first of all, i would like to apologize.

I must posted the update last last week but my computer is ting then got reformat T___T

So, here it is. HOPE YOU ENJOY :)

I slid under my soft mattress and rest my back on the head board of my bed. I grab my phone on the table right beside my bed to do my night ritual before I sleep. Wondering what it is? Every night I am scanning our photos together taken months ago and reminisce the moments behind those, and read his only message that is left on my phone that was sent a month ago.

[FLASHBACK]

I’m crying. I’m crying so hard because my nephew deleted all his messages I stored on my phone. I value them all because he barely text his I love you’s. He prefers to say it personally or say it through phone than message it because according to him you can’t feel the emotion through text. Sweet right? But I still want to read his messages every night.

I’m still staring at my phone. ‘I can’t retrieve them back because it’s not like computer.’ I bitterly thought. I wailed again. “What should I do?!” Then my phone rang. He is calling now. I hesitantly answer, but once I didn’t answer it he will not call again tonight. And I badly need to hear his voice now to comfort me. I sniff before I answer. “Hello?”

“Baby? what’s wrong? Are you crying?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

I wailed again like a child. “Jiyong-ah, Jisun deleted your messages!!”

He chuckled. “Aigooo~! My baby girl is crying over those messages. Don’t cry now ne? Those are just messages, it’s nothing important.”

“Shut up!”

“Are you mad?” I didn’t answer. He chuckled again. “Baby you never really fail to amuse me. Alright now. I’ll send you same messages. Stop crying now.”

“No! That’s not what I mean! I mean, the time! The date and time you sent me those messages. If you will send a message now, the registered date and time are now. Do you understand Jiyong?” I sound irritated.

“Yeah I get it! But what’s the deal with the time?” He sounds really confused over the line.

I bit my lip, brows knitted together. “Because… because… that time we are still together! That’s why if you send it now, the time--  Aaarrggh!! You will not understand me!” I’m really pissed now. The other line was silent.  “Jiyong-ah are you still there?” He didn’t answer. My phone beep, I looked on the screen and saw his name on it. He sent a message.

                From: Baby Boy

                Subject: Hush

                Message:

                Baby don’t cry now pls L It’s just a message okay? Here. I typed it again… I LOVE YOU BABY GIRL!! smooooooooooooooooch :* kekekeke ^^

I chuckled. I don’t know but I still feel giddy when I read his I love you’s. I bring back my phone on my ear. “Pabo! Hehe”

“There! You have my message again with I love you, and I’ll send you everyday message like that so stop sulking ne?”

“Then it’s not special anymore if you’ll send it everyday.”

He chuckled. “Arasso arasso. I’ll just send you once in a while. You’re really weird.” I just chuckled and followed by a minute of pause before he speak again. “Uhmm... I’ll go now baby girl. Goodnight! I love you.” Then he made a kissing tone. “Uhm.. okay. Goodnight!” I replied then I hung up. I sighed. ‘Do you really still love me Ji? You’re always saying it but I can’t feel it anymore.’

[END OF FLASHBACK]

Yeah! We’re not together anymore yet he’s still saying he loves me but I don’t know if he really mean it or not.

I put my phone where I grab it and gone to sleep.

[FLASHBACK]

I’m super annoyed now. I already sent my 15^th message to him but I got no reply, plus he’s not returning my calls. Ugh! I’m getting frustrated.

I threw my phone on my bed with angrily that it bounces on my headboard. “Fine! If that’s what he wants.” I storm out my room not bringing my phone.

It was already 3 in the afternoon when I checked my phone. I got 13 missed calls from Han Byul unni but no message from him! Gaaah! Too much expectations Dara! I called Han Byul unni, wondering why she called me. “Annyeonghaseyo unni!!”

“Oh Dara-ah...”

“Uhm... Unni why did you call earlier? Sorry if I haven’t answered it coz I’m out and I forgot to bring my phone.” I explained to her.

“It’s okay. I just want to ask if you’re with Jiyong now?”

“Huh? No. Why unni?”

“Ah! Nothing! That’s all I want to ask.” She laughs awkwardly. “Thanks. Bye Dara!”

“Unni what’s wrong?” I called before she hung up. “You’ll not call me 13 times just to ask if I’m with Jiyong.”

