it into the crate. With a grunt, he pried the front off to reveal—

“MARIO!” Zhou Mi shrieked, sprinting into the crate to embrace a stuffed doll in a red cap that stood to just below the Super Junior member’s shoulder.

“Gui Xian, thank you so much~!”

Kyuhyun smiled. “They told me that he was life-sized, but I still can’t really figure out how they decided that Mario was this tall ‘in real life.’”

Zhou Mi gave Mario a giant squeeze. “Thanks again! And thank you to all of you! This has been the best birthday ev—“

“Yah.” Hangeng flicked the younger member in the forehead. “How can you just forget about your Gege’s gift? I guess this means you don’t want this ticket to China with me…?”

“Ah~ Gege, thank you~! Now this has been the best birthday ever!” Zhou Mi beamed.

Shindong shuddered. “Ugh. Please don’t say such cheesy things. My brain dies a little inside.”

Zhou Mi grinned. “But really, thank you!”

“GROUP HUG!” Donghae yelled.

The members all huddled together. “Happy Birthday, Mimi~”

“Thank y—“

“YAH! WHO KEEPS STEPPING ON MY FOOT?!”