Blank.

 

A plain white of nothingness is all Sooyoung could process as she looks at the pitiful strip of paper in her hand. She sighs dissatisfiedly then nibbles the tip of her pen with while mulling over at what to write down.

She frowns then blinks then sighs and she does the same routine for a whole minute before she leans her cheek onto her palm and closes her eyes. 

‘What am I supposed to write?’

Her brows crease at the thought, her hand scratching the top of her head as if digging those words out of her. The attempt was futile though, as an exasperated groan fills the air a second later, her head weighing down. 

None.  Nothing is coming into mind- not exactly different from how she started this day.

 

She looks up warily, eyes travelling from one person to the next. From the girl with glasses sitting properly by the kitchen tapping the pen onto her cheek, the sloppy girl lying on the floor on her stomach grinning from ear to ear, the girl with hair tied up in pig-tails contemplating at the corner and finally the quietest girl, sitting a couple feet away from where she is, smiling gently as she writes down with such enthusiasm- something the taller brunette lacks from the very start.

Sooyoung‘s brow raises, her curiosity reeling in. After all, it’s not that often she sees this petite not always in-the-mood being so enthusiastic about something. She almost never is, other than the concept of a warm, soft, comfy bed, double bed, queen size or any kind for that matter came to mind does she sees this girl with such reaction. So a smile found its way onto the brunette’s lips and without giving it much thought, she glides from the couch and stops just behind her. 

“To.. Be.. With… Someone.. Who.. Will.. Make.. Me.. Happy.” Sooyoung mutters aloud word per word, a smile dangling across her face. 

The blonde beauty bolts upright, quickly turning around only to find a grinning brunette behind her “HEY!!!”

“I never knew you were THAT romantic, Sica.” Sooyoung comments with a cheeky grin. 

Jessica’s blush instantly deepens, a balled up fist threatening to swing its way onto the brunette. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Calm down.” waving a hand, “I can’t think of what to write-…”

“So you thought you could copy mine?!”

“Aren’t you such a cutie pie?” Sooyoung tries to hold back her laughter as she continues; “a sappy line such as isn’t my kind of wish.” 

“It’s not sappy. It’s cute.”

“You read too much romance novels, Sica”

“It feels less irritating coming from someone who doesn’t.” 

“I do read.” 

“Reading ‘nutrition facts’ from a food wrapper doesn’t count, you dummy.” Jessica banters back, grinning.
 

“Well it did pay off.” Sooyoung proudly replies, showing her model like physique out to the blonde.

Jessica groans “Is self-praise really that gratifying?”
 

“Only when you’re honest.” The brunette winks, only to receive another loud growl from the blonde.
 

After a while, Jessica shrugs, waving off the smug smile on Sooyoung’s face then settles back onto her first position. “Fine, but just to be fair let me look at yours after you’re done.”
 

Sooyoung quickly backs off. “No can do. Wishes have to be kept a secret. It wouldn’t come true if you look at it.” She lies. 
 

Not that Sooyoung had any wishes written down already. She doesn’t and well… even if she already had one, letting other members be enlightened by her wish is the last thing Sooyoung wants in this lifetime. So she made up this rule, which in reality her pathetic excuse for a lie, just to keep this blonde’s curious eyes and all of her members away from her wish even when she’s not around to guard them. 
 

“But you looked at mine!”
 

“And now you can thank me.”
 

“For what exactly?!”

 

“Well…” Sooyoung purses her lips then smiles, inching closer to Jessica’s face. “That wish wasn’t really worth wishing for.”

 

Jessica’s heartbeat suddenly raises a notch and she could very well hear that loud ruckus it is making against her chest as if wanting to break-free. The blonde though isn’t aware what that was all about: if it was caused by the distance between their faces from one another or the anger that was slowly building up inside of her. Jessica doesn’t know really, but she is damn hell sure that she was not happy at her roommate’s action who by now, in her own rightful judgment, needs a goddamn painful beating. And staring back at that cheeky grin plastered on Sooyoung’s face proved that judgment to be worthy of being implemented.
 

The blonde picks another strip of paper and roughly shoves it onto her roommate’s face. Hard. 
 

Sooyoung’s head snaps back, her yelp trailing as it did. 
 