I heard her sigh. “Okay. I think you need to know this. Don’t freak out okay?”

“Yes. Tell me now.”

“It’s really not that important. I just saw Jiyong and Sulli last night at the club making out.  Don’t get me wrong Dara, but I think Jiyong is cheating on you.” I heard her gasp when she realized she’s blabbering again.

What the?! It’s really WHAT THE ?! It’s not important?! It’s my boyfriend we are talking about here making out with my friend at the club! I took a deep breath.

Inhale. Exhale.

That’s right Dara. Don’t freak out. You haven’t heard the whole story yet. “Unni are you sure it’s Jiyong? I mean, how did you know it’s Jiyong when he’s making out with Sulli?”

“I asked Sulli.  I asked her if it’s Jiyong and she said yes, and they are dating for a week now.”

“Really? The guts! Thank you unni. I’ll go now. Bye!” I didn’t wait for her reply as I hung up.

I grab my purse and go.

“Mom I’ll just go to Jiyong! I’ll be back before 7!” I shouted at mom who’s on the kitchen.

“Alright! Take care Dara!”

----

Before I arrive at their house I texted him that I’m already on my way there, but same as earlier, no reply. I dialed his number but his phone is just keep on ringing. I tried it again, and again, and again until I’m already outside their house. I was about to ring the doorbell when Jiyong came out, disarray hair while rubbing his drooping eyes, everything indicating that he just woke up and haven’t got enough sleep. I smiled as our eyes met, but he looked away. He walks towards me and open the gate. As soon as the gate opens, “What are you doing here Dara?”

Eh? No hellos?

I bit my lip to hide my disappointment and prevent the growing pain on my chest. “Is that how you’ll greet your girlfriend?” I forced a smile.

“What are doing here? I’m tired Dara. I have to sleep.” He repeated his question.

“Why? Am I not allowed to visit my boyfriend anymore?” I countered.

I heard him sigh. He grabbed my hand and dragged my inside. We sat near the pool. We are both in silence. Minutes already passed but no one is still talking.

I my dry lips and decided to ask him. ‘I’ll just ask him right? And when I ask him, it doesn’t mean we’ll end everything. I just want to clear things out. It’s not easy to walk with no head, having no ideas that people are already talking about me when I pass, talking about me and my boyfriend that is cheating on me. At least when I heard rumors about me and him cheating on me, I know the truth, the truth that comes from him. Right! I should ask him now and trust him.’ I pondered on my thoughts.

“Han Byul unni saw you last night. I just want to hear your side.” I opened and looked at him.

He looked at me straight to my eyes, as if telling me it’s the truth, but I brushed it off my head. His eyes’ expression changed and said. “If I’ll say my side, will you believe me and disregard what they said?” I looked down. Trying to analyze what he is trying to say. Silence enveloped us again.”See? Not right? You will still believe them. So what’s the point of explaining my side?”

I groan because of the unknown reason why I can’t breath. I took a deep breath and decipher everything. ‘Is he really cheating on me? I thought he’s contented with me?’

“Is it true?” I said in a low voice, almost whisper.

Instead of answering, he laid his back on the bench we’re sitting. If before, he is using my lap as pillow, now he adjusted himself not to touch me. I can feel the problem now. I don’t want to think that there is, but he is giving me ideas to do so. I am just like other girls that would have suspicions if he would do things that would lead me to.

Staying here is non sense. I’m here to hear his side, not to watch him sleep and notice something that he really went to club last night. I must leave. We both need to think and it’s not helping if I see him act so strange.

My chest is so heavy. I’m starting to feel the tears on my eyes but I tried not to cry. But before tears may escape I stood up, walk and stopped after I took 3 steps. “I’m going home. Just rest. It seems that you are really tired last night.” And with that I continued to walk.

I called a taxi and went home. While on the taxi I think of his words earlier. It is clearly saying that everything is true. Or he’s just testing me? Nah! If it’s not true he should just say ‘no’. Oh my gosh! I never knew it hurts this much.

I arrived at home. Everybody is here but no one noticed I enter. I enter my room and sat directly on my study desk and grab I post-it note and a pen. I wrote ‘I’m not eating dinner… I’ll sleep early ^^’ and post it outside my door. After I closed the door, the bear caught my attention, it’s staring at me with its head tilted and sitting beside my pillow on bed. I sat on the middle of bed and get the bear. I stared at it as if it’s a human then I squeezed its nose, letting all the frustration I felt.

