“Hey there”, he said silently, smiling at Daniel, who returned the smile tiredly.

“Hey hyung…”
“How are you feeling?” He sat down beside the hospital bed and looked worried at Daniel.

“I’m much better now. But they say I have to stay in here for at least two more days while they start changing the medicine…” He didn’t look satisfied about it at all. “They say I can’t even start dancing again before next week. What am I supposed to do?”
“Have you spoken to our manager about this?”
“Yes, he says it’s gonna be all right as long as I just relax and recover, but hyung, it’s so boring in here!” He pouted his lips, looking as unhappy as a scolded child.

“I promise I will come here every day, no matter how long you have to stay here, okay?”

“Thank you, but you really don’t have to. I know how busy you are… How are the others doing?”

Minsoo didn’t comment on his obvious attempt to change the subject. Right now he was willing to go with anything Daniel said.

“They are really worried about you. Everyone was so relieved when they were told that you were all right…” He cut off, didn’t know what more to say.

“But you weren’t?”

“Daniel, I…”
“I know what you want me to do hyung, but the answer is still no. It’s bad enough that you know about me being ill, the others doesn’t need to know! It’s fine as it is, I don’t want them to worry about me all the time”.

But I worry, I worry every freaking second!, he urged to shout, but instead he nodded.

“If that’s how you want it”.

“Speaking of whom, where are the others?” He tried to look out the door, as if he expected them to be eavesdropping, but Minsoo smiled rebelliously.

“They’re probably on their way here soon. I ditched the practice today to see you”.

“Hyung! You’ll get in trouble!” Daniel looked completely shocked.

“It’s okay, I really wanted to see you Danielah”. He leaned forward and gave him a light kiss on his forehead. “I had to see if you were awake”.

Daniel blushed and looked down at his hands.

“Hyung, please don’t do this to me…”, he muttered, trying to keep his voice stable.

“Why not?” It felt as if the young, silent boy had struck him in the face with an iron fist.

“Because… I can’t stand myself this way. I hate the fact that I’m a burden to everyone, especially you. I couldn’t ask this of you hyung… You shouldn’t care this much for me…”
“But I do! Daniel, I don’t care about you being ill, I don’t care about spending time here when I actually had to practice, I don’t even care if I don’t get any sleep at all because I have to watch over you! If it’s necessary I’m willing to do it. I…” He bit his lip, normally he wasn’t this unsure about what to say.

“You what, hyung?” Daniel’s eyes were big with hope and confusion when he looked at Minsoo.

“I love you Danielah… I really do. And I can’t bear to let you be alone in this, so please… please let me love you”.

He tried to catch Daniel’s eyes, but the younger boy had a hard time looking up.

“Please”, he said again. “I beg of you, don’t turn me down on this”. It was probably the slight tremble in his voice that finally made Daniel look at him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please give us a chance…”

“Only at one condition…”
“Anything”.

“Don’t kiss me. I want to have my first kiss by a pretty girl, not a boy”. He blushed as he said it, but Minsoo nodded. Honestly, he had expected something like this, but as long as he could be there for Daniel and hold him when he needed it, nothing else mattered.

It had been three weeks since Daniel returned from the hospital now. They went on with the busy schedule, though Daniel only had to do half the usual amount of TV-appearances now to spare his health.

He had taken the new medication for only two and a half week, but Minsoo couldn’t help but wait anxiously for the doctor’s decision about whether it worked or not.

Daniel’s face had been all white since he left the hospital and he got easily tired compared to before.

But it didn’t have to mean that something was wrong, did it?, he speculated one night as he lay in bed, trying hopelessly to sleep. He had to give it more time.

The small sound of someone tripping towards his bed made him look up. By the headboard stood Daniel, even more pale in the darkness.

“Hyung?... Is it okay for me to sleep in your bed?”, he whispered shyly, curling a lock of his hair between his fingers.

Minsoo stared surprised at him. “Of course, but why…”
“I had a nightmare… It was awful”. His voice was unsteady as an earthquake. “Would you hold me till I fall asleep?” His cheeks went red, but Minsoo pretended not to notice.

“I promised I would, right? Come here”. He moved a little to make space for Daniel’s skinny body. “I won’t let you have a bad dream again, okay?”

As they placed their arms around each other, he buried his lips in Daniels thick, blonde hair and closed his eyes. The feeling of Daniel’s heartbeat against his chest felt like a soothing lullaby.

He sighed, looking resignedly at Daniel.

“Daniel, please, you have to take them. It’s one sip of water, then it’s over”.

“But Minsooah… I really can’t…”, he sobbed, lifting his gaze to meet the older boy’s eyes. “I feel like throwing up every time! The second it reaches my tongue my stomach starts to freak out”. He looked truly ashamed of himself.

This new medicine hadn’t been any easier for him to consume at all, even though it was now more like snowy water than mashed potatoes.

“What should we do then?”

“Couldn’t I just… you know, pretend to forget and then just take it tomorrow?” His eyes expressed a desperate hope, which he knew Minsoo wouldn’t allow.

“You know you can’t. It’s extremely important that you get used to this medicine quickly”.

“I know hyung…”

“I’ll help you, please try and endure it”. He took the tiny plastic glass whit the white water in it and lifted it to Daniel’s lips, but he turned his head away.

“I’m sorry… I get sick by the mere thought”. He closed his eyes to hold back the tears. “I know I shouldn’t ask this of you, but please, make me take it. I can’t do it myself”.

He looked like a lost puppy, making it even harder for Minsoo to nod and grasp Daniel’s jaw, forcing his mouth open so that he could pour the medicine down between his lips.