“HEY!” She says, fuming, taking the paper in her hand. “What was that for?!”
 

“Focus on your own wish!” Jessica spats, now sitting further away from the prying eyes of Sooyoung. “Now I have to think of another one. Stupid stupid shikshin.”
 

The tallest member groans, rolling her eyes as she slumps back on the sofa. “Whose idea was this anyway?”

 

15 minutes earlier…
 

Sooyoung sighs aloud, sinking herself deeper onto the leather sofa as she looks around the empty apartment. There is nothing but utter silence, no one to play with, to tease, or to even bother, just her on the huge black leather sofa in their sad spacious living room. 
 

Well sure, there is another member with her but Sooyoung highly doubts that that certain member would be so appreciative of her presence, even now that she’s too indulged with her new book. After all, she was just kicked by the same girl out of her room because Sooyoung’s loud snoring was- in her roommate’s words ‘shattering the foundation of imagination of each and every line that she reads’ or to simply put it, distracting which Sooyoung couldn’t care less about. But the taller brunette did oblige. So here she is now, lying on the leather sofa by the living room busy finding a relaxing spot she could lie on. 
 

She made multiple positions, her body turned to the side, facing up, facing down, one leg on the ground, her head on the arm rest, head on the back rest, on top of her arms, and so on before someone walks in on her with a slightly bemused reaction.
 

“What are you doing?” She asks raising a brow, holding a book on one hand and her glasses on the other. She wouldn’t normally bother what the other members are doing; she couldn’t care less about it. In every other occasion, she would just shrug it off as she walks over to the kitchen, gets a sandwich then back to her room and continue reading her book. It was like that, but somehow finding her roommate rolling, circling and so on around the sofa and now with her head hanging by the edge as she sits upside down surprised her.
 

The brunette looks up, a frown evident on her face, obviously unsatisfied with her current position. “This is so uncomfortable.”
 

“It wouldn’t be if you only sit properly, Sooyoung.”
 

“Well I shouldn’t be here if you didn’t kick me out of my room, Sica.”
 

“You snore. It’s too distracting.”
 

Sooyoung snorts, quickly defending herself “I do not snore. I just breathe loudly.”
 

I faint smile quickly escapes Jessica’s lips after hearing Sooyoung’s misguided logic. She couldn’t believe that this tall tanned roommate of hers is still using that same kind of reasoning instead of admitting to it. Jessica opens , already equipped with a degrading banter but not until two loud unwanted beings barges into their dorms, stopping her and Sooyoung from their argument.
 

“We’re back!!!” 
 

“Oishii!!”
 

“Honto arigatou”
 

“Hai.”
 

The two chodings continue their senseless Japanese conversation, heads bowing to one another.
 

Sooyoung stands up and walks straight to them. “Got some food?”
 

“Hajimemae.” Hyoyeon responds with a proud smile.
 

The tallest member’s eyes twitch in an instant, “Don’t kid me when I’m hungry.”
 

Yoona circles one arm around Sooyoung’s neck and pulls her closer “We’ve got something better”
 

“Yup. Much better” Hyoyeon nods still with that wide, creepy smile up on her face.
 

“Where’s Seohyun?” asks Jessica, standing just a few feet away from them.
 

“That’s the surprise.” Hyoyeon grins at the blonde then pops her head out of the door. “Maknae quick quick!”
 

“You left her outside?”
 

“No, Sica-unnie. We told her to wait so we can have a dramatic entrance for our surprise.” Yoona answers.
 

“Should I cue the violin?” Sooyoung mutters monotonously, her head still locked around Yoona’s arm.
 

And in less than 10 seconds, Seohyun enters, with a long, rough, crooked thing in her hand.
 

“That’s-…” Sica stops halfway, dumbfounded at what their youngest member is holding. 
 

“A bamboo branch…” Sooyoung says, now turning her face to look at Hyoyeon “Hey… How is that better than food?!”
 

“Just listen first.” Yoona argues back.
 

“Eherm.” Hyoyeon clears . “Shall I?”
 

“The floor is all yours, unnie.”
 

Hyoyeon runs her hand through her hair, grinning as she looks ahead “Since we’re here in Japan and as you all know today is the seventh day of the seventh month-”

“Tanabata.”

