Donghae's P.O.V. 

 

Bittersweet endings...

 

My heart has gone cold and hard. Numbed by all the pain and misery I've been through. From now on I'll let my brain make all the decisions. I learned my lesson. I won't let myself fall into that terrible nightmare again. I have to be a lot wiser and stronger now. And, I'll start by blocking out Siwon from my life. 

 

His quick visit here didn't went well obviously. I can't believe he dared to kiss me. How could he?! Does he really think I'll let him off just like that? What an ignorant. But... his tears... I felt that they were from the heart. Seeing him down on his knees begging for forgiveness, hit me a bit. I just hate when I make people cry. But I thought, if it wasn't for him, all of this wouldn't happen... I let my defense down the moment he left. I surrendered myself to the couch and closed my eyes. Be strong, Donghae. You can do this... 

 

I cooked myself a bowl of Ramyeon for lunch. My favorite comfort food. I needed something to make me feel like myself again. While savoring on my spicy treat in the kitchen, I noticed a small note placed on top of the counter. I read it and found out that it was from Siwon. It's the same note he left me when he gave me the batmobile. My heart trembled... I wanted to keep it. I wanted to keep a part of Siwon in a way. But I know I shouldn't. Remember your first step Donghae... So, I crumpled it and threw it in the trash. Threw away the last remembrance I have from Siwon. 

 

I went to my room and lied down on my bed. I the TV and scanned the channels. I ended up watching a cartoon Disney. Nice! The Lion King's on. Such a classic! Then I remembered, the main character was named Simba... SIMBA. I quickly switched to the next channel. Local News. Alright... I could use an update on the local scene. Then the anchor suddenly said, "A horse with 5 legs was born in Kunsan today". Oh my god. Seriously?! First Simba then now a horse? Is fate trying to play me? I turned the TV off and got up from the bed. I need some air. I need to get out of this house! I got down in the parking lot and drove off. 

 

I have no idea where to go to. I just needed to get away from that house. Everything there just reminds me of Siwon. It's not helping me reach my goal, it only makes it harder to do. I passed by the hospital where the guys took Eunhyuk and I last night. The doctor let me go home right away because I only got a minor injury. But Eunhyuk... His condition was way worse, so he have to stay there until his wounds and bruises heal. It's also a way to avoid the press. I wonder how he's doing now? I figured to go and check on him. And besides, I could use a friend right now. So, I made a U-turn then head to the hospital. 

 

I got to his room and saw that the door was half open, so I just went in. A nurse was checking on Eunhyuk's blood pressure level and temperatue. "Hey. You're here!" he said when he saw me. "Hi there, is this a bad time?" I said. "No, no. She's about to finish. Right, miss?" he said then looked at the nurse. "Yes. I'll just write down your records..." she replied. "I got you fruits!" I said then showed him the fruit basket I bought for him downstairs at a small grocery store. "Are there gyuls in it?" he asked like a kid. "You bet!" Eunhyuk loves gyuls. It's the only treat I know that could somehow cheer up Eunhyuk. His face is evidently in a bad condition. I'm sure that he's in so much pain right now. Then the nurse finished scribbling down notes and said, "Your status looks fine now, Mr. Lee. I'll just be back tomorrow." "Thanks, miss." he replied. The nurse walked by me and gave me a smile. I smiled back then she left. "Alright, Fishy! Give me those gyuls!"

 