Daniel was crying now, but he only struggled half-heartedly, knowing he wouldn’t be able to do anything about Minsoo’s strong arms anyway. He put all his effort into keeping the liquid medication inside him when Minsoo let go of his jaw and hugged him tightly instead, whispering fervent apologises in his ears.

“Thank you hyung…”, he muttered through his breath, grabbing his shirt roughly, afraid that Minsoo might disappear if he let go.

“What do you mean, it’s not working?” He wasn’t able to control himself towards the doctor anymore, he had to scream the words out when he realized what they might mean.

“Relax Minsoo-sshi! As I said, his body isn’t responding as well to the new medication as we could have hoped for. We will try to prepare another drug, but the shift have to be slow, it will take some time”.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to relax before you’re sure he’ll be all right…”
“Like I said, we have lots of other medications ready if the need arises. So please try to calm down”.

He nodded, not able to look at the doctor anymore. Inside his mind he prepared to stay awake all week if necessary to make sure Daniel wouldn’t have problems this time.

He tried to swallow the growing fear in his throat, Eyes locked on the edge of the doctor’s desk, he nodded and got on his feet.

“If that’s all, then I better be going. I have practice to attend to, and singing lessons”.

“Daniel-sshi… I know this is impossible to handle, but…”
“Thank you for your time doctor. I’ll see you next week”.

He left the room, unable to breathe normally. Mentally he had been trying so hard to prepare himself for this kind of news, but now that he finally knew for sure, it felt ensnaring to just sit down and die instead of having to go through this pain. It would be easier, less tiresome.

With a deep breath he closed his eyes for a while, thinking manically of what to do now.

Nervously he knocked at the open door to make Minsoo notice him. The older boy smiled when he saw Daniel.

“Danielah!” The way his face brightened up when he said his name was just about to get him smile too, but he suppressed the urge and made his face into an emotionless mask, more likely to be made of stone than skin.

“Hyung… I have to talk to you about something”.

“Is something wrong? Did the doctor say anything…”

“No. It’s nothing like that, it’s just…” It took a huge effort to keep the stone face, but somehow he managed. “We can’t see each other anymore. Like, more than just friends”.

“Daniel, what are you saying…”
“It was wrong of me to go with it. I’m sorry, but we have to end it, for both our sake’s”.

“If this is about you feeling like a burden to me…”
“Minsoo, please don’t argue. I just can’t go with it anymore. I’m sorry”. He turned around, couldn’t have looked Minsoo in the eyes for a second longer.

“You don’t mean that!” Minsoo’s voice was about to break. “How can you say something like that?”

But Daniel had already started to walk away from him. Leaving Minsoo heart-broken behind, he walked down the hallway, trying to find out where to go to be alone.

Finally he chose the bathroom. As he got in, he locked the door behind him, making sure he was alone.

Sitting by himself on the pitilessly hard floor, he started to cry with his face hidden in his hands, his heart aching like a thousand nails every time he recalled how hurt Minsoo’s eyes had been looking.

What was it? This feeling in the left side of his chest? This unbelievably painful feeling…

He got down on his knees, not able to stand anymore. Clenching his teeth in agony, he grabbed his chest as if he would be able to reach the source of this feeling, but it was still concealed in its prison of flesh and bones.

Panting as if he had been running he stood up again, forced himself to ignore it, and opened the door.

“Hey guys”. The smile probably wasn’t as good as it used to be, but everyone else smiled back at him, except Minsoo who looked away.

“Danielah, we’ve missed you so much!” Jonghyun ran forward and gave him a hug. “We were so worried…”
“I know… I guess I have to tell you this”. Suddenly he didn’t know how to continue as everyone’s gazes, including Minsoo’s, were now focused on him.

“I’m really sorry everyone, but I have been lying to you…” He couldn’t look any of them in the eyes, but he refused to let his voice shake, even the slightest.

“How?” Chanhee tilted his head. Behind him Minsoo looked at him with wondering eyes.

“I wasn’t hospitalized because of too much work…” He fought against his own throat, who didn’t want to cooperate. “Truth is, I suffer from a very rare heart disease. And my medicine stopped working because I had been taking it for too long, so they had to make me another one”.

“What?!”

“I talked to a doctor a few days ago about it, and it seems that I’m all fine again. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys… I guess I just didn’t want you to worry about me”. He couldn’t help but smile a little, just to cover the lie in his words. Would they notice? For a second he stared at Minsoo, but his glance remained inscrutable.

“But, are you able to dance and stuff? I mean…” Jonghyun didn’t know what to say.

“Yes, as I said I’m all fine now. So we can keep on the promotions as planned”.

That horrible, fake smile that twisted his lips so unnaturally… But no one seemed to notice.

“Minsooah!” He looked up in surprise, as he tried to hide the glass with pills on his back.

“Why aren’t you ready? We have to be on stage in two minutes!”
“I’m ready, I’m ready. Sorry”. He put all his effort into sounding casually and not angry. “I’ll be right there”.

The performance went beyond his expectations. Truthfully, Chanhee didn’t think Daniel would make it, but he had to admit that nothing had been wrong at all.

The only thing that actually bothered him had been the glimpse of his eyes… Even though Daniel had been smiling and singing perfectly as usual, his eyes had been about to burst with tears. He had wanted to ask about it afterwards, but Daniel had been gone the moment they went backstage. And no one had seen him it seemed.

He hadn’t said anything about this to Minsoo. Anyone could see how depressed he was, and it wasn’t difficult to guess why. But more than half an hour had passed and Daniel hadn’t returned.

“Uhm… hyung?”

“Yes, what is it?”

“I don’t know how to say this, but… well… Daniel is gone”.