“And we-…” Hyoyeon pauses, brows meeting in the center. “HEY!! You ruined my speech, Sooyoung!!”

“You know?!” Yoona tightens her hold, completely taken by surprise on how Sooyoung suddenly muttered dryly what they were been so excited about ever since this morning.

“Yoona.” Sooyoung groans, looking up. “Being around your armpit is not exactly my ideal place.”
 

The younger member releases her hold and laughs awkwardly at the taller brunette. Sooyoung rolls her eyes, fingers running through her disheveled hair.
 

“What’s Tanabata?” Jessica steps forward asking after what may seem like a long hour of ire glare and disappointed grunts which in reality is just half a minute of Hyoyeon mouthing ‘my speech.. my speech..’ over and over again.

The dancing queen’s face brightens instantly, and looks up at Jessica, smiling, ready to voice her speech out only to be interrupted yet again.
 

“It’s a festival here in Japan held every seventh day of the seventh month.” answers Sooyoung, taking her steps back into the living room. 
 

Jessica follows, gently pulling Seohyun with her. “What’s the bamboo branch for?” She asks, now pointing to what Seohyun is still holding.
 

“It’s-..” starts Hyoyeon again but to no avail since she was quickly cut off by Sooyoung.
 

“You write your wishes on a colorful strip of paper then you hang them onto the bamboo branch.”
 

“SOOYOUNG!! LET ME TALK!!”
 

The said girl peers over her shoulder, looks at her whining member then scoffs.
 

“ARE YOU MOCKING ME?!” Hyoyeon runs behind Sooyoung, hands on waist.
 

“Can’t be helped if I lived here once. “ Sooyoung turns around, taps the top of Hyoyeons’s head then levels herself onto the shorter girl’s face “Plus you’re too slow.”

“Hey.” Hyoyeon frowns.
 

“That’s right!! You did!!” Yoona claps her hand, smiling so wide “Have you done it before? What’s it like? Did it come true? Did it?” inching closer towards the tallest member.
 

Sooyoung suddenly felt the urge to brag about her little advantage of Japanese tradition over her members. A crooked smile forms on her face; she flips her hair as she starts, “Marina and I even wore yukata.”
 

No, they didn’t.
 

“We even strolled on the streets that night.”
 

Again they didn’t.
 

“Then Marina and I ended the night by hanging our wishes onto the bamboo branch. It was a fun.” 
 

Ah… That one though, was the truth. In fact, that was the only thing they did. Sooyoung even remembers wishing getting the bigger half of the kobe beef served that night. Don’t get me wrong though, she did wish for a lot of things that night, much more sentimental and hopeful. Sooyoung actually spent the entire night with a bright smile and determined mind writing all of them and almost all the little twigs in that bamboo tree hanged Sooyoung’s wishes. 
 

She could hear half of her members there wooing and gasping as if it was the most remarkable thing ever. It simply felt great- that feeling of being a step ahead of them. And Sooyoung succumbs into that feeling. 
 

Jessica though, void of all the bowing, praising and that plain nonsensical gasping the two chodings are giving to Sooyoung, only rolls her eyes in return. She drops her hold onto Seohyun and crosses her arms over her chest, “So this, you two want to do this Tanabata? With us?”
 

“YES!” the two replies, vigorously nodding their heads.
 

“But it seems stupid…” Jessica continues, scrunching up her nose. 
 

“Hey.” Sooyoung moves forward, drapes her arms around the two chodings and then bends, inching her face closer to Jessica’s “There’s nothing stupid about Japanese Tradition.”
 

There it is- that strong crazy throbbing against her chest. She feels it, getting heavier and heavier in every beat and she can hear that same loud ruckus it is making. It’s not that hard not to. After all, it’s not that often she feels this kind of strong painful rush, not to her- not to Jessica. But somehow whenever Sooyoung is involve, that rush-… that rush takes over, and Jessica doesn’t know whether she’s angry or if it’s something else.
 

But she has no time deciphering which it is. She has to respond, fast. She shook those thoughts out, then speaks up, defending herself, “I’m not saying that, just that wishes are stupid.”
 

“Oho.” Sooyoung smiles lopsidedly, “Is this how you express your jealousy over my advantage in these things?”
 