“Hey you! Your stupid owner cheated on me. He cheated but he never explained. He didn’t even try to deny. I never knew it hurts here,” I pointed where my heart is, “so much.” My lips starting to form a frown and my breath started to hitch. And finally, a tear drops, followed by another and continue to flow. “But it’s normal right?” I laid my back on my bed and hugged the bear. “Comfort me okay? Comfort me until I fall asleep.” I closed my eyes. ‘It’s better to sleep than to feel this hurt.

----

The next days passed so fast and everything was just normal, the difference is just we haven’t contacted each other for 2 weeks. I didn’t tell anyone about what happened because for me it was just a misunderstanding that every couple normally have.

4 days to go before Christmas and we decided to go out and have fun. We as in me, Bom, CL and Minzy, my ‘BEST BRADS’. We are going to meet by 7pm at park. It’s already 6pm but I haven’t prepared yet because I really don’t want to go. I’m having a bad feeling that tonight’s not gonna end up good. But I don’t want to miss this chance. I love hanging out with them so I pushed that bad feeling out of my head. I was about to enter my bathroom when my phone rang. Bommie is calling. “Yes B-“

“Dara I’ll pick you at your house, be prepared now, I’ll be there in 30 minutes.” She said and she hung up.

Really that girl! I put back my phone and quickly bathe. I picked a loose tee , a shorts and paired with doll shoes. I choose the small shoulder bag to bring because I’ll just bring my wallet and my phone. I tied my hair on side and curl it a bit. I’m not yet done with my hair when my door opened revealing the mannequin-like-girl, Bom.

“Yah! Dara! Why you’re not yet done?” She whined.

“Don’t you want to hug me first before you nag?” I asked her smiling. I missed her.

“Arrrgh!! Dara!!” She stomped her foot walking towards me then hug me. “I missed you Bommie-ah” I hugged her back. “I missed you too.” She said then pouted. Aigoo!!  She’s so cute!! I continue my works on my hair and put light make-up while we’re chatting. After I readied myself, we left.

----

Bom parked her car on the other side on the park where we suppose to meet, so we have to walk in the middle of the crowded park. Okay! I’m not an introvert but I hate going to crowded places.

We were walking on our way to our meeting place when Bom suddenly stop which made me stop too. “Bom?”

“Dara don’t lie to me. Are you and Jiyong broke up?” She said coldly then faced me.

“Huh? Ah… No… I… We… Ah… Ugh! We just have misunderstanding, just a little misunderstanding.” I stuttered.

“You sure?”

“Yeah…” I unconsciously roam my eyes around and caught two figures. Kwon Jiyong and Sulli. HIS arm is on her waist, holding it possessively and HER leaning on his chest while talking to Jiyong’s friends, Youngbae, Daesung, Seungri and TOP. They were chatting and laughing. But my eyes are glued to the two.  My heart feels like pulled out from my chest and burn in hell. I’m hurting but I’m not stupid to cry in this public place. Huh! I will not embarrass myself because of him.

“Dara don’t look at them.” My thoughts cut by Bom. “I thought you haven’t broke up?”

“I thought so.” My eyes are still glued to them. And maybe he felt the glares I’m giving them, he looked at my direction and his smile immediately replaced by emotionless face. I just glare at him sending him the message ‘I really should believe them, you liar!’ Bom also glared at him and this time not only him is looking at us but also the four boys and Sulli. I felt Bom tugged my hand and drag me back where we from. She drives to the bar where we suppose to go. I was totally preoccupied that I haven’t noticed we already arrived. She called CL and Minzy that we are already here. We sat down on one of the couch in the club. The plan is we’re going to get a VIP room but I ask her that we just stay here. I want here. At VIP room, faint sounds from below are just heard and I want this noise. I want the loud boom of music here. I don’t know why but I just preferred here now. Bom sat down beside me and hugged me.

“Dara don’t pretend that you are not hurting.” I heard her worried voice. I looked at him and began to sob. Not too long the 2 girls arrived and they were both surprise to see me crying.