I put the basket on a table and took the gyuls. Then I peeled them off on a plate for Eunhyuk. "So Fishy... How are you doing?" he asked. "I'm alright, Eunhyuk. It's just a little bruise." I said. "And your heart?" he asked again. That made me stop. I don't know, Eunhyuk... I'm not feeling anything right now. But I decided to put on a facade. I turned around to him and showed him a fake smile. "I'm all good, Hyukkie. Don't worry", I lied. I finished peeling then I brought the plate to him. I sat on the chair beside his bed to watch him eating. "Well, go on Hyukkie! Chow down." And so he did. While eating, he suddenly said, "Siwon came here this morning... And you know what's funny? He sat in the same chair you're sitting right now." He did? He probably went here first before he dropped by my house. "Oh... What did he do here?" I asked. He put a slice of gyul in his mouth then said, "He came here to apologize. You know... I don't hate the guy. I just can't believe he did this to me... and especially to you." He looked at me. "Hyukkie..." I don't want to talk about this now... I don't think I can. "He said he'd do anything just to make me forgive him. He seems really desperate. But you know what I told him?" he said. I remained silent. Stop this, Eunhyuk. "I told him to let you go. Let you go and set you free." He stopped eating. "Hyu-hyukkie... You didn't have to do that", I told him. I don't want anyone else to finish our relationship. I want this to end with just him and I. Just like how we started it. I know, it's very sentimental. But it just feels like the right thing to do. "I know you've been through hell with him. He was obssessed with you. He didn't love you, Hae. He tricked you into thinking that you guys are in-love with each other. You've been under his spell all along, Hae. He manipulated you. I just can't stand to see you suffer anymore" Stop it... You don't know what you're talking about, Eunhyuk. "and I just thought that I could help you get rid of him. Since that's what you wa---", I cut him short. "That's not for you to do, Eunhyuk!" I finally snapped. I know what he said was true. But not everything. I know he loved me. I felt it! We have connected in so many ways. No one would understad our relationship but us. I breathed in then looked down and said, "I-I'm sorry." He put the plate on the side table, paused for a bit and said, "Lee Donghae... Look at me." Then I did. My eyes starting to tear up. "You still love him don't you?" I looked at away. I don't need this right now... "Tell me, Hae. Do you still love him?" I can't do this. I tried to stand up but he grabbed my wrist. "You still love him and you don't want to him to go, right? You still love him after what he did to you. Am I right?! Say it, Donghae", he said intensely. Then a tear fell down. "Yes! Yes, Eunhyuk! I still love Siwon! I'm trying to stop thinking about him, missing him and to stop loving him. But I know I can't! Is that what you want to hear, huh?! That deep inside, a part of me doesn't want him to let go. I want him to keep trying... A part of me is still hoping that somehow we could still fix this! I know it's wrong... but... I just don't know what to do anymore, Eunhyuk! I'm completely lost!" I didn't mean to explode. And I didn't expect myself to let out everything on Eunhyuk. But... it felt relieving. I couldn't stop crying. Now he's looking at me like he understands everything I just said. I sat back on the chair again. I'm panting uncontrollably. "I... I'm sorry, Hae. I actually knew it... I just want you to admit it..." he said. And I'm still breaking down. "I just wanted you to let it out, Hae. You can't just keep everything to yourself... It won't help you." Still sobbing non-stop. He sat up and reached for my back. He comforted me and rubbed my back. "Just let it out, Hae... I'm here for you." I leaned on the bed and cried my heart out. 

 

I decided to go back home once I got a hold on myself. I asked for a friend and I got one. "Take it easy, Hae. You can drop by any time you like. You can always to me, man", he said before I leave the room, then I gave him a tight hug. Eunhyuk knows me too well. But I'm thankful that I have a friend like him. Once I reached home, I lied down on my bed again. I suddenly felt lonely again... I suddenly missed Siwon. I remember when I woke up one morning and saw him sleeping beside me. He looked like an angel. Even though, he took advantage me the night before... Well, that was our relationship. It had up and downs. Flaws and imperfections that I want to lose conciousness of. But for me, our joyful and romantic moments outshine them all. I suddenly miss his touch, his kiss and his smile. Will I ever experience them all again? Oh, Siwon... Why does it have to be like this? Why do we have to end this way? After sulking and reminiscing for hours, I felt exhausted and my eyelids started to feel heavy. So, I closed my eyes and decided to take a much needed slumber.

 

Let me see and feel you in my dreams, Siwon. Give me a sweet kiss and show me that alluring smile. Let us be happy again, even just in the dreamland. Cast me under your spell before we say our final goodbye...