“It’s called a subjective belief, dummy.”
 

Sooyoung raises a brow, “Can you be more cynical?”
 

“Can you be more naïve?” Jessica argues back, not even daring too move her eyes away from Sooyoung’s.
 

A couple of seconds past before Sooyoung decides to turn away “I guess it’s just the four of us then.” She says then takes a quick glance back at Jessica “The princess here is too good for these things.”
 

“Hey!” Jessica raises her voice, hands now on her waist. With furrowed brows, she continues “If you say it like that, it makes me look like the bad guy here!”
 

“Well you’re not really too keen in doing this, aren’t you?”
 

“Well it’s different now!” the so called ‘princess’ replies, voice dripped with anger. She stomps her way back into the living room, shouting “What the hell are you guys waiting for? Come here already!”

…… 20 minutes later
 

Sooyoung drops her head, palms nestling her face, a soft grunt escaping her lips. Now that she remembers it, this was all her fault. This predicament she’s in right now was entirely her fault: that little pathetic display of supremacy over Japanese tradition to her friends and that sly trick she pulled on Jessica put her in this situation. She shakes her head, murmuring a soft ‘tsk’ before she looks at the strip of paper in her hand. The same pitiful blank strip of paper- which in Sooyoung’s imagination, that little folds and creases it has, had seem to form a smile and a discouraging gaze staring back at her, mocking her to no end. 

 

‘Argh…’ 
 

Sooyoung groans a bit louder this time.

 

‘Ah! This is stupid! What am I supposed to wish for anyway?!’ 
 

Sooyoung’s eyes twitch. This isn’t fun at all. Not exactly the same sentiment she had earlier on. Sure, ten years ago it was fun doing tanabata with Marina. Ten years ago when she was just starting her career, where in her young mind and heart being able to sing and dance in a broader audience, being recognized for her talent, being appreciated by many was her dream- ten years ago when all she ever wished for was to achieve all of that. And ten years later she did. Everything she always dreamed for is in her hands now; a steady growing career, a supportive family, loving members, dedicated fans, a desirable amount of money, awards to brag and be proud of, a very sought for talents and skills, and more. So now what- what’s left to wish for?
 

Sooyoung groans again, this time shifting her head to the side, dropping her gaze at her roommate. And judging by that small gentle smile up on roommate’s face, Sooyoung could very well tell that Jessica is so passionate about this. 
 

A smile grazes Sooyoung’s lips in an instant as she watches her dear ardent roommate from a distant.

 

‘Ah… this girl.’ Sheshakes her head in this belief.
 

This girl- Jessica- the same girl, who minutes earlier was so against this ‘writing your wish down on a strip of paper and hang them on a bamboo tree’, is now putting her entire focus on her wish, which earlier she described as something stupid.

 

‘I thought this was stupid, Sica?’ the shikshin thought to herself, smiling, ‘And yet you’re having fun.’
 

A soft unwilled laughter escapes Sooyoung’s mouth, her eyes still fixated on Jessica’s petite frame by the table. She stops, her hand now cupping her right cheek as she leans down, still keeping her gaze on her roommate. She watches and watches, intently, giving much more interest on Jessica than the strip of paper she has been holding for the last 23 minutes. 

 

‘Still… this is stupid…’ Her thoughts trailing
 

Then she sees Jessica bow slightly, a couple of blonde locks falling against her forehead, and Sooyoung now found herself wanting to brush them off; run her fingers against them and tuck them behind Jessica’s ears. 
 

Sooyoung’s mouth parted a little, eyes widening, a slight feeling of tug against her chest. She doesn’t really know what that urge was about, and she ponders for quite a while yet finds herself too distracted when she sees Jessica’s lips move slightly. It’s ridiculous to even see it, to even spot that little difference, yet Sooyoung notices. She can, and she knows the difference of that smile from that of others. She knows the weight of happiness behind every single smile Jessica possesses. Her face softens, a much gentler smile spreading along the corners of her lips.

 

‘This is stupid…’

 

Sooyoung says to herself again, unsure whether it was still the tanabata or the fact that she notices that much, that even herself finds it ridiculous on how well she had gotten to know the blonde- too much even for own self-awareness. Her breathing deepens, and somewhere inside Sooyoung starts to feel a bit heavier all the while looking at her roommate. 
 

