It was ironic; how I fell for her. It was just one of those ordinary days where you have to look good and be good. She apparently didn’t believe up to people was something good to do every day of your life. I paid no heed to her. I was an idol. I was part of Korea’s best group SHINee. This was my job. What’s a normal girl got to do with my life?

I was stupid then. Come to think of it. We weren’t even in the least in attracted to each other. She was, my band mate, Taemin’s fan. But I’ll be honest, she didn’t look half bad. She had the fair skin that almost everyone I see nowadays seems to have, the same dull brown-black eyes and normal dark hair. How she got into our waiting room and into my life was a total mystery to me.

She was extremely obnoxious and loud for a girl. We expected girls to be a bit more silent and conservative, even in front of their idols. If only I could go back to that time. I’d probably laugh at myself. Even though we got security to take her out, she kept on popping randomly into our lives, well maybe more in my life. We expected her to be at fan meetings, signings, performances and concerts but when I suddenly bumped into someone rather short in a convenience store near our dorm, I never thought it would be her.

She was different from her usual self though. She was crying. For a moment there, I actually was worried for her. She brushed me off but I kept following her. I don’t know why but there was this nagging voice in my head telling me to follow her.

After some pushes and insults thrown back and forth, she finally let me follow her around. I’m not usually the nosy type of person but I decided to ask her for the reason of her tears.

Apparently, her jerk of a boyfriend broke up with her because she’d been too busy with following us and going to our performances. I half-expected her to just laugh off the whole break up but she said, this guy was special and she let him slip through her fingers.

At that time, I couldn’t believe I actually pitied her. Her! The girl who sneaked into our waiting room, made my blood boil so much I had to punch a wall to get the anger out!

And in that moment, as unexpected as all the emotions I’ve been feeling, looking at her, I hugged her. It seemed appropriate at that time since she was dumped, she was probably alone and she looked like a puppy drenched in the rain. But me? An idol? Hug a normal fan? That wasn’t even my fan? And to top it all off, we didn’t even like each other in the first place?! It was unbelievable.

She seemed fine with the hug though. Once she pulled away, a strange feeling for longing for her small frame in my arms kept haunting me. She said she felt better and smiled brightly albeit with some sadness still present in her eyes.

“I guess there’s nothing I could do about it now. I mean, who knew he’d break up with me?”

It made my chest feel lighter for some reason.  

That night and the days after that, I couldn’t stop thinking of her smile, her small frame and even her annoying voice that would usually indirectly insult me. I thought I was going crazy. My members were even talking about it.

“What’s up with Minho?” It was Onew hyung.

“Who knows? Maybe he’s in love” Jonghyun hyung answered.

“With who?”

“I dunnow”

The world stopped. In that moment, I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice it earlier. How could I’ve been so stupid?

The next performance we had, I looked for her. Its funny cause instead of me finding her, she actually found us. I tried to be more civil around her and it turned out pretty good. She agreed to exchange numbers with me with the agreement of not spreading my number to anyone else.

After a month and a half of friendship and a bit of flirting on my side, I decided to ask her out. I was as nervous as a middle school boy. I was blushing, fidgeting and even pacing while I waited for her in a park near. There weren’t much people since it was already kind of late and it was a Wednesday night.

She said yes.

We dated for 2 years and a half. The public took it pretty nicely. There were those who didn’t agree with it but I didn’t care. Who knew I would fall for a girl like her? She was mine and well me? What can I say? She’s got be wrapped around her finger. 

I was so in love with her and I was sure she was the one. I already arranged everything.

I was going to propose to her tonight at the same place I asked her out. I set everything out and I was still as nervous as I was the first time I confessed. The members kept on teasing me about our relationship, saying it turned me to a new man. I laughed it all off.

This was going to be one of the most memorable moments in my life.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t filled with cheers of Congratulations and the popping of Champagne.

She got into a car accident on her way to the park.

It was serious.

The doctors did all they could to save her.

I did all the praying I could.

It all ended with me crying till my tears ran out.

The woman I loved.

The woman I changed me and my life.

She was gone.

I was in complete silence for 3 days. I remember that almost the only sound you could hear from me was my sobs and sniffs. I told myself this is fine. Who knew she’d get into an accident? If I knew, I would’ve done everything to stop it from happening but… I just didn’t know. And until now, I didn’t believe she was gone.

 On the day of her funeral, I couldn’t speak at all. I wasn’t even planning on going but since it was for her, I decided to go. I had the ring I was supposed to give her with me. It was always with me.

I was asked to give a speech and once I stood on that stage. I suddenly felt her presence holding me up and I spoke. After 3 days of nothing but tears, I spoke.

“The woman who lies here is the woman that changed me. She was the one who loved me. We didn’t start of perfectly but everything turned out for the better. I remember that I didn’t even realize I was in love with her until my manager told me.” I chuckled

“Before I met her, I was full of myself, the typical idol stereotype I guess. This woman taught me I wasn’t everything in the world, that there was going to be someone who I will value more than myself. It was her. I realized that she was the one I valued more than myself. That evening she was in the hospital, I was calling out to God, telling Him; please take me, not her. I was so willing to offer myself in replacement for this woman. I was surprised with myself. I asked; who is this woman? What spell did she have me under? Why is she special to me? My heart answered all of this. This woman is Park Shin Yul. She had me, not in a spell but she got me in love. She’s special because she captivated me, she showed me the world and she made me feel like I was on top of the world.” I smiled.

“That evening, I was supposed to propose to her. I was pacing around and fidgeting. But I was sure that she would say yes. Fate had different plans though. The cab she was riding to get to the park was hit by a truck. The driver and she didn’t survive.” My voice cracked.

“The driver’s family and I cried there, outside the emergency room. It was like everything was taken away from me. Well, everything was taken away. She was my everything. These last few days I have done nothing but cry and think of how it could’ve been if she wasn’t hit. Maybe by now, we’d be planning out wedding or maybe playing around and teasing each other. But who knew right?” The tears started falling again and I paused for a minute. Everyone was quiet. I, Choi Minho, a true example of a man, am crying in front of so much people because of a woman.

“But you guys know what? Call me crazy all you want but I feel her presence here. She’s telling me to stop crying and looking like fool and to start moving on. If it’s her wish then I will stop. But that is all I will stop. Till the day I die, I will continue loving this person. And if I do stop loving her, my breath should stop as soon as my love stopped. I make that promise and I start it now.” I wiped off the tears.

“Before I finish this speech, I would like to say, Park Shin Yul, where ever you may be right now, I love you, forever and always”

People applauded and gave me a standing ovation. Through my years of performance, this was the applause that stuck to me forever. My friends and members all gave me a pat on the back and a comforting smile.

After that, I continued my idol life. People looked at me differently after that. They told me I really was a man now that I truly have loved. I started going to more charity stuff. She loved doing that and she was a volunteer at a shelter for children when I met her so I might be making her happy with this.

5 years have passed.

Here I am again, in front of her tomb stone and talking as if she was still here. It comforted me. I still had the ring.

“Hey, Shin Yul? In another life, let’s meet again, in another life. Who knows, maybe God will let me take the ring with me even until there and then we can continue our fairytale story. It wasn’t anyone’s fault you’re not here now"

"Who knew, right?"

✦ ℋᾴηӌȔ'ｓ ȻɵяɳℯȐ

And I decided to use Minho for this story.

Don't know why though.

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