“Unni what happened?” Minzy shouted. They both hugged me and sat on the couch and I started explaining. I told them what Han Byul unni said and what happened to their house until the incident earlier.

“I never thought he would take it as break up.” I said. They never said anything. They just let me feel that I’m not alone which I needed now. I wiped my tears finally stopped crying. We ordered buckets of beer and we silently drink despite the loud music surround us. I looked at three girls. We must enjoy this night but it was ruin by that incident. I get my phone from my bag and text the three.

                To: brad’BOM; brad’CL; brad’MINGKKI

                Subject: Let’s have fun ^^

                Message:

                Let’s forgot what we saw earlier ne? Let’s enjoy this night. I’ll enjoy this too. thank u ily!

Their phones vibrated and they looked at me then smiled. We all go to dance floor and danced. We dance and drink. No one mentioned about Jiyong.  I did have fun, but my heart is still aching.

----

Few days after the incident, Jiyong texted me saying sorry and call me. “Hello?”

“Dara?”

“Yes?”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” I don’t know why I said that for clearly he means that incident.

“I..I don’t know what has got into me that night when I started to date Sulli. We were just having fun with the boys but I didn’t expected that I will say it, that I want her to be my girl. And that night when you said about Han Byul noona saw us, I don’t know what she saw but I’m just doing my part as her boyfriend. I am about to end that craziness but you broke up with me, that’s why I just continue my relationship with her. I know I should’ve apologized right after you saw us, but I don’t know. I can’t do it.”

I pressed my palm on my mouth to suppress any sob. My tears flowed continuously while listening to his explanation. Oh God! Why does it hurt like hell? Is he this insensitive to say it to me in one go? I can’t answer, my voice were trapped on my throat.

“Dara? Dara baby? are you still there?” There! After he said baby, my sobs escaped.

“I never broke up with you Ji.” That was all I managed to say because of the painful pound on my chest.

“I’m sorry”

“You love her?”

“Yes.” Oh my holy! He said yes without hesitation! I feel numb now. Every part of my body is now numb except on my chest where my heart is.

“But how about me?” I choked  when I said those.  It hurts but I want to know.

“Yes. Oh God! I still love you Dara. I really do.”

“You can’t…”

“I don’t know but I love you both.” I’m hurt. It feels like my whole body was beaten, but somehow after he said that he still love me, my heart ease a bit.

“Please Dara, don’t be cold to me. Even though we already broke up, remember that I still love you okay? Nothing’s changed.”

I nodded. Smile is on my face. “Okay nothing’s changed.” I know. I’m just a fool of love. The whole night we talked. We talked like nothing’s happened.

After that talk, he is always calling me but deep in my heart I said to myself that I should start to move on.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

I woke up and took my phone. I have 3 messages all from same number. All from him and it was sent 2am.

                From: Jiyong

                Subject: Let’s Stop

                Message:

                Let’s stop this already Dara. I’m sorry but I can’t keep you forever.

                From: Jiyong

                Subject: Sorry

                Message:

                I’m so sorry Dara. I haven’t resisted the temptation. I know there’s someone for you better than me that would love you. But don’t forget that I still love you. Promise! I really do. I’m just blinded by the lust and really I can’t resist it. It’s better than this. I don’t want to force you on doing something you don’t want to. Please understand me Dara. Bye. I love you.

                From: Jiyong

                Subject: Please

                Message:

                Dara please wait for me? Wait for me until I become a real man. And when I can say to my self that I already know how to control myself and do the right things a real man should do, I will comeback to you and please if you don’t have boyfriend that time, accept me. please Dara. Promise me

I smiled at his messages. I know he’s drunk when he sent those. And when he’s drunk, he is telling the truth. I bit my lip and think for the right thing to reply.

                To: Jiyong

                Subject: Thank You

                Message:

                Thank you Jiyong. I’m happy that you already realized your mistakes. I’m not going to promise, but let’s just see if you deserve that second chance soon. You must regain my trust. Don’t text or call me until that day came. When I received your next message or call, that’s the time I will decide whether to accept you or not. Good Luck and I love you too. Take care.

After I sent it. I did my morning routine and eat my breakfast then checked my phone again.

                From: Baby Boy

                Subject: J

                Message:

                I will. Thank you.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING :)

-- zuikureiji ( ≥ ﮞ ≤ )