The key clicked in the lock. He pushed the door open with his shoulder with a sigh as he balanced the bags in his other hand. A string of curses slipped past his lips as he dropped the key and struggled to pick it up again.

 

"Come on." Osamu groaned, kicking off his shoes and putting the bags down on the table with a thud.

"Tsumu?"

 

He fought hie jacket off, turned to the bags again, and started to unpack the onigiri e brought, so his brother would finally eat something healthy. His eyes lingered on the packaging for a second.

"Old habits die hard..." he mumbled under his breath.

"Tsumu?! Come on, I know you're home!"

 

...

 

"I brought Onigiri!"

 

He took a plate from the kitchen cabinet and started putting the Onigiri from the packaging onto it and setting admist the table, while waiting for an answer. A groan of protest that he woke Atsumu on his day off or the sound of footsteps finding their way to the kitchen, drawn by the lure of food. But nothing...

 

His eyes narrowed and the worried crease appeared between his brows that always returned when it was about his brother. He took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself to find the blonde on rock bottom again. A bad day.

 

He hated seeing his twin like that, hated everything that tore the other back down into the dark chasm he tried fighting himself out of ever since he was young.

"Tsumu...?"

 

He lowered his hands and left the food in favor of walking down the hallway toward the bedroom, where he suspected Atsumu. Before he could reach it the door opened a few meters from him.

 

A sense of relief washed over him as he was faced with the blonde. He looked tired, a little disheveled but far from his worst. He was up and walking, a little pale, with soft rings under his eyes but a sheepish smile on his lips.

The relief was short-lived as he noticed a set of bruises on his neck. His pupils shrunk and his expression darkened. It only clicked that they were hickies when a tall, slight.y slumped figure appeared behind him, seemingly trying to merge with the wall next to him.

 

His jaw locked as he was faced with the dark-haired ace, only half relieved as he recognized Sakusa Kiyoomi.

 

"How long has this been going on?" Osamu gritted his teeth.

 

"I don't know what you mean, Samu. Omi and I just-"

"Don't play dumb, Atsumu! Why didn't you tell me!?"

 

...

 

"You know why..." The blonde lowered his gaze and his arms crossed over his chest in what to most would look like a defensive gesture but Osamu saw where his nails dug into old, faint, washed-out scars on his upper arm. He was holding himself together.

 

"All the more reason! Does anyone know?" He couldn't believe his brother would be this reckless after the last time, regardless of what he thought about Sakusa.

 

Atsumu gulped and shook his head slightly.

"...No"

 

"Gods, Tsumu!" The younger Miya stared at him incredulously.

 

---------

 

A nervous silence spread in the room. The dark eyes of the ace observed the setter closely, the way his hands tensed, his eyes flickered through the room and back to his brother, and the way he worried his lip between his teeth.

 

he wished to take his hands to stop his nails from digging into his flesh, wished to touch his face, and let his thumb caress over his mouth to free his lower lip from the clasp of his teeth and soothingly hold him until the tension faded. His fingers twitched in his direction but he pulled them back under Osamu's gaze.

 

He had always assumed the twin was protective but this exceeded his expectations. There was something accusing in Osamu's eyes, something hurting, the reminiscences of an old pain.

 

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." Sakusa wasn't even quite sure what he was apologizing for just that the whole situation was a little overwhelming. And that Osamu looked like he wanted to behead him.

His gaze pierced straight through him.

 

"Would you mind if I talked to my brother alone for a second?"

 

"Samu cut it out! It's not that serious."

 

"Not that serious!?"

Osamu took a deep breath to calm himself before turning around suddenly.

 

"Where are you going?" There was something pleading in Atsumu's voice. A pain similar to the one reflected in Osamu's eyes.

 

"Home, you obviously don't need me here."

"Wait." Atsumu tired setting after him.

"I brought you food eat it before it gets bad," Osamu said matter-of-factly, not slowing down at all. He was already at the door putting on his shoes.