Those gentle smiles she had all this time never left her face nor did her eyes leave her roommate when that painful foreign feeling slowly invades her. 

 

‘So stupid…’

 

Sooyoung mutters again, still unaware what this rant is about anymore. The brunette ponders for a short while but gotten nowhere. So she stops, and continues watching her roommate with a smile. Unfortunately though, Sooyoung didn't even put into consideration that she might, sooner or later, get caught in this little rendezvous she’s having with her roommate’s face not until Jessica’s eyes met with hers.
 

“What?” Jessica asks in an angry tone. Sooyoung wants, in all her humane power, to say something back, an alibi to be precise, but nothing was coming to mind, and her voice drying in didn’t help at all.
 

So the brunette gulps instead, her eyes locked on her. 
 

“What?”
 

Sooyoung though, this time found herself grinning as she notices the sudden change in Jessica's cheeks. 

 

‘Wait… Is she—blushing?’
 

In all honesty, Sooyoung, a cunning being that she is, wanted to deepen that blush on her roommate’s face by teasing her or by making any smartass remarks but somehow, somewhere, this long legged beauty is just too taken by Jessica's cuteness that she keeps it all to herself and simply grins back.

The blonde beauty though, far from Sooyoung’s amusement, glares in return. She holds her pen up, clenching her jaws, “I swear if you’re planning to peek again, I’m gonna stab you with this pen so hard you wished you never did.”
 

And as quick as that, the grin on Sooyoung’s face turns into a disappointed grimace. What once she thought was cute shattered in an instant as she finds herself staring at Jessica’s scowl and a pen in her steadfast hand threatening to stab her any second now. 
 

Sooyoung snorts, “When will you get over yourself?”
 

“Well you’ve been.. you know—you’ve been staring.” Jessica stutters but manages to finish off, then she adds, pointing a finger to Sooyoung “And you had that smile up. It’s weird, like you have something in your mind.”
 

“Yeah.” Sooyoung says “like how someone who said this was stupid yet can’t stop herself from smiling while writing down her wish. And by someone, I mean you.”
 

“You pulled me into doing this. I’m just making the best out of it.”
 

“Well you were right.” Sooyoung stands up. “This is stupid. And you look stupid.” And left, walking directly inside their shared room.
 

She could hear Jessica shouting ‘wha- stupid? You’re stupid!’ over and over again like resonating the sound of every footstep.
 

Judging from the tone of her roommate’s voice, she could clearly picture it, how Jessica looks as she shouts ’stupid’ over and over again; how she has her brows furrowed, how her nose creases, how points a little too outward, how her hands clench in anger, and how her chest rises and falls in every huff. The brunette flops herself on her bed, back facing the ceiling, releasing a long loud grunt as soon as her body came crashing with the bedding. Sooyoung knew her roommate all too well- she’s sure about it and she hates how this angry image of Jessica will hunt her thoughts even though they’re room apart. She didn’t like it, not even for a little bit because for some reason…

 

For some unknown reason…
 

She rather stare at Jessica’s smiling face.
 

..........

Time quickly went by. Twenty minutes after Sooyoung left for their room, Hyoyeon, Yoona, Seohyun and Jessica were already out in their balcony hanging their respective wishes on the bamboo stem they placed inside a pot. Thereafter, the four went with their respective businesses. Hyoyeon and Yoona stayed by the living room watching TV, Seohyun went in the kitchen, and Jessica went back to her room where she found a soundly sleeping Sooyoung. 
 

The blonde walk towards her bed, lies down and stares at her goofy looking roommate. She smiles wondering how this maddening creature minutes before has now turned into something innocent, cute and far from being anything irritating. Jessica smiles further, listening to Sooyoung’s soft steady breathing.

 

‘You’re stupid…’ Jessica mutters to herself, giggling as soon as she hears Sooyoung unwomanly like snore. ‘really stupid…’
 

She yawns this time, yet eyes still stuck on Sooyoung’s sleeping form. Watching how her roommate’s brows yank, how would slowly part, how her breathing would get louder, lower and softer, how her hand would make their way on her face and scratch her cheek, and how her body jerk a little all the while a thought of ‘is she dreaming’ popping in Jessica’s mind. 
 

