Siwon sighed as he sat on the couch in the dark room he called the living room. Memories of the past came flashing back; memories he shared with that special someone who was no longer at his side. He remembered the day he realized he no longer was there, no longer present in his life. He believed the other had just gotten up early for business; only when he came back and awoke in the middle of the night to find himself alone on the bed did he realize the other would not be coming back.

His belongings were no longer there; his clothes had disappeared along with most of their treasured items. The only hint of his existence were the few images of the two he had left behind along with the fading scent of his shampoo on the sheets. Siwon remained still on the bed that night, stunned that his beloved had gotten up and left him. He had clutched the sheets for a second and the rest of the night became a blur. He only realized what he had done when he awoke and found their room, now his room a mess.

Glass had been broken and the bed overturned along with a few pieces of random furniture. Rage had gotten the best of him and he needed a break. Siwon quickly decided to take a ride reminiscing on what had gone wrong, later become a routine for him to drive around every day during the late hours of the day just to backtrack. Tears were often shed as the heart wrenching reality sunk into his being every night: he was gone and he wouldn’t be coming back.

Siwon had just gotten back from his ride for that night having no desire to go to sleep. It had been a long time, two years since he had last seen or heard of Hankyung. He ran a hand through his hair as tears began to fall again; he had never been able to control them as he used to, especially when they were over his love. One of the things he regret was making him go through all the crap people would give them for being men in love. The one thing that killed him was that he himself added to the pain.

The reason, his own parents had voiced their dissatisfaction over Siwon’s relationship with another man. He knew that Hankyung knew just how much his parent’s approval meant to him; it meant the world.  As if that were not enough, he himself looked for a way to relieve the pain he felt from the rejection of his relationship and ended up in a female’s bed.

 He was blind; he was blinded by the rage of being a disappointment and the grief of having his feelings pushed aside so easily shattered him.  After the fact, Siwon had beaten himself countless times for making the love of his life suffer; for releasing his stress and rage in another’s bed nearly every night rather than spending it in the arms of his beloved. He recalled just how much his attitude changed towards Hankyung the last few months they had shared together before he left him alone.

He allowed the words of his parents, coworkers, and strangers to cloud his mind. He allowed himself to be manipulated by the society he lived in and this was what it brought him; pain, regret, and feeling worst than when he and Hankyung went public with their love. Their home felt so empty without the other. Their home felt lifeless and like a black hole.

Siwon missed Hankyung’s sweet words he would often speak into his ears when he got home. He missed the gentle touches and the scents that would cover the house when his darling would cook. He just missed the other’s presence. He wanted it all back, but his pride forbade him from even searching for the first year.  He didn’t know how much more he’d be able to take if the separation and the throbbing of his heart continued.

He felt nothing but anguish; felt like he was being stabbed by pieces and shard of glass every day. And every day without Hankyung was torture. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to up all of the go inside himself and push it to the side to search for his Han. He wanted nothing more than to have then tiny man in his arms smiling up at him with love in the other’s eyes.

He had begun to hunt for the other and he wouldn’t care if it would take him years. Just taking this step eased the ache of his heart slightly and hopefully it would all go away when he finally found the other. He prayed Hankyung was still single and practically waiting for him to sweep into his arms and off his feet. However, if the other had moved on he would no longer interfere; simply he would apologize, bare the pain and continue on with his dull grey life without his shining sun.

The sudden ring of the phone brought him out of his sorrows long enough for him to stop crying. He quickly regained his lost composure and answered the call steadily.

“Sir Choi?” came a voice

“Yes?” he asked.

“We’ve located Hankyung, though now he goes by the name Han Geng.”

“Han Geng,” Siwon repeated the name with a smile before he thanked the detectives.

“Yes thank so all for the hard work!”

“No problem sir.”

Siwon quickly stood and practically ran to his room beginning to pack.

“Han Geng, I’m coming; I’ll bring you home darling.”