 

"Samu!"

The blonde appeared behind him but Osamu didn't turn around just... hesitated.

 

"Are you safe right now?" he asked.

 

Sakusa had barely moved from his position by the bedroom door but at that, his brows furrowed. What an odd question. He saw him right here before him, or would have if he turned around, safe and sound in his apartment. So why would he...?

 

"Yes..." Atsumu almost whispered.

 

Osamu gulped, slowly reaching for the door.

"Then we can talk about it later. That and the fact that you apparently don't trust me with this."

 

"No, Samu I-"

The door clicked shut.

 

The silence falling over them weighed heavier this time.

 

"What was that about?" Sakusa's eyes were locked on the blonde's back as he slowly approached the setter, who still hadn't moved from the step that led to the door. He shook his head slightly.

 

"Samu 's just protective. That's all."

 

Sakusa knew it was a lie, could practically taste it in the air, burdened with an unspoken quarrel between the siblings. But he could also see the way Atsumu crossed his arms again, his fingers curled around the fabric of his hoodie, tightly enough that Sakusa was sure it would have left marks on his skin had the material not separated them. Maybe they still did.

 

"But hey if he brought food... No reason to waste it." Atsumu tried for a smile but his voice was shaky and his lower lip still bore the mark of his teeth. Sakusa was sure if he'd let his tongue slide across like last night he could feel where the delicate skin had dented under the force, could possibly even taste hints of blood where is broke.

 

Whatever the reason behind the twins' odd behaviour it troubled Atsumu more than he tried to let on. Enough that his usually carefully maintained facade cracked.

 

After a couple of weeks of their relationship -- and a much longer time being something like friends, if friends flirted (one-sidedly) and love-hated one another constantly -- Sakusa prided himself on being able to distinguish Atsumu's fake smile from a real one.

 

That or maybe that in itself was just a habit of his because people tended to be less careful around him. Few tried to impress him or appeal to him in a social situation, he was the outcast, the odd one out. As a result their masks slipped and Sakusa quickly learned the difference between someone being fine and pretending to be. Between someone respecting another or just pretending to.

 

That being said most didn't seem practiced in the art of deception. It was enough to fool acquaintances in a world that appeared shallow and uncaring. They didn't have to be careful. Miya Atsumu was different, more difficult.

 

Saksua had fallen for his deception. The years they spent close in high school the ace truly believed Atsumu was the arrogant jerk he pretended to be. He could appreciate his skill and passion for volleyball as what it was but he couldn't see beyond that.

 

As the concept, the play that way Miya Atsumu slowly unraveled before his very eyes once they met again at MSBY he didn't know what to be more shocked about. How blind he had been or how well Atsumu managed to hide even back then.

 

He had been wrong. He wasn't used to it but with Miya Atsumu he had been wrong over and over again. Miya wasn't reckless as he thought, in fact, he was more careful than anyone around him. A mask so carefully maintained that it didn't even slip when it was "just Sakusa" to see, the awkward outcast you didn't have to be careful around.

 

To his credit, Atsumu had changed since high school. So did Sakusa. When meeting again - although it took months -Sakusa slowly understood what lay beneath. At least he thought so.

 

When he could differentiate between his honest burning passion for the game and his put-on smile on bad days, after lost games, or at interviews, he thought he had understood. That he had cracked the code Miya Atsumu - and surprisingly found that he couldn't help but fall in love with who he turned out to be.

 

But evidently, he had been wrong... again. The image remained incomplete. Sakusa had the slight inkling that this was not a result of the middle school bullying or his abandonment issues due to his upbringing Atsumu had opened up to him about a couple of weeks ago.

He had seen even back then that these things still burdened him but it didn't compare to this. For a brief second, The blonde's gaze remained fixed on the door and he looked utterly horrified.

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Podfic/Audiobook/Video version - Chapter 01