She laughs at the sight before her. Nothing was new though. She always watches the brunette before she gets to sleep. But whenever she watches Sooyoung, that feeling, that tremor of unexplainable emotion- that feeling always seem like it’s the first time. 
 

Jessica yawns again, her eyelid getting a bit heavier. And a couple of seconds later, the sound of her steady breathing echoes around the four walled room joining in with Sooyoung’s boisterous snoring. 
 

..........

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...

..

.
 

A hoarse sound of murmuring penetrates the quiet dim lit room. The girl turns around, shifts her body to the side, fingers rubbing her eyes. She wakes up, now staring at an empty, definitely messy, bed beside her. She thinks for a while, wondering from where her roommate is to how long she had been asleep, before her puzzled reaction turns to unsatisfied expression.
 

She stands up and groggily walks herself out of the room. She looks around and spots Seohyun with Sunny by the living room. 
 

But before she could even speak, Sunny sees her, saying “Oh you’re awake already.”
 

She nods, running one hand on her hair. “Where’s Sooyoungie?”
 

“She went out with Yoona-unnie and Hyoyeon-unnie, Sica-unnie.” Seohyun answers politely though a little bit concerned on how woozy Jessica looks. 
 

“Where?”
 

“To buy food, of course. What else would get Sooyoung off of her lazy bum?”
 

“She’s not- ugh…” Jessica stops, growls by the end then turns her back on the two members.

 

‘Why am I defending that shikshin anyway?’
 

“Where are you going?” Sunny asks, watching how Jessica’s body disappears from the kitchen.
 

“Just needs some water to wake me up.” shouts the blonde.
 

She opens the ref, grabs a bottle and takes a glass from the counter top. She drinks, and feels refreshed after a few gulps.
 

The front door click opens, and Jessica’s ears perk at the sound. She drops her glass and pops her head out of the kitchen, expecting a goofy grin plastered on her roommate’s face and a food on hand proudly swinging it around. The anticipation fell short though, when their childlike leader and her dolled-up American friend enter the apartment with the latter shouting ‘We’re home! We’re home!’ excitedly.
 

Jessica responds, “Welcome back.” before turning around and grabbing the glass up again.
 

She drinks another round, and pours another glass. Jessica stays in the kitchen for a while, embracing the silence while quenching her thirst. She stays for another minute until she hears Tiffany squealing
 

“You did Tanabata!! Waaahh! Where did you put them?”
 

“They’re in the balcony, unnie.” 
 

She hears the glass door slid open, and hears Tiffany squeal yet again. Jessica thinks for a while that it’ll be alright. So she stays by the kitchen, sipping her water.
 

“Hmmm…” Tiffany murmurs, taking one strip of paper after another.
 

“But Sooyoung unnie didn’t join us.” Seohyun adds.
 

“Really?” Tiffany asks, now holding a white strip of paper in her hand, a sly smile spreading on her face. 
 

“Really.” Jessica responds, stepping out of the kitchen. She stops from her track as soon as she spots Tiffany holding their wishes on her hand. 
 

“But this is her wish.” Tiffany again speaks. Jessica now wonders why she even thought it would be alright. 
 

She tries to stop her, she didn’t run, but she  yells, “You can’t-…”
 

But it was already too late for that.
 

Tiffany, with a smile on her face, reads aloud word per word, “To… Be… That… Someone…”
 

Jessica stops. And Tiffany’s wide smile quickly turns into a confused frown as she stares at Sooyoung’s ambiguous wish.
 

“What kind of wish is this?”
 

Taeyeon chuckles, “Well it’s Sooyoung. You really don’t know what’s going on inside her mind.”
 

That for a fact, Jessica knows. The blonde drops her gaze on the floor, a smile unconsciously forming around the corners of her lips.

 

‘And you say I read too much romance novels…’ She thought to herself.

 

And there it is again- that strong painful rush taking over, tightening just right around her chest. She clutches onto her sides, catching her breath as she settles that foreign feeling down- calm herself down but to no avail. The feeling is relentless, unyielding, and Jessica starts to get impatient.
 

Because for one…

She knows that it’s not anger anymore.