“So Tao, do you plan to visit your family too like LuHan and Lay?” Kris asked me while tidying up his composition sheets.

“I don’t know yet Kris ge. What about you?”

“Hmmm maybe not. I already visited them 2 weeks ago. I think it’s my turn to watch over the dorm, don’t you think?”

I feel there’s additional weight on the sofa. Turning my head, i see Kris already sprawling out his long legs on the table.

“I’ll go then. Maybe around 7PM”

“Want me to drive you there? I’m not sure you want to take public transportation. We can’t risk having you eaten by those fangirls” Kris laughing out loud. And his laugh is contagious, making me laugh together with him.

“If you don’t mind. And i still wanna live anyway”

“So, what do you want for lunch Tao?”

“Anything’s fine with me” i stretch out my stiff body for being too long lazying on the couch

“It’s been a while since we last eat ramen. Want some?”

“Just say that the cupboard is empty and you can’t cook ge.”

This charismatic leader of EXO M who seems perfect from the outside is actually can’t cook a decent food. We are still alive because of LuHan and Lay’s cooking skill.

“You little panda, respect your leader will you?” Kris shouted from the kitchen

“Yea yea whatever, Leader Kris”

I know he can’t get mad over a fact that every member including EXO K members knows. I can hear him chuckling anyway.

“I’m going upstairs ge, just call me out when the food is ready. I want egg too to go with my ramen~”

“What’s with kids these days? They have no respect and ask a lot of things”

“Yo ge, do you think we’ll become more famous if i upload your photo in an apron to my weibo?” I asked him from upstairs knowing if i stay anywhere around him when i said that, one flying spoon might greet my face.

And i’m not wrong. I hear something clanking downstairs.

“Ge, remember what LuHan said about missing utensils?”

I don’t know why but i feel like i’m in the mood to annoy Kris gege. Since we’re practically the only member in the dorm and i kinda miss Chen who usually teach me how to sing better. But this morning SM called our 2 korean members, don’t know what for. I just hope SM doesn’t plan on transferring those 2 to EXO K.

To be honest, Xiumin and Chen look quite down lately. Since in China, our promotion way is through interview and interview and interview almost everyday. They felt out-casted there. They think they only a burden for us, especially Leader, since they can’t speak chinese.

All of us gathered together 2 days ago. Discussing about this. And we already said that they are no burden to us, and we talked all night long after we end that discussion.

“Tao, food’s ready. Hurry come down”

Hearing my stomach already grumbling, i sprint to the dining room. And then i lose my footing and literally rolling from upstairs. I closed my eyes and hoping that i will soon touch the ground.

After 2 minutes of rolling, i touch the ground. With my body pressed my hands in not a comfortable position.

“Oh my god Tao, are you okay?” Kris put me in sitting position and starts examine my body.

“Ge, i think i broke my right hand.” My tears pooled in my eyes. It hurts so much. The pain is too unbearable for me.

“Shhh, we’ll go to the hospital right now okay. Now try to get up.”

We spent our afternoon in the hospital. The damage is not severe said the doctor, but he still put a cast on me.

“Come back 2 weeks again, we’ll see how the progress by then. As for you Tao, try to not do heavy things for this moment.”

“Thank you doctor” Kris and i bowed and left the hospital.

“So, will you still go home? I’m not forbidding you and the doctor said there’s nothing serious.”

“I’ll stay in the dorm. My family will freaked out if they see my hands” I chuckled. I can cleary imagine how my family will react. They will make me stay in bed all day, and treat me like i’ll die soon.

“Okay then. Wanna watch some movies to kill time?”

“What about Kung Fu Panda 2? Pweeaassee Kris gege, i beg you” I give him my best aegyo. He never says no to my aegyo. Not like Lay, tch that guy is soo hard to persuade”

“Hahaha, okay okay little panda”

It’s 9PM when we finished the film. And then the electricity goes off.

“Darn, why they decided to turn off the electricity at night? Tao, stay where you at. I’ll look for the candle or something that can gives us a little light.”

“Actually why don’t we go to the balcony and enjoy the stars? It’s quiet bright out there”

“Are you crazy? Who knows there’s fan who sees us and then starts spreading rumours about us being gay?”

Suddenly, there’s pain creeping from my chest. My throat hurts. Big lump in my throat prevents me from talking. And my vision blurs because of tears formed there.

“Hey ge, did you remember my impression about you?”My voice unbelievably calm compared to the pool of tears that threatening to fall.

“The one about me being too handsome and too cool for you to approach?”He didn’t face me, still busy looking for a damn candle.

“Haha funny one Ge. Yea that one, but a little bit more modest than what you said.”

“Hahaha, of course i remember. Why?”

“I lied about that” My voice starts to shake

Maybe he heard my shaking voice, because he stops whatever he was doing and approach me.

“Why are you crying Tao?” He wiped away my tears.

The pain in my chest doubled for every tear he wiped. I tried to control myself from weeping like a baby.

“Will you listen to my rambling ge?”

“I will. Just say whatever you wanna say, but don’t cry please. It hurts me seeing my little brother crying”

There. Little brother.

“You know, what i said on the interview about my impression of you was total lie. I.. i have no impression of you. I fall for you from the first time i saw you Kris. Can you believe it? I know it makes no sense. I mean, how can i have no impression of you but fall for you instead? I don’t know too myself. But as time goes by, there’s only ChanYeol in your eyes. Good thing SM separates you two. Because Kris, do you know how much it hurts seeing someone you love being close to the other right in front of your nose? It hurts Kris! it hurts so damn much! You know what hurts more? Treated only as a little brother by someone you love. I tried to forget this feeling for you Kris, i really tried. But my stupid mind just kept telling me to hold still to my broken pieces of heart. Telling me there will be a chance. And i stupid enough to do that!

2 years Kris, 2 years i tried to opened your eyes to see me! To see me the way i always seen you! But no, you never, and probably will never fulfill my wish. Never.”

A moment of deafening silence surrounds the dorm. Neither of us speak a word. And then i feel a pair of strong hands embrace me. A deep, soothing voice saying “I’m sorry” over and over again. And then the warmth left me.

“I’m sorry Tao, i really do. For not noticing your feeling to me. But it’s not possible for me to leave ChanYeol even though we are apart. I’m sorry, i only see you as my precious baby brother. Any other way to see you has not ever cross my mind. I’m sorry Tao” Kris said while looking straight to my eyes.

What did i expect anyway? I knew it would turned out like this. Drying my eyes, ignoring the pounding pain in my chest, i pot on a smile.

“It’s okay, just promise me you’ll never leave me ge” I hug him with every bits of my feeling for him.

“I promise Tao. I promise” And that voice lulled me